People Who Love To Hear Themselves Talk

I have been wanting to write this blog post ever since I graduated, and it has nothing to do with alcohol, women, fucking, or any of that other shit we write about here but it DOES have to do with assholes which we write about at least once a day.  Let me present my candidates for biggest douchebags of the year: people who love to hear themselves talk.  

We all know these people.  There is at least one in any class, group, meeting, or mundane function anywhere on this planet.  They are the people who constantly have something to say, and their statements are almost always irrelevant and/or stupid.  These are the people that will ask questions in class that are so obvious you think they are making fun of the teacher, as in "when is the first paper due? Oh, it is due on the 17th? Oh ok good because that's what it says on the syllabus I just wanted to check." I want to check your face into a wall ya dumb bitch.  Then they nod and look around impressively as if they just solved fucking world hunger.  Not only that, but the real pros will always pull some Benedict Arnold shit and remind the professor that the homework is due.

And you think it's only stupid kids in college that do this.  Oh no they somehow make it into the real world too.  In every work meeting you go to there is always one dickhead that brings up some "crucial" discussion topic like who is running the company picnic or when is the next product report due or some other shit that nobody but an asshole like you would care about. And when do they ask these questions? 5 MINUTES BEFORE THE END OF THE MEETING.  You know why? Because these people have absolutely no lives and want to draw out everyones time as much as possible so no one leaves.  

I swear, one day I will own my own company and the sole goal of the mission statement will be that none of these people work in the company.  I will have a policy that yes, there ARE such things as stupid questions and yes you WILL be fired if you ask one.  The only time it is acceptable to be this person is if you're in a class/ meeting and no one else has done the preprwork.  In that case, by all means monopolize the conversation so the boss doesn't realize no one else gave a shit.  If you are reading this post and can't identify who the person is in the group, most likely it is you.  In that case, refer to the chart above.  In fact, no don't even look at it.  Just keep your hand down. I don't care if you are Albert Einstein and what you are about to say will heal the economy, shut the fuck up.