http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjDdGKBhTuo
I've made an executive decision that on late Thursday afternoon's I will now be posting the top pre-game song for the upcoming weekend. This is because at most colleges the weekends start on Thursday night. This week I have selected All of the Lights from Kanye West and Rhianna. Mainly because this just makes you want to chug beers, as well as making you feel like a fucking G. Guaranteed to get any pre-game session rowdy. I guarantee it.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Quote of the Day
"Man you really suck, if you were my kid I would've pushed you back up in there"- J.J. Edwards
Why I Don't Get My Hopes Up For The Mets
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tSSCXrJSeA
Even though this is only the second half of the Not Top 10 Mets video, this is the reason I have no hope as a Mets fan this season. Because yes, shit like this will happen all season, and alcoholism is the only solution to watching them play. God help us all.
Even though this is only the second half of the Not Top 10 Mets video, this is the reason I have no hope as a Mets fan this season. Because yes, shit like this will happen all season, and alcoholism is the only solution to watching them play. God help us all.
Check Out This Florida Mug Shot Roundup
http://www.wtsp.com/slideshows/2010/gallery.aspx?slideshowname=Mug-Shot-Roundup
Just beautiful faces on these people, it actually made my morning running through this slideshow. Some of these faces are hilarious. But I mainly put this up to teach all of you a lesson. Kids, stay in school.
Just beautiful faces on these people, it actually made my morning running through this slideshow. Some of these faces are hilarious. But I mainly put this up to teach all of you a lesson. Kids, stay in school.
MLB Previews-League Championship Series
Steve the Hammer Predictions:
ALCS:
Boston Red Sox vs Los Angeles Angels: This will be an awesome ALCS match up and I actually do think that Boston will come out on top. The Angels have a nice little team, but the Red Sox are just better. Gonzalez and Crawford will show why they were such big off-season acquisitions in this series and the Red Sox win the ALCS in 6.
NLCS:
Philadelphia Phillies vs San Francisco Giants: A rematch from last year’s ALCS except for the fact that the Phillies now have Cliff Lee. Halladay vs Lincecum, Lee vs Cain, Hamels vs Bumgarner. The pitching in this series is going to be absurd. The team who can play a better brand of small ball and better defense will win this series. I’m going with Phillies in 7 moving on to the World Series.
Johnny Baseball Predictions:
ALCS:
Tigers vs. Red Sox - Well since everyone is predicting the Red Sox will make it to the World Series...im going with the Tigers. Good young pitching will lead the way and if Miguel Cabrera has any kind of a year like he had last year, we're in for a treat. Add Victor Martinez and Maggilio to that and I think they make a suprise run at it...Tigers in 7.
NLCS:
Rockies vs. Giants - An inter-divison matchup here. And I'm going with the Rockies. I think they have a real magical year in them...Plus c'mon no team repeats in the MLB...It just can't happen...Plus the Rockies lineup is stacked and with Tulo healthy well they are real good. Im goin Rockies in 6.
ALCS:
Boston Red Sox vs Los Angeles Angels: This will be an awesome ALCS match up and I actually do think that Boston will come out on top. The Angels have a nice little team, but the Red Sox are just better. Gonzalez and Crawford will show why they were such big off-season acquisitions in this series and the Red Sox win the ALCS in 6.
NLCS:
Philadelphia Phillies vs San Francisco Giants: A rematch from last year’s ALCS except for the fact that the Phillies now have Cliff Lee. Halladay vs Lincecum, Lee vs Cain, Hamels vs Bumgarner. The pitching in this series is going to be absurd. The team who can play a better brand of small ball and better defense will win this series. I’m going with Phillies in 7 moving on to the World Series.
Johnny Baseball Predictions:
ALCS:
Tigers vs. Red Sox - Well since everyone is predicting the Red Sox will make it to the World Series...im going with the Tigers. Good young pitching will lead the way and if Miguel Cabrera has any kind of a year like he had last year, we're in for a treat. Add Victor Martinez and Maggilio to that and I think they make a suprise run at it...Tigers in 7.
NLCS:
Rockies vs. Giants - An inter-divison matchup here. And I'm going with the Rockies. I think they have a real magical year in them...Plus c'mon no team repeats in the MLB...It just can't happen...Plus the Rockies lineup is stacked and with Tulo healthy well they are real good. Im goin Rockies in 6.
One Third Of Women Are Sad After Sex
http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20110331/sc_livescience/postsexbluesplagueathirdofyoungwomenstudysuggests
Now in this little article they have all these scientific theories on this that they say "may" be the case. The use of the word may means that they don't have any fucking clue. I attribute it to the guy just being fucking lousy in bed. That's the only reason I can really see for a girl being so sad after she has sex. She was expecting great sex, and was so disappointed that she doesn't even want to talk to anyone about it. Lesson learned ladies, go in with no expectations, and you can't be disappointed.
Now in this little article they have all these scientific theories on this that they say "may" be the case. The use of the word may means that they don't have any fucking clue. I attribute it to the guy just being fucking lousy in bed. That's the only reason I can really see for a girl being so sad after she has sex. She was expecting great sex, and was so disappointed that she doesn't even want to talk to anyone about it. Lesson learned ladies, go in with no expectations, and you can't be disappointed.
Asshole Of The Day Award
It would go to all Mets fans because today is opening day, but instead I'm giving it to this absolute asshole...
http://www.newser.com/story/115285/man-skips-office-lottery-pool-one-time-and-misses-out-on-millions.html
You're in an office lottery pool, it's like being on a team; you have a commitment to participate every time. This is just karma biting this mother fucker in the ass. The one time he decides not to participate because he was sulking in the corner saying he was feeling "unlucky", he misses out on 16 million dollars. What a fucking asshole. If you were feeling unlucky before you decided not to participate, how did you feel after you found out you missed out on a fortune? They better get someone to keep an eye on this guy for a while because right now it looks like swan diving off the empire state building and into a dixie cup is imminent.
http://www.newser.com/story/115285/man-skips-office-lottery-pool-one-time-and-misses-out-on-millions.html
You're in an office lottery pool, it's like being on a team; you have a commitment to participate every time. This is just karma biting this mother fucker in the ass. The one time he decides not to participate because he was sulking in the corner saying he was feeling "unlucky", he misses out on 16 million dollars. What a fucking asshole. If you were feeling unlucky before you decided not to participate, how did you feel after you found out you missed out on a fortune? They better get someone to keep an eye on this guy for a while because right now it looks like swan diving off the empire state building and into a dixie cup is imminent.
Sea World Just Got More Interesting
Once can only wonder why...
http://www.wtsp.com/news/article/184305/250/Whale-that-killed-trainer-returns-to-SeaWorld-show
Remember that whale that drowned that trainer in front of a giant crowd at Sea World a while back? Well for some reason a giant group of assholes thinks it's a good idea to put this fucking thing back in the water to perform. What is it that makes these whales not be held at the same standard as other animals? If a circus lion ate a fucking trainer that thing would be shot on spot. If an alligator bit down on one of those asian dudes that puts their head in their mouth, that alligator would be skinned alive. And if a fucking horse trampled its jockey, it would get a cross-bow right to the skull. So why is this fucking whale being held to a different standard. They are called KILLER whales. There is a reason the word KILLER is actually in their name. But no, you let this thing perform again. And what trainer do you think actually wants to get in the water with this thing? Apparently those at Sea World have no thought this entire plan through.
http://www.wtsp.com/news/article/184305/250/Whale-that-killed-trainer-returns-to-SeaWorld-show
Remember that whale that drowned that trainer in front of a giant crowd at Sea World a while back? Well for some reason a giant group of assholes thinks it's a good idea to put this fucking thing back in the water to perform. What is it that makes these whales not be held at the same standard as other animals? If a circus lion ate a fucking trainer that thing would be shot on spot. If an alligator bit down on one of those asian dudes that puts their head in their mouth, that alligator would be skinned alive. And if a fucking horse trampled its jockey, it would get a cross-bow right to the skull. So why is this fucking whale being held to a different standard. They are called KILLER whales. There is a reason the word KILLER is actually in their name. But no, you let this thing perform again. And what trainer do you think actually wants to get in the water with this thing? Apparently those at Sea World have no thought this entire plan through.
Thursday: Drinking Game of the Week
Since it’s Opening Day today for Major League Baseball, and the injuries have already started for the New York Mets, I have decided that I will give Mets fans something to look forward to. This game was also created to make sure you don't make it passed the 4th inning, because realistically, you shut the game off by that point anyway.
The New York Mets Drinking Game: Because Watching Them Sober Just Isn’t An Option
Increments are in shots of beer
Mets Pre Game:
1 shot every time the word thyroid is mentioned
1 shot every time Bobby Ojeda verbally rapes the pitching staff
1 shot for every bad highlight reel shown
2 shots every time they show Mr. Met
Mets In Game:
1 shot of beer every time Gary Cohen says “Here at beautiful Citi Field”
1 shot of beer every time any announcer mentions how bad the past 4 years have been for the Mets
1 shot of beer for every time something is mentioned about K-Rod and his incident last season
Chug a full beer whenever the words “under the management of Omar Minaya” are mentioned
2 shots every time the Shea Home Run Apple is shown
2 shots of beer every time the name Jose Reyes or Carlos Beltran are mentioned while they are on the DL (they will end up on the DL)
4 shots of beer every time Jose Reyes hits a pop up while he is playing
Chug a full beer every time Jose Reyes does not run out a ground ball
Chug a full beer every time Gary Cohen becomes the kiss of death
3 shots of beer every time Keith Hernandez mentions something about when he used to play baseball
1 shot every time someone takes a dick shot fastball
1 shot if a pitcher for either team gets a hit
2 shots of beer every time Ron Darling talks about the pitching
1 shot every time a Mets player jogs after the baseball
3 shots of beer every time anything about new management is mentioned
2 shots of beer every time Luis Castillo is mentioned
2 shots of beer whenever Johan Santana is mentioned while on the DL
2 shots of beer every time the bullpen gives up the lead
1 shot of beer for every time a Met pitcher records a strikeout
Who the fuck are Tim Byrdak and D.J. Carrasco and why are they in my bullpen? Chug a full beer when either of those two enter the game.
2 shots of beer every time David Wright makes a throwing error
2 shots of beer every time the addition of Ronny Paulino is mentioned
Chuge a full beer if Chris Young goes down with an injury
1 shot of beer every time K-Rod throws a fastball in the dirt
2 shots of beer every time a Mets starter is taken out before the 5th inning
1 shot of beer every time Ike Davis strikes out while lunging with one hand
Chug a beer if any Mets second baseman by some blessing from God hits a home run
2 shots of beer every time Daniel Murphy looks like a complete fool defensively
1 shot for every comment by Keith Hernandez that is completely irrelevant
1 shot of beer every time Daniel Murphy gets jammed on an inside pitch
1 shot of beer every time an announcer mentions anything about Jason Bay on or off the DL
1 shot of beer whenever Terry Collins is mentioned
1 shot of beer anytime any announcer mentions Josh Thole’s defense
Mets Post-Game (If you’re not dead from alcohol poisoning)
1 shot of beer every time Bobby Ojeda verbally abuses the Mets themselves or their management
1 shot of beer whenever Chris Carlin opens his fat mouth
Chug a full beer if Chris Carlin says anything smart
The New York Mets Drinking Game: Because Watching Them Sober Just Isn’t An Option
Increments are in shots of beer
Mets Pre Game:
1 shot every time the word thyroid is mentioned
1 shot every time Bobby Ojeda verbally rapes the pitching staff
1 shot for every bad highlight reel shown
2 shots every time they show Mr. Met
Mets In Game:
1 shot of beer every time Gary Cohen says “Here at beautiful Citi Field”
1 shot of beer every time any announcer mentions how bad the past 4 years have been for the Mets
1 shot of beer for every time something is mentioned about K-Rod and his incident last season
Chug a full beer whenever the words “under the management of Omar Minaya” are mentioned
2 shots every time the Shea Home Run Apple is shown
2 shots of beer every time the name Jose Reyes or Carlos Beltran are mentioned while they are on the DL (they will end up on the DL)
4 shots of beer every time Jose Reyes hits a pop up while he is playing
Chug a full beer every time Jose Reyes does not run out a ground ball
Chug a full beer every time Gary Cohen becomes the kiss of death
3 shots of beer every time Keith Hernandez mentions something about when he used to play baseball
1 shot every time someone takes a dick shot fastball
1 shot if a pitcher for either team gets a hit
2 shots of beer every time Ron Darling talks about the pitching
1 shot every time a Mets player jogs after the baseball
3 shots of beer every time anything about new management is mentioned
2 shots of beer every time Luis Castillo is mentioned
2 shots of beer whenever Johan Santana is mentioned while on the DL
2 shots of beer every time the bullpen gives up the lead
1 shot of beer for every time a Met pitcher records a strikeout
Who the fuck are Tim Byrdak and D.J. Carrasco and why are they in my bullpen? Chug a full beer when either of those two enter the game.
2 shots of beer every time David Wright makes a throwing error
2 shots of beer every time the addition of Ronny Paulino is mentioned
Chuge a full beer if Chris Young goes down with an injury
1 shot of beer every time K-Rod throws a fastball in the dirt
2 shots of beer every time a Mets starter is taken out before the 5th inning
1 shot of beer every time Ike Davis strikes out while lunging with one hand
Chug a beer if any Mets second baseman by some blessing from God hits a home run
2 shots of beer every time Daniel Murphy looks like a complete fool defensively
1 shot for every comment by Keith Hernandez that is completely irrelevant
1 shot of beer every time Daniel Murphy gets jammed on an inside pitch
1 shot of beer every time an announcer mentions anything about Jason Bay on or off the DL
1 shot of beer whenever Terry Collins is mentioned
1 shot of beer anytime any announcer mentions Josh Thole’s defense
Mets Post-Game (If you’re not dead from alcohol poisoning)
1 shot of beer every time Bobby Ojeda verbally abuses the Mets themselves or their management
1 shot of beer whenever Chris Carlin opens his fat mouth
Chug a full beer if Chris Carlin says anything smart
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Quote of the Day
"What does she mean that pick up line didn't work? That's hysterical. If I was a girl, I'd fuck everyone, any pick up line would work on me"- Greg DePalma
Ladies Pay Attention...
Okay, this isn't creepy I'm just trying something new since I have been asked 3,000 times if I have smokeshows like barstool does. I'm not barstool, but since it's baseball season I have something similar to barstool smokeshow's. I'm going to do the Women's Baseball Fan of the Week. You email a picture in your favorite teams hat and jersey to hammer41blog@gmail.com, and me and my associates will choose who the winner is. If you win, you will be notified by me for permission. So if you want in on this, send the email. If not, don't complain that I don't have smokeshow's since this is your chance. Remember, nothing is sexier than a girl who's into sports.
Video of the Day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-jcDRFId68
You're going to tell me how fucked up I am for posting this, but it's nothing I haven't heard before. This shit is hysterical though, and yes adding this music to absolutely anything will make it hilarious.
You're going to tell me how fucked up I am for posting this, but it's nothing I haven't heard before. This shit is hysterical though, and yes adding this music to absolutely anything will make it hilarious.
Guys: 10 Pick Up Lines You Should Never Use
Whenever you go out to a bar you always notice guys either spitting hard game and leaving with the girl they’ve been talking to all night, or you watch a poor guy crash and burn when he says something absolutely retarded. So here are 10 pick up lines you should never use if you want to have any chance at getting laid.
“You should come to my house tonight because I go to Yale”- Harvard, Princeton, Yale, nothing says badass like a perfect SAT score huh? Get real please; a girl isn’t ripping your pants off because you go to an Ivy League school. Maybe when you’re a millionaire at 28, but not while you’re still getting verbally abused for being a nerd in college.
“Since I’ve hooked up with both of your sisters, I’m trying to collect all three”- It’s okay to say this to your guy friends, but not to the actual girl you’re trying to get with. Are you just looking for a kick in the balls? If you ever think about using something along these lines, just tell your friend to punch you in the face.
“Do you have any Irish in you? Do you want some?”- Although I find this hilarious, even a complete slut isn’t sucking your dick with this line. Under no circumstances is this ever, or will this ever be okay. And if you’re thinking that changing the ethnicity will work better for you, there’s no chance, so find something new.
“Hi, I’m on the football team”- Football, Baseball, Basketball, Hockey, Soccer, Badminton, it doesn’t fucking matter. Just because you’re on a team doesn’t automatically make a girl want to jump in bed with you. This is unless you’re a star at a big time school with the chance of going pro. However, in that case she would already know who you are. Therefore, this makes for a terrible pick up line.
“You have really nice skin, it’s very natural”- Oh really, I had no idea you were a skin expert bro. This line equals a dirty look followed by her walking away. End of story.
“Today was chest day, I benched 315”- Can you be any more of a guido? There are no girls that give two shits about your chest day, or how much you bench press. Save that for you and your guido friends to talk about while you’re gelling each other’s hair at the tanning salon.
“I lost my number, can I get yours?”- Do you have short-term memory loss or something? Not only is this old but it’s also retarded. I’m pretty sure this line has never worked unless the girl is blacked out and didn’t know what you said.
“Can I borrow your phone? I promised to text my mom when I fell in love”- Why can’t you use your phone dumbass? And do you really think bringing up your mother at any point in the conversation is getting you laid? In case you’re still thinking about it, the answer is no.
“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”- Another old and horrible one that should get any man shot on the spot for using it. When I heard that this was actually used, I laughed my ass off and then figured that whoever the poor son of a bitch was that used it is still a virgin. That should tell you to not use it.
“Are you from Ireland, because you got my penis Dublin”- What the fuck does that even mean? Yeah, great you know your geography, but there is nothing sexy about that. Even if geography was sexy, this line still wouldn’t fucking make sense.
Those are 10 pick up lines that should never be used fella’s. If you really want to pick up a girl I suggest making eye contact twice from across the bar, then sending her a drink and telling the bar tender to not tell the girl who it’s from. She’ll think about it, and then find you. I can get you that far, if you fuck up when she finds you then it’s your fault.
Special thanks to my friend Val for the suggestion and a thank you to all the girls who gave me the worst pick up lines they have ever heard.
“You should come to my house tonight because I go to Yale”- Harvard, Princeton, Yale, nothing says badass like a perfect SAT score huh? Get real please; a girl isn’t ripping your pants off because you go to an Ivy League school. Maybe when you’re a millionaire at 28, but not while you’re still getting verbally abused for being a nerd in college.
“Since I’ve hooked up with both of your sisters, I’m trying to collect all three”- It’s okay to say this to your guy friends, but not to the actual girl you’re trying to get with. Are you just looking for a kick in the balls? If you ever think about using something along these lines, just tell your friend to punch you in the face.
“Do you have any Irish in you? Do you want some?”- Although I find this hilarious, even a complete slut isn’t sucking your dick with this line. Under no circumstances is this ever, or will this ever be okay. And if you’re thinking that changing the ethnicity will work better for you, there’s no chance, so find something new.
“Hi, I’m on the football team”- Football, Baseball, Basketball, Hockey, Soccer, Badminton, it doesn’t fucking matter. Just because you’re on a team doesn’t automatically make a girl want to jump in bed with you. This is unless you’re a star at a big time school with the chance of going pro. However, in that case she would already know who you are. Therefore, this makes for a terrible pick up line.
“You have really nice skin, it’s very natural”- Oh really, I had no idea you were a skin expert bro. This line equals a dirty look followed by her walking away. End of story.
“Today was chest day, I benched 315”- Can you be any more of a guido? There are no girls that give two shits about your chest day, or how much you bench press. Save that for you and your guido friends to talk about while you’re gelling each other’s hair at the tanning salon.
“I lost my number, can I get yours?”- Do you have short-term memory loss or something? Not only is this old but it’s also retarded. I’m pretty sure this line has never worked unless the girl is blacked out and didn’t know what you said.
“Can I borrow your phone? I promised to text my mom when I fell in love”- Why can’t you use your phone dumbass? And do you really think bringing up your mother at any point in the conversation is getting you laid? In case you’re still thinking about it, the answer is no.
“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”- Another old and horrible one that should get any man shot on the spot for using it. When I heard that this was actually used, I laughed my ass off and then figured that whoever the poor son of a bitch was that used it is still a virgin. That should tell you to not use it.
“Are you from Ireland, because you got my penis Dublin”- What the fuck does that even mean? Yeah, great you know your geography, but there is nothing sexy about that. Even if geography was sexy, this line still wouldn’t fucking make sense.
Those are 10 pick up lines that should never be used fella’s. If you really want to pick up a girl I suggest making eye contact twice from across the bar, then sending her a drink and telling the bar tender to not tell the girl who it’s from. She’ll think about it, and then find you. I can get you that far, if you fuck up when she finds you then it’s your fault.
Special thanks to my friend Val for the suggestion and a thank you to all the girls who gave me the worst pick up lines they have ever heard.
Hot Girl Bracket Final Four Predictions
Final Four Match Ups Begin Friday
Marzia Prince (White Region Champ) vs Nicole Scherzinger (Other Region Champ)
Meagan Good (Black Region Champ) vs Emmanuelle Chiriqui (Hispanic Region Champ)
Frankie the WOP:
Scherzinger over Prince, Good over Chiriqui and I see Meagan Good cutting down the nets when all is said and done.
Tommy the Mic:
Scherzinger beats Prince in a tight one and Good takes out Sloan from Entourage. Meagan Good beats Scherzinger for the confetti shower at the end.
Steve the Hammer:
I'm going with Prince over Scherzinger in an extremely close affair and then I'm taking fan favorite Chiriqui with the upset over Meagan Good. My heart is with Marzia Prince but my head is with Chiriqui. Because of the fans love for Chiriqui, she will probably be hoisting the trophy come midnight on Sunday.
Marzia Prince (White Region Champ) vs Nicole Scherzinger (Other Region Champ)
Meagan Good (Black Region Champ) vs Emmanuelle Chiriqui (Hispanic Region Champ)
Frankie the WOP:
Scherzinger over Prince, Good over Chiriqui and I see Meagan Good cutting down the nets when all is said and done.
Tommy the Mic:
Scherzinger beats Prince in a tight one and Good takes out Sloan from Entourage. Meagan Good beats Scherzinger for the confetti shower at the end.
Steve the Hammer:
I'm going with Prince over Scherzinger in an extremely close affair and then I'm taking fan favorite Chiriqui with the upset over Meagan Good. My heart is with Marzia Prince but my head is with Chiriqui. Because of the fans love for Chiriqui, she will probably be hoisting the trophy come midnight on Sunday.
MLB Previews-Division Series
Johnny Baseball Predictions:
ALDS
Red Sox (best record and AL east champs) vs. Athletics (wildcard) - The cinderella magic will stop here. The Red Sox will be too over-powering for the Atheltics who sneak into the playoffs. Lackey and Beckett are going to take over in the playoffs and Adrian Gonzalez will show hes worth the money. A's will put up a fight but it will be the Red Sox in...hm...4 games.
Then..
Detriot Tigers (AL central champs) vs.Texas Rangers (AL west champs)- I'm gunna go with the Tigers here. I think the Rangers run out of steam and they dont have Cliff Lee, so this means a first round exit. A strong lineup for the Tigers and some pitchers that pitch over there head AND a great bullpen moves the Tigs on the to next round in 4
NLDS
Rockies (wildcard winners) vs. The Phils (NL east champs/ best record) -Rockies win! I think the Phillies will be overrated in the playoffs this year and will be the hottest team in the MLB come playoff time. Carlos Gonzalez..beast...Tulo...beast...Jimenez will carry them and Huston Street saves a few games...The Rockies take it in 5
Giants (NL West winners) vs. Brew Crew - (nl central champs) - Goin with the Giants here. The Brewers even though they win the divison will sneak in there by a few games. Big time Timmy Jim takes over with Matt Cain and Sanchez. Brewers get swept...3 games!
Steve the Hammer Predictions:
ALDS:
Red Sox (AL East Winners) vs Texas Rangers (Wild Card Winners): In this series I am taking the Boston Red Sox because their pitching is better. Lester, Buchholz, and Lackey are better than any three that the Rangers are going to throw out there. I see Red Sox in 4 games moving on to the ALCS
Chicago White Sox (AL Central Winners) vs Los Angeles Angels (AL West Winners): This is another short series that will once again come down to the extremely key element of pitching. The White Sox do have better hitting but the Angels pitching is good enough to win the series. Angels in 5 games.
NLDS:
Philadelphia Phillies (NL East Winners) vs Milwaukee Brewers (Wild Card Winners): Of course I’m picking the Phillies here. But if there is one team who can match up with them, it’s 100% the Brewers. I still like the Phillies to win, but I’m saying in 5 games. This will be a dog fight the whole way and every game will be within 2 runs. Write it down.
San Francisco Giants (NL West Winners) vs Cincinnati Reds (NL Central Winners): Giants take this one fairly easily. I am a fan of the Reds, I like what they’re about, but I think the Giants are just a better team. Maybe the Reds can get one game out of it. Giants in 4.
ALDS
Red Sox (best record and AL east champs) vs. Athletics (wildcard) - The cinderella magic will stop here. The Red Sox will be too over-powering for the Atheltics who sneak into the playoffs. Lackey and Beckett are going to take over in the playoffs and Adrian Gonzalez will show hes worth the money. A's will put up a fight but it will be the Red Sox in...hm...4 games.
Then..
Detriot Tigers (AL central champs) vs.Texas Rangers (AL west champs)- I'm gunna go with the Tigers here. I think the Rangers run out of steam and they dont have Cliff Lee, so this means a first round exit. A strong lineup for the Tigers and some pitchers that pitch over there head AND a great bullpen moves the Tigs on the to next round in 4
NLDS
Rockies (wildcard winners) vs. The Phils (NL east champs/ best record) -Rockies win! I think the Phillies will be overrated in the playoffs this year and will be the hottest team in the MLB come playoff time. Carlos Gonzalez..beast...Tulo...beast...Jimenez will carry them and Huston Street saves a few games...The Rockies take it in 5
Giants (NL West winners) vs. Brew Crew - (nl central champs) - Goin with the Giants here. The Brewers even though they win the divison will sneak in there by a few games. Big time Timmy Jim takes over with Matt Cain and Sanchez. Brewers get swept...3 games!
Steve the Hammer Predictions:
ALDS:
Red Sox (AL East Winners) vs Texas Rangers (Wild Card Winners): In this series I am taking the Boston Red Sox because their pitching is better. Lester, Buchholz, and Lackey are better than any three that the Rangers are going to throw out there. I see Red Sox in 4 games moving on to the ALCS
Chicago White Sox (AL Central Winners) vs Los Angeles Angels (AL West Winners): This is another short series that will once again come down to the extremely key element of pitching. The White Sox do have better hitting but the Angels pitching is good enough to win the series. Angels in 5 games.
NLDS:
Philadelphia Phillies (NL East Winners) vs Milwaukee Brewers (Wild Card Winners): Of course I’m picking the Phillies here. But if there is one team who can match up with them, it’s 100% the Brewers. I still like the Phillies to win, but I’m saying in 5 games. This will be a dog fight the whole way and every game will be within 2 runs. Write it down.
San Francisco Giants (NL West Winners) vs Cincinnati Reds (NL Central Winners): Giants take this one fairly easily. I am a fan of the Reds, I like what they’re about, but I think the Giants are just a better team. Maybe the Reds can get one game out of it. Giants in 4.
Asshole Of The Day Award
How dumb do you have to be to do this?
http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/03/man_charged_with_trying_to_sell_spy_plane_on_ebay.php?ref=fpblg
Okay my first question is how bad is our national security that this guy was able to smuggle a spy plane into the U.S.? Like how do you not notice that? It's a fucking plane. Whatever, anyway, why the fuck would you try and sell the fucking thing on ebay? That is the worst idea I have ever heard. You have a weapon of the United States Military, who by the way invented the internet and sees everything; did you really think you were going to get away with this? What's the moral of the story kids? You can smuggle an actual plane into our country, but if you try and sell it on ebay you're fucked.
http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/03/man_charged_with_trying_to_sell_spy_plane_on_ebay.php?ref=fpblg
Okay my first question is how bad is our national security that this guy was able to smuggle a spy plane into the U.S.? Like how do you not notice that? It's a fucking plane. Whatever, anyway, why the fuck would you try and sell the fucking thing on ebay? That is the worst idea I have ever heard. You have a weapon of the United States Military, who by the way invented the internet and sees everything; did you really think you were going to get away with this? What's the moral of the story kids? You can smuggle an actual plane into our country, but if you try and sell it on ebay you're fucked.
USC Couple Pisses Everyone Off...
I think this is hysterical
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1371313/USC-officials-appalled-fratboy-caught-having-sex-girl-roof-hundreds.html
Regardless of the consequences, how many people can actually say that they had sex on the roof of a 12 story building? I figured not many. Now this dude is in a frat and the frat president uttered complete and total bullshit to the press in this thing. He said, "While the actions taken did involve a member of our chapter, we in no way support this kind of behavior, nor do we promote any such actions." Hey asshole, you're the fraternity president, don't bullshit a bullshitter. You yourself organize frat parties with plans of feeding roofies to girls, and then having sex with them without them remembering and you're going to sit there and say you don't promote this type of behavior? This kid is a saint for having sex on a roof top compared to the shit that you and other frat members have probably done. So next time, try another line, because no one's buying this bullshit you just threw out.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1371313/USC-officials-appalled-fratboy-caught-having-sex-girl-roof-hundreds.html
Regardless of the consequences, how many people can actually say that they had sex on the roof of a 12 story building? I figured not many. Now this dude is in a frat and the frat president uttered complete and total bullshit to the press in this thing. He said, "While the actions taken did involve a member of our chapter, we in no way support this kind of behavior, nor do we promote any such actions." Hey asshole, you're the fraternity president, don't bullshit a bullshitter. You yourself organize frat parties with plans of feeding roofies to girls, and then having sex with them without them remembering and you're going to sit there and say you don't promote this type of behavior? This kid is a saint for having sex on a roof top compared to the shit that you and other frat members have probably done. So next time, try another line, because no one's buying this bullshit you just threw out.
Would You Rather Wednesday's
Today we have another Would You Rather involving fat chicks, so let’s not beat around the bush and just get started…
VS 
Would you rather go down on Lisa Lampanelli (left) for 10 minutes after she just jogged 2 miles in 90 degree heat; or go down on a freshly showered and clean Phyllis Smith (right) for the rest of eternity? This one is tough as well as disgusting. I think you need to look at the science behind this sort of thing. See even if the Phyllis Smith vagina is freshly cleaned and showered at the beginning, you’re down there for eternity and we all know what happens to a vagina after a while of being down there, it’s not pretty. Where as Lisa Lampanelli’s is sweaty and gross from running in the blistering heat, but you’re only down there for 10 minutes. I’m taking a sweaty Lisa Lampanelli vagina for 10 minutes here. Because let’s face it, after about 20 minutes of work of Smith’s vagina, it’s probably going to smell the same as Lampanelli’s; but your only way out is death.
VS 
Would you rather go down on Lisa Lampanelli (left) for 10 minutes after she just jogged 2 miles in 90 degree heat; or go down on a freshly showered and clean Phyllis Smith (right) for the rest of eternity? This one is tough as well as disgusting. I think you need to look at the science behind this sort of thing. See even if the Phyllis Smith vagina is freshly cleaned and showered at the beginning, you’re down there for eternity and we all know what happens to a vagina after a while of being down there, it’s not pretty. Where as Lisa Lampanelli’s is sweaty and gross from running in the blistering heat, but you’re only down there for 10 minutes. I’m taking a sweaty Lisa Lampanelli vagina for 10 minutes here. Because let’s face it, after about 20 minutes of work of Smith’s vagina, it’s probably going to smell the same as Lampanelli’s; but your only way out is death.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Think Before You Write A Facebook Status
This is going for both girls and guys, mainly because there are dumb statuses that I see every 5 minutes that can cause a defriend in the blink of an eye. I know I wrote one a while back just about girls but now guys are beginning to piss me off as well.
Let me first begin with the women. Girls, asking people on facebook the color that you should dye your hair is so fucking stupid, I can’t even begin to tell you. That is a question for your hairdresser not the fucking facebook community, so stop trying to draw attention to yourself in that way and get a fucking life.
Gentlemen, now I can rip on you assholes. First things first, Charlie Sheen is old news. I love the guy, I think he’s an icon, but posting statuses that just say “winning” are over done and are no longer funny. Good tidbit for you here, if you claim you’re winning, you’re probably losing. Just saying.
This next one is for both ladies and gentlemen. I have mentioned this before, but enough with telling everyone what you’re going to be doing for the next 8 hours. No one gives a rats ass. And by the way, if you’re a fucking bartender and you want your facebook “friends” to visit you at work, you better be giving out free drinks. No one goes to a place where they know the bartender and expects to spend money. Get real please.
Hopefully this is a decent follow up to me complaining about only women and their dumb statuses. I know I have missed plenty of dumb statuses like assholes who let us know they’re partying in Atlantic City and shit, but if I went on too long you wouldn’t read it. Also, a big thank you to my good friend Julie for this idea.
Let me first begin with the women. Girls, asking people on facebook the color that you should dye your hair is so fucking stupid, I can’t even begin to tell you. That is a question for your hairdresser not the fucking facebook community, so stop trying to draw attention to yourself in that way and get a fucking life.
Gentlemen, now I can rip on you assholes. First things first, Charlie Sheen is old news. I love the guy, I think he’s an icon, but posting statuses that just say “winning” are over done and are no longer funny. Good tidbit for you here, if you claim you’re winning, you’re probably losing. Just saying.
This next one is for both ladies and gentlemen. I have mentioned this before, but enough with telling everyone what you’re going to be doing for the next 8 hours. No one gives a rats ass. And by the way, if you’re a fucking bartender and you want your facebook “friends” to visit you at work, you better be giving out free drinks. No one goes to a place where they know the bartender and expects to spend money. Get real please.
Hopefully this is a decent follow up to me complaining about only women and their dumb statuses. I know I have missed plenty of dumb statuses like assholes who let us know they’re partying in Atlantic City and shit, but if I went on too long you wouldn’t read it. Also, a big thank you to my good friend Julie for this idea.
MLB Previews-Wild Card Winners
Steve the Hammer Wild Card Predictions:
NL Wild Card
Winner: Milwaukee Brewers
I have to go with the Brew Crew here mainly because their pitching is going to be dominant. It will definitely be a close race but I do think that Milwaukee comes out on top and gets into the playoffs. A slow start without Greinke and Corey Hart could potentially hurt them, but they are due back by mid-April and should be fine the rest of the way. Brewers take it in a close race.
Runner-Up: Atlanta Braves
It was very hard for me to pick against Atlanta here because they have great starting pitching and an awesome lineup. I’m not saying they can’t win the wild card, but I think the Brewers pitching is just a little bit better. Good pitching always beats good hitting, and I think the Braves fall just a bit short this season.
Team to also look out for: Colorado Rockies
With their lineup they will never be out of any game. An offensive explosion can come at any time with this team and I think that they will also be in this thing until the end. They will also give the Giants a run for their money for the division title. This years NL Wild Card race is going to be a fun one to watch.
American League Wild Card
Winner: Texas Rangers
Can’t go against the defending AL champs here and say that they don’t even make the playoffs this year. Their hitting can carry them, especially early on with injuries to some key pitchers. With that lineup, if they pitch just a little bit, they’ll have the wild card. Although I do think it will still be a close race.
Runner-Up: New York Yankees
Say what you want, but they’re still the Yankees and they will be in the playoff race until the end. The back end of their rotation is going to kill them this year. I am definitely not sold on them after C.C. and Hughes. However, if spring training is an indicator for the type of year A-Rod is going to have, he can carry this team on his back and into the playoffs, so watch out.
Team also to look out for: Minnesota Twins
The Twins win their division every year, but this year I think that finally comes to an end. That being said, Ron Gardenhire is a great manager and will have this team in the playoff race until the end. If the Rangers and Yankees have a few key injuries, look out, because the Twins could come rolling through.
Johnny Baseball Wild Card Predictions:
NL Wild Card
I'm going with the Colorado Rockies....love the lineup...love the magic...love the atmosphere if Tulo stays healthy watch out, because it's gonna be a fun year. Carlos Gonzalez hopefully has a great year and their pitching will hold up.
Runner Up- Atlanta Braves - Will have a good season, but not enough to crack the playoffs. I just think the Rockies have more of a big season in them seeing how it seems like every other year they either make the playoffs and have a month where they win every game in a row so...
Look out for : The Reds - They won the divison last year but as I said they seem a bit overrated to me. The lineup doesn't really impress me so much and the pitching is eh even though they have Bruce and Votto i think they come up just short.
AL Wild Card -
Gonna be a shock here...but...the OAKLAND ATHLETICS! Yes i said it! Time to shock the world..Every year one cinderella comes home late from the prom all knocked up and drunk...its the A's. Good pitching gets you into the playoffs and hey there lineup got a lot better.
Runner Up- New York Yankees - They are here because I see them more as a divison winner than a wildcard. If they win the divison they will get in..if they don't they will be playing golf with the Mets. Big questions at starting pitcher and Bartolo Colon and Freddy Garcia made the team...ouch
Team to watch for? Chicago White Sox - Like the team...I just feel they don't have enough pitching to get it done. Lineup is good and also I feel the Minnesota Twins have some good pitching but the lineup is slacking because Mauer and Morneau are always hurt and Morneau is still saying he feels woozy...not a good sign for the Twinkies...Plus I hate everything Minnesota...GO PACK GO! or should I say BRO PACK BRO...please don't vote Aaron Rodgers on the cover of Madden 12...not only does the game absolutely suck but we don't need the future of the NFL being hurt...thanks guys
NL Wild Card
Winner: Milwaukee Brewers
I have to go with the Brew Crew here mainly because their pitching is going to be dominant. It will definitely be a close race but I do think that Milwaukee comes out on top and gets into the playoffs. A slow start without Greinke and Corey Hart could potentially hurt them, but they are due back by mid-April and should be fine the rest of the way. Brewers take it in a close race.
Runner-Up: Atlanta Braves
It was very hard for me to pick against Atlanta here because they have great starting pitching and an awesome lineup. I’m not saying they can’t win the wild card, but I think the Brewers pitching is just a little bit better. Good pitching always beats good hitting, and I think the Braves fall just a bit short this season.
Team to also look out for: Colorado Rockies
With their lineup they will never be out of any game. An offensive explosion can come at any time with this team and I think that they will also be in this thing until the end. They will also give the Giants a run for their money for the division title. This years NL Wild Card race is going to be a fun one to watch.
American League Wild Card
Winner: Texas Rangers
Can’t go against the defending AL champs here and say that they don’t even make the playoffs this year. Their hitting can carry them, especially early on with injuries to some key pitchers. With that lineup, if they pitch just a little bit, they’ll have the wild card. Although I do think it will still be a close race.
Runner-Up: New York Yankees
Say what you want, but they’re still the Yankees and they will be in the playoff race until the end. The back end of their rotation is going to kill them this year. I am definitely not sold on them after C.C. and Hughes. However, if spring training is an indicator for the type of year A-Rod is going to have, he can carry this team on his back and into the playoffs, so watch out.
Team also to look out for: Minnesota Twins
The Twins win their division every year, but this year I think that finally comes to an end. That being said, Ron Gardenhire is a great manager and will have this team in the playoff race until the end. If the Rangers and Yankees have a few key injuries, look out, because the Twins could come rolling through.
Johnny Baseball Wild Card Predictions:
NL Wild Card
I'm going with the Colorado Rockies....love the lineup...love the magic...love the atmosphere if Tulo stays healthy watch out, because it's gonna be a fun year. Carlos Gonzalez hopefully has a great year and their pitching will hold up.
Runner Up- Atlanta Braves - Will have a good season, but not enough to crack the playoffs. I just think the Rockies have more of a big season in them seeing how it seems like every other year they either make the playoffs and have a month where they win every game in a row so...
Look out for : The Reds - They won the divison last year but as I said they seem a bit overrated to me. The lineup doesn't really impress me so much and the pitching is eh even though they have Bruce and Votto i think they come up just short.
AL Wild Card -
Gonna be a shock here...but...the OAKLAND ATHLETICS! Yes i said it! Time to shock the world..Every year one cinderella comes home late from the prom all knocked up and drunk...its the A's. Good pitching gets you into the playoffs and hey there lineup got a lot better.
Runner Up- New York Yankees - They are here because I see them more as a divison winner than a wildcard. If they win the divison they will get in..if they don't they will be playing golf with the Mets. Big questions at starting pitcher and Bartolo Colon and Freddy Garcia made the team...ouch
Team to watch for? Chicago White Sox - Like the team...I just feel they don't have enough pitching to get it done. Lineup is good and also I feel the Minnesota Twins have some good pitching but the lineup is slacking because Mauer and Morneau are always hurt and Morneau is still saying he feels woozy...not a good sign for the Twinkies...Plus I hate everything Minnesota...GO PACK GO! or should I say BRO PACK BRO...please don't vote Aaron Rodgers on the cover of Madden 12...not only does the game absolutely suck but we don't need the future of the NFL being hurt...thanks guys
Asshole Of The Day Award
This woman has taken asshole of the day after a unanimous vote...
http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/2011/03/28/20110328new-mexico-drunk-mom-teen-driver.html
How much of an asshole do you have to be to get drunk and then make your 14 year old kid drive you to the liquor store for more? The kid is 14 years old, he can barely ride a bike and you're letting him drive your car so you don't lose your buzz? I'm going out on a limb here, but I think this woman has what you would call a bit of a problem. You know how drunken words are sober thoughts? I think she just figured out that women can't drive when their sober, let alone drunk, so a 14 year old boy is better off getting me there. Either that or she just loves to party. Whatever the reason may be, she has taken Asshole Of The Day by a landslide.
http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/2011/03/28/20110328new-mexico-drunk-mom-teen-driver.html
How much of an asshole do you have to be to get drunk and then make your 14 year old kid drive you to the liquor store for more? The kid is 14 years old, he can barely ride a bike and you're letting him drive your car so you don't lose your buzz? I'm going out on a limb here, but I think this woman has what you would call a bit of a problem. You know how drunken words are sober thoughts? I think she just figured out that women can't drive when their sober, let alone drunk, so a 14 year old boy is better off getting me there. Either that or she just loves to party. Whatever the reason may be, she has taken Asshole Of The Day by a landslide.
Apparently This Is Why Women Hate Nice Guys...
Someone actually made a list of 12 reasons that women hate nice guys...
http://www.yourtango.com/experts/lucia/12-reasons-women-can-t-stand-nice-guys
I can understand most of the stuff on that list, although some reasons are not completely correct. Everyone knows that girls like "bad boys" aka assholes. Women will always say that they need a nice guy, and soon they will get sick of that nice guy and call it quits. Usually after women end something with a nice guy they utter phrases such as, "I'll never find anyone," or "I hate being alone." Yet, they just ended it with a nice guy, who clearly isn't good enough. Instead, they prefer assholes who fuck around with their heads and then end up leaving them within a span of a month. What does this all mean? It means eventually women fall for nice guys, or they end up living like the pigeon lady in Home Alone 2 at 52 years old. Although all women think it's possible, you can't tame an asshole, it just won't happen.
http://www.yourtango.com/experts/lucia/12-reasons-women-can-t-stand-nice-guys
I can understand most of the stuff on that list, although some reasons are not completely correct. Everyone knows that girls like "bad boys" aka assholes. Women will always say that they need a nice guy, and soon they will get sick of that nice guy and call it quits. Usually after women end something with a nice guy they utter phrases such as, "I'll never find anyone," or "I hate being alone." Yet, they just ended it with a nice guy, who clearly isn't good enough. Instead, they prefer assholes who fuck around with their heads and then end up leaving them within a span of a month. What does this all mean? It means eventually women fall for nice guys, or they end up living like the pigeon lady in Home Alone 2 at 52 years old. Although all women think it's possible, you can't tame an asshole, it just won't happen.
How Much Alcohol Would It Take Tuesday's
This week we have the star of one of the greatest youtube videos of all time...
That’s right, you guessed it. It is big bad Scarlet from Scarlet takes a tumble. Watching her fall off that table and then lay there like she just got shot with a tranquilizer dart had to be one of the funniest things anyone has ever seen. She is the definition of hot and cute. Now how much alcohol would it take for me to bang this monstrosity? I’m thinking I’ll probably need a water cooler of Everclear and another bottle of absinthe just to be safe. Hey, at least I would be able to say I had sex with someone famous right?
That’s right, you guessed it. It is big bad Scarlet from Scarlet takes a tumble. Watching her fall off that table and then lay there like she just got shot with a tranquilizer dart had to be one of the funniest things anyone has ever seen. She is the definition of hot and cute. Now how much alcohol would it take for me to bang this monstrosity? I’m thinking I’ll probably need a water cooler of Everclear and another bottle of absinthe just to be safe. Hey, at least I would be able to say I had sex with someone famous right?
Monday, March 28, 2011
If This Is True, Your Kid Needs To Get out More
Fuck off with this...
http://www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20110328/social-networking-may-affect-kids-health
You have to be kidding me with this shit. Cyberbullying is a bullshit word and if you're telling me that Facebook causes health risks in kids you're a fucking asshole. If you're kid is depressed because they don't have a lot of facebook friends, your kid needs to be punched in the face. You don't even speak to 80 percent of the people you're friends with on facebook so who the fuck cares? Get some real friends and you won't have to worry about being depressed because you don't have facebook friends, it's that simple.
Sidenote: The big bad "cyber bully" is probably a pussy because they're talking shit through a fucking computer. If you're kid is depressed about that, your kid once again needs to be punched in the face.
http://www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20110328/social-networking-may-affect-kids-health
You have to be kidding me with this shit. Cyberbullying is a bullshit word and if you're telling me that Facebook causes health risks in kids you're a fucking asshole. If you're kid is depressed because they don't have a lot of facebook friends, your kid needs to be punched in the face. You don't even speak to 80 percent of the people you're friends with on facebook so who the fuck cares? Get some real friends and you won't have to worry about being depressed because you don't have facebook friends, it's that simple.
Sidenote: The big bad "cyber bully" is probably a pussy because they're talking shit through a fucking computer. If you're kid is depressed about that, your kid once again needs to be punched in the face.
World's Dumbest Driver
What the fuck goes on in Australia?
http://www.thecourier.com.au/news/local/news/general/ballarats-dumbest-driver-man-caught-four-times-over-weekend/2115737.aspx
I don't even think I can blame the driver who got caught driving drunk 4 times over the weekend. I actually think I need to blame the law for having a thing called the catch and release program. What is the point of catching a drunk driver then letting them go right away? It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. It's like yelling at an underage kid for drinking and then buying the kid beer. I guess in Australia they really don't give a flying fuck about much. The only place where you can drive with a .099 BAC and not be put in jail. Sounds like a shit show to me.
Sidenote: This guy was easily just fucking with these cops after the first time he got caught since he got caught 3 times in a 5 hour span. Either that or he's the dumbest human being on the face of planet earth.
http://www.thecourier.com.au/news/local/news/general/ballarats-dumbest-driver-man-caught-four-times-over-weekend/2115737.aspx
I don't even think I can blame the driver who got caught driving drunk 4 times over the weekend. I actually think I need to blame the law for having a thing called the catch and release program. What is the point of catching a drunk driver then letting them go right away? It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. It's like yelling at an underage kid for drinking and then buying the kid beer. I guess in Australia they really don't give a flying fuck about much. The only place where you can drive with a .099 BAC and not be put in jail. Sounds like a shit show to me.
Sidenote: This guy was easily just fucking with these cops after the first time he got caught since he got caught 3 times in a 5 hour span. Either that or he's the dumbest human being on the face of planet earth.
Asshole Of The Day Award
Sweet hair too bud...
http://www.big1059.com/cc-common/news/sections/newsarticle.html?feed=104673&article=8348780
Today's Asshole of the Day Award is awarded to some moron for exposing himself in public while yelling racial slurs at people. Take a look at this guys picture, he looks like he's done all types of drugs in his lifetime. And what exactly does that lead to kids? It leads to you flashing your dick at teenage girls while making racist comments at them. Today's lesson: Don't smoke crack.
http://www.big1059.com/cc-common/news/sections/newsarticle.html?feed=104673&article=8348780
Today's Asshole of the Day Award is awarded to some moron for exposing himself in public while yelling racial slurs at people. Take a look at this guys picture, he looks like he's done all types of drugs in his lifetime. And what exactly does that lead to kids? It leads to you flashing your dick at teenage girls while making racist comments at them. Today's lesson: Don't smoke crack.
Watch This Without Laughing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bY0xgRA_Sk0
His facial expressions make the fact that he's 400 pounds and dancing to "My Hump" by the Black Eyed Peas that much funnier. I bet you can't watch this entire thing without laughing, it's just not possible.
His facial expressions make the fact that he's 400 pounds and dancing to "My Hump" by the Black Eyed Peas that much funnier. I bet you can't watch this entire thing without laughing, it's just not possible.
I Can't Believe They Have A World Map For This...
If you're a fan of large breasts, you should move to Russia
http://www.geekologie.com/image.php?path=/2011/03/25/breast-map-full.jpg
Russia averages larger than D-cup sized tits, which to me is an astounding fact. In America, the average is D. It doesn't say if they count the fake one's or not but I think that the fake variety shouldn't count in this study. As nice as the fake variety are, they're not actually the real size of the girls chest, therefore it shouldn't count. I just want to know how they got their information. Was it by just studying and being a creep by just simply watching girls in each country? Or did they hand out survey's to the women of each country? It seems a little strange to me, and I'm not sure how accurate this is; but I can safely say that I will need to pay a visit to Russia sometime in the near future. Not for me, it's for the study.
http://www.geekologie.com/image.php?path=/2011/03/25/breast-map-full.jpg
Russia averages larger than D-cup sized tits, which to me is an astounding fact. In America, the average is D. It doesn't say if they count the fake one's or not but I think that the fake variety shouldn't count in this study. As nice as the fake variety are, they're not actually the real size of the girls chest, therefore it shouldn't count. I just want to know how they got their information. Was it by just studying and being a creep by just simply watching girls in each country? Or did they hand out survey's to the women of each country? It seems a little strange to me, and I'm not sure how accurate this is; but I can safely say that I will need to pay a visit to Russia sometime in the near future. Not for me, it's for the study.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
America Is Out Of Shape
At 13 years old this should not bother you...
http://www.wxyz.com/dpp/news/region/detroit/13-year-old-boy-hospitalized-for-a-week-after-doing-push-ups-at-school-as-a-punishment
First of all, if I was 13 years old and had the choice of detention or push ups I am going with the push ups as well. But how out of shape do you have to be that 100 push ups makes your arms get more swollen than a Sylvester Stallone's face at the end of Rocky IV? Like really kid, do you do any physical activity ever? You're 13 years old, put down the chips and the play station and go fucking run around outside you lazy little prick.
http://www.wxyz.com/dpp/news/region/detroit/13-year-old-boy-hospitalized-for-a-week-after-doing-push-ups-at-school-as-a-punishment
First of all, if I was 13 years old and had the choice of detention or push ups I am going with the push ups as well. But how out of shape do you have to be that 100 push ups makes your arms get more swollen than a Sylvester Stallone's face at the end of Rocky IV? Like really kid, do you do any physical activity ever? You're 13 years old, put down the chips and the play station and go fucking run around outside you lazy little prick.
Elite 8 Headlines: Chriqui and Good Set For Final Four Match Up
In yesterday’s Elite 8 action Emmanuelle Chiriqui took home the Hispanic Region crown with a 248-227 win over Cinderella story Roselyn Sanchez. Chiriqui was just too much for the 7th seeded Sanchez as she was never within 10 after 2pm eastern time. Chiriqui becomes now moves on to play Meagan Good in the Final Four.
Good won a thriller against Beyonce in a heavyweight title fight that never saw either side have a lead of bigger than 4. After Beyonce took a 1 vote lead at the 11pm mark, Good would get two crucial votes with 10 minutes of voting left, to nail down the win 238-237.
So our 2011 Hot Girl Bracket Final Four looks like this:
Marzia Prince (White Region Champ) vs Nicole Scherzinger (Other Region Champ)
Meagan Good (Black Region Champ) vs Emmanuelle Chiriqui (Hispanic Region Champ)
Analysis on our Final Four will be coming to you on Tuesday.
Good won a thriller against Beyonce in a heavyweight title fight that never saw either side have a lead of bigger than 4. After Beyonce took a 1 vote lead at the 11pm mark, Good would get two crucial votes with 10 minutes of voting left, to nail down the win 238-237.
So our 2011 Hot Girl Bracket Final Four looks like this:
Marzia Prince (White Region Champ) vs Nicole Scherzinger (Other Region Champ)
Meagan Good (Black Region Champ) vs Emmanuelle Chiriqui (Hispanic Region Champ)
Analysis on our Final Four will be coming to you on Tuesday.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Hot Girl Bracket Elite 8 Match Ups-Hispanic Region
5) Emmanuelle Chiriqui 
7) Roselyn Sanchez
Vote for who moves on to the Final Four by emailing your picks to hammer41blog@gmail.com...Voting ends at midnight
7) Roselyn Sanchez
Vote for who moves on to the Final Four by emailing your picks to hammer41blog@gmail.com...Voting ends at midnight
Hot Girl Bracket Elite 8 Match Ups-Black Region
1) Meagan Good 
3) Beyonce
Vote for who moves on to the Final Four by emailing your picks to hammer41blog@wordpress.com...Voting ends at midnight
3) Beyonce
Vote for who moves on to the Final Four by emailing your picks to hammer41blog@wordpress.com...Voting ends at midnight
Hot Girl Bracket Elite 8 Recap- Prince Tops Miller, Scherzinger Squeaks by Kardashian
We have the first half of our Final Four all set and the representative from the White Region is Marzia Prince. Prince topped Marisa Miller in yesterday’s regional final by a score of 266-259 in what was a back and forth battle the entire way.
Prince’s Final Four opponent will be Nicole Scherzinger who is our Other Region champion. Scherzinger hit the buzzer beater against Kim Kardashian for a 263-262 win in a close match up that featured great bodies all around.
With the first half of our Final Four ready to go, find out who the last two participants will be today as Black and Hispanic Regional Finals will be up.
Prince’s Final Four opponent will be Nicole Scherzinger who is our Other Region champion. Scherzinger hit the buzzer beater against Kim Kardashian for a 263-262 win in a close match up that featured great bodies all around.
With the first half of our Final Four ready to go, find out who the last two participants will be today as Black and Hispanic Regional Finals will be up.
Friday, March 25, 2011
This Is An Interesting Way Of Hiring Someone
This is what every boss does right?
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2011/03/dov-charney-sexual-assault-accusation.html
Masturbating over the phone while interviewing someone to work for your company, now I've seen it all. Well not really, but clearly the boss and job interviewee got their signals crossed somewhere. He's cranking it out while she's going over her credentials. Sounds like a bit of a miscommunication to me. And the best part is that this isn't the first time it has happened. Can someone explain how he is still the boss? Maybe he jerked off on someone to keep the job, who knows.
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2011/03/dov-charney-sexual-assault-accusation.html
Masturbating over the phone while interviewing someone to work for your company, now I've seen it all. Well not really, but clearly the boss and job interviewee got their signals crossed somewhere. He's cranking it out while she's going over her credentials. Sounds like a bit of a miscommunication to me. And the best part is that this isn't the first time it has happened. Can someone explain how he is still the boss? Maybe he jerked off on someone to keep the job, who knows.
Is This The Worst Joke Ever Told?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3p2v7-DzPNI
I saved all who view this some time because the joke started when the guy was 5 years old and the video starts at when he's 40. You didn't miss anything in case you were wondering. Also, I will party with this kid any time but he is officially banned from telling jokes. And yes, this is by far the worst joke ever told.
I saved all who view this some time because the joke started when the guy was 5 years old and the video starts at when he's 40. You didn't miss anything in case you were wondering. Also, I will party with this kid any time but he is officially banned from telling jokes. And yes, this is by far the worst joke ever told.
Why Tiger Woods Is Still The Man...
Everyone always has something to say about Tiger Woods. He's a scumbag, he's an asshole, he's this, he's that it just never ends. I am going to explain to you why Tiger Woods is still the man regardless of what the media and some people think about him.
All anyone wants to talk about is how he cheated on his wife hundreds of times. The guy is a fucking multi bazillionaire, his dick is like a 10 foot strand of fly tape, whenever he walks into a room, vagina's just stick to it. For all you men who talk shit about Tiger, you would have been doing the same shit with his money so shut the fuck up.
Next, he is the only athlete ever that no matter what he does in his sport, his stats are always posted. You see all the time on ESPN they'll list the top 10 and then after the person who's in 10th it'll always say Woods +1 tied for 31st or something along those lines. No other sport does that on a consistent basis. The closest thing is baseball during a home run race, but that's it. A.K.A Tiger is the man.
Lastly, he is the person who changed the game of golf, therefore, love him or hate him, people watch golf when they know he is playing. When he's playing in a tournament, the rating are through the fucking roof because everyone just wants to see him play. Everyone knows it, so don't try and bullshit me with this one. Especially if he's at the top of the leader board, then everyone is watching.
Whether you like what I have said or not, you know that this is entirely true. Tiger Woods is a straight up G and will be the man for as long as he plays. Also, hop off his shit about dating a 20 year old who's still in college. Chances are that he's still banging super models but the 20 year old just has the label because she's not hot and he's trying to change his image. It's just a strategic move on his part, no big deal.
All anyone wants to talk about is how he cheated on his wife hundreds of times. The guy is a fucking multi bazillionaire, his dick is like a 10 foot strand of fly tape, whenever he walks into a room, vagina's just stick to it. For all you men who talk shit about Tiger, you would have been doing the same shit with his money so shut the fuck up.
Next, he is the only athlete ever that no matter what he does in his sport, his stats are always posted. You see all the time on ESPN they'll list the top 10 and then after the person who's in 10th it'll always say Woods +1 tied for 31st or something along those lines. No other sport does that on a consistent basis. The closest thing is baseball during a home run race, but that's it. A.K.A Tiger is the man.
Lastly, he is the person who changed the game of golf, therefore, love him or hate him, people watch golf when they know he is playing. When he's playing in a tournament, the rating are through the fucking roof because everyone just wants to see him play. Everyone knows it, so don't try and bullshit me with this one. Especially if he's at the top of the leader board, then everyone is watching.
Whether you like what I have said or not, you know that this is entirely true. Tiger Woods is a straight up G and will be the man for as long as he plays. Also, hop off his shit about dating a 20 year old who's still in college. Chances are that he's still banging super models but the 20 year old just has the label because she's not hot and he's trying to change his image. It's just a strategic move on his part, no big deal.
Hot Girl Bracket Elite 8 Match Ups-Other Region
5) Kim Kardashian
3) Nicole Scherzinger
Vote for who moves on to out Hot Girl Bracket Final Four by emailing your picks to hammer41blog@gmail.com...Voting ends at midnight.
3) Nicole Scherzinger
Vote for who moves on to out Hot Girl Bracket Final Four by emailing your picks to hammer41blog@gmail.com...Voting ends at midnight.
Hot Girl Bracket Elite 8 Match Ups-White Region
5) Marzia Prince 
3) Marisa Miller
Vote for who you think should move on to the Final Four by emailing your pick to hammer41blog@gmail.com
3) Marisa Miller
Vote for who you think should move on to the Final Four by emailing your pick to hammer41blog@gmail.com
Hot Girl Bracket Sweet 16 Headlines: Beyonce Outlasts Rhianna, Both Hispanic Favorites Upset
In yesterday's Hot Girl Bracket Sweet 16 action, Beyonce found a way to get by Rhianna in a hard fought battle by a 277-275 final score. This was by far the best game we have had in the entire tournament as Beyonce needed every last minute for the victory. She will now move on to face Meagan Good a 296-256 winner over Gabrielle Union. Good is our only remaining number one seed.
In the Hispanic Region, fan favorite Emmanuelle Chiriqui took out number one seed Jessica Alba completing a huge comeback from 7pm to 12am. Chiriqui squares off against Roselyn Sanchez in the Elite 8. Sanchez beat Eva Longoria completing what has been by far the craziest region in this tournament.
In the Hispanic Region, fan favorite Emmanuelle Chiriqui took out number one seed Jessica Alba completing a huge comeback from 7pm to 12am. Chiriqui squares off against Roselyn Sanchez in the Elite 8. Sanchez beat Eva Longoria completing what has been by far the craziest region in this tournament.
Ladies, Win A Free Boob Job At This Night Club
Now this is a contest worth entering...
http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/gold-coasts-sin-city-nightclub-lists-boob-job-as-prize/story-e6frfku0-1226027895084
Why are people getting so mad at this? A club is giving out a free boob job and body image experts and plastic surgeons are getting pissed off about it. Listen, body image "experts" what makes you an expert on something that is 100% opinion. That makes you no better than a guy like me who writes a blog making fun of people like you. I don't go around saying that I'm an expert on shit, because I can't. I can't because this is all my opinion, and my opinion on you fucks is that you're not experts. Secondly, plastic surgeons, why are you assholes getting pissed off? You're getting paid either way, and you get to look at a pair of great tits that you made afterwards. I think I'm going to create a t-shirt for plastic surgeons. Plastic Surgeons: The Only People Other Than Gay Guys That Complain About Seeing Tits. That will be the Spencer's top seller within the next two weeks, write it down.
http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/gold-coasts-sin-city-nightclub-lists-boob-job-as-prize/story-e6frfku0-1226027895084
Why are people getting so mad at this? A club is giving out a free boob job and body image experts and plastic surgeons are getting pissed off about it. Listen, body image "experts" what makes you an expert on something that is 100% opinion. That makes you no better than a guy like me who writes a blog making fun of people like you. I don't go around saying that I'm an expert on shit, because I can't. I can't because this is all my opinion, and my opinion on you fucks is that you're not experts. Secondly, plastic surgeons, why are you assholes getting pissed off? You're getting paid either way, and you get to look at a pair of great tits that you made afterwards. I think I'm going to create a t-shirt for plastic surgeons. Plastic Surgeons: The Only People Other Than Gay Guys That Complain About Seeing Tits. That will be the Spencer's top seller within the next two weeks, write it down.
No One Foresaw Any Way This Could Possibly Go Wrong?
Interesting...
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2011/03/25/3173307.htm
Can I ask who the fuck decided to give a partially blind person a drivers license? Listen, I don't want to hear about the license with restrictions and shit, the guy is fucking partially blind, he shouldn't be driving at all. What plan of action did these people take in granting him his "restricted" license? Did they put one of those little walking stick poker things on the front of the car and think it was okay? Or did they have a seeing eye dog in the passenger's seat thinking it could actually tell the driver where to go? I'm baffled that people could actually let this happen. Great idea all around people, great idea.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2011/03/25/3173307.htm
Can I ask who the fuck decided to give a partially blind person a drivers license? Listen, I don't want to hear about the license with restrictions and shit, the guy is fucking partially blind, he shouldn't be driving at all. What plan of action did these people take in granting him his "restricted" license? Did they put one of those little walking stick poker things on the front of the car and think it was okay? Or did they have a seeing eye dog in the passenger's seat thinking it could actually tell the driver where to go? I'm baffled that people could actually let this happen. Great idea all around people, great idea.
Guy Steals From College Book Store
I enjoy shit like this...
http://qctimes.com/news/local/article_21e25b74-565d-11e0-b6d8-001cc4c002e0.html
Can I side with him here because the cost of books in college is fucking absurd? Yeah I can side with him. Does it surprise me that he's 39 years old, has a criminal record and is somehow still in college. The more surprising part is that he's in college, let's just put it that way. Anyway, it kind of was a brilliant idea to steal the books and then sell them at a pawn shop. However, I still cannot fathom the fact that this 39 year old dude is still in college somehow. I mean he got released from prison in 2009, don't colleges like have rules about letting people attend their school with criminal records? Either way, this guy is like the grandpa version of Van Wilder, except after he gets expelled I doubt he'll be passing 18 credits in a week to get his diploma.
http://qctimes.com/news/local/article_21e25b74-565d-11e0-b6d8-001cc4c002e0.html
Can I side with him here because the cost of books in college is fucking absurd? Yeah I can side with him. Does it surprise me that he's 39 years old, has a criminal record and is somehow still in college. The more surprising part is that he's in college, let's just put it that way. Anyway, it kind of was a brilliant idea to steal the books and then sell them at a pawn shop. However, I still cannot fathom the fact that this 39 year old dude is still in college somehow. I mean he got released from prison in 2009, don't colleges like have rules about letting people attend their school with criminal records? Either way, this guy is like the grandpa version of Van Wilder, except after he gets expelled I doubt he'll be passing 18 credits in a week to get his diploma.
Thank You Viewers
I just want to thank my viewers because as of last night I hit my first goal of 10,000 views. It would not be possible without all of you viewing because the site doesn't count my own views to the page. So thank you all, if you were not at the page last night you missed a hell of a time and let's get me to 100,000 views. 100,000 view party we'll rent out a bar in the city to celebrate, so get me there. Thank you again.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Quote of the Day
"Who wants to bang a chubby chick mid week, you gotta get it out of your system early"- Ant Delio
Video of the Day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgJ8bKLKdbU
Awesome...I have nothing else to say, just awesome.
Awesome...I have nothing else to say, just awesome.
What Your Friends Don't Know, Won't Hurt Em
If you’re out at a bar and your friends are talking with lesbians, yet they don’t know it, what do you do? Should you be a good friend and tell them that the girls they think they’re getting it in with are actually into chicks, or should you just sit back and enjoy the show? Whatever your answer may be; I went with enjoying the show.
In my friends defense, they don’t go to my school so they had no idea what was going on. But it’s probably a little fucked up that I knew the entire time and didn’t bother saying shit. I just needed to see the extent that my friends would go for pussy. Needless to say, these kids would do just about anything short of sucking dick.
Anyway, we get back to my house after the bar and these girls continue fucking with my friends by telling them that there is a 98% chance that they are coming back to the house. Who the fuck says that? This is red flag number one that someone is fucking with you. Then the percentage dropped to 96% five minutes later. Of course, I still didn’t let them know that these girls weren’t coming because they are not into guys.
So finally, they wake up this morning and say, “What happened to those girls last night?” And I say, “Those girls were lesbians.” Then at the same time they both respond with, “No way, I thought they were diggin’ it!” What’s the moral of the story? If they’re into chicks, they throw out percentages, if they want to get it in they’ll come over, and if they’re not into you they just won’t answer. Lesson learned.
In my friends defense, they don’t go to my school so they had no idea what was going on. But it’s probably a little fucked up that I knew the entire time and didn’t bother saying shit. I just needed to see the extent that my friends would go for pussy. Needless to say, these kids would do just about anything short of sucking dick.
Anyway, we get back to my house after the bar and these girls continue fucking with my friends by telling them that there is a 98% chance that they are coming back to the house. Who the fuck says that? This is red flag number one that someone is fucking with you. Then the percentage dropped to 96% five minutes later. Of course, I still didn’t let them know that these girls weren’t coming because they are not into guys.
So finally, they wake up this morning and say, “What happened to those girls last night?” And I say, “Those girls were lesbians.” Then at the same time they both respond with, “No way, I thought they were diggin’ it!” What’s the moral of the story? If they’re into chicks, they throw out percentages, if they want to get it in they’ll come over, and if they’re not into you they just won’t answer. Lesson learned.
Hot Girl Bracket Sweet 16 Continues-Hispanic Region
1) Jessica Alba 
5) Emmanuelle Chiriqui
3) Eva Longoria
7) Roselyn Sanchez
Vote by emailing your picks to hammer41blog@gmail.com. Voting ends at midnight tonight.
5) Emmanuelle Chiriqui
3) Eva Longoria
7) Roselyn Sanchez
Vote by emailing your picks to hammer41blog@gmail.com. Voting ends at midnight tonight.
Hot Girl Bracket Sweet 16 Continues-Black Region
1) Meagan Good 
5) Gabrielle Union
3) Beyonce
2) Rhianna
Vote by emailing your picks to hammer41blog@gmail.com. Voting ends at midnight tonight.
5) Gabrielle Union
3) Beyonce
2) Rhianna
Vote by emailing your picks to hammer41blog@gmail.com. Voting ends at midnight tonight.
Hot Girl Bracket Sweet 16 Headlines: Lima Upset, Miller Pulls Away Late
In day one of the Sweet 16 yesterday Adriana Lima became the second number one seed to fall, losing to Kim Kardashian 241-223. Kim moves on to the Elite 8, but not to face her sister Kourtney. Kourtney Kardashian lost a hard fought battle with Nicole Scherzinger by a 234-230 score. This was the closest game of the day and now Scherzinger will try to become the first woman to take down both Kardashian's in the same tournament.
In White Region action, Marzia Prince continued to roll, cruising passed Angelina Jolie 271-193. Prince will go on to face Marisa Miller in the Elite 8. Miller pulled away from Danneel Harris late in this one to win a 245-219 victory. This Elite 8 match up should be fun to see.
Stay tuned today as we find out who else moves on to the Elite 8 with the Black and Hispanic Region Sweet 16 match ups.
In White Region action, Marzia Prince continued to roll, cruising passed Angelina Jolie 271-193. Prince will go on to face Marisa Miller in the Elite 8. Miller pulled away from Danneel Harris late in this one to win a 245-219 victory. This Elite 8 match up should be fun to see.
Stay tuned today as we find out who else moves on to the Elite 8 with the Black and Hispanic Region Sweet 16 match ups.
Asshole Of The Day Award
People baffle me sometimes...
http://www.mcall.com/news/breaking/mc-allentown-pa-hitman-20110322,0,290952.story
I would think that there are better ways to hire hit men other than using a website called hitmanforhire.com. This is just based on the fact that people can find anything over the internet, so if you did hire a hit man at some point, you're completely fucked. And you're even more fucked if you decide to use a stolen credit card with your own PayPal account. This may possibly take the cake for Asshole of the month, but we still have another week to go, so we'll see. All I know is that if you want someone dead, the internet is probably not the best option.
Sidenote: Who would've though there was actually a website called hitmanforhire.com. How is that guy not in jail yet?
http://www.mcall.com/news/breaking/mc-allentown-pa-hitman-20110322,0,290952.story
I would think that there are better ways to hire hit men other than using a website called hitmanforhire.com. This is just based on the fact that people can find anything over the internet, so if you did hire a hit man at some point, you're completely fucked. And you're even more fucked if you decide to use a stolen credit card with your own PayPal account. This may possibly take the cake for Asshole of the month, but we still have another week to go, so we'll see. All I know is that if you want someone dead, the internet is probably not the best option.
Sidenote: Who would've though there was actually a website called hitmanforhire.com. How is that guy not in jail yet?
Thursday: Drinking Game Of The Week
Since baseball season is just around the corner this weeks game consists of drinking while watching baseball...
The name of the game is Balls and Strikes. You need to have two teams of people. Say I like the Yankees and my roommate likes the Red Sox. I would be on the Yankee team and he is on the Red Sox. Every time the Yankees throw a strike against the Red Sox, my roommate would drink for a second. Every time the Yankees throw a ball, I drink a second. For every strikeout or pop-out, the person must chug until the other says stop. For every homerun and every time the other team scores, a full beer is drank.
This game gets intense. Definitely try to have spectators to stop fights.
The name of the game is Balls and Strikes. You need to have two teams of people. Say I like the Yankees and my roommate likes the Red Sox. I would be on the Yankee team and he is on the Red Sox. Every time the Yankees throw a strike against the Red Sox, my roommate would drink for a second. Every time the Yankees throw a ball, I drink a second. For every strikeout or pop-out, the person must chug until the other says stop. For every homerun and every time the other team scores, a full beer is drank.
This game gets intense. Definitely try to have spectators to stop fights.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Is This The Worst Excuse To Miss Class Ever?
This is my buddy's excuse for going to get shitfaced tonight instead of attending his class tomorrow. Oh by the way, the teacher already told him to his face last class to watch his absences the rest of the semester. So this is what he came up with...
Dear Professor,
This is Anthony (last name removed) I am in your 9:35 class tomorrow morning. I know I have missed some classes this semester and that was because of a job that I was working for that ended late on Tuesday and Wednesday night and I was exhausted on Wednesday and Thursday mornings. However, I have just quit this job yesterday because it is ruining my grades in not just your class but also my Wednesday morning classes. I also understand that this is the worst time to miss another class but tomorrow I have to go to court for a ticket I received (I'm innocent!). I will find out what I missed from my classmates.
I would also like to ask if I can present an article next class or can I send you a summary of the article. If my absences will effect my grade drastically is it at all possible to received some extra credit for writing a paper on a topic discussed in class.
This is my last semester at St. Francis College and I want to make sure I graduate on time. Again I am sorry for missing class tomorrow, I do realize this is the worst time to miss a class.
Thank You
Anthony (last name removed)
Ant man, this is probably the worst excuse I have ever seen. How about a family emergency, or something along those lines. You had to save a drowning baby, anything else. I won't be surprised if you receive an email back saying, "Anthony, you're a lying sack of shit, if you're not in class tomorrow morning you won't graduate. Fuck off." Well Ant good luck, god knows you need it.
Yes the response letter will be posted later.
Sidenote: He never actually had that job on Tuesday and Wendesday night, which makes this even better.
Dear Professor,
This is Anthony (last name removed) I am in your 9:35 class tomorrow morning. I know I have missed some classes this semester and that was because of a job that I was working for that ended late on Tuesday and Wednesday night and I was exhausted on Wednesday and Thursday mornings. However, I have just quit this job yesterday because it is ruining my grades in not just your class but also my Wednesday morning classes. I also understand that this is the worst time to miss another class but tomorrow I have to go to court for a ticket I received (I'm innocent!). I will find out what I missed from my classmates.
I would also like to ask if I can present an article next class or can I send you a summary of the article. If my absences will effect my grade drastically is it at all possible to received some extra credit for writing a paper on a topic discussed in class.
This is my last semester at St. Francis College and I want to make sure I graduate on time. Again I am sorry for missing class tomorrow, I do realize this is the worst time to miss a class.
Thank You
Anthony (last name removed)
Ant man, this is probably the worst excuse I have ever seen. How about a family emergency, or something along those lines. You had to save a drowning baby, anything else. I won't be surprised if you receive an email back saying, "Anthony, you're a lying sack of shit, if you're not in class tomorrow morning you won't graduate. Fuck off." Well Ant good luck, god knows you need it.
Yes the response letter will be posted later.
Sidenote: He never actually had that job on Tuesday and Wendesday night, which makes this even better.
Asshole(s) Of The Day Award
Our Asshole Of The Day Award is a dual award today for the dumbest fucking couple on the face of the earth...
http://www.burlingtonfreepress.com/article/20110322/NEWS02/110322029/0/LIVING16/Two-accused-DUI-after-fight-over-impairment?odyssey=nav%7Chead
Just getting hammered with your girlfriend and arguing over who is the better drunk driver, no big deal. How fucking retarded do you have to be to actually get caught after having this argument, and at 6:30 at night? Who gets a DUI before 11pm? It's unheard of. You would have to be about 3 times the legal limit. Oh wait, they pretty much were. Welp, see ya later.
http://www.burlingtonfreepress.com/article/20110322/NEWS02/110322029/0/LIVING16/Two-accused-DUI-after-fight-over-impairment?odyssey=nav%7Chead
Just getting hammered with your girlfriend and arguing over who is the better drunk driver, no big deal. How fucking retarded do you have to be to actually get caught after having this argument, and at 6:30 at night? Who gets a DUI before 11pm? It's unheard of. You would have to be about 3 times the legal limit. Oh wait, they pretty much were. Welp, see ya later.
People Need Lives
Give me a fucking break with this...
http://whitehorse-leader.whereilive.com.au/news/story/nunawading-toddlers-tagged-graffiti-artists/
People really do have some set of balls. Now we have people complaining about 3 and 4 year old kids drawing in chalk on fucking sidewalks outside of places and calling it "graffiti". Are you kidding? First of all, it's fucking chalk. Do you know that chalk can easily be erased you stupid fuck? Graffiti is spray paint, that doesn't come off and it's usually a gang sign of some sort or something retarded. Meanwhile, you're complaining about 4 year olds drawing pirates and stick figures in erasable chalk. Do everyone else a favor and get a fucking life, or get laid. It seems like you need both.
http://whitehorse-leader.whereilive.com.au/news/story/nunawading-toddlers-tagged-graffiti-artists/
People really do have some set of balls. Now we have people complaining about 3 and 4 year old kids drawing in chalk on fucking sidewalks outside of places and calling it "graffiti". Are you kidding? First of all, it's fucking chalk. Do you know that chalk can easily be erased you stupid fuck? Graffiti is spray paint, that doesn't come off and it's usually a gang sign of some sort or something retarded. Meanwhile, you're complaining about 4 year olds drawing pirates and stick figures in erasable chalk. Do everyone else a favor and get a fucking life, or get laid. It seems like you need both.
MLB Previews-AL West
Steve the Hammer Predictions:
1. Los Angeles Angels- No I’m not throwing in the fucking Anaheim. However, I am picking them to win the west because with Cliff Lee leaving Texas for Philly, the Angels have the best pitching staff in this division. Jared Weaver, Ervin Santana, Dan Haren and Joel Piniero is a pretty good fucking rotation. To go with that, the addition of Vernon Wells and I like the Angels to take the west.
2. Texas Rangers- Sorry but without Cliff Lee this rotation isn’t cutting it for me. C.J. Wilson, Colby fucking Lewis and Scott Feldman just aren’t cutting it for me. Tommy Hunter my balls, who knows what you’re getting out of him? Too many question marks here for me to have this team with the division. The lineup is still filthy with the additions of Beltre and Napoli but with their pitching I think the wild card is more like it for this crew.
3. Oakland Athletics- Not a bad young pitching staff but I have no idea how this team plans on scoring runs. Hideki Matsui is ancient and the rest of that lineup is god awful. Their pitching will definitely keep them in games, but they won’t hit enough to win many of them.
4. Seattle Mariners- Remember last year when this team was picked to win the division? King Felix, Erik Bedard and then pray for three days of rain. Ichiro will have 200 hits once again and Milton Bradley probably have as many ejections. Other than that, I would rather watch paint dry. Should be a lovely season out in Seattle.
Johnny Baseball Predictions:
1. Texas Rangers - They have the best lineup in the divison with Hamilton, Cruz, Andrus,Young, Kinsler, and even added Beltre and Napoli. I think their lineup carries them through the year for the divison title even though their pitching is slackin a tiny bit. I mean they still have Feliz, Wilson, and Lewis.
2. Oakland Athletics - A suprise? not to me. They always have great pitching and this year no different. Braden, Cahill, Bailey, Harden, Fuentes,and Balfour. They improved the lineup this year with Willingham, DeJesus, and Matsui. I'm looking for them to take a nice ride towards the wildcard
3. Los Angeles Angels - Asshole of the YEAR award... Kendry Morales...and he might miss time this year. Weaver, Santana, Piniero, and Haren are good but their bullpen doesn't impress me. The lineup is weak though. Vernon wells is over the hill and Torii Hunter is getting OLD and well their infielders....I couldn't name one.
4. Seattle Mariners - Well, PLEASE TRADE KING FELIX AND ICHIRO. Milton Bradley is a joke and well it rains there everyday. How much more miserable can it get in Seattle. Marshawn Lynch can't play baseball therefore!....they will suck...and even if he did...They still would suck....
1. Los Angeles Angels- No I’m not throwing in the fucking Anaheim. However, I am picking them to win the west because with Cliff Lee leaving Texas for Philly, the Angels have the best pitching staff in this division. Jared Weaver, Ervin Santana, Dan Haren and Joel Piniero is a pretty good fucking rotation. To go with that, the addition of Vernon Wells and I like the Angels to take the west.
2. Texas Rangers- Sorry but without Cliff Lee this rotation isn’t cutting it for me. C.J. Wilson, Colby fucking Lewis and Scott Feldman just aren’t cutting it for me. Tommy Hunter my balls, who knows what you’re getting out of him? Too many question marks here for me to have this team with the division. The lineup is still filthy with the additions of Beltre and Napoli but with their pitching I think the wild card is more like it for this crew.
3. Oakland Athletics- Not a bad young pitching staff but I have no idea how this team plans on scoring runs. Hideki Matsui is ancient and the rest of that lineup is god awful. Their pitching will definitely keep them in games, but they won’t hit enough to win many of them.
4. Seattle Mariners- Remember last year when this team was picked to win the division? King Felix, Erik Bedard and then pray for three days of rain. Ichiro will have 200 hits once again and Milton Bradley probably have as many ejections. Other than that, I would rather watch paint dry. Should be a lovely season out in Seattle.
Johnny Baseball Predictions:
1. Texas Rangers - They have the best lineup in the divison with Hamilton, Cruz, Andrus,Young, Kinsler, and even added Beltre and Napoli. I think their lineup carries them through the year for the divison title even though their pitching is slackin a tiny bit. I mean they still have Feliz, Wilson, and Lewis.
2. Oakland Athletics - A suprise? not to me. They always have great pitching and this year no different. Braden, Cahill, Bailey, Harden, Fuentes,and Balfour. They improved the lineup this year with Willingham, DeJesus, and Matsui. I'm looking for them to take a nice ride towards the wildcard
3. Los Angeles Angels - Asshole of the YEAR award... Kendry Morales...and he might miss time this year. Weaver, Santana, Piniero, and Haren are good but their bullpen doesn't impress me. The lineup is weak though. Vernon wells is over the hill and Torii Hunter is getting OLD and well their infielders....I couldn't name one.
4. Seattle Mariners - Well, PLEASE TRADE KING FELIX AND ICHIRO. Milton Bradley is a joke and well it rains there everyday. How much more miserable can it get in Seattle. Marshawn Lynch can't play baseball therefore!....they will suck...and even if he did...They still would suck....
2011 Chick Madness Hot Girl Bracket Sweet 16-Other Region
1) Adriana Lima 
5) Kim Kardashian
3) Nicole Scherzinger
7) Kourtney Kardashian
Vote for who you think should advance to Friday's Elite 8 by emailing your votes to hammer41blog@gmail.com
5) Kim Kardashian
3) Nicole Scherzinger
7) Kourtney Kardashian
Vote for who you think should advance to Friday's Elite 8 by emailing your votes to hammer41blog@gmail.com
2011 Chick Madness Hot Girl Bracket Sweet 16-White Region
9) Angelina Jolie 
5) Marzia Prince
3) Marisa Miller
7) Danneel Harris
Vote on who moves on to the Elite 8 by emailing your votes to hammer41blog@wordpress.com by midnight tonight
5) Marzia Prince
3) Marisa Miller
7) Danneel Harris
Vote on who moves on to the Elite 8 by emailing your votes to hammer41blog@wordpress.com by midnight tonight
Girl With The Tiara, You're Not 12 Anymore
Listen, after the age of 16 girls should not be allowed to wear those dumb fucking tiara’s on their heads anymore. It’s your birthday, good for you, now stop drawing more attention to yourself since your dumb friends are already yelling and screaming telling the entire bar that it’s your birthday.
Why are you still wearing that fucking thing on your head? There is no reason for it. It just makes everyone in the bar want to actually punch you in the face. And it really serves no purpose because you usually get so fucking drunk and sloppy that it ends up on the floor crushed into tiny pieces by the end of the night.
Guys, if you see a girl with a tiara on her head and you still think about trying to get with her, you’re a fucking retard. All she wants is the drinks you buy her because it’s her birthday. That’s why she wears that fucking thing, she’s letting everyone know that it’s her birthday and they should buy her drinks.
That is where you say go fuck yourself by not even acknowledging that she is there. Trust me, you’ll be better off because her friends won’t let you take her home anyway. They’ll just be jealous cock blocks because it’s not their birthday, that’s how girls are. End of story.
Why are you still wearing that fucking thing on your head? There is no reason for it. It just makes everyone in the bar want to actually punch you in the face. And it really serves no purpose because you usually get so fucking drunk and sloppy that it ends up on the floor crushed into tiny pieces by the end of the night.
Guys, if you see a girl with a tiara on her head and you still think about trying to get with her, you’re a fucking retard. All she wants is the drinks you buy her because it’s her birthday. That’s why she wears that fucking thing, she’s letting everyone know that it’s her birthday and they should buy her drinks.
That is where you say go fuck yourself by not even acknowledging that she is there. Trust me, you’ll be better off because her friends won’t let you take her home anyway. They’ll just be jealous cock blocks because it’s not their birthday, that’s how girls are. End of story.
Are They Kidding?
This is so ridiculous
http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/03/22/us-transgender-idUSTRE72L7ZW20110322
Transvestites are fucking suing the city of New York over their gender on their birth certificates, arguing that it is gender discrimination. Because New York says that you need surgical proof to get your gender changed, and most of these people can't afford the surgery. Well if you can't afford the surgery and can't get your dick cut off, then you're still a fucking guy. And if you can't get a dick put on you to become a fucking guy, then you're still a woman. This shouldn't even be a fucking question, I can't believe they're suing for discrimination. It doesn't matter if you changed your name from Mike to Michelle, if you still have a cock you're still a fucking guy. It's called science, now go fuck off.
http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/03/22/us-transgender-idUSTRE72L7ZW20110322
Transvestites are fucking suing the city of New York over their gender on their birth certificates, arguing that it is gender discrimination. Because New York says that you need surgical proof to get your gender changed, and most of these people can't afford the surgery. Well if you can't afford the surgery and can't get your dick cut off, then you're still a fucking guy. And if you can't get a dick put on you to become a fucking guy, then you're still a woman. This shouldn't even be a fucking question, I can't believe they're suing for discrimination. It doesn't matter if you changed your name from Mike to Michelle, if you still have a cock you're still a fucking guy. It's called science, now go fuck off.
The Definition of Asshole Cops: These Guys
Say what you want but this is a dickhead move...
http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/articles/2011/03/22/20110322colorado-dad-stopped-speeding-misses-birth-ON.html
This guy is speeding to get his wife to the hospital because she's going into labor and these fucking cops arrest and handcuff this guy so that he misses the birth of his first daughter. Some police officers just have some set of fucking balls. I mean get off your high horse bro, he's getting his wife to the hospital so she can give birth, he's not running to sell drugs somewhere you fucking prick. You should be working at the desk for the rest of your career because you're a fucking jerkoff. I hope you fart and actually shit your pants while you're at work, that's how much of a prick I think you are.
http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/articles/2011/03/22/20110322colorado-dad-stopped-speeding-misses-birth-ON.html
This guy is speeding to get his wife to the hospital because she's going into labor and these fucking cops arrest and handcuff this guy so that he misses the birth of his first daughter. Some police officers just have some set of fucking balls. I mean get off your high horse bro, he's getting his wife to the hospital so she can give birth, he's not running to sell drugs somewhere you fucking prick. You should be working at the desk for the rest of your career because you're a fucking jerkoff. I hope you fart and actually shit your pants while you're at work, that's how much of a prick I think you are.
Well These Immigrants Are Retarded
This is actually amusing at the end of the third paragraph...
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/03/22/report-13-illegal-immigrants-apprehended-marine-uniforms/?test=latestnews
If you want to get away with something like this my suggestion would be to not have everyone's uniform say the same exact name. Illegal immigrants trying to pass as U.S. military, yet none of them speak english and all of their name tags say "Perez". For some strange reason I think this had to be some type of practical joke on these guys by the dude driving the van. They're coming from Mexico and all have the name Perez sewed on them? Interesting, very interesting. Maybe it was just a huge family trying to cross the border, who knows? These guys would get my Asshole of the Day award, but there's just too many of them.
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/03/22/report-13-illegal-immigrants-apprehended-marine-uniforms/?test=latestnews
If you want to get away with something like this my suggestion would be to not have everyone's uniform say the same exact name. Illegal immigrants trying to pass as U.S. military, yet none of them speak english and all of their name tags say "Perez". For some strange reason I think this had to be some type of practical joke on these guys by the dude driving the van. They're coming from Mexico and all have the name Perez sewed on them? Interesting, very interesting. Maybe it was just a huge family trying to cross the border, who knows? These guys would get my Asshole of the Day award, but there's just too many of them.
I Agree: Starbucks is Way Over Priced
This guy has some set of balls...
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/03/22/mystery-man-throws-100-strangers-boston-starbucks/
However, he is one hundred and thirty percent right on this one. Starbucks is way the fuck over priced and they don't use normal words like "large", "medium" or "small". They use spanish words like grande and some other dumb shit. Fuck off with that, and just give me whatever your fucking medium is you assholes. Secondly, this guy threw what they said was about 100 dollars in singles all around the store, and no one picked up any of it. Are you kidding? Don't complain to me about how times are tough anymore when you're not even beating each other up for free money. I would have been diving all over the place to pick up those singles, then would have exited to the strip club.
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/03/22/mystery-man-throws-100-strangers-boston-starbucks/
However, he is one hundred and thirty percent right on this one. Starbucks is way the fuck over priced and they don't use normal words like "large", "medium" or "small". They use spanish words like grande and some other dumb shit. Fuck off with that, and just give me whatever your fucking medium is you assholes. Secondly, this guy threw what they said was about 100 dollars in singles all around the store, and no one picked up any of it. Are you kidding? Don't complain to me about how times are tough anymore when you're not even beating each other up for free money. I would have been diving all over the place to pick up those singles, then would have exited to the strip club.
Would You Rather Wednesday's
Special thanks to my boy John Pierce for giving me this idea...
Today on Would You Rather we have an extremely interesting one will show just how shallow you really are, or how much you care what other people think about you...
Would you rather be Shallow Hal and think you were dating a hot girl, but your friends saw her as a 500 pound animal? Or would you rather date the 500 pound animal but your friends think she's sexy as fuck?
VS 
What your friends see? What you see?
This is a tough one for me because I think if I was seeing the 500 pound gorilla I would have to resort to either drinking heavily or some type of drugs. Plus I must have went very wrong somewhere in my life's decision making process. But if I'm seeing the smoking hot broad, I don't really give two shits what my fucking friends think because I think I'm slamming a fucking super model. I'll take what I see over what my friends see, mainly because I would want to throw up every time I tried to find the fat one's vagina. But maybe that's just me.
Today on Would You Rather we have an extremely interesting one will show just how shallow you really are, or how much you care what other people think about you...
Would you rather be Shallow Hal and think you were dating a hot girl, but your friends saw her as a 500 pound animal? Or would you rather date the 500 pound animal but your friends think she's sexy as fuck?
VS What your friends see? What you see?
This is a tough one for me because I think if I was seeing the 500 pound gorilla I would have to resort to either drinking heavily or some type of drugs. Plus I must have went very wrong somewhere in my life's decision making process. But if I'm seeing the smoking hot broad, I don't really give two shits what my fucking friends think because I think I'm slamming a fucking super model. I'll take what I see over what my friends see, mainly because I would want to throw up every time I tried to find the fat one's vagina. But maybe that's just me.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Video of the Day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_t6phQrqEUk
Nothing like fat people making assholes of themselves, gotta love it.
Nothing like fat people making assholes of themselves, gotta love it.
Quote of the Day
"He was shaking his hips like fucking Shakira, I don't know shit got weird..."-Kevin Magoon
MLB Previews-AL Central
Steve the Hammer Predictions
AL Central
1. Chicago White Sox- May be a bit of a surprise to pick them to win their division, but this team has enough pitching to do it. Edwin Jackson, Mark Buehrle, Gavin Floyd along with Chris Sale and Jake Peavy if he stays healthy is one hell of a staff with those guys. Let’s not forget about John Danks either. Decent bats in the lineup between Adam Dunn and Carlos Quentin and some good young infielders with Gordon Beckham and Alexei Ramirez. Look for them to have a very, very good season.
2. Minnesota Twins- I’m taking them second because all I see is Francisco Liriano, followed by a bunch of guys who pitched way over their head last season. I really do not think their pitching is going to be good enough to win this division. Mauer and Morneau will do the usual when healthy, but Cuddyer is getting up there in age and I’m still not sold on Jason Kubel. They’ll compete for a wild card, but will not win the division.
3. Detroit Tigers- Other than Verlander I actually hate their pitching. Brad Penny will get hurt, Porcello still needs to develop and there are question marks everywhere else. The lineup though will hit with the addition of Victor Martinez to Miguel Cabrera (assuming he stays sober) and Austin Jackson should have a nice year. The rest of that lineup is just way too old for this team to really compete for a division title, three years ago I would have them higher than third but not now.
4. Kansas City Royals- So how bad is Cleveland that I think the Royals are going to finish ahead of them? I want to lie and tell you that this team isn’t that bad, but you would know I’m bullshitting you. They one starter that I’ve heard of by the name of Jeff Francis and Joakim Soria is filthy. Other than that, this team is awful.
5. Cleveland Indians- If you’re finishing behind the Royals, you suck. After Fausto Carmona I have no idea who is pitching for this team. Travis Hafner is on his way out and Orlando Cabrera is like 80. Yes they have Orlando and Asdrubal Cabrera as confusing as that sounds. Oh my bad, I forgot about the savior Shin-Soo Choo. Trade Grady Sizemore to a good team and get him out of there please. They might win 70 games this year at best.
Johnny Baseball Predictions
1. Detroit Tigers - Many people don't realize how good Victor Martinez really is. Combine him with Magglio, Cabrera, Guilen, Inge, and Jackson and you have a solid line-up. Also, they have some great pitching...Verlander, Schlereth who was a nice little rookie last year, Porcello, Penny, and Scherzer starting. Their bullpen impresses me. Jose Valverde..beast and they still have Zumaya along with Phil Coke. The outlook should be good for Detriot fans.
2. Chicago White Sox - Great pitching, but Buehrle is getting a bit old. Peavy is a question mark, but Jackson, Gavin Floyd, and Sale are good pitchers. The addition of Adam Dunn is huge (he is predicted to have 45 homeruns by ESPN fantasy rankings) and ALEXIIIIII! is a beast. Carlos Quentin goes deep and Gordan Beckham is a good young solid ball player. Will make a serious wild-card run but their pitching won't hold up for a divison title.
3. Minnesota Twins - Overrated (clap clap clap clap clap). And also have the most overrated manager in the MLB. How many times have they made the playoffs? Look that one up yourself but I can tell you how many times they've beaten the Yankees...NONE! So they make the playoffs almost every year and lose to the Yankees cause they stand their with the bat on their shoulders afraid to play. Go out there and play your game and maybe you'll actually win a playoff series. But this year you have to make it there first. Other than Liriano (who I thought pitched over his head last year) they don't impress me. Nathan coming off arm surgery that's always a roller coaster ride and Mauer and Morneau seem to be a little injury prone. I don't think they have the stuff this year.
4. Cleveland Indians - Well I'm putting them in4th in honor of the great Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn aka Charlie Sheen..Figured I'd do him a favor other than trying to ruin his life by cancelling his shows. They have a decent lineup with Sizemore (who had to be on juice) both Cabreras , Hafner and Choo. Their pitching is just awful. Carmona is the only one worth even looking at MLB.com. Hopefully Carlos Santana can come back strong after that gruesome leg injury last year...never wanna see that happen to any player especially ones with a lot of potential.
5. Kansas City Royals - Well, they suck. Frenchy is a bum and the only person worth mentioning on the roster is Joakim Soria. Getting rid of Grienke will net them probably anywhere from 50-65 wins this year. Another awful one in KC...it's a shame they have such nice uniforms. OH WELL
AL Central
1. Chicago White Sox- May be a bit of a surprise to pick them to win their division, but this team has enough pitching to do it. Edwin Jackson, Mark Buehrle, Gavin Floyd along with Chris Sale and Jake Peavy if he stays healthy is one hell of a staff with those guys. Let’s not forget about John Danks either. Decent bats in the lineup between Adam Dunn and Carlos Quentin and some good young infielders with Gordon Beckham and Alexei Ramirez. Look for them to have a very, very good season.
2. Minnesota Twins- I’m taking them second because all I see is Francisco Liriano, followed by a bunch of guys who pitched way over their head last season. I really do not think their pitching is going to be good enough to win this division. Mauer and Morneau will do the usual when healthy, but Cuddyer is getting up there in age and I’m still not sold on Jason Kubel. They’ll compete for a wild card, but will not win the division.
3. Detroit Tigers- Other than Verlander I actually hate their pitching. Brad Penny will get hurt, Porcello still needs to develop and there are question marks everywhere else. The lineup though will hit with the addition of Victor Martinez to Miguel Cabrera (assuming he stays sober) and Austin Jackson should have a nice year. The rest of that lineup is just way too old for this team to really compete for a division title, three years ago I would have them higher than third but not now.
4. Kansas City Royals- So how bad is Cleveland that I think the Royals are going to finish ahead of them? I want to lie and tell you that this team isn’t that bad, but you would know I’m bullshitting you. They one starter that I’ve heard of by the name of Jeff Francis and Joakim Soria is filthy. Other than that, this team is awful.
5. Cleveland Indians- If you’re finishing behind the Royals, you suck. After Fausto Carmona I have no idea who is pitching for this team. Travis Hafner is on his way out and Orlando Cabrera is like 80. Yes they have Orlando and Asdrubal Cabrera as confusing as that sounds. Oh my bad, I forgot about the savior Shin-Soo Choo. Trade Grady Sizemore to a good team and get him out of there please. They might win 70 games this year at best.
Johnny Baseball Predictions
1. Detroit Tigers - Many people don't realize how good Victor Martinez really is. Combine him with Magglio, Cabrera, Guilen, Inge, and Jackson and you have a solid line-up. Also, they have some great pitching...Verlander, Schlereth who was a nice little rookie last year, Porcello, Penny, and Scherzer starting. Their bullpen impresses me. Jose Valverde..beast and they still have Zumaya along with Phil Coke. The outlook should be good for Detriot fans.
2. Chicago White Sox - Great pitching, but Buehrle is getting a bit old. Peavy is a question mark, but Jackson, Gavin Floyd, and Sale are good pitchers. The addition of Adam Dunn is huge (he is predicted to have 45 homeruns by ESPN fantasy rankings) and ALEXIIIIII! is a beast. Carlos Quentin goes deep and Gordan Beckham is a good young solid ball player. Will make a serious wild-card run but their pitching won't hold up for a divison title.
3. Minnesota Twins - Overrated (clap clap clap clap clap). And also have the most overrated manager in the MLB. How many times have they made the playoffs? Look that one up yourself but I can tell you how many times they've beaten the Yankees...NONE! So they make the playoffs almost every year and lose to the Yankees cause they stand their with the bat on their shoulders afraid to play. Go out there and play your game and maybe you'll actually win a playoff series. But this year you have to make it there first. Other than Liriano (who I thought pitched over his head last year) they don't impress me. Nathan coming off arm surgery that's always a roller coaster ride and Mauer and Morneau seem to be a little injury prone. I don't think they have the stuff this year.
4. Cleveland Indians - Well I'm putting them in4th in honor of the great Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn aka Charlie Sheen..Figured I'd do him a favor other than trying to ruin his life by cancelling his shows. They have a decent lineup with Sizemore (who had to be on juice) both Cabreras , Hafner and Choo. Their pitching is just awful. Carmona is the only one worth even looking at MLB.com. Hopefully Carlos Santana can come back strong after that gruesome leg injury last year...never wanna see that happen to any player especially ones with a lot of potential.
5. Kansas City Royals - Well, they suck. Frenchy is a bum and the only person worth mentioning on the roster is Joakim Soria. Getting rid of Grienke will net them probably anywhere from 50-65 wins this year. Another awful one in KC...it's a shame they have such nice uniforms. OH WELL
Asshole Of The Day Award
This is just hilarious
http://www.newschannel5.com/story/14294622/police-man-charged-after-finding-him-naked-inside-car
Imagine calling up your friend, or your parents for bail and when they ask what you did you just simply pause and say, "I tried to run over a cop...while I was naked in my car." My first question is why was this asshole naked; and my second question is why would you try to run over a fucking police officer? I guess he was just naked in his car and suddenly got the urge to run over a cop. I can see that happening I guess. Way to go asshole, now in jail you can be naked all you want except this time you'll be the one getting run over. If you catch my drift on this one.
http://www.newschannel5.com/story/14294622/police-man-charged-after-finding-him-naked-inside-car
Imagine calling up your friend, or your parents for bail and when they ask what you did you just simply pause and say, "I tried to run over a cop...while I was naked in my car." My first question is why was this asshole naked; and my second question is why would you try to run over a fucking police officer? I guess he was just naked in his car and suddenly got the urge to run over a cop. I can see that happening I guess. Way to go asshole, now in jail you can be naked all you want except this time you'll be the one getting run over. If you catch my drift on this one.
Hot Girl Bracket Sweet 16 Analysis
Tommy the Mic:
White Region
9) Jolie vs 5) Prince- Not sure how a crack whore look-alike made it this far, Prince in a landslide
3) Miller vs 7) Harris- Tough fought game, the veteran Miller takes it late
Other Region
1) Lima vs 5) Kardashian- Gotta go with Kim, even though I have no idea what I would do with that booty, I have a few ideas mostly involving oil and chocolate syrup
3) Scherzinger vs 7) Kourtney- Scherzinger, this is like choosing between flavors at cold stone
Black Regoin
1) Good vs 5) Union- My girl MG wins to set up the game of the century
3) Beyonce vs 2) Rhianna- Rhianna vs Megan good this is going to be better than Ryan-Bellichick, and if you disagree you’re extremely gay
Hispanic Region
1) Jessica Alba vs 5) Emmanuelle Chiriqui- Sloan with a huge upset, she’s better girlfriend material
3) Eva Longoria vs 7) Roselyn Sanchez- Who the fuck is Roselyn Sanchez and why is she still here? Eva takes it
Frankie the WOP
White Region
Marzia Prince AKA the giant killer has taken down the best 4 seed in this tournament in Megan Fox. Look for her to continue her hot streak and take down perennial powerhouse Angelina Jolie. Marzia has showed poise, determination and the ability to make her voters stare in awe. I don’t see that changing in this Sweet 16 matchup.
The second White Sweet 16 matchup is the most intriguing. Danneel Harris beat the 15 seed Friel but she played her tough after the all out effort to knock off 2 seed Julianna Hough. Marisa Miller has shown her skills with her two victories and potential but I don’t think it will be enough to knock off Harris.
Elite 8 Matchup **Marzia Prince vs. Danneel Harris**
Final 4 Representative ***Danneel Harris***
Other Region
Matchup one is going to be a classic. Adriana Lima has faced little competition so far and is well rested for this Sweet 16 dual with Kim Kardashian. Kim has faced the tougher road, obviously by being the higher seed. I think that will help her with this matchup. Kim will knock off the second number 1 seed in this tournament due to her fan base and well known bedroom abilities from the Ray Jay video. Personally I’m not a fan, anyone associated with a New Jersey Net and someone obviously unfamiliar with winning loses points in my book. Get in Charlie Sheen’s crew honey.
Matchup two scares me half to death, mostly because my princess, Kourtney Kardashian, has to face someone who has dominated like Ivan Drago (ironicly she comes from some Russian decent) in Rocky IV in Nicole Scherzinger. However, I see my darling taking this matchup and completing the Kardashian Kardashian Elite 8 matchup for the ages.
Elite 8 Matchup **Kim Kardashian vs. Kourtney Kardashian**
Final 4 Representative ***Kim Kardashain***
Black Region
The first Black Sweet 16 matchup is what I like to call the Battle of Shitty Actors (no pun intended). However, their acting abilities are not up for debate here and truthfully, who cares? Gab Union is one hot African woman who I wouldn’t mind making milado children with (sorry Grandpa), but if given the choice Meagan Good would be my pick. Her skills at making out are evident in the 21 Questions video and I am sure that’s not all she is skilled in. Look for her to move on after a tough battle and prove why she is the number one overall seed.
Matchup two is another doosy. Beyonce and Rhianna, two prominent names in the music industry. I see Rhianna winning here due to this simple fact to follow. Beyonce sings about "putting a ring on it" and Rhianna sings about "S&M", umm is pretty obvious who wins in this battle if you ask me. Any chick that looks like that and is excited by whips and chains, and also loves the smell of sex is a winner in my book. Rhianna to the Elite 8.
Elite 8 **Meagan Good vs Rhianna**
Final Four Representative ***Meagan Good***
Hispanic Region
Matchup one is by far the toughest matchup in the sweet 16. Emmanuelle Chriqui is one hot individual and facing most opponents she would win. However, Jessica Alba is a once in a lifetime fantasy and I see her taking this one. Granted she isn’t exactly what you would call "Hispanic" due to the fact she cant turn on that accent and whisper 'Papi' in your ear but who honestly cares? She could turn me on just by saying hello in a raspy dude voice. Jessica Alba to the Elite 8 in an easy one.
Matchup numero dos gives us a great matchup. The highest seed left in this half of the bracket with the number 7 seed Roselyn Sanchez versus the desperate housewife herself Eva Longoria. Look for Roselyn Sanchez to come out on top here. I mean really Eva Longoria lost a lot of hot points from banging that French roast blend in Tony Parker. Roselyn Sanchez takes her vintage Puerto Rican flavor and dominated Eva in this matchup.
Elite 8 **Jessica Alba vs. Roselyn Sanchez**
Final 4 Representative ***Jessica Alba***
Steve the Hammer:
White Region:
Marzia Prince vs Angelina Jolie
Personally I don’t think Angelina should even be in this position. I’m going to say that she got lucky in knocking off the number one seed. Meanwhile, Marzia has taken out two fan favorites in Kristen Bell and Megan Fox. With Marzia capturing the hearts of voters everywhere, I see her once again taking this one and moving on to the Elite 8.
Marisa Miller vs Danneel Harris
Harris has played two tough match ups already but is now facing an entirely different animal. Marisa Miller has not even been challenged yet in this tourney and I do not see this one being any different. Look for an epic Elite 8 match up between Marisa Miller and Marzia Prince.
Other Region
Adriana Lima vs Kim Kardashian
Lima barely escaped round two and Kim has shown the ability to play a full game by pulling away late in each of the first two rounds. Everyone seems to love Kim and I think she pulls the upset here over Lima. I think it’ll be close all the way through but I think Kim prevails.
Kourtney Kardashian vs Nicole Scherzinger
Kourtney just knocked off a fan favorite in Candice Swanepoel but Nicole has been beating people to a pulp through the first two rounds. Kourtney has been a Cinderella story throughout this tourney, but I think the clock finally strikes midnight against Scherzinger. The Kardashian vs Kardashian Elite 8 battle will have to be put on hold for another year.
Black Region
Meagan Good vs Gabrielle Union
This will be a tough fought battle and I can see Union pulling the upset. Good is the number one seed but Union has showed a lot of poise through the first two rounds especially with her last victory over Lauren London to get to this point. Look for Union to put up a tough battle and come out with the upset.
Rhianna vs Beyonce
Both Rhianna and Beyonce have blown through the first two rounds so something has to give in this match up. You can’t go wrong with either pick here but I think the experience of Beyonce pushes her through. This is just a battle of awesome asses and I can’t wait to see it.
Hispanic Region
Jessica Alba vs Emmanuelle Chiriqui
Jessica Alba everyone’s childhood fantasy vs Emmanuelle Chiriqui everyone’s 18 and older fantasy. This should be a match up for the ages. Both are loved by everyone and the voters will be ripping their hair out when choosing between these two. I think Chiriqui comes out with a victory and moves to the Elite 8.
Eva Longoria vs Roselyn Sanchez
This is easily the most surprising match up of the Sweet 16. Some argue that Sanchez should not even be here and others argue that Longoria is washed up. Whoever wins has a monumental task at hand in the next round regardless of who they play. Since I need a pick, I’ll take Sanchez with the upset.
White Region
9) Jolie vs 5) Prince- Not sure how a crack whore look-alike made it this far, Prince in a landslide
3) Miller vs 7) Harris- Tough fought game, the veteran Miller takes it late
Other Region
1) Lima vs 5) Kardashian- Gotta go with Kim, even though I have no idea what I would do with that booty, I have a few ideas mostly involving oil and chocolate syrup
3) Scherzinger vs 7) Kourtney- Scherzinger, this is like choosing between flavors at cold stone
Black Regoin
1) Good vs 5) Union- My girl MG wins to set up the game of the century
3) Beyonce vs 2) Rhianna- Rhianna vs Megan good this is going to be better than Ryan-Bellichick, and if you disagree you’re extremely gay
Hispanic Region
1) Jessica Alba vs 5) Emmanuelle Chiriqui- Sloan with a huge upset, she’s better girlfriend material
3) Eva Longoria vs 7) Roselyn Sanchez- Who the fuck is Roselyn Sanchez and why is she still here? Eva takes it
Frankie the WOP
White Region
Marzia Prince AKA the giant killer has taken down the best 4 seed in this tournament in Megan Fox. Look for her to continue her hot streak and take down perennial powerhouse Angelina Jolie. Marzia has showed poise, determination and the ability to make her voters stare in awe. I don’t see that changing in this Sweet 16 matchup.
The second White Sweet 16 matchup is the most intriguing. Danneel Harris beat the 15 seed Friel but she played her tough after the all out effort to knock off 2 seed Julianna Hough. Marisa Miller has shown her skills with her two victories and potential but I don’t think it will be enough to knock off Harris.
Elite 8 Matchup **Marzia Prince vs. Danneel Harris**
Final 4 Representative ***Danneel Harris***
Other Region
Matchup one is going to be a classic. Adriana Lima has faced little competition so far and is well rested for this Sweet 16 dual with Kim Kardashian. Kim has faced the tougher road, obviously by being the higher seed. I think that will help her with this matchup. Kim will knock off the second number 1 seed in this tournament due to her fan base and well known bedroom abilities from the Ray Jay video. Personally I’m not a fan, anyone associated with a New Jersey Net and someone obviously unfamiliar with winning loses points in my book. Get in Charlie Sheen’s crew honey.
Matchup two scares me half to death, mostly because my princess, Kourtney Kardashian, has to face someone who has dominated like Ivan Drago (ironicly she comes from some Russian decent) in Rocky IV in Nicole Scherzinger. However, I see my darling taking this matchup and completing the Kardashian Kardashian Elite 8 matchup for the ages.
Elite 8 Matchup **Kim Kardashian vs. Kourtney Kardashian**
Final 4 Representative ***Kim Kardashain***
Black Region
The first Black Sweet 16 matchup is what I like to call the Battle of Shitty Actors (no pun intended). However, their acting abilities are not up for debate here and truthfully, who cares? Gab Union is one hot African woman who I wouldn’t mind making milado children with (sorry Grandpa), but if given the choice Meagan Good would be my pick. Her skills at making out are evident in the 21 Questions video and I am sure that’s not all she is skilled in. Look for her to move on after a tough battle and prove why she is the number one overall seed.
Matchup two is another doosy. Beyonce and Rhianna, two prominent names in the music industry. I see Rhianna winning here due to this simple fact to follow. Beyonce sings about "putting a ring on it" and Rhianna sings about "S&M", umm is pretty obvious who wins in this battle if you ask me. Any chick that looks like that and is excited by whips and chains, and also loves the smell of sex is a winner in my book. Rhianna to the Elite 8.
Elite 8 **Meagan Good vs Rhianna**
Final Four Representative ***Meagan Good***
Hispanic Region
Matchup one is by far the toughest matchup in the sweet 16. Emmanuelle Chriqui is one hot individual and facing most opponents she would win. However, Jessica Alba is a once in a lifetime fantasy and I see her taking this one. Granted she isn’t exactly what you would call "Hispanic" due to the fact she cant turn on that accent and whisper 'Papi' in your ear but who honestly cares? She could turn me on just by saying hello in a raspy dude voice. Jessica Alba to the Elite 8 in an easy one.
Matchup numero dos gives us a great matchup. The highest seed left in this half of the bracket with the number 7 seed Roselyn Sanchez versus the desperate housewife herself Eva Longoria. Look for Roselyn Sanchez to come out on top here. I mean really Eva Longoria lost a lot of hot points from banging that French roast blend in Tony Parker. Roselyn Sanchez takes her vintage Puerto Rican flavor and dominated Eva in this matchup.
Elite 8 **Jessica Alba vs. Roselyn Sanchez**
Final 4 Representative ***Jessica Alba***
Steve the Hammer:
White Region:
Marzia Prince vs Angelina Jolie
Personally I don’t think Angelina should even be in this position. I’m going to say that she got lucky in knocking off the number one seed. Meanwhile, Marzia has taken out two fan favorites in Kristen Bell and Megan Fox. With Marzia capturing the hearts of voters everywhere, I see her once again taking this one and moving on to the Elite 8.
Marisa Miller vs Danneel Harris
Harris has played two tough match ups already but is now facing an entirely different animal. Marisa Miller has not even been challenged yet in this tourney and I do not see this one being any different. Look for an epic Elite 8 match up between Marisa Miller and Marzia Prince.
Other Region
Adriana Lima vs Kim Kardashian
Lima barely escaped round two and Kim has shown the ability to play a full game by pulling away late in each of the first two rounds. Everyone seems to love Kim and I think she pulls the upset here over Lima. I think it’ll be close all the way through but I think Kim prevails.
Kourtney Kardashian vs Nicole Scherzinger
Kourtney just knocked off a fan favorite in Candice Swanepoel but Nicole has been beating people to a pulp through the first two rounds. Kourtney has been a Cinderella story throughout this tourney, but I think the clock finally strikes midnight against Scherzinger. The Kardashian vs Kardashian Elite 8 battle will have to be put on hold for another year.
Black Region
Meagan Good vs Gabrielle Union
This will be a tough fought battle and I can see Union pulling the upset. Good is the number one seed but Union has showed a lot of poise through the first two rounds especially with her last victory over Lauren London to get to this point. Look for Union to put up a tough battle and come out with the upset.
Rhianna vs Beyonce
Both Rhianna and Beyonce have blown through the first two rounds so something has to give in this match up. You can’t go wrong with either pick here but I think the experience of Beyonce pushes her through. This is just a battle of awesome asses and I can’t wait to see it.
Hispanic Region
Jessica Alba vs Emmanuelle Chiriqui
Jessica Alba everyone’s childhood fantasy vs Emmanuelle Chiriqui everyone’s 18 and older fantasy. This should be a match up for the ages. Both are loved by everyone and the voters will be ripping their hair out when choosing between these two. I think Chiriqui comes out with a victory and moves to the Elite 8.
Eva Longoria vs Roselyn Sanchez
This is easily the most surprising match up of the Sweet 16. Some argue that Sanchez should not even be here and others argue that Longoria is washed up. Whoever wins has a monumental task at hand in the next round regardless of who they play. Since I need a pick, I’ll take Sanchez with the upset.
Pole Dancing For...Jesus?
To say this is strange would be an understatement...
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/03/21/pole-dancing-for-jesus_n_838653.html
Before I get started, I just want to know, what the fuck goes on in Texas? There is a program called Pole Dancing For Jesus, you need your church program to get in and then it's dancing on poles and practicing being a whore for however long you're there. They say it's to celebrate the body that god gave them, but I've also heard that from strippers so how accurate is that assessment? My favorite part about this is that they pole dance to Christian rock music. They don't just slap religion in the face once with a pole dancing class in the name of a religion; they slap religion in the face twice by also dancing to religious music. Gotta love those inbred Texans I guess.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/03/21/pole-dancing-for-jesus_n_838653.html
Before I get started, I just want to know, what the fuck goes on in Texas? There is a program called Pole Dancing For Jesus, you need your church program to get in and then it's dancing on poles and practicing being a whore for however long you're there. They say it's to celebrate the body that god gave them, but I've also heard that from strippers so how accurate is that assessment? My favorite part about this is that they pole dance to Christian rock music. They don't just slap religion in the face once with a pole dancing class in the name of a religion; they slap religion in the face twice by also dancing to religious music. Gotta love those inbred Texans I guess.
Worlds Worst Uncle
Uncle rats out his nephew when he tells him he's having sex with his teacher...
http://kent.komonews.com/news/crime/kent-teacher-accused-having-sex-student/629566
Hey, she's 37 and she's not terrible looking so everything was great for this kid until his fucking uncle opened his big mouth and his mother started snooping around. I mean if you're a 17 year old kid you tell your uncle everything. And this kids uncle just betrays him like that and rats him out. The uncle should have been applauding him and taking him out somewhere to celebrate that his nephew is slaying a teacher. This definitely goes against all the rules of Uncling that I have ever seen. Yes, I made up the word Uncling, but it's true. He's the Benedict Arnold of uncles this fucking guy, and now the greatest known cock block a 17 year old has ever seen.
http://kent.komonews.com/news/crime/kent-teacher-accused-having-sex-student/629566
Hey, she's 37 and she's not terrible looking so everything was great for this kid until his fucking uncle opened his big mouth and his mother started snooping around. I mean if you're a 17 year old kid you tell your uncle everything. And this kids uncle just betrays him like that and rats him out. The uncle should have been applauding him and taking him out somewhere to celebrate that his nephew is slaying a teacher. This definitely goes against all the rules of Uncling that I have ever seen. Yes, I made up the word Uncling, but it's true. He's the Benedict Arnold of uncles this fucking guy, and now the greatest known cock block a 17 year old has ever seen.
How Much Alcohol Would It Take Tuesday's
Today we have a nice, pleasantly plump one for you on here; and she's made from the best stuff on earth...
Well, not really the best stuff on earth; she’s a moose. But she is the Snapple lady so she can laugh at us while she’s eating stacks of money that we would kill for. However, I think it’s safe to say no one would want to bang her sober no matter how much money we were offered. How much alcohol would it take for me to bang this wild boar? This is tough, but I think I am going to have to say I would do it for three bottles of Jack, a half bottle of Jameson and a glass of Moonshine. After all that alcohol she would need to go on top, and I would rather not remember what that looks like. I would also not want to remember how close my pelvis comes to breaking while she is on top. If she throws me a few bucks afterwards, it could be worth it, but most likely that money would be for reconstructive surgery after she crushes me in bed.
Well, not really the best stuff on earth; she’s a moose. But she is the Snapple lady so she can laugh at us while she’s eating stacks of money that we would kill for. However, I think it’s safe to say no one would want to bang her sober no matter how much money we were offered. How much alcohol would it take for me to bang this wild boar? This is tough, but I think I am going to have to say I would do it for three bottles of Jack, a half bottle of Jameson and a glass of Moonshine. After all that alcohol she would need to go on top, and I would rather not remember what that looks like. I would also not want to remember how close my pelvis comes to breaking while she is on top. If she throws me a few bucks afterwards, it could be worth it, but most likely that money would be for reconstructive surgery after she crushes me in bed.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Video Of The Day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EYsR8YNuG0&feature=related
I was just browsing on youtube and happened to find this video. It's actually pretty funny watching the guy, but the laugh at the end is fucking hysterical.
I was just browsing on youtube and happened to find this video. It's actually pretty funny watching the guy, but the laugh at the end is fucking hysterical.
The Difference Between Making Love and Piping
There has always been a debate about couples that make love and couples that pipe out. A better terminology for piping out is fucking. Basically what I’m saying is how do you tell if a couple fucks, or if a couple makes love?
First you need to know what the difference is. The main difference is that in one instance the girl is getting plowed through the headboard, and in the other instance the girl is about as useful as the headboard. You should get the point after this one, making love is slow and passionate and the girl is pretty much a dead fish. Fucking is rough, hot, sweaty and will usually leave soreness or in extreme cases, bruising.
Each and every couple is different from one another. If you see the lovey dovey couples who hold hands at the mall and sit on the same side of the booth when they’re out to eat, chances are that they make love. And it’s not a good type of making love, it’s probably just the girl laying there for 3 minutes while the guy tries to figure out whether she feels anything or not. You probably don’t want to be that couple.
Couples who can actually hang out with groups of people, joke around and have a good time are the ones who fuck. These couples are couples who you actually enjoy hanging out with. They love to party, they’re not all over each others shit for the entire 4 hours they’re out, and when they get home they have the greatest fuck session ever.
There are no other types of couples out there, unless there are couples who don’t have any type of sex ever; but society usually refers to those as married couples. So I leave you with this question: Are you a lover, or a fucker?
First you need to know what the difference is. The main difference is that in one instance the girl is getting plowed through the headboard, and in the other instance the girl is about as useful as the headboard. You should get the point after this one, making love is slow and passionate and the girl is pretty much a dead fish. Fucking is rough, hot, sweaty and will usually leave soreness or in extreme cases, bruising.
Each and every couple is different from one another. If you see the lovey dovey couples who hold hands at the mall and sit on the same side of the booth when they’re out to eat, chances are that they make love. And it’s not a good type of making love, it’s probably just the girl laying there for 3 minutes while the guy tries to figure out whether she feels anything or not. You probably don’t want to be that couple.
Couples who can actually hang out with groups of people, joke around and have a good time are the ones who fuck. These couples are couples who you actually enjoy hanging out with. They love to party, they’re not all over each others shit for the entire 4 hours they’re out, and when they get home they have the greatest fuck session ever.
There are no other types of couples out there, unless there are couples who don’t have any type of sex ever; but society usually refers to those as married couples. So I leave you with this question: Are you a lover, or a fucker?
MLB Previews-AL East
Today we move to the American League and preview the American League East Division...
Steve the Hammer Predictions:
Johnny Baseball Predictions:
Back at it again after a short break..
The AL EAST
1. Boston Red Sox - The Bo-Sox are so stacked it isn't even funny. They add a top 3 first baseman and a top 5 left fielder. Put them along with Lackey, Lester, Beckett, Bucholz, Pedroia, Youk, and Papi and you basically have yourself an all-star team. Bullpen and health could be a question but seriously, if they stay healthy they could have the best record in the MLB.
2.New York Yankees - I think C.C is going to "put da team on his back do" this year. He needs to, or the Yankees will be looking at less than a second place finish. So much of me wants to put the Orioles in the 2nd slot but well get to them next. Yankee fans should be concerned. Jeter is washed up and they should have let him go this year. He's on the wrong side of 30 his batting average went down almost 40 points and his defense is slacking. Also, A-roid is on the wrong side of 30 as well, PLUS he's a bigger choke artist than David Wright. I think Cano is a tremendous player but is he going to hit almost .350 this year? Maybe, maybe not, I wouldn't wanna have to put my chips in that bowl. They do have a tremendous bullpen and hey they are the Yankees so they will have magic. Granderson, Swisher, and Martin have a lot riding on them. If they have good years so will the Yankees because you know A-Roid and Tex will put their usual numbers up. And Jorge Posada needs to have a decent year. Did I mention their starting pitching is a huge queston mark?
3. Baltimore Orioles - Love this team this year. Have such a solid lineup. No more easy wins for the Yanks and Sox. Roberts needs to stay healthy for them to even have a thought about the playoffs. But if they do stay healthy look out there could be some magic. Roberts, Jones, Vlad, Markakis, Scott, Mark Reynolds and Derrek Lee...this is a legit lineup people. My problem is the pitching. Yea Guthrie is okay and Bergesen and Duschere are decent but they are the main question. The pitching is the only thing keeping them out of second place. What can put them in 2nd is their manager. Buck Showalter is a genius..HEY METS where were you when this guy was sittin on the set of baseball tonight...having your press conferences with Jerry Manuel..."Uh....UH...what happened uh was...uh we lost the game" Jackasses. But seriously if you have a weekend get down to Camden Yards or Oriole Park or whatever they call it because it is a beautiful place to watch the great American sport.
4. Tampa Bay Rays - Team fell apart. They still have Longoria and Upton but their pitching is depleted. I think adding Damon and Manny will be very beneficial but I just see them somewhere in the cellar along with the Blue Jays fighting for last place. I mean they still have Price, Sonnastine, and Shields, but no one is behind them and Sonnastine and Shields aren't exactly aces. Rough year for them but regardless Manny is still my favorite baseball player ever so...
5. Toronto Blue Jays - Stick to your own sport you maple syrup, ice hockey skating lunatics. Juice Batista wont hit more than 25 homeruns this year and other than that nobody in the lineup scares me. And when you have Octavio Dotel on your roster we'll you deserve to be relegated to AAA. Hopefully they trade guys like Rickey Romero and get them outta that place.
Read up again tomorrow as we will dissect the AL Central Division.
Steve the Hammer Predictions:
- Red Sox- Let’s get real, Theo Epstein decided this winter that he wasn’t taking a third place finish again. He went out and signed Carl Crawford, added Adrian Gonzalez and sured up his bullpen with a guy like Bobby Jenks. Guess what? If Papelbon sucks again they can turn to guys like Jenks and Daniel Fucking Bard who throws like 105mph. This could potentially be the best team in baseball.
- New York Yankees- While the Red Sox were out getting better this winter, I have no idea what the fuck the Yankees were doing. Their lineup will hit, A-Rod is still the best player in baseball not named Pujols, and guys like Tex, Granderson and Swisher will be more than fine. The problem is starting pitching. They signed guys like Bartolo Colon and Freddy Garcia who will do nothing for them this year, and after CC and Hughes just flip a coin for who’s pitching the next three days. Their lineup will keep them in it, but their starting pitching will keep them out of it. Write it down.
- Tampa Bay Rays-They did lose a lot but their starting pitching is still very good. Price, Sonnanstine, Shields and Wade Davis aren’t a bad 4 starters by any means. Those are a better 4 starters than the Yankees have as a whole. Still have Longoria and Upton in that lineup and let’s not forget about Ben Zobrist. The problem with this team is who the fuck is in the bullpen? I couldn’t tell you. They’ll lose games because their bullpen will kill them, but by no means are they a bad team.
- Baltimore Orioles- They’re not going to be a completely miserable team, but we need to look at the facts here. Vlad, Luke Scott, Brian Roberts and Derek Lee are all up there in age. Mark Reynolds will strikeout 400 times, hit .195 and hit like 38 home runs maybe 40 in Camden Yards. The pitching is decent but not good enough yet to make a big run. They also have a great manager in Buck Showalter. I think they’re a couple of years away, but they will be very competitive this year.
- Toronto Blue Jays- Aside from Brandon Morrow and maybe Kyle Drabek this team has absolutely no pitching. They still have a lot of guys in their lineup who hit 20 or more home runs last year, but Bautista won’t be hitting 54 again I can tell you that right now. They’ll hit, but they can’t pitch. However, look out for catcher J.P Arencibia. He is the reason they let John Buck walk to the Marlins, kid is going to be good in the future. He is a reason to watch this team a little bit this year.
Johnny Baseball Predictions:
Back at it again after a short break..
The AL EAST
1. Boston Red Sox - The Bo-Sox are so stacked it isn't even funny. They add a top 3 first baseman and a top 5 left fielder. Put them along with Lackey, Lester, Beckett, Bucholz, Pedroia, Youk, and Papi and you basically have yourself an all-star team. Bullpen and health could be a question but seriously, if they stay healthy they could have the best record in the MLB.
2.New York Yankees - I think C.C is going to "put da team on his back do" this year. He needs to, or the Yankees will be looking at less than a second place finish. So much of me wants to put the Orioles in the 2nd slot but well get to them next. Yankee fans should be concerned. Jeter is washed up and they should have let him go this year. He's on the wrong side of 30 his batting average went down almost 40 points and his defense is slacking. Also, A-roid is on the wrong side of 30 as well, PLUS he's a bigger choke artist than David Wright. I think Cano is a tremendous player but is he going to hit almost .350 this year? Maybe, maybe not, I wouldn't wanna have to put my chips in that bowl. They do have a tremendous bullpen and hey they are the Yankees so they will have magic. Granderson, Swisher, and Martin have a lot riding on them. If they have good years so will the Yankees because you know A-Roid and Tex will put their usual numbers up. And Jorge Posada needs to have a decent year. Did I mention their starting pitching is a huge queston mark?
3. Baltimore Orioles - Love this team this year. Have such a solid lineup. No more easy wins for the Yanks and Sox. Roberts needs to stay healthy for them to even have a thought about the playoffs. But if they do stay healthy look out there could be some magic. Roberts, Jones, Vlad, Markakis, Scott, Mark Reynolds and Derrek Lee...this is a legit lineup people. My problem is the pitching. Yea Guthrie is okay and Bergesen and Duschere are decent but they are the main question. The pitching is the only thing keeping them out of second place. What can put them in 2nd is their manager. Buck Showalter is a genius..HEY METS where were you when this guy was sittin on the set of baseball tonight...having your press conferences with Jerry Manuel..."Uh....UH...what happened uh was...uh we lost the game" Jackasses. But seriously if you have a weekend get down to Camden Yards or Oriole Park or whatever they call it because it is a beautiful place to watch the great American sport.
4. Tampa Bay Rays - Team fell apart. They still have Longoria and Upton but their pitching is depleted. I think adding Damon and Manny will be very beneficial but I just see them somewhere in the cellar along with the Blue Jays fighting for last place. I mean they still have Price, Sonnastine, and Shields, but no one is behind them and Sonnastine and Shields aren't exactly aces. Rough year for them but regardless Manny is still my favorite baseball player ever so...
5. Toronto Blue Jays - Stick to your own sport you maple syrup, ice hockey skating lunatics. Juice Batista wont hit more than 25 homeruns this year and other than that nobody in the lineup scares me. And when you have Octavio Dotel on your roster we'll you deserve to be relegated to AAA. Hopefully they trade guys like Rickey Romero and get them outta that place.
Read up again tomorrow as we will dissect the AL Central Division.
2011 Chick Madness Hot Girl Bracket Sweet 16 Match Ups...
Hot Girl Bracket action continues this Wednesday. Here are the Match Ups.
Wednesday Match Ups
White Region:
9) Angelina Jolie vs 5) Marzia Prince
3) Marisa Miller vs 7) Danneel Harris
Other Region:
1) Adriana Lima vs 5) Kim Kardashian
3) Nicole Scherzinger vs 7) Kourtney Kardashian
Thursday's Match Ups
Black Region:
1) Meagan Good vs 5) Gabrielle Union
3) Beyonce vs 2) Rhianna
Hispanic Region:
1) Jessica Alba vs 5) Emmanuelle Chiriqui
3) Eva Longoria vs 7) Roselyn Sanchez
Read up tomorrow for our Analysts Sweet 16 Hot Girl Bracket predictions.
Wednesday Match Ups
White Region:
9) Angelina Jolie vs 5) Marzia Prince
3) Marisa Miller vs 7) Danneel Harris
Other Region:
1) Adriana Lima vs 5) Kim Kardashian
3) Nicole Scherzinger vs 7) Kourtney Kardashian
Thursday's Match Ups
Black Region:
1) Meagan Good vs 5) Gabrielle Union
3) Beyonce vs 2) Rhianna
Hispanic Region:
1) Jessica Alba vs 5) Emmanuelle Chiriqui
3) Eva Longoria vs 7) Roselyn Sanchez
Read up tomorrow for our Analysts Sweet 16 Hot Girl Bracket predictions.
It's Amazing What Drunk People Will Do
Savannah, Georgia sounds like a phenomenal time on St. Patrick's Weekend
http://www.11alive.com/news/article/183744/40/Savannah-police-arrest-190-amid-weekend-revelry
In the midst of this chaos only 17 people were charged with public urination. This means that they didn't catch the other 250 people who definitely took a piss in public. However, that's not what I want to talk about. How much of an asshole do you have to be to ask two undercover police officers to be your look out while you try and break into patrol cars? That is comedy at it's finest. Just a guy trying to make his way back into jail I guess. And what better way to do it than by asking undercover cops to be your look out for a crime. Genius, pure genius.
http://www.11alive.com/news/article/183744/40/Savannah-police-arrest-190-amid-weekend-revelry
In the midst of this chaos only 17 people were charged with public urination. This means that they didn't catch the other 250 people who definitely took a piss in public. However, that's not what I want to talk about. How much of an asshole do you have to be to ask two undercover police officers to be your look out while you try and break into patrol cars? That is comedy at it's finest. Just a guy trying to make his way back into jail I guess. And what better way to do it than by asking undercover cops to be your look out for a crime. Genius, pure genius.
Asshole Of The Day Award
This is just a guy being a moron...
http://www.pennlive.com/midstate/index.ssf/2011/03/harrisburg_man_gave_bank_telle.html
It's probably not a good idea to try and open up an account right before you rob a bank. That's what this stupid fuck did. He told the tellers he wanted to open an account, gave them his ID then told them he changed his mind and wanted to rob the bank. Can you make it any easier for the cops to find you? This is about as stupid as the guy who robbed a bank and then went back after and the cops were still there. These criminals are just straight up geniuses. Someone needs to do a scientific experiment to find out what goes on inside these idiot's heads. Next time just tell them who you are instead, it saves you time from trying to open up the account, and saves them time on looking for the paperwork you filled out. It's a win win situation.
http://www.pennlive.com/midstate/index.ssf/2011/03/harrisburg_man_gave_bank_telle.html
It's probably not a good idea to try and open up an account right before you rob a bank. That's what this stupid fuck did. He told the tellers he wanted to open an account, gave them his ID then told them he changed his mind and wanted to rob the bank. Can you make it any easier for the cops to find you? This is about as stupid as the guy who robbed a bank and then went back after and the cops were still there. These criminals are just straight up geniuses. Someone needs to do a scientific experiment to find out what goes on inside these idiot's heads. Next time just tell them who you are instead, it saves you time from trying to open up the account, and saves them time on looking for the paperwork you filled out. It's a win win situation.
It's Official: Oliver Perez is Gone
Another happy day for Mets fans
http://www.nypost.com/p/sports/mets/mets_release_oliver_perez_80m2CgxSR2gSOBreAiGAYJ
I love this. First Castillo, now Ollie, I mean can it get any better. Actually it can get a lot better like they could bring us a fucking bullpen, a second baseman and maybe a good starting pitcher. But I'll take Luis Castillo and Oliver Perez gone for now. This new management just showed that it has a huge set of balls by eating 18million dollars to get these two cancers out of the fucking clubhouse. We're still not winning shit this year, but these will be two less reasons to rip your fucking hair out while watching this team play. Just make sure you have plenty of alcohol handy, because you're still going to be ripping your hair out, just not as much.
http://www.nypost.com/p/sports/mets/mets_release_oliver_perez_80m2CgxSR2gSOBreAiGAYJ
I love this. First Castillo, now Ollie, I mean can it get any better. Actually it can get a lot better like they could bring us a fucking bullpen, a second baseman and maybe a good starting pitcher. But I'll take Luis Castillo and Oliver Perez gone for now. This new management just showed that it has a huge set of balls by eating 18million dollars to get these two cancers out of the fucking clubhouse. We're still not winning shit this year, but these will be two less reasons to rip your fucking hair out while watching this team play. Just make sure you have plenty of alcohol handy, because you're still going to be ripping your hair out, just not as much.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
I Guess Guys Don't Bang Guys on Rikers Island
This is odd...
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/it_sex_cells_at_racy_rikers_YIRERnv604nc91QeTClQTO
Who would of thought that female prison guards would bang out all the inmates on the midnight shift? Just when you thought guys only fucked guys in jail, we find out that guys actually just fuck the female guards. This is one of the finest examples of what I like to call "beating the system". Who cares if you're banging the butch and muscular prison guard bitch, you're still getting a nut off and no ones going to find out about it. That's the thing about these convicts, even in jail, they're always thinking. Next time you laugh at a guy thinking he's getting raped in jail, know that he's the one probably doing the raping.
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/it_sex_cells_at_racy_rikers_YIRERnv604nc91QeTClQTO
Who would of thought that female prison guards would bang out all the inmates on the midnight shift? Just when you thought guys only fucked guys in jail, we find out that guys actually just fuck the female guards. This is one of the finest examples of what I like to call "beating the system". Who cares if you're banging the butch and muscular prison guard bitch, you're still getting a nut off and no ones going to find out about it. That's the thing about these convicts, even in jail, they're always thinking. Next time you laugh at a guy thinking he's getting raped in jail, know that he's the one probably doing the raping.
Oliver Perez Caption Contest
What could Oliver Perez possibly be thinking in this picture? Email your caption to hammer41blog@gmail.com and we'll pick the best one and put it up here tomorrow.
Oliver Perez May Be Gone
Oliver Perez may have thrown his last pitch as a New York Met...
http://newyork.mets.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20110319&content_id=17028334&vkey=news_nym&c_id=nym
First Castillo, now Oliver Perez; this has been a weekend of smiles of you're a Mets fan. The guy went from throwing 94-95 to now barely touching 87mph. I have no idea how that happens. Also, this spring his ERA is 8.83 and he's given up 13 hits in 9 2/3 innings with eight walks. You can't do anything with a guy who doesn't throw hard and walks guys. Good riddens to bad rubbish. Get him the fuck out.
http://newyork.mets.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20110319&content_id=17028334&vkey=news_nym&c_id=nym
First Castillo, now Oliver Perez; this has been a weekend of smiles of you're a Mets fan. The guy went from throwing 94-95 to now barely touching 87mph. I have no idea how that happens. Also, this spring his ERA is 8.83 and he's given up 13 hits in 9 2/3 innings with eight walks. You can't do anything with a guy who doesn't throw hard and walks guys. Good riddens to bad rubbish. Get him the fuck out.
Hot Girl Bracket Day 4 Headlines: Beyonce Outlasts Milian, Ambrosio Falls
In an epic second round overtime battle, Beyonce advanced to next weekends Sweet 16 with a 254-251 overtime victory over Christina Milian. Beyonce will take on Rhianna, who was a fairly easy winner over Ciara.
Alessandra Ambrosio became the first 1 seed to fall as she lost to Angelina Jolie 218-198. Angelina will take on Marzia Prince in the Sweet 16. Prince surprised everyone by knocking off heavy Final Four favorite Megan Fox by a score of 221-195.
In the Other Region Nicole Scherzinger didn’t break a sweat in a 243-173 win in a match up that was actually never close. We also had another two seed get upset as Kourtney Kardashin knocked out Candace Swanepoel by a 216-200 margin.
And lastly, in the Hispanic Region, Emmanuelle Chiriqui defeated Eva Mendes in a close back and forth battle with a 212-204 win. Chiriqui will face Jessica Alba who handled Dania Ramirez very easily.
The Sweet 16 Match Ups begin on Wednesday. Read up for the entire Sweet 16 tomorrow as well as our experts analysis on the rest of the tournament.
Alessandra Ambrosio became the first 1 seed to fall as she lost to Angelina Jolie 218-198. Angelina will take on Marzia Prince in the Sweet 16. Prince surprised everyone by knocking off heavy Final Four favorite Megan Fox by a score of 221-195.
In the Other Region Nicole Scherzinger didn’t break a sweat in a 243-173 win in a match up that was actually never close. We also had another two seed get upset as Kourtney Kardashin knocked out Candace Swanepoel by a 216-200 margin.
And lastly, in the Hispanic Region, Emmanuelle Chiriqui defeated Eva Mendes in a close back and forth battle with a 212-204 win. Chiriqui will face Jessica Alba who handled Dania Ramirez very easily.
The Sweet 16 Match Ups begin on Wednesday. Read up for the entire Sweet 16 tomorrow as well as our experts analysis on the rest of the tournament.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Overtime In the Black Region
In second round action in the Black Region 6 seed Christina Milian has staged a late comeback against 3 seed Beyonce to tie it at 208 votes a piece. The voting for this ends tomorrow morning at 8am. Send your vote to hammer41blog@gmail.com.
Today's Hot Girl Bracket Can't Miss Match Ups
Match Up's to Watch Today:
In the White Region 4 seed Megan Fox vs 5 seed Marzia Prince. Good luck picking that match up as it features two of the hottest women on the face of planet earth. Also, in Black Region action Christina Milian takes on Beyonce in another match up that will make you either rip your hair out or crank your dick out.
Eva Mendes vs Emmanuelle Chriqui in the Hispanic Region is also a match up that will give any guy a boner and a heart attack. And finally, in the Other Region I am putting number 2 seed Candace Swanepoel on upset alert against Kourtney Kardashian. Both Kardashians seem primed for a deep run in this tourney.
In the White Region 4 seed Megan Fox vs 5 seed Marzia Prince. Good luck picking that match up as it features two of the hottest women on the face of planet earth. Also, in Black Region action Christina Milian takes on Beyonce in another match up that will make you either rip your hair out or crank your dick out.
Eva Mendes vs Emmanuelle Chriqui in the Hispanic Region is also a match up that will give any guy a boner and a heart attack. And finally, in the Other Region I am putting number 2 seed Candace Swanepoel on upset alert against Kourtney Kardashian. Both Kardashians seem primed for a deep run in this tourney.
Hot Girl Bracket Second Round Other Region
6) Natalie Kelly 
3) Nicole Scherzinger
7) Kourtney Kardashian
2) Candace Swanepoel
Vote by emailing your picks to hammer41blog@gmail.com...Voting ends at midnight
3) Nicole Scherzinger
7) Kourtney Kardashian
2) Candace Swanepoel
Vote by emailing your picks to hammer41blog@gmail.com...Voting ends at midnight
Hot Girl Bracket Second Round Hispanic Region
1) Jessica Alba 
9) Dania Ramirez
4) Eva Mendes
5) Emmanuelle Chiriqui
Vote by emailing your picks to hammer41blog@gmail.com
9) Dania Ramirez
4) Eva Mendes
5) Emmanuelle Chiriqui
Vote by emailing your picks to hammer41blog@gmail.com
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