So the newest video to go viral on youtube is this crazy broad singing the stalker version of Justin Bieber's song "Boyfriend" (if you haven't had an idiot co-worker make you watch this yet consider yourself lucky). We've all gone a little crazy after some relationships, but some people take it to a whole new level when they're pissed. Then they usually sit around and wonder why everyone calls them a psyco. In honor of this level of crazy I decided to outline 7 warning signs that showcase an increasingly deranged love obsessed stalker.
1.) Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but let's hang out EVERYDAY: Most normal people know the 2 day rule. You go out with someone on a Friday, you text them on Sunday. Guys can have a little more flexibility with this, maybe a throw in a "hey hope you got home ok, I had a nice time tonight!" message. Other than that, play it cool people. If you're that desperate after the first day just imagine 6 months down the road, guaranteed they'll be talking about horrifying things like kids and matching towel sets.
2.) Oh you already have plans? Thanks for blowing me off: As fun as picking out bird seed for your grandma sounds, some people actually work for a living. If a girl/ guy gets pissed that you can't hang out right when they want you, that's a sign they're entering crazy mode. And believe me it only gets worse from here, because instead of being a rational human being, now they think you owe them, and payback is a bitch.
3.) Don't bother calling me anymore: Don't worry hunny, he won't. This is like a get out of jail free card for guys. It's not a way to let him know you're pissed, it's a way to let him know you're crazy. He already realizes you want him to call, but now he can use the line "well you told me not to!" Ergo now you look like the psychopath for getting angry when he doesn't (which, if you're saying this, you probably are).
4.) The fake text- "Hey sexy can't wait to see you tonight ;) OMG so sorry I accidentally hit your phone number instead of my boyfriend's" I send wrong messages all the time, but usually they contain the word booger or something embarrassing. It's highly unlikely you just happened to "accidentally" text your plans to someone you've clearly been stalking.
5.) The drunk text: "Hye whher r u at?? I wnat to see yuo tahhhnightttr" Unless you are currently en route to the hospital for alcohol poisoning, no one is that bad of a drunk texter. We get it, you're inebriated and promising guilt free sex. (Don't fall for it, you'll wake up to them cooking you breakfast and asking what you want to do together for the day).
6.) I'm not crazy but...: If you have to start a sentence with this, it's basically forewarning the other person what you're about to say will scare them.
And the craziest of them all....
7.) I've been hurt in the past, you just proved to me that all guys are assholes (or girls are bitches): Oh you've been hurt in the past? Damn, that sucks because it's not like that happens to everyone who's ever been in a fucking relationship. Did you significant other throw you down a flight of stairs then try and strangle you? If not then stop being a pussy saying shit hurt and get over it. Yea breakups suck dick but if you act like you're life was ruined every time then get used to being dumped cuz your ass is crazy.
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