Awards That Should Be Given At The ESPYS

 

You know, watching the ESPYS last night had me thinking about other awards that need to be given out. Here are five category's that I feel should be awarded at the ESPYS each and every year. Now I'm not saying that these are needed, but they should at the very least be thought about being added to the list. 

 Male Athlete Currently Banging The Hottest Chick: Justin Verlander

 

So what he got his tits lit up in the all star game? He gets to go home to Kate Uptons tits and every other part of her body sitting on his face. It doesn't matter what type of season he has as long as he's banging her, he's a winner in everybody's book. 

Biggest Meathead: Rob Gronkowski

 

He can spike a football to the center of the earth, he bangs porn stars and he dances on a bad ankle after losing in the Super Bowl and I love every second of it. When told he was the biggest meathead Ryen Russillo ever met his response was, "Thank you." A reality show of him and his brothers living at the Jersey Shore would be the most epic show on television. 

Hottest Female Athlete: Stephanie Rice

 

She's an Australian swimmer and gold medalist and she takes racy pictures of herself for everyone to see. Is there anything better than that out of an awesome female athlete? Maybe a sex tape, but you can't win them all, right?

Best Breeder: Jennie Finch

 

To this day I'm pretty sure there is not a better woman to breed stud athlete babies with than Jennie Finch. She has it all for anything you want your kid to excel at. Size, speed, arm strength and looks. And you know you'd let her sit on your face even after she just pitched seven innings in the Texas heat. 

Richest Asshole Athlete On The Planet: Floyd Mayweather

 

The dude is one of the biggest dickheads on the face of the earth and he's also the richest athlete on the face of the earth. For a guy who can't put together a coherent sentence, beats women and tries to fight guys who are double his age after boxing matches, he sure has a hell of a lot of money. And he's not spending any of it because he's in fucking jail. Kind of makes you sick to your stomach that you can't afford the McDonald's dollar menu doesn't it?