Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Getting Back On The Horse Is The Hardest Part...

 
We all have a friend like the one I'm about to talk about. A friend who just got his heart broken and seems to have no luck with relationships. But this whole thing confuses you, mainly because when he was single he was a stud just going out and slaying every woman who came in his path. On any one night, he could get any girl he wanted. Now all of a sudden he's out there looking for a girlfriend. He doesn't need to get back on the girlfriend horse, he needs to get back on the single horse. 

He forgot what it was like to be single. He's like Tommy Lee Jones in Men in Black Two who just completely forgot who he was. Your friend doesn't remember being that single stud who would bag four girls a week. You admire that because you were never bagging four girls a week. But he was and he was doing it extremely smoothly. 

But then he got his heart broken by that one evil bitch who completely erased his memory of being single. And now he's chasing that girlfriend thing again. That's why his close friends are around. You all remind him of how he used to just slay all day every day and suddenly it begins to come back to him a little bit. He shoots a random text to some girls and they all respond. Then the light bulb goes off. He asks them to hang out. Next thing you know, it's Monday afternoon and he's having sex with some girl in his mom's basement while a Christmas movie is on ABC Family. 

Then your friend calls you to tell you that he's officially back on the horse. You're happier than ever because you got your wingman back, and he's happier than ever because his phone is blowing up like he runs a male escort service. He went from a little bitch to Deuce Biggalow Male Gigolo. All he needed to do was get back on that horse. And once he did, it was all over for him and every vagina that steps in his path.

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