Things I Would Rather Have In Left Field Than Jason Bay

Since Jason Bay actually made contact with the baseball last night let alone hit a home run I decided to take a look at his numbers. Absolutely abysmal is the only thing I can use to describe a .159 batting average with 6 home runs and 12 RBI's. I mean what else do you call those numbers especially for a guy you're paying $16 million a year for? Just think about how bad you have to be when you go 2 for 5 (.400avg) and your batting average goes up to .159. It's atrocious. Therefore, I was inspired. So without further ado I give you:

Things I Would Rather Have In Left Field Than Jason Bay 

A Heinz Tomato Ketchup Bottle (The original glass, not the squeeze bottle)

An empty tray of onion rings

That lady singing on the piano from Sullivan and Son

Your grandmother

An orange traffic cone

A tire swing

Skip Bayless

Cindy Brunson

The 6 foot tall kid on Japan in the little league world series

Every kid from the Hot Cheetos and Takis video

Chuck Norris

Tim Tebows right arm

A carved pumpkin

Kate Uptons tits

Mike Francesa

The Citi Field Wiffle Ball Field behind Blue Smoke

Holly Mangold

That thing who won the shot put from Belarus

Ray Charles

A blind folded 8 year old swinging at a pinata

Joe Paterno's statue

All of Antonio Cromartie's children

Kristen Stewart

Rex Ryan before he lost 100 pounds

A bucket of baseballs

Hope Solo

Anything covered in bacon

All the used condoms from the Olympic Village