So this guy breaks into a house. And that's just about the time that shit gets weird. The homeowner actually heard him trying to break in so he went upstairs. He's a pussy, I don't know why he didn't just beat his ass. Anyway, he called the cops and the cops find this guy in his underwear, sitting on a recliner, eating a chicken pot pie and licking the remote control. And in the most shocking twist and turn of this ordeal, the involvment of drugs or alcohol was not mentioned. Here's my advice. Plead insanity bro. There's not a judge or jury on the planet who could prosecute you. Plus one of the charges is "theft of a chicken pot pie" so I can't really imagine that being too harsh of a fine. Whatever the case may be, you're either crazy, sick, or both. Get some help immediately, for all of us buddy.
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