Types of Sluts

On this blog we write a lot about sluts: slutty men, slutty women, just basically all types of crazy shit people do.  And while I sit here and write about the dirty dirty and all that entails, some of you are still asking me what constitutes a slut.  Well here are the different types:

Make-out slut: Every once in a while you call someone out for slumming around and hear them say- "It's ok, I'm just a make-out slut" Oh ok, I didn't realize oral herpes was better than Chlamydia.  Just because you suck face instead of dick doesn't mean you're this pure and holy angel.

Moral slut- These are almost always girls, and there is usually at least one in the group.  You don't know who they've slept with, what they've done, and you've never seen them do a walk of shame, but you know they are an absolute freak.  It's never confirmed, but you can just tell they have this aura that says- "I would drop dome and go to church in the same day."  They are probably the craziest of all the friends, but no one will ever know because they're that good at covering their tracks.

Romantic slut- Let me first say I despise these people.  In my mind, this is the worst type of slut there is, no matter how much sex is actually involved.  A romantic slut is someone who falls in love every 30 seconds and constantly labors under the delusion that people actually like them back.  They will be obsessed with approximately 3 people at any given time, and usually have a breakdown when someone points out they're crazy.  The phrase "I don't know why they won't call me back!" is said about once a month.  Let me give you some advice: if the other person calls you once a week, doesn;t know anything about you other than what type of underwear you wear, and avoids the relationship topic like the fucking plague...they don't like you.  They like your VAGINA or your DICK.  Get over it and stop crying.

Traditional slut- The straight up I’m-gonna-have-sex-with-whatever-fucking-moves type of person.  These people are just out there for the sole purpose of getting laid, and will take whatever comes their way.   May suffer from some kind of abandonment or daddy issues, but eventually shrug it off (usually with the help of alcohol) and get back in the game.   Unlike the other types of sluts, these people don’t give a fuck about what others say about them.  To all you traditional sluts, I salute you because at least you own up to what you do...and we can know to say away from your leftovers because god knows what they’re carrying now.

Combined Type- We all fall under this category at some point.  You're not slutty all the time, but you have done one of the above at least some point in your youth. It happens.

Let me be clear on this, just like everything else in the world there are good sluts and bad sluts.  Most of us aren't angels all the time and that's ok.  I'll be the first to say loving sex doesn't make you a bad person. Everyone (even virgins) have a little slutty devil inside their heads every once in a while.  Do whatever you want people, just own up to it.