So the other day a few of my friends were talking about sexting. For the guys that know me, they know there’s nothing I love more than a little work day text saying “I want you in your pencil skirt up against your desk, while you tie me up with paper clips and smack me with rubber bands” (Staples could make some sick commercials with the office sexting people do). Now I know what most guys think when they sext. They think you’re sitting there, in your bra and panties from victoria’s secret, rubbing oil all over yourself thinking how bad you want them there with you. Sorry guys, most of the time that’s just not true. Here’s what really happens:
1. Usually when a guy asks me what I’m wearing, I reply with the above: bra, panties, birthday suit, etc… In reality I’m sitting in my beat up old sweat pants and t-shirt with a stain on it from the mac and cheese I just ate.
2. When they ask me what I’m doing I’ll say playing with myself or some other sexual nonsense. Usually I’m painting my nails, at the gym, or my personal favorite, at a charity event (like I said it previous posts, I’m going to hell).
3. When they ask me what I’m thinking about, I’ll say something obnoxious like “Thinking about dressing up like a genie for you so you can rub me the right way.” He thinks I’m trying to be sexy, when I’m actually laughing at how ridiculous we both sound. My favorite thing is re-reading the conversation. In the heat of the moment I think “God I’m so turned on I want this kid right now.” After, I just crack up at how much it sounded like a B rate porn movie.
Point is guys if a girl is sexting you, give her a few minutes if you're planning on driving to her house for the finale. Chances are she’ll panic and throw on some mascara, do a couple sit-ups to A. make her stomach look good and B. make it look like she’s sweating from thinking about you. Is this ridiculous? Yes, but hey you have to do something to break up the monotony sometimes.
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