NFL Power Rankings

This is not a definitive list. It's just my opinion of teams going into week 17. Who I wouldn't wanna play, who I'd wanna play, plus I'm at work on Christmas Eve and I pretty much want to kill myself.

32. Kansas City Chiefs (2-13)- Sure. Jamaal Charles is an absolute manimal. Great fantasy player and everything, and once in a while Peyton Hillis can show you a glitter of the old Peyton; but the fact remains that this team is 2-13 and looks flat out awful most of the time. Also, their fans applaud QB's when they get knocked out of games on injuries. Sucks to be a Chiefs fan.

31. Arizona Cardinals (5-10)- I don't care that they are 5-10, this team is absolutely horrendous. I don't know if there is any team I would rather play then the Arizona Cardinals. Offensively they are more than challenged. Absolutely zero running game and a QB situation that makes the Jets look like a tightly run Wall Street business. Turnovers galore. Sidenote: Clearly after they were shalacked by the Seahawks I took Detroit's D against them, silly me.

30. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-13)- Yeyeye, they put up a fight against NE. Doesn't mean they're any good. Any team that is willing to take Tim Tebow is terrible. MJD hasn't played. Gabbert is injured, and Chad Henne sucks. Blackmon is going to be really good, and he's filthy in Madden 13.

29. Philadelphia Eagles ( 4-11)- So much talent on this team, it's a real shame it's gone to waste this season. This is an example of an organization really dropping the ball. Andy Reid is a great coach but his time in Philly is clearly finished. Can't be this bad with this type of talent. You have to get more out of your players.

28. New York Jets (6-9)- First off, I hope to god they get embarrassed this week. Secondly, how could you not want to play this team right now. Sure, defensively they've been above average, but the offense literally cannot move the football. This week showed all "Jets fans" that the problem isn't just as simple as Mark Sanchez. Horrible receiving core, average runners, and an offensive line that couldn't "stop a nose bleed" to quote Bart Scott.

27. Oakland Raiders (4-11)- Only reason they're behind the Jets is because of Fantasy Football. You could make an argument that Janikowski is more valuable than any offensive starter on the Jets. In fact, you could win an argument like that.

26. Tennessee Titans (5-10)-Chris Johnson is having another pretty good season yardage wise, but that doesn't tell the whole story. He's had a lot of LONG runs and those have accumulated some pretty good numbers for the guy. He hasn't been consistent. Other then him, Kenny Britt is the teams only real offensive threat, and when your QB is below average a wide receiver being a super talented isn't a big deal, ex: Larry Fitzgerald.

25. Cleveland Browns (5-10)- They will be good. Just not this year. If I'm the Browns organization I lose this final game intentionally. Would love to be a team playing them Week 17. Watch out for this team in the years to come. Trent Richardson is the real deal Holyfield.

24. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-9)- This team has looked BAD the last half of the season, and particularly bad the last two. First they get stomped by the Saints and score 0 points against them, which may be the first shutout in Saints history. And this week they look just as bad and get punished by a mediocre Rams team. Once again, the record isn't important, I'd love to play them right now.

23. Buffalo Bills (5-10)- Pretty much, they're playing against an embarrassing Jets team who destroyed them earlier in the season and it's time for Buffalo to get some revenge. CJ Spiller has been killing it, and this team has looked decent down the stretch. If they were playing anyone besides the Jets next week they'd be in a different position on the chart.

22. San Diego Chargers (6-9)- Yeah, they punished the Jets this week. They've got some dynamic players. But they also have a leader in Phillip Rivers who turns the ball over all the time, and a run defense that is one of the worst I have ever seen. They'll beat the Raiders, but they're still terrible. Norv is gone.

21. Pittsburgh Steelers (7-8)- Never thought I'd be putting the Steelers this low in a power ranking, but I have to be honest, for the first time in a long time, I really wouldn't mind playing this team week 17. There have been problems within the organization all year; I'd say most stem from injuries and under performing, but nevertheless it has been a tough year for Pittsburgh. Game against the Browns is going to be close, Browns might even squeak past the Steelers, especially after this weekends heart wrenching loss.

20. St. Louis Rams (7-7-1)- This team is so close to being a contender. Just right on the cusp. Unfortunately, they aren't their yet. Fortunately they may be able to get a relatively good draft pick and continue to get better...on that same token, Stephen Jackson is getting up there in years and they need a backup plan ASAP.

19. Detroit Lions (4-11)- Easily my biggest surprise in the Power Rankings, but I've got good reason for putting them here. If I'm a Bears fan, I am absolutely terrified this weekend. Literally scared to death. For some reason Detroit has had a terrible year, but to deny the fact they don't have any weapons is laughable. Defensively, Su and Fairley could decide to stop sucking and have impact games...and offensively, I've concluded that Calvin Johnson is indeed a robot. And with him wanting to get to 2,000 yards I'd be scared shitless if I was a Bears fan. Not to mention it's a divisional game.

18. Chicago Bears (9-6)- I know, I know, they're probably a playoff team. Doesn't eliminate the fact that this team has looked bad down the stretch. Yeah, they beat Arizona handily, so what. I don't think they're winning this weekend. You heard it here first. Urlacher is old.

17. New York Giants (8-7)- Another possible playoff team. Unfortunately, this team is the model of inconsistency, and their secondary is so unbelievably bad that ANY team in the NFL has a shot against these guys. Add to that, their "best D-line in the league" hasn't shown up for the last month of the season. And guess who they're playing this weekend...the Eagles, they ain't winning.

16. Miami Dolphins (7-8)- Do I think they'll win this weekend? No. Have I been impressed with them down the stretch? Absolutely. Reggie Bush has been a monster this past month. He lit it up yesterday, catching passes, running downhill, and in the open field I don't know if there is anyone better in the NFL at evading tackles. Tannehill has looked like a first rounder, playing with poise and control, and not making the big mistake. I don't think they'll beat the Pats, but I think they'll compete.

15. New Orleans Saints (7-8)- Admittedly, my one mistake in these rankings may be putting the Saints behind the Cowboys, but the fact remains that the Cowboys are playing for something next week besides pride. Saints defense is absolutely horrific. Tony Romo drove all over them yesterday, it was comical...I guess you could make the same argument for the Cowboys D.

14. Dallas Cowboys (8-7)- Dez Bryant, monster. Tony Romo, killing it. Can they beat the Skins? No.

13. Carolina Panthers (6-9)- If you can look at me in the eyeball and honestly tell me you'd like to play this team right now I would run for my motherfucking life because you are a crazy person. Cam Newton has been on fire. As far as actual humans go (not Calvin Johnson) he's the best athlete in the league, hands down, I'm not even going to argue it. Smith has been great in the receiving game, and they've won 4 out of their last 5. New Orleans won't beat them.

12. Minnesota Vikings (9-6)- Adrian Peterson.

11. Indianapolis Colts (10-5)- The Vikings and the Colts have been by far the two biggest surprises in the NFL this year. Andrew Luck is as good as advertised. Reggie Wayne has been phenomenal, Hilton has been great, and Vick Ballard has the offense looking balanced. That being said, they're going to get shalacked in Houston this weekend.

10. Cincinnati Bengals (9-6)- Cinci is good, but for some reason I don't think they can do any damage in the playoffs. Don't know why, probably has to do with the fact they're from Cinci. Their QB doesn't have a soul...but he does have an arm, and pretty damn good poise for a second year starter. Also, AJ Green is comically good.

9. Baltimore Ravens (10-5)- Yes, they BURIED the Giants...but they didn't have to kill them, it seemed as if the Giants were already dead. Sure, they killed them worse, attached some dynamite to them, blew them to smithereens, all that good stuff; but the Giants were dead when they got there. I won't give Joe Flacco credit even though he deserves some, but I will say they got the ball to Ray Rice a lot yesterday, and he looked damn good.

8. San Francisco 49'ers (10-4-1)- I know this may come as a surprise, but I'm not sold on this team as a superbowl contender. I'm really not. I think Kapernick is grossly overrated. Yeah, he picked apart the Patriots, big frikin deal. They're defense has been lit up the last 6 quarters. And also, Vernon Smith got decapitated last night and based on Manningham's reaction yesterday I don't think he'll be back.

7. Washington Redskins (9-6)- I really wouldn't want to play this team right now. This is the most excited skins fans have been in a very long time. RG3 has been better than advertised. I didn't think he'd be this good in his first year, but he has been something very special. Alfred Morris has had an outstanding season has has exceeded preseason expectations by light years. Sure, the pass defense is horrible, and Dallas has been lighting it up through the air, but I think the Redskins are going to be representing the NFC East this season.

6. Houston Texans (12-3)- The Texans are obviously solid. Tons of offensive weapons and an above average defense. They looked really bad this weekend, but shit happens. They'll bounce back and beat the Colts handily week 17.

5. New England Patriots (11-4)- Remember when the Pats were 1-2? Haha, yeah me too. Offensively this team is scary, and Gronk is coming back. Tom Brady continues to prove that he is indeed one of the best of all time. Defensively, really bad, but they've proven over the last few years that doesn't mean anything to them, they'll compete for a Super Bowl again this year.

4. Green Bay Packers (11-4)- This offense has been clicking on all cylinders these past few weeks. James Jones has been on fire, and Aaron Rodgers looks as good as he ever has. Running game is improving and this team is hot going into the playoffs. Going to be a great game against the Vikings.

3. Atlanta Falcons (13-2)- Yes, they've clinched the NFC. Yes, it all goes through them. No, I'm not impressed (Mckayla Maroney face). Also, I'd love to play them this week. You think they're going to play anyone? For sure not. Matt Ryan is great. The receiving core is absolutely outstanding, but the running game is abysmal. Come playoff time that's going to be this teams biggest problem.

2. Seattle Seahawks (10-5)- I'd be legitimately terrified to play this team right now. The 9'ers are so damn lucky that they're playing the Cardinals this weekend because I would rather blow Steve than play this team at home. Running game is absolutely dominant. Best in the NFL, between Lynch, Wilson, and Turbin this running game is scary. Also, if you haven't noticed, Russel Wilson has been the BIGGEST surprise of the season. The guy has been truly remarkable, and after last night I think he's thrust himself right in the center of the discussion for ROY. If Sherman is actually suspended it could be a big blow to their championship hopes, they need him on defense.

1. Denver Broncos (12-3)- Ten game winning streak, check. Most balanced offensive team in the league, check. Their QB knows your defense better than your defensive coordinator, check. They're playing the Chiefs this weekend, check. I honestly don't even think KC should show up this weekend. It's going to be an embarrassment. No joke, the line on this game could be around 20. I think the Broncos win 48-6.

That's it and that's all. I'd love your comments telling me what a fucking idiot I am. Will I care at all about your opinion? Of course not, you're probably a loser if you read this blog anyway.