How Guys Hit On Girls At The Beach

I’m blogging from the sunny Florida coast right now, be jealous everyone. I was prepared to just have a relaxing vacation but obviously someone did something stupid around me so naturally I get back to my computer and write about it like the nerd I am.  So I’m sitting on the beach today just starting to relax and get my tan on (ha) when a frisbee whizzes towards me and smacks me in the head.  I hear someone yell “Are you ok??” and instantly think “dear lord, please don’t be beach bros.” Of course, some frosted tip mother fucker comes jogging up to me ready to play doctor.

Ok, I see what you did there buddy.  This is a classic beach bro move to talk to a girl, throw something at her so she can’t avoid contact with you.  Kindergartener boys also play this game with spit-balls and boogers. I can actually appreciate this tactic, because it’s a guaranteed way to strike up a conversation with a girl, which can be intimidating especially when she’s already half-way naked in a bikini and your imagination is running wild.   But it’s also cute because guys think we don’t actually suspect what they’re doing.  Listen, if a group of guys start playing catch next to a bunch of chicks, we don’t think “oh look, they like playing baseball in the water” we think about the fact that you are herding us like cattle until you lasso us with a “stray” ball.  If you’re hot, we will let you do this.  If you’re ugly, us diving under water and swimming in the other direction doesn’t mean we’re afraid of getting splashed, we’re afraid of YOU.  Think about it, guys don’t bring footballs to the beach because they like the sport, it’s way too fucking hot for that.  No, they do it because it’s like caveman target practice.  Again, good attempt but word to the wise: hit the ground next to the girl, because no cavewoman likes being knocked over the head with a club.