To Toss or Not To Toss?

I’ve been getting a lot of messages from people saying they want to read more of the dirty dirty.  Just straight up asking me to write about all the naughty things they want to know but are afraid to ask their friends about.  Well as your sex guru I’m here to say you people are all secretly freaks and need to start talking to each other because chances are someone else out there likes to do the same crazy shit you’re in to (Unless it involves stuffed animals, in that case keep it to yourself).  But in the spirit of getting raunchy I figured I’d talk about something that even scares me a little: Tossing Salad.

For those of you that don’t know /don’t have access to urban dictionary, tossing salad means eating out someone’s asshole.  Now if you’re looking for advice on how to do this stop reading here because I would personally rather lick a guy’s armpit after the gym than put my tongue anywhere past his butt dimples.   What I am interested in is: when is it ok to do this in a relationship?

I mean think about it, for everyone in a long-term relationship you know you have to keep up-ing the sex ante.  You can’t just expect different angle hand jobs and finger tricks are going to cut it for years on end.  You have to keep making it creative.  But eventually, you’re going to run out of positions and sex toys.  And the progression of sex always goes south.  You go from lips to boobs to happy place.  What’s the only uncharted area left? Your asshole.  So at what point do you start doing this with your significant other?  I know a lot of people get freaky in their golden days but then you gotta think do you really want to be licking 80 yr old butthole? My guess is no, so it has to come up earlier.  Someone I know said after two years you’ve been together long enough that you should feel comfortable doing this.  Anyone out there reaching the two year mark?  You might want to start re-thinking the relationship.  Either that or let me know how that anniversary dinner conversation went. 

Ok so for real though, from a girl’s perspective this is a scary topic.  We get nervous when you see us with the lights on so imagine what it’s like to battle that monster of self-confidence.  Not to mention we have to compete with all the perfectly bleached assholes of porn stars out there.  So guys if you really want to do this with a girl, take it slow like you’re trying to convince her you don’t mind seeing her without make-up in the morning.  It may not be a pretty sight but it will bring the two of you closer together.  Or if you want her to do it to you….eh a long shower and jewelry is always a good place to start.