First installment for what we again hope will be a staple at Talk of the Town. I'm just going to get right into it because this could be the most epic story since Romeo and Juilet, how ya' doin.
It was the summer of my freshman year of high school, going into sophomore year so I was about 14-15 years old. It was towards the beginning of the summer and school had just been let out a few weeks prior. Now, I had drank before but nothing too crazy and let's just say folks, this one got out of hand. And it got out of hand quickly. I was at my house eating lunch with my friend, let's call him Pete. We ate pasta with sausage and broccoli. I remember it like it was yesterday. It had to be around noonish when we were texting our friend, let's call him Matt. Matt was a year older and basically a horrible influence on the youngin's aka Me and Pete. He had told us that he had an open house untill about 6 P.M. and to come over and somehow get beer and we could hang out and have a few beers. So I text my brother's friend who was the only one who was 21 to get us beer....and the story goes like this...
We walk to Matt's house which wasn't a horrible walk and my brother's friend Chris decides he can come meet us there with some beers. The key word is some. This moron gets a 24 Pack of Bud Ice for three 15 year old amateurs. Now you know where this story is going. Oh by the way, Chris decides he's going to stay there and "supervise" and hang out with us for a little bit. So we go downstairs and play some beer pong and have a few cold ones. At this point the 3 little ones are buzzed, Chris drank a beer or two if that. So we decide we're going to go outside, have a few more, and go in the pool since it was a hot summer day. Before you know it, the funnel comes out and this my friends is where the damage was done. As you all should know. A 15 year old who has drank a handful of times should not funnel 4 or more beers in a row with no break. In fact, a 21 year old shouldn't even attempt this. Now at this point we are literally hammered and to this day, this is the top 5 drunkest I've ever been. We were outside throwing metal and wooden baseball bats in the air into the pool and hanging from basketball hoops and tipping them into the pool. Looking back, we probably could have gotten seriously hurt. At one point, I even think I saw Matt's penis...
Now Matt turns to us and tells us we have to leave because it's getting near that parents getting home deadline. So Chris drives us home and everyone comes back to my block. This is the only part of the day I cannot remember at all. I remember getting in the car and then as we arrived to my block Chris goes to us, "I have to leave you at the top of the block, I can't have anyone see me drop off a bunch of drunk little kids." And so it was done, we were at the top of my block, alone. Now I live in a little development sorta thing, it has a park and it is right by this little shopping plaza on a big avenue. So we decide we're going to walk down my block into the park and just sit down for a while, assess the situation, and see where we go from here. I make a comment that we should go down to Wendy's because I had to use the rest facilities (please keep this in mind for a later date). Mind you all, we are still basically soaking wet from the pool. So we start walking and we see cops, they posed no threat. But then we see this jacked up guy in a van and he's like "HEY BRO, DO YOU KNOW WHERE ARIELLE IS?" So I was like "Whoa buddy, she's in Wendy's," Not knowing who or what the fuck he was talking about. Now we go into Wendy's and we are a fucking wreck. And hey, what do you know? Arielle was in there; swear on anything. I was sitting by the window on a cushioned seat, and Matt and Pete were across the table. Pete gets up and goes into the bathroom and when I say goes to the bathroom, he runs to the bathroom. Me? I start vomiting, not in the bathroom, right on the table, in the middle of a crowded Wendy's. It wasn't just any old vomit, it was a puke; a throw up all over the table and chairs that I was sitting near. Matt gets up and goes outside and after I get thrown out of the joint, I go outside to see Matt puking on the side of Wendy's. Pete comes out and so does the manager to ask us if we are okay and tell us we need to get the fuck up out of there. So now we walk up this hill a little bit and it is in direct view of this big avenue right by a park known as Rolling Hill Green and we decide to take a siesta. Matt and Pete lay down in the grass and I lay on the park bench. Lord knows what time it was, but it was still light out so it had to be about 6:30 or 7 P.M. by now. I wake up and look over and Pete is just on his side like a fucking floppy fish vomiting. Now we decide it's time to get up and go back to my house to lay down for real, watch television, and recover.
At this point I had texted some people just to come over and hang out for the night and my next door neighbor was my best friend so he was like I'll tell everybody don't worry blah blah. Now, everyone knew I was still piss drunk and I was such a clown when I was younger that I responded to people's actions. So they were fucking with me so I decided to moon them. What they saw will never, ever be forgotten. Apparently, I had shit myself....
I had shit myself....
I guess there was a reason for that trip to Wendy's. I had pooped my pants and didn't even know it. I guess all of the wetness from the pool, and an apparent shart had caused a big problem in the anus, boxers, ass, pants region.
After that I had cleaned myself up, took a shower, and for the rest of the night hungout by the basketball hoop we built on our block.
So what's the moral of the story kids? Know your limits, because you might end up like me one day. Helpless, hopeless, and with shit in your pants.
On a side note within the next week or so after this story, we all found out that Pete when he ran into the bathroom....Yeah, it was the womans room....
God Bless
No comments:
Post a Comment