Who Gets The Worse End Of The Deal In The Oral Sex Category? Guys Or Girls? Part 1

Relax, it's only a banana

Ladies and Gentlemen I am pleased to inform you that we have added a new member to our team. It's a female member who's funny as shit and she doesn't take shit from me or any other guy. She's also in school for sex therapy which means she's way smarter than me and can beat me with facts. She goes by B Slata and she's ready (or she thinks she's ready) to take me to school on why oral sex sucks worse for girls than it does for guys. Here is her first post:

Every guy I have ever met, friend or fuck buddy, insists they are AWESOME at eating girls out.  I'm talking like 50 guys have used the line "I can untie a starburst wrapper with my tongue, a pink one" (wink).  Guys I'm sorry to tell you, but saying you're good at going down on pussy is like a girl saying she's good at hand jobs.  You might humor her, but you only put up with it to get to the sex.  So most guys are at a loss when their girlfriend either gets tired of faking it, or they meet an asshole like me that just won't put up with a substandard performance.  Let me give you all a little lesson on why guys suck at eating girls out…

Girls are different…not just from guys, from all other girls.  Boys are easy, you learn how to give a great blow job to a guy you know how to give a great blow job to all guys.  Women are like video games, just because you defeated the last level doesn't mean you're going to make it through the next one.  You have to change tactics or get a different weapon. (That and you have to slay a few dragons before you get to a princess).  Try pressing a few different buttons to figure out what unlocks the portal. 

Next, pretending your tongue is your dick is not going to work.  The "in and out" game is something no one wants to suffer through.  Guys are always worried that their 5 or 6 inch dicks aren't going to do the job, but you think shoving in 2 inches of your tongue will? And men claim they're better at math…

The finger game.  This is a good tactic to use, but only at the right time.  You can't eat a pussy out for 30 seconds and then go trigger happy.  Think of girls like a slip and slide, no water means rug burn.  Any of you guys ever try to fuck a chick that's dryer than the Sahara desert? It doesn't feel good on your dick, why would it feel good for a vagina? Ouch.

Coming up for air…don't do this.  It's like trying to preheat an oven and turning it off for an hour every time it gets up another 50 degrees. Nothing kills the mood more than a guy taking a little break from your happy place, it just puts pressure on us to go faster because you're getting tired (which we know means we'll most likely have to be on top for sex).  Yes I understand it's hot and sweaty down there, but don't complain guys definitely get the better end of the deal when it comes to oral sex. Don't think so? Try shoving  a banana down your throat and then tell me who needs more air. 

Last, my personal favorite is when a guy thinks he can hit the sweet spot on any girl because he "found" the clit.  News flash, it's above the vagina, and it's not a chew toy.  Guys, would you like it if a chick just started mauling the tip of your penis like she's trying to get to the center of a lollipop with 3 licks? I didn't think so.

What's your thoughts on her first post? I don't care whether or not you think we should keep her around because guess what? We are. Daddy's rebuttal coming soon.