Why You Can't Bang Chatty Cathy

 

We all know her, we all don't love her, and we probably all want to severely injure her from time to time.  It's the girl everyone knows as Chatty Cathy, and she talks more than any normal person that you actually know. And I am going to explain to you why you can't bang her; and no I'm not talking about the nine year old in the picture up top. 

What does Chatty Cathy love to do? Chatty Cathy loves to talk. Now, what are the normal characteristics of a Chatty Cathy? She's immature, she doesn't shut the fuck up, and she only talks about herself all day long. She also talks about herself with no regard for what other people are trying to say, and stories that never actually have a purpose. When someone does nothing but talk about themself for hours on end there's only two things that you want to do. Either kill her, or kill yourself. Those are your only options. 

Now I want you to picture this. You just banged Chatty Cathy, it's three in the morning and all you want to do is go the fuck to sleep. Why can't you? Oh, wait, because she's doing nothing but fucking talking the entire time. And she will do nothing but talk, because she'll have energy since women have all this built up energy after they have sex. You're trying to sleep, and she's poking you and elbowing you while she's talking to keep you awake all fucking night. Basically, you're either gonna end up in jail because you kill her by suffocating her with a pillow, or you're gonna end up in a coffin because you're gonna blow your brains out. 

Next time your town Chatty Cathy comes around, see how many times she uses the words I or me. Then see how many times she ruins your conversation with someone else by talking over the two of you trying to get your attention. And then you will realize that there is no possible way you can bang Chatty Cathy. Chatty Cathy's are the girls who end up buried in a sand dune because their boyfriend can't take it anymore. And there is never a judge or jury who could prosecute the boyfriend of a dead Chatty Cathy. They already know the deal.