Monday, October 24, 2011

So You Hate Your Phone Now

Apparently, everyone hates their perfectly good, working cell phone. Gee I wonder why? A new iPhone comes out and the entire universe (mainly the spoiled female community) hates their cell phone with a passion. What exactly do you hate about it? Does it let you send and receive calls/texts/emails/ etc. Can you tweet from it or update your facebook status? If you have a smartphone, you obviously can. Also, I am sure that about 90% of the people my age don't pay a single cent towards their cellphone bill. I am also willing to bet, they have not the slightest clue how much that bill is.

But what exactly do you "hate" about your cell phone? I have seen about a dozen tweets closely along the lines of "ughhh can't stand my blackberry anymore". It seems to be working pretty damn good if you ask me. You just sent out a tweet, and I am sure you just bbm-ed the dude you're blowing and called your mom to clean your room. What a piece of shit, garbage phone!! Like Oh my God, if you don't get the new iPhone tomorrow you might just die! Get over it. If you really wanted it that bad, you would of walked into the ATT/Verizon store and got it. Wait hold on a minute, you need your mom to come with you so she can buy it for you and have the bill mailed to her. So technically, is it really your phone?

Honestly, what is so great about the iPhone? Ever since I got a smartphone (Team Android Stand Up!), I feel like a little more connected to the world.......That's a bad thing. Really could careless what you are doing. What features does this new iPhone have that a Droid, Blackberry or the older iPhone doesn't have? Unless it can wipe my ass, make me breakfast (yes I know, there is an app that can turn on kitchen appliances but I'd like to see it pour me a bowl of cereal) and clean for me, I won't be impressed with it. Sorry, Mr. Jobs but your legacy is just another cell phone. Your stuff looks nice, thats about it.
So get over the fact that you don't have the newest iPhone, it's not a big deal. Also, anything made by Apple (except the iPod, because all other MP3 players are awful) is for yuppies, hipsters and anyone else who is interested in fine arts, classical music and/or Shakespeare.

Here are some features of the iPhone I can almost guarantee you won't use or are unnecessary:
1) AirPlay - wirelessly stream what’s on your iPhone to your HDTV and speakers via Apple TV

It's called cable television

2) AirPrint - Print your email, photos, web pages, and documents right from your iPhone over Wi-Fi

When is a computer not more than an arms distance away from a printer anyway?

3) Retina Display - The Retina display is the highest-resolution phone screen ever.

The screen is still 3 inches x 2 inches and I am still squinting, not impressed

As you can see there are only 3 features here. Why? Not because all the other ones are extremely useful but because every other smartphone, including my HTC Aria powered by Android, has the exact same features. Congratulations you are all suckers.

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