Friday, September 7, 2012

Breaking News: Jason Bay Charged With Theft, Court Date Still To Be Determined

In the midst of a season where Jason Bay is hitting a blistering .168 with 7 home runs and 18 RBI's as well as slugging .305 with a .246 on base percentage the New York Mets charged Jason Bay with theft on Friday for fooling them into paying him $16 million a year.

"He's the greatest scam artist major league baseball has seen since Carl Pavano was a Yankee," said Mets attorney Barry Weinstein. "It almost seems like he was working with Bernie Madoff this entire time making the Mets believe that he was worth the money." In fact, the Mets are almost paying Bay $1 million per RBI this season, a ratio that is unfathomable to most MLB executives.

"I've never seen anything quite like this before. The money he's stolen from the Mets over the last three seasons could have probably rebuilt Japan after the earthquake last year," said Mets owner Fred Wilpon. "We gave him the key to the vault, and he has taken everything. We can't even sign a homeless guy off the 7 train to come pitch the 7th inning for us."

And although Bay is up for these charges on theft, which are expected to stick in court, Forbes Magazine has been trying to contact Bay for a story on how to make millions of dollars without being any good at what you actually do for a living. It seems as though no one except for Bay has figured out how to actually do this.

"It's an amazing feat to us," said Forbes editor Champ Goldbaum. "For a guy to be this bad at his craft and still make multi millions is a story that needs to be shared with the world. He might just be the smartest man on the planet." 

As far as the Mets are concerned they feel as though they have enough evidence to put Bay away for a long time. Rumor has it that there might also be a perjury charge coming for Bay lying about a concussion he had three seasons ago. We still don't have all the information, but as far as we know things are not looking good for Bay.

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