Friday, September 14, 2012

Chicago Bears Officially Announce Plan To Replace Their Offensive Line With Traffic Cones

After last night's 23-10 loss to the Green Bay Packers, the Chicago Bears have officially announced this morning that they plan on replacing their entire offensive line with traffic cones. It was actually an easy decision according to head coach Lovie Smith.

"When re-watching the film of last night's debacle as well as looking as previous history of Jay (Cutler) running for his life, we have decided that using traffic cones as our offensive line is a much safer decision based on the fact that the opposing team defenses might trip over them to slow them down," said Smith.

In case you missed it, the Bears gave up seven sacks to the Packers last night causing four Cutler interceptions and almost his death.

"It's tough to throw the football while I'm laying on my back," said Cutler. "I can only do so much when I have Clay Matthews and his long greasy hair jumping on my back every other play." Clay Matthews got to Cutler for three and a half sacks last night actually mocking the O-line by counting on his fingers how many sacks he had instead of his patented flexing dicount double check.

When asked how the new center traffic cone would snap the football, nobody had a real answer for that yet. "We're just gonna have to go out there in practice this week and see how it does. I think the shotgun snap will be the main issue because it might not have the strength to get it all the way back there," said wide receiver Brandon Marshall.

The good news for Chicago is the long week they have to prepare and get the cones ready for live game action next Sunday.

"The biggest thing will be adjusting to the speed of the NFL game," said Smith. "But we know one thing, they can't be any worse than the line we've been throwing out there." I guess it'll be a wait and see approach. But for now, it looks like this is a bold move on the part of the Bears.



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