"I could just make a long story short, but for the hell of it
take a walk with me. It all
started on with a Thanksgiving bender that started on a Tuesday like any
Thanksgiving bender would. I
started it off strong with a great night at Rutgers. KILLED it on the dance floor as per usual. Then I did the whole Thanksgiving Eve
to NYC gig which was also a great time.
And then came the holiday. It was a quiet one spent with family. I had a few casual beers throughout the
day. And then the fun started at
my buddy’s annual thanksgiving after party. Pretty much everyone spends the day with their families and
then goes to his house to get shit-faced late night. Now I’m no Andre the Giant but I’ve been known to slug a
beer or two and I was going at a great pace (bud light was the beverage of
choice). Then a disgruntled Jets
fan showed up and wanted to drink the sorrows of an ugly defeat away. He cracked open a bottle of Bacardi
Oakheart that I brought (no one with class would show up empty handed) and
that’s when the real fun began.
We
started passing it around the fire-pit and by the second time it got back to me
I realized we barely put a dent in it.
So the drunk me figures let’s get this party started and I start
chugging every time it was my turn like it was my favorite soda pop. And that’s the last thing I remember
from the evening. I woke up still
drunk and had no idea where I was.
Then I see my girlfriend and realize I’m at her house. She tells me I threw up. I ask if I got it on anything. She says “No you got it all in the
bowl, but you also peed and you didn’t make it to the bathroom for that.” Turns
out in a drunken state I got up in the middle of the night, stood up in the
middle of her bedroom, and pissed all over the place. To top it all off, most of the pee got on her MacBook. Her parents were at church so she
figured I should leave before they got back. She decided I was too drunk to drive myself home and she
drove me. When she got home she
told her mom who didn’t tell her husband which was pretty cool. So after a trip to the apple store her
mother had to buy her a brand new MacBook pro. The apple “genius” told her there was substantial water
damage. So in a nutshell I got
shit-faced, ruined my girlfriend’s computer, and forced her mother to spend
upwards of $1000 on a new one. I’m
sorry to report that I took the next night off. I guess the silver lining in this story is that her mother
was planning on buying her a new MacBook for Christmas so she just got it a
little early. So I guess she
should be thanking me no?"
First of all, Bacardi Oakheart is always a phenomenal choice. It's better than Captain. Secondly, why the fuck would you start chugging it like it was "soda pop"? I love the fact that you used the term soda pop to describe how you were drinking it, but why in god's name would you do that? Third, the Macbook pro is like $1,700 to start and adding some of the accessories that she most likely wanted, it probably was somewhere in the $2,200 range. And lastly, her mom should be thanking you even though you ruined Christmas morning for your girlfriend. Awesome story anonymous, awesome story.
No comments:
Post a Comment