New York Jets Fans Turn To Drugs And Alcohol After Just One Scrimmage Against Themselves To Start The Year

 

After this weekends Green and White scrimmage out of New York Jets training camp, many fans have already decided that their best option for this season is turning to drugs and alcohol. It's very shocking that this comes only one week into training camp as usually this stage doesn't hit their fans until at least December. However, after speaking with Jets fans, most have already given up.

"I'm just waiting for this debauchery of a Jets season to start," said an anonymous source who had a brown paper bag over his head. "Great, we won the headlines, now we have two quarterbacks who can't throw as opposed to only having one. This fucking Tebow guy can't even handle a snap."

The man with the brown paper bag over his head did have a big enough hole cut out to drink out of. He declined further comment on the situation. But other fans who actually showed their faces also had an opinion on the team they're calling the New York Jokes.

"The team is a fucking gossip column," said John Doe. He continued by saying, "I've never seen a more mediocre team get this much coverage." And it is actually very tough to argue with this one. Teams like the defending Super Bowl champion Giants and Super Bowl runner up New England Patriots can't even crack ESPNNews yet the Jets are getting their quarterbacks practice stats thrown up on the screen on Sports Center literally every morning.

All Jets fans know that this publicity is because of the one and only Tim Tebow, but the New York fans don't really give a rats ass about a virgin who is basically irrelevant to the team.

"He must be the only back up quarterback in the history of football to get his own press conference for joining a team," said Mike Nichols. "But it's okay because we didn't just bring him in to be the punt protector, we brought him in to lead the pre game prayer services."

When I finished up with asking Mr. Nichols what he was going to do this season he actually said he has started a Jet fans support group that will meet every game day. "We actually have a group meeting up for every Jet game this season. It's called N.A.A.O. or Narcotics and Alcoholics All Out. What we do here is try to not remain sober for any duration of the game because they are actually going to be unbearable to watch. We should actually have alcohol poisoning by the end of the first quarter since mandatory shots are to be taken every time the word "Tebow" is mentioned."

As you can clearly see, Jets fans are more than amped for the upcoming season. Much like Mets fans, they are a lively bunch who are proud supporters of mediocrity.

Other Notes From Jets Camp: ESPN First Take host Skip Bayless was escorted out of Cortland yesterday after he was caught masturbating in Tim Tebow's locker while the offense was in a meeting. Bayless has not denied the accusations and also said he would consider doing an interview with Bob Costas about the incident.