Things That Were Acceptable In College That Are Not Acceptable For The Real World

Remember when you went to college and it was basically an anything goes atmosphere? You could wear whatever you wanted to class, you could pretty much do whatever you wanted while you were on campus and it was actually acceptable to eat like you had five assholes when you went to dinner? Yeah, that shit doesn't fly in the real world. And now that most of my demographic is moving into the real world, I would like to share with you the things that were acceptable for college that are not acceptable for the real world.

1) Blacking out is considered a problem: In college you could black out Thursday, Friday and Saturday and it was totally acceptable. In the real world when you black out once you get looked at like a piece of shit on the street corner. Instead of people high fiving you and saying it's awesome because they also blacked out the night before, you have people looking at you disgusted that they even associate themselves with you. It's total bullshit.

2) Casual doesn't mean sweatpants and the shirt that was rolled up next to your bed: Contrare to popular belief casual Friday does not actually mean that you can wear whatever you want. Like when you asked your friends in college what the dress code was at the bar or club they always said that it was just casual. In the real world casual means that you actually have to put on jeans and wear a shirt that has a collar. I think it's completely nonsense, but I'm also an asshole.

3) Taking shots at happy hour is not okay: College happy hour? Let's take shots in between every drink. Real world happy hour? Let's have one or two drinks and hang out casually. If you're looking to really party, happy hour in the real world isn't the place for you.

4) Women actually want to have a full on conversation before deciding to sleep with you or not: Banging chicks in college is very simple, you just go up behind some girl shaking her ass, she'll start making out with you and then you go home and don't even know each other's names. In the real world you actually have to hold conversations with women. They like ask questions about your job and what you wanna do with your life, it's fucking weird. But if you pretend that you actually care about their dead end job you might just get a hand job out of the deal.

5) You can't skip work like you would skip class: Remember when you were in college and you woke up, felt tired and said, "Fuck it, I'm going back to bed"? You can't do that in the real world. You actually have to show up no matter how you're feeling, unless it's really bad. And then you have to call your boss and explain why you won't be in today. Just don't do this the night after you were that guy who got shitfaced at happy hour and stayed out until 3am. Because then everyone knows the real reason you didn't come to work.