I Just Can't Find It In Me To Wish My Friends Congratulations On Getting Engaged

Maybe I'm just a terrible person or maybe I'm just the only logical person still left on this planet but I just can't find it in me to say congratulations to my friends who are newly engaged. I'm at that age now where people are actually deciding to get engaged and it's all over my facebook. And what I then see on facebook are people wishing the engaged couple congratulations. Let's be serious though, you don't mean it when you say it.

What am I talking about? Women don't really mean it when they say congratulations on someone getting engaged because they're jealous that they're still single and sitting home on a Saturday night eating Ben & Jerry's and watching a romantic comedy. And men don't mean it when they say it because all they're thinking is what the fuck are you doing? You need your fucking head examined.

As for me I just can't pull myself to give the fake congrats for a couple of different reasons. But my main reason is because I'm not saying congrats to a fucking guy who just willingly committed to one vagina for the rest of his life at the age of let's say 26. You literally just committed to eating cheerios every day for the rest of your life. Not even honey nut cheerios. Just regular, heart healthy dry ass cheerios.

If you're married 25 years it's like eating cheerios every day for 25 years. What if you want fruit loops? What if you want cocoa puffs? What if you wanna go crazy and have cap n crunch? You can't. You are stuck with dry ass cheerios. So instead of congratulating you on being engaged, I'm just going to congratulate you on one vagina for the rest of your life. Get out while you still can bro, it ain't worth it.