Ladies, We Really Do Trust You But...

 

Alright ladies, listen up. You all want to talk about how we don't trust you when you go out. Here's the truth of the matter, we do trust you, we really do. It's just that there are two things that we don't trust when you're out. These two things are simple, we don't trust every human being with a penis and we don't trust your drunk alter ego. 

What am I talking about? Let's start with every human being with a penis, men. Men do not trust other men as far as they can throw each other. It's just not plausible. Why? Because every guy is an asshole, we know because we are assholes. Guys will find their way into situations to manipulate girls like you who have boyfriends and get you to cheat on us. Because all guys are scumbags and we have all done it to some poor girl before. So really, it's not you we don't trust; it's them. 

And then we have your drunk alter ego. What's your drunk alter ego? It's the side of you that decides you're gonna flirt and get all touchy feely with every guy at the bar when we're not around. You're drunk and you're stupid. You think it's harmless to go and whisper in that guys ear, meanwhile he's thinking you want to suck his dick. You also think it's okay to grind on that other guy on the dance floor. Meanwhile you don't realize that you're simulating having sex, therefore, that's not the least bit okay. 

So when we tell you that we trust you we actually mean it. But when we tell you that we don't trust every other guy out there and your drunk alter ego we mean that as well. You need to realize where we're coming from. We know guys, you don't. We know how you are when you're drunk, you don't realize it. It's not hard to understand. We do trust you, it's just the other factors that we don't trust. And if you're ending up in a bathroom with some random dude at a bar, don't say we didn't warn you.