Myself and Quite-Frankly will be giving Bar Reviews starting this week and every week from now on. This week we have a joint on Staten Island. Here we go...
Quite-Frankly's Review
Welcome to the first ever Bar Review. Our first review will be of a local Staten Island bar, KJ's Ale House. Now to the local Staten Islander, the normal attendees of this joint are nothing we haven't seen before. To the outsider (God bless you) this place is filled with absolute goons. Dudes watched a Miami Heat Chicago Bulls game like they are die hard fans, trying to start chants. Umm, go home. Have a few more drinks and go drive home. Hopefully you dont make it home or you get a DWI or something. As for the chicks, there's a few cuties walking around. However, they are as stuck up as you can imagine. They walk around like they are fucking some billionaire. Listen, honey get your nose out of the air. Your guy is 28 years old, lives at home, makes 25 grand a yr, and acts like he is 18 years old. That is not the recipe for a stuck up chick but the recipe for a chick who gets beaten. Since I went on a little bit of a rant, I'll get back to the bar. The bar itself at this place is way way way to big. It bellies out and cause a shit show when your trying to leave. Prices aren't too bad and on Tuesdays the bartender flips a coin if you get it right you get a free drink. But then again, what the fuck are you doing out on a Tuesday on a regular basis anyway? Not exactly the type of place I understand. Friday Saturday, I get; Monday through Thursday and Sunday stay home go to bed and wake up in the morning scrubs.
Pros - $3.50 beers, free drink on a correct coin flip
Cons - Clown show, cramped, big night is a Tuesday
Rating - 10 ..................... out of 100
Steve the Hammer:
Staten Island’s KJ’s Ale House, an establishment I would like to forget. First things first, shrink the bar so there is more room for people to move around. You have about five feet of space if you want to move from the front of the place to the back of the place. Give me a break. Secondly, the place is jerkoff central. Between the people yelling at the TV starting chants rooting against Lebron and the asshole juice heads staring everyone down I wanted to throw a fucking grenade inside on my way out. The only good thing was that it was a Tuesday and you could win a free beer with a coin flip. Wow thanks, it’s a fucking Tuesday, you would think the 25 year old guido’s would have work the next day; but they’re just using their unemployment money on going out. I might go back if I’m extremely bored and have nothing else to do, but I wouldn’t count on it. I would rather sit at home and watch porn by myself than stand around inside that fucking place. And the last thing I hate about the place is that 85% of the people there LIVE to go there on Tuesday nights. They talk about it from the Wednesday before all the way to the anticipated big night. Time to grow up people, get a fucking job. Then again, I’m doing this for no money so I guess we’re in the same boat. I just don’t live to go to a shitty ass bar on a Tuesday, you do. That’s where we’re different.
Pro’s: Coin flip for beers.
Cons: Jerkoff Central, and it’s too small to move when crowded.
Rating: 2 out of 10…and I’m being generous.
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