Marriage and the Oxymoron

From my studies over the years I have noticed that the term “happy relationship” is actually the ultimate oxymoron. People in relationships are never happy, they’re always miserable. Between the arguing and the constant bickering, what the fuck is the reason they’re still with each other? Which makes me wonder why anyone would want to get married. So, I have come up with the main reasoning that people get married, and not one of those reasons is love.

First, you have to think about how crazy the institution of marriage is. You are with one vagina for the rest of your life. That’s it, just one. It’s like waking up every day and having the same dull ass bowl of cheerios for breakfast. What if you want coco puffs, or fruit loops, or even some fucking oatmeal? You can’t have any of it, just that dry fucking bowl of cheerios. However, from what I do hear is that you barely see that vagina once you’re married but that means unless you’re going off the menu; you’re not seeing any vagina.

So as for the forced situation that men bring upon themselves know as marriage, here are the reasons I see for men to get married. The first reason I see is that you fucked up one night; slipped one passed the goalie and now you have a little version of you running around. Then you feel bad, and figure, “Fuck it, I’ll just stay with this miserable bitch for the rest of my life,” sounds harsh, but very true.

Second is because you’re a moron. You think to yourself, “I don’t want anyone else,” in this case you are a fucking idiot. Look around asshole, there are plenty of other women out there, and you’re a lying sack of shit if you want to sit there and tell me that you have no interest in any of them. You are definitely interested in that hot ass girl, with the shorts up her ass, walking down the street. You’re just too much of a bitch to move out of your comfort zone.

As far as that “fox” you think you’ll be marrying, there is an old saying that I will leave you with. How do you turn a fox into a cow? Marry it. The end.