What's The Biggest Sport At The Olympics? SEX

Apparently Olympics athletes are scoring more than points in the games this year.  For the 2012 London Olympics, the committee ordered 100,000 condoms for the athletes.  A HUNDRED THOUSAND FREAKING RUBBERS.  Forget the games, how do I get tickets to the athlete village? I guess it shouldn't shock anyone that all those super fit, good looking, I-don't-know-how-to-say-anything-but-yes-in-your-language super humans are shacking it up after they compete.  For one thing, it's a great way to handle the stress and even more important, there's a good chance you won't see that person for another four years.  So which athletes are the most sexually active? Through no scientific or sound proof whatsoever I'm counting down who I think "goes for the gold" trojan wrapper the most:

5. Soccer- Not as big in America, but in every other country these guys/girls are basically royalty, pretty much the Tim Tebow of the country.  You all hate it because they're famous and athletic (and usually cry like a bitch when they fall down) but you'd still take a roll in the sack if you got the chance.

4.  Track and Field- This one might not be on the list if it wasn't for our story on Michelle Jenneke.  Just goes to show being fast doesn't necessarily mean it's not fun.  Who wouldn't want a little quickie right before a meet?

3.  Gymnastics- They bend, they flip, they contort their bodies in ways that make you wanna grab your own balls and say ouch.  Talk about performing under pressure, these people flip 5 feet in the air over 4 inches of wood among thousands of screaming fans (can I just point out golfers need complete silence to make a 2 inch putt? Pussies) Technically gymnastics could score the #2 or even #1 spot on the list, but I'm pretty sure they are also the angriest athletes in the Olympics.  I'd be afraid to have sex with anything that has a straight face after landing flat on their face after a triple back flip.

2. Women's Volleyball- Basically the symbol for sex in the Olympics.  Just go into a bar this week and look around, it's the one time you'll see guys watching a female sport instead of basketball.  Not to mention that unlike some other sports where you can't tell who's a boy and who's a girl because they are all so jacked, these women have the perfect bodies.  Tall, muscular, tan...it's like watching Victoria's Secret models play in the sand.  But once you get past the sand and into the water it's...

1. SWIMMING- You hang out all day practically naked, you're always wet, your events include breaststroke and backstroke, I could write puns all day about this.  Look at they way almost no one in this sport looks serious even right before a race.  You can just see these people are trying to swim faster so they can get out of the pool to go have sex.  There's a reason ESPN wrote an article on why swimmers are the most sexually active athletes.  That burst of endorphins, muscles of steel, and slicked down wet suite would get anyone ready for action.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is my take on sex in the Olympics.  Of course some people were offended by all this talk about sex and condoms in the Olympics, but I have a theory on why it's necessary.  You have the fastest, strongest, most talented people in the planet all in once place this week.  They better be using those condoms, otherwise the rest of us would become extinct if they breed  a whole new generation of super humans.  Think about it.