The Late Night Special

Late Night Menu: Deep Fried Zuccini

Late Night Programming: Late night college football

Late night Song: Calling by Alesso

Fun Fact: In 1920 Babe Ruth out homered every team in the MLB...That's an absurd stat

Late Night Video:

The Weekend Whistle: The Official Start To Your Weekend

The final Weekend Whistle of the summer brings us the final party scene from American Pie 2. This is the scene that culminates their summer with a huge banger at the end and this is the scene that's basically saying cheers to an awesome time. That's what you should be doing this weekend, just drinking to the awesome time that was your summer. I'm getting out of here, I'll have the regular weekend posts going up this weekend but Monday I'm taking the day off. Have a memorable last weekend and remember it's all about the story.

Betz Of The Weekend

This Weekend's Games

NCAA Football:

#24 Boise State vs #13 Michigan State (-6.5)

Notre Dame vs Navy (+15.5)

Marshall vs #11 West Virginia (-25.5)

#14 Clemson vs Auburn (+3.5)

Arkansas State vs #5 Oregon (-37)

#8 Michigan vs #2 Alabama (-14)

What Are The Chances Someone Actually Dies At My Shore House This Weeked?

So tomorrow the boys of my shore house over at 103 18th avenue in Belmar are planning on throwing a rager to end the summer. And why wouldn't you do this? There's no reason to not drink until you shit yourself on the last weekend of the summer. Now, although I've only been down there a handful of times this summer, which I apologize for, I totally plan on being there tomorrow. My question to you people is simple. What are the odds of someone dying at this party tomorrow? Like death by trampling, alcohol poisoning or falling down the stairs does not seem to be out of the realm of possibility. I'm saying it's going off at 5-1 odds that someone will die. And then I'm saying it's going off at 3-1 odds that someone in my house pulls off a three way with two chicks they've never met before. Should be an awesome time. I expect to not remember anything. Does anyone want to wager with me on this? Feel free to tweet or email me.

Twitter: @thtalkofthetown
Email: hammer@talkofthetown.me

You Shouldn't Always Be Dressing Like You're Looking To Get Fucked

Women crack me up. I was gonna say that it's not all women, but all women crack me up in one way or another. The specific women who I am speaking of right now are the one's who no matter what ALWAYS dress like they're trying to get fucked. No matter what the situation, they dress like they're just looking to get railed out by a random stranger.

Let's take what I saw on facebook the other day. A girl going sky diving. First of all, this chick is a cunt. I'm just waiting for the perfect status/mobile upload to defriend her. Now, she's getting ready to go sky diving, what was she wearing? Well, first of all her hair was done. You're about to jump out of a fucking plane, why would you do your hair that is about to get totally fucked up? Dumb broad. Next, the shorts. I'm pretty sure I saw the entire lower third of her ass cheeks. Are you trying to make it easy for the instructor to slip it in while you're in the sky?

Then finally, a jean jacket and sun glasses. You really need a jean jacket to go sky diving? What are you auditioning for a part in the re make of Saved by the Bell? Lose the fucking jean jacket hun, it went out of style when Principal Belding stopped acting. And the sun glasses, well we all know you wear a specific set of goggles when you're sky diving so those are pointless.

What's my point? My point is that there are some women who dress so ridiculous they should get punched right in the mouth. It's like the chick who comes to 8am class looking like she's ready to go out on a Friday night. You can't always dress like you're looking to get fucked. The only message it sends is that you're hoping some guy with money knocks you up so you don't ever have to work again. And it makes guys wonder how bad you really look with no make up on.

Types of Checkouts

Elevator eyes- The straight up and down assessment.  This kind of look just gives you the hibbie jibbies inside.  Dude takes in everything from your tits to your feet, and he's already thinking about fucking you before he gets to your face.  Usually happens when you walk by a construction site or weirdly, in an elevator….I think it's because you can't get away for at least 30 seconds, plenty of time for a fantasy jackoff sesh.  Guys tend to nod their heads as if they are showing appreciation for checking out your body.  Thanks bro, I feels special you decided to eye fuck me in the most obvious way possible.  

The casual side glance- Subtle but sincere.  At least this guy makes somewhat of an effort to make sure you don't have a busted face with hot body.  Side glances at a bar usually lead to good flirting, good flirting leads to great sex.  Yes, your health teacher and mean girls had it right, talking to a boy can get you pregnant.  

No look at all- Ladies if you think you are looking fly and walk by a dude who does not look at you, Instantly you think "whoa whoa woah, did he really just not check me out?" Admit it, you get a little insulted, and immediately turn around to try and figure out if he's gay or not.  Sure we don't want to be ogled 24/7, but a little glance is a nice self-esteem booster.  Is that contradictory? Yea, but we're just difficult like that.  Deal with it. 

Floyd Mayweather Set To Bet $3 Million On Michigan Against Alabama Tomorrow Night

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/gameon/post/2012/08/aa/1

Floyd Mayweather either has so much money that he doesn't know what to do with all of it or he's just the biggest asshole on the planet. I'm gonna go with the ladder part of that one. He's betting $3 million on Michigan to cover the spread against Alabama this weekend. The spread is currently at 14. In theory it seems like a good bet, but it's really a terrible, terrible bet. Alabama is going to absolutely blow the doors off of Michigan. Bama is too big, too fast and too good. Unless Denard Robinson has the game of his life, the Tide are gonna roll to an easy three score victory and Floyd is gonna be out $3 mill. Does it really matter to him though? He wipes his ass with $3 mill. Must be nice to be an uneducated millionaire. I must be doing somethign wrong.

Ranking The Cheerleaders Of College Football's Top 25: The Top 5

 

We have finally arrived at the top 5 of our rankings of the cheerleaders of college football's top 25. All I have to say is that it was literally a toss up between these 5 because I love every single one of them. The only chant I have for this one is give me a B for boner. 

5) Oklahoma

Football Poll: 4

Cheerleader Poll: 5 

 

God do I love me some thick southwest blonde chicks. That's what the Oklahoma squad brings to the table. Thick, blonde and beautiful. My face would make a great seat for every single one of your asses. I guarantee it. 

4) Wisconsin

Football Poll: 12

Cheerleader Poll: 4 

Well we know they like to party and I'm sure they like to fuck too. The Wisconsin girls have a place near and dear to my heart for their top of the line hotness. Best part about them is they all have the sexiest set of fucking legs in the league. Those legs would look even better pinned behind their ears. 

3) USC

Football Poll: 1

Cheerleader Poll: 3 

What's not to love about the USC cheerleaders? They're all hotties from southern California. The biggest appeal they have though are the old school uniforms. They look ten times hotter wearing that uniform and my dream is to one day see that uniform crawled up in a ball next to my bed. 

2) West Virginia

Football Poll: 11

Cheerleader Poll: 2 

 

I'll be totally honest, the first thing I think of when I think of West Virginia is toothless hillbillies. It's definitely not absolutely ridiculous cheerleaders who I would eat the corn out of their shit just to say I tasted their assholes. I don't even have any more words after that. I just need to make a visit out there and try my own luck. 

1) Michigan

Football Poll: 8

Cheerleader Poll: 1

I'm not gonna pat myself on the back here but I think I did a pretty stellar fucking job picking this top five and the headline of our poll are the girls of Michigan. These girls are just so sexy. They all have unbelievable bodies with beautiful faces. I don't even want to fuck these girls I want to straight up make love to them. What happens with their football team doesn't even matter ever again, their cheerleaders are the hottest in the league and I will take that to the bank. 

Let me know how I did with the rankings. Email hammer@talkofthetown.me or get at me on twitter @thtalkofthetown. Football season is in full swing and it feels beautiful. 

Asshole Of The Day Award

http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/incest-dad-jailed-over-teen-daughters-sexual-education-20120831-254kd.html

This world has some sick fucking people in it. This guy just got sentenced to five and a half years in jail for having sex with his teenage daughter in what he claims was to teach her sex education so she could satisfy her boyfriend. What? Is that not the most deranged fucking thing you've ever heard? It's fucking ridiculous. Only think I have to say about this is now this guy's gonna get a whole lot of sex education about anal. Here's your t-shirt, I award you no points and may god have mercy on your soul.

Akron Dude Runs 58 Yards The Wrong Way

Before I start I can't say that he's the dumbest mother fucker on the field because none of his teammates tried to stop him from running the wrong way and the other team actually chased him to tackle him. So they're all dumb mother fuckers. But how the fuck do you not know which way your team is going? If he would've turned he only have to go like 12 yards for the score. Instead he went 58 yards backwards and completely took away field position. I don't even have words. This guy is just clearly a fucking idiot. And he has a full scholarship to college. It's unbelievable. America, we're fucked.

Defriendment Friday's

I can't believe I still find people to defriend at this point...

Steve the Hammer

The Culprit: Krista (middle name removed)

Status that broke the camel's back: I need someone to volunteer to ship me dunkin donuts coffee grounds...ready...go

Reason for Defriendment: Clearly you're one of those girls who would suck a dick for Dunkin Donuts coffee. And how about just going to a Dunkin Donuts? Did you think of that one? I bet that was a real fucking brain buster. And what makes you so special that someone would just volunteer to do this for you? You are the weakest link, goodbye.

Party Song Of The Weekend Brought To You By DJ Nicky Bentz

And to officially close out your summer our resident DJ, Nicky Bentz has brought you guys Don't You Worry Child by Swedish House Mafia. I am in love with this song I really think it's such a jam. And it's also perfect for the end of the summer. Don't worry that it's the end of the summer, I'm sure you partied hard and had a great one. But now there's some awesome shit to look forward to for the fall now. Like Daddy being back behind the bar at Traffic Bar NYC next week. Yeah, come see me. Have an awesome Labor Day Weekend everyone!

Moms Up In Arms Over New Skittles Commercial Further Confirming Our Country Is Softer Than Baby Shit

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/28/one-million-moms-decries-bestiality-new-walrus-skittles-ad_n_1836914.html?ref=topbar

I happen to think this commercial is hilarious. The Walrus literally looks like the fat guy who was in the restaurant when he takes the new chick out on their first date in Big Daddy. Does anyone else see anything wrong with this commercial? It got the point across. But as always there are people who have a problem with pretty much everything, like a group called One Million Moms. They're bitching and complaining that Skittles is promoting beastiality and not looking out for the best interests of their children. Beastiality is sex with an animal for all of you clueless people out there. These mothers are actually a bunch of cunts who are in desperate need of a good fucking. Loosen the fuck up and stop taking everything so seriously. You're the people who take everything anyone says to you literally and you're everything that's wrong with America. You're the mothers who think their kids should get a fucking 7th place ribbon just for participating. You're the reason the next generation is gonna grow up to be a bunch of pussies and ultimately you'll be the reason that America gets taken over by another country that actually has balls attached to it. Give me a fucking break. There's nothing wrong with this commercial and I guarantee your kids are the ones who my kids are gonna be beating up in the hallway and giving wedgies to at school. It's people like you who are the reason that America is softer than baby shit.

Betz Of The Day

Football is back baby! I'm fucking amped!

Today's Games

NCAA Football:

South Carolina (-6.5) vs Vanderbilt

Washington State vs BYU (under 65.5)

MLB:

Red Sox vs Angels (under 7.5)

Chick Who Plays In Lingerie Football League Tells Women Not To Dress Like Whores...Hilarity Ensues

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/story/2012/08/30/toronto-krista-ford.html?cmp=rss

Let's break it down for you. This chick lives in Toronto and is the niece of the mayor of Toronto. When police warned women in the Toronto area to be careful and mindful of where they are because of a string of recent sexual assaults. This bitch then sends a tweet telling women to not dress like whores and they won't have a problem. Well, well, well isn't that the pot calling the kettle black? This little slut played in the Lingerie Football League last year and she's telling women not to dress like whores? What kind of balls does this fucking bitch have? She must have forgotten that she ran around on a football field in her underwear and a helmet basically so guys could watch her tits and ass bounce for two hours. Are you kidding? That's like me telling another blogger that he's a loser for blogging. You really know how to put your foot in your mouth bitch. And from the looks of you, you probably really know how to put a dick in your mouth also.

You Don't Understand Because You Don't Have A Penis

I'm out at a bar last night and there just so happened to be a fantasy football draft there. These guys hired two absolutely smoking hot girls to literally stand there and put the names up on the board. My friend's girlfriend sitting next to me says, "I don't get guys. Why do you need these two girls to stand there and put names up on the board? I don't understand." My only response to this was simple, you don't understand because you don't have a penis.

Women don't understand the thing known as eye candy. It's just a concept that goes completely over their heads all the time. The best thing that a man has that a woman doesn't is his imagination. We love to imagine ourselves doing things that we know are completely unrealistic and unattainable. Like banging the smoking hot chick for instance. We know she's a ten and we're a five. But we take mental snap shots of her and then go home and picture ourselves destroying her. We also picture ourselves with a six pack and muscles because we would just rather picture it than go to the gym and work on getting it.

The problem for most women is that they don't see what we get out of just staring at other hot women. What we get out of it is we get to imagine having sex with something other than our hand or the girl we've been dating. Instead of cheating we just make up our own highlight real of this smoking hot ten sitting on our face and 69ing with us. Is this such a terrible crime?

It's the same reason why we ask you to put on a french maid outfit or a naughty nurse outfit for us. We need some variety in our lives. We need to use our imagination sometimes to do things that we don't normally do and make our fantasy come true. Sometimes we just need to take a break from reality and imagine things that aren't realistic such as Mila Kunis riding me like thoroughbred in the Kentucky Derby. You don't have a penis, so you don't understand.

Never Underestimate The Power Of Female Detective Skills

I know I've been absent on here for a while, who knew getting a real job would take up so much of my time?  Don't worry I've been doing plenty of stupid shit while drunk to give you all new stories on here.  Speaking of late night antics I've been wanting to write this story for a while and feel like enough time has passed where I can.  A few months ago I discovered that every woman is born a detective when it comes to men.  If we need information about a guy, there is no force on this Earth that will stop us from getting it.  This can make us seem brilliant, or it makes us look fucking insane.  Either way, guys might as well make all their shit public because we're going to find it anyways.  How do I know this?

It was my friend's birthday, so being the alcoholics we are we decide to rent a limo and go to a drag show.  Since we didn't have to worry about hailing cabs and the limo was stocked like Amy Winehouse's liquor cabinet it's needless to say we were all hammered by 10pm.  Add in a little encouragement from some drag queens and we were a recipe for disaster.  We decide to leave the club and head out for a bar some of our other friends were at.  We get there, and my last memory from the night is seeing a hot guy at the bar, and going to buy a shot to see if he would talk to me.  Obviously this was drunk girl logic at it's finest.  

I wake up to a text in the morning saying something to the effect of "It was so nice to meet you, let's hang out sometime."  Doing what any normal girl would do I instantly wake up all my friends asking "the guy I was talking to, was he good looking or was he fucking ugly?" We determine he is in fact hot guy from the bar last night.  So now to my next problem, I have no fucking clue what his name is.  Since I'm pretty sure my drunk self from the night before didn't make any kind of classy impression, I know if I ask this kid his name it's game over.  The only information we had to go off of was that he was my friend's friend acquaintance from another hometown friend.  Enter stalker girl squad. WIthin 10 minutes, we had looked through the friend's albums until we found the guy in the background of one of the pictures.  At the same time, my other friend had this trick where you can call someone's voicemail message without them knowing to confirm the name.  Sadly this didn't work, but 5 more minutes and my friends had somehow found out his name, what sport he played in college, and an random post on the internet saying that he had 3 girlfriends at one point.  

Ok, so I know with the internet it's pretty easy to find out anything about anyone.  But still, women are fucking pros at it.  If the U.S. really wanted to find terrorists they should just look for any pissed off ex girlfriends and talk to them.  Guarantee within 10 minutes you will have his phone number, address, and the last slut he banged.  The truth is women are sneakier than the FBI when we want to be.  I just hope this kid is no where near as good as a detective, because if he finds this blog post there is no way in hell he's talking to me again.  Oh well, all in the name of comedy.  

Ranking The Cheerleaders Of College Football's Top 25: 10-6

 

Here we go as we have finally reached the top ten of our list. Let's not wait, let's get right into it...

10) Oregon

Football Poll: 5

Cheerleader Poll: 10 

 

The girls of Oregon actually seem way hotter than they really are. I thought they were gonna easily be a top five squad but top ten isn't too bad. I am speaking especially for the girls in the top picture, their bodies are just absolutely insane. I would suck a fart out of all their assholes.

9) Arkansas

Football Poll: 10

Cheerleader Poll: 9 

 

What do I love the most about the ladies of Arkansas? They look older than they actually are and it's almost a cougaresque look that they have. Like this chick on the bottom right here. You're telling me she doesn't have an appearance on a cougar hunter porn site somewhere in the near future? I believe she does, and I will pay to see that in HD.

8) LSU

Football Poll: 3

Cheerleader Poll: 8 

 

The LSU girls just make my penis tingle all day long. I mean when we talk about overall hotness, you can't leave LSU out of the equation. When you put great faces with great bodies you just get boners all around for everyone who's watching.  

7) Alabama

Football Poll: 2

Cheerleader Poll: 7 

 

What are the Alabama girls? I like to refer to them as Southern Hot. Like if they weren't from the south they probably wouldn't be so hot. But the fact that they're from the south makes them ten times hotter than they actually are. Not to mention them calling me Daddy with that little souther accent would drive me crazy.

6) Florida

Football Poll: 23

Cheerleader Poll: 6 

Point out one girl in either of these pictures who you wouldn't absolutely smash. You can't do it, it's absolutely impossible. Look in the bottom picture all the way to the right. That booty just isn't even fair and niether are the rest of the girls on this team. They're just too fucking hot. I love them. And none of them fucked Tebow which makes them even hotter.

Asshole Of The Day Award

http://www.newsday.com/news/nation/houston-man-allegedly-drove-bulldozer-into-office-1.3936326

If you're a disgruntled co worker what should you do? A) Go talk to your boss about why you're disgruntled, B) Talk to other co workers before making a decision, C) Quit, D) Drive a bulldozer into the building and just completely fuck shit up causing $1.5 million worth of damage? If you chose D, you are today's winner. How disgruntled does a co worker have to be to actually go to the level of driving a bulldozer through the building? I think you need to see a therapist guy because there's a good chance you're gonna end up being the guy holding up traffic on the bridge because you're standing there deciding whether or not you wanna jump during rush hour. Here's your t-shirt, I award you no points and may god have mercy on your soul.

Bros Being Bros

Just straight up bros being bros right here. Trying their best to get on TV during the hurricane Isaac coverage and they succeed. Just viciously dry humping the air while they try to get some air time, gotta love the enthusiasm. However, I'm almost positive that's the only thing they'll be humping for a while.

Thursday: Things I Wish I Could Tell My Girlfriend

 

This Week:

48) If you're not pregnant, I really don't care that much

Previous Weeks:

1) You should've seen this chick I banged last night

2) Bet your ass that when we break up I'm gonna try and bang all your hot friends

3) I slept with your best friend

4) You look fat in those jeans

5) I've had better

6) All your guy friends are trying to nail you

7) You've gained a few pounds

8) I can't believe you let me go raw right away

9) Your sister is hotter than you

10) Let's have a threesome with your Mom because she didn't mind having sex with me yesterday

11) I totally forgot to pull out last night

12) The number of girls I've had sex with is about three times more than you think it is

13) You're not that hot

14) Your best friend is the biggest bitch I know

15) He calls you because he wants to bang you

16) I would go to jail to bang your brother's 16 year old girlfriend

17) You shouldn't be wearing that slutty outfit when I'm not around

18) I'm a great wing man

19) You give sub par head

20) How come I never actually get anything out of Valentine's Day?

21) Who wouldn't want to have sex with me?

22) Your performance in bed last night was not the usual

23) I can read you like a book

24) I get a hall pass this weekend right?

25) My dick is like a ten foot strand of fly tape, whenever I walk into a room vaginas just stick to it

26) There's a good chance of me being able to have sex with someone other than you this weekend

27) Is there a threesome with your hot friend in the foreseeable future?

28) What's your thoughts on the rusty trombone?

29) Your bitch friend is just mad because we have awesome sex and she hasn't been laid in years

30) I'm slipping it in your butt without asking one of these days

31) Your DUFF has to go, she's scaring my friends away

32) I don't actually cum half the time

33) At least give me a warning before you decide to tickle my butthole

34) Is a few minutes of 69 so much to ask for?

35) BJ's need to become a more vital part of the relationship

36) Don't be surprised when you get the shocker next time we're together

37) My goal is to make sure you can't walk normal tomorrow

38) If you wanna please me you'll go with the sun dress, if you wanna please the other vultures walking around with their tongues out staring at you, you'll go with the slutty short shorts.

39) Yes, that outfit does make you look like a slut.

40) There needs to be a Blumpkin in the cards somewhere in the near future for me.

41) I have no sympathy for your friend who just got dumped because she's a slut.

42) I eat a mean box, just ask your sister

43) Thank god you swallowed at will so I didn't have to hold your head down

44) The shower is meant for doggy style not for me to hold you up so you don't feel degraded

45) Your brother's are the biggest douche bags on the planet

46) That girl who claims to be your best friend, she's a cunt.
47) You only win fights based on me not wanting to hear you talk anymore.

The Late Night Special

Late Night Menu: Deep Fried Ice Cream

Late Night Programming: Pizza Paradise

Late Night Song: Check Your Self by Ice Cube

Fun Fact: Costco is the largest wine retailer in the US bringing in about $700 million a year in annual wine sales.

Late Night Video:

Dude Tries To Surprise Girlfriend By Mailing Himself To Her Office For Her Birthday...Almost Suffocates And Dies When Package Gets Delayed

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/4510157/Boyfriend-almost-dies-after-mailing-himself-to-girlfriend-in-sealed-box.html

What a fucking jackass. He tried doing a nice gesture by sending himself in a package to his girlfriend at her office for her birthday. Too bad for him he forgot to do something like poke a fucking hole in the box so he could breathe. Turns out the package got delayed three hours and when she opened the package it was just him laying there unconscious like a spineless jellyfish. Instead of happy birthday it was call the paramedics and give my dumb ass boyfriend some air. I actually laughed out loud when I read this shit. You can't make it up. If it happened earlier he easily would've been asshole of the day, but this will do just fine.

Betz Of The Day

Today's Games

MLB:

Cardinals vs Pirates

Nats vs Marlins

White Sox vs O's (under 9)

What's She Really Saying When She Gives You A Dirty Look?

Got caught staring? Make a comment that you probably shouldn't have made? If you're a guy who has done either of these things then you have probably been the victim of a dirty look. Women do this whenever they feel as though it's necessary to make you know that they saw or heard you do something that is borderline inappropriate. But is she really that mad?

A lot of chicks wanna give you the vibe that they're actually pissed off at you staring or at what you said. Let's start with staring. She's never gonna be pissed off at you for staring. She loves the fact that you're staring, that's why she wore whatever the fuck it is you're staring at. It's either her cleavage or her ass so just pick one. There is not a woman on this planet who gets pissed when a guy is staring at her body parts hanging out. She just does that to see what you do next. If you're smart you start a conversation. If you're a pussy you crawl into the fetal position.

As for the comments, this is a little tougher because it depends what you say. If you say something like, "I would lick her ass all night long," she's just gonna tell you that you're disgusting and walk away. If you say something along the lines of, "Holy shit," she's just gonna stare and wait for you to say something to her. Once again, it's at this point where you'll either find out just how much she was looking for a guy to say something about how hot she looks; or you'll become a little bitch and freeze up as some other dude swoops in to tell her all the things he would do to her. Most of those things involve handcuffs and whipped cream and she loves it.

The stare doesn't say stop looking or stop talking. The stare says, "Let's see if you can back up all that talking." Most guys shy away from this, but for the ones who have balls it's a fucking lay up in the bedroom. Don't let her fool you, she wants to see what you're gonna do next.

Reader Email: Did My Friend Have The Greatest Response In The History Of Getting Shut Down?

Email from Mark (NYC): 
"Last week on our lunch break my friend and I went to this pizzeria that we go to about twice a week. We go there about twice a week because there is a cute girl who works the register that my friend clearly wants to lay pipe to. I had finally had enough of him talking about her so I told him he wouldn't have the balls to ask her to go out with him. Naturally, like any guy would he accepted the challenge. I went in there with him mainly because I had to see it in person or I just wouldn't believe him. He goes up there and starts bullshitting with her making his normal small talk and then he asks her if she ever heard of this place kind of near by. She said yes but she had never been there. Like a lion pouncing on a gazelle my friend quickly responded with, "So how about I take you there?" Thinking she was getting off easy she just simply responded with, "I would love to go with you, but I have a boyfriend." Now most of the time when this happens, the conversation stops dead in its tracks. Not this one. My friend might have had the greatest response to getting shut down when he said, "That's fine, I'll take him too." I couldn't believe he had said that and I just walked away and bursted out laughing. The girl on the other hand was caught so off guard by this that she had no idea what to respond with. She just laughed and gave that smirk that said, "Wow, now I really wanna fuck this kid." We walked out and that was the end. Not only do I think that's the greatest response of all time, but I also think he planted a major seed. Thoughts?" 

I'm just completely and utterly speechless by the brilliance that was your friend's response. I have never heard such an awesome remark in response to getting shut down by a girl. If there is such a thing as the perfect remark, that was it. I literally want to just shake his hand and bow because of this email. He needs to get in contact with me because he literally gets any free t-shirt he wants. I mean I usually respond with, "Well that sucks for you, because I eat the box," but this one definitely takes the cake. My thought is yes, this is the greatest getting shut down response of all time and that girl is going to want to rape him the next time he enters that pizzeria. Because you know he's going in there again just to flirt with her and let her think a little bit more. Awesome, awesome email. Take notes kids, this is how you mind fuck a woman.

Introducing "Sarah Says"...The Harsh Truth About Leggings

 

Sarah is our contributor from Not the It Girls. She will be contributing to us every Wednesday with "Sarah Says" giving you a nice dose of estrogen to go with your week. I will be doing the same thing on their site (http://nottheitgirls.com) to give them a nice little dose of testosterone. Every Wednesday Talk of the Town teams with Not the It Girls for the greatest merger since the actual merger. Don't miss out.  Also, don't forget to follow them on twitter @nottheitgirls

When I talked to Steve (the Hammer) about what my first post for Talk of the Town should be about, I shot out an idea about leggings. Possibly because I was wearing them at the time and had a minor case of writer’s block. And The Hammer said, and I quote, “[The] person who invented leggings should be canonized as a saint.” You know what Hammer? You’re right. Guys, you’re right.

We’ve all leered at girls in leggings. I’m strictly dickly and I leer at girls in leggings. Have you gotten the stink eye from a girl whose legs you were eyeing? Let me tell you something, that stink eye is high and mighty bullshit. I wear leggings because they’re comfortable. But I am also 100% aware that my ass looks so fucking banging in leggings I’d wear them every day if it were appropriate. And I can almost guarantee you that the girl who’s giving you a hard time knows how great her ass looks.

Let me clarify. This doesn’t apply to work out clothes. This is all about leggings in the wild. At the mall. On the streets. Ladies, you can’t play Pollyanna innocent when it comes to leggings. They are skintight. Classy, smart women do not wear skintight clothing unless they can pull it off. (And I hate to say it, but a lot of women can’t pull it off. Think before you stretch.) I’d like to think I’m fairly classy. I wouldn’t wear leggings with a super tight, tits out kind of shirt. But I’m wearing those lyrca, elastic miracles on purpose. Trust me.

Maybe I’m making generalizations here. Maybe I’m assuming that all women work the way I do. And that probably isn’t true. But I’m selfish and this is my post so I’ll say whatever I want. Now I’m not saying I wear leggings explicitly to have my ass stared out. I wear leggings because they are obscenely comfortable and I’m really just too lazy for pants sometimes. So fellas, here’s what I have to say to you. You see me in leggings? Check out my ass. I want you to.

Sarah, creator of Not the It Girls, is a contributor to Talk of the Town. You can contact her at sarah@nottheitgirls.com.

Ranking The Cheerleaders Of College Football's Top 25: 15-11

 

It is day number three of ranking the cheerleaders of college football's top 25. It's actually getting harder and harder to do this as I keep second guessing myself on my rankings the more I look at the pictures. But you know what? Who cares? With this many hot girls it's all about your own personal taste.

15) Ohio State

Football Poll: 18

Cheerleader Poll: 15 

 

I honestly think what I love the most about the Ohio State cheerleaders is that they all look like such innocent good girls. But they're sexy looking innocent good girls. They have the turtle neck on at all times making you try to cop a look up their skirt. And their faces are all gorgeous. They also go to Ohio State so not only are they smart, but they know how to party. 

14) Boise State

Football Poll: 24

Cheerleader Poll: 14 

 

Just like their football team snuck up on the entire country a few years back before they became the power that they are now, the Boise State cheerleaders snuck up on me. I thought girls from Idaho would probably rank last on this list but I am happy to say that I was completely wrong. They're hot and they give off the vibe that they're all freaks. What else could you possibly want out of a cheerleading team?

13) TCU

Football Poll: 20

Cheerleader Poll: 13 

I'm not even gonna attempt to sugar coat this one, I love the TCU cheerleading squad. Even the girls on this team who are just mediocre looking have this sex appeal about them that can drive a guy crazy. Add in that southern bell accent and I need to call a doctor for my erection lasting way longer than four hours. All I want to do is party with them one time before I die. 

12) Nebraska

Football Poll: 17

Cheerleader Poll: 12 

 

If you have a thing for blondes than you're gonna fall in love with the Nebraska cheerleaders. Top to bottom they have some of the best bodies in this entire poll. Why they're rated so low is because a lot of them are what we would call "paper bag girls". But it doesn't matter when the lights are off. With their bodies you'd feel like you're banging a top of the line super model. 

11) Michigan State

Football Poll: 13

Cheerleader Poll: 11 

 

Rounding out this list are the Michigan State cheerleaders. When you have girls that make Minnie Mouse ears and lime green nerd glasses look sexy your team is definitely doing something right. If I was rating this on actual cheerleading skill they would be last with that little mishap from the basketball game last year where that poor girl almost died, but this is solely based on looks so we're good. The Big Ten might suck at football, but they definitely make up for it with their smoking hot cheerleaders. 

Asshole Of The Day Award

http://host.madison.com/wsj/news/local/crime_and_courts/saudi-man-charged-for-three-alleged-attempts-to-have-sex/article_5742720e-f175-11e1-8a0d-0019bb2963f4.html

What a sly little mother fucker this guy is. He came from Saudi Arabia and was taking english as a second language classes and decided to use it on a couple of his neighbors, three to be exact. He asked all the ladies is he could "pet their cat" and then offered massages, removed their clothes and even went into the bathroom and came out with his cock hanging out. Just always scheming thinking it's cool because he can barely speak english. Now that's sneaky. You're a jackass bro, this is America you can't just have your way with women like you do in your country. Our women are actually allowed to like go to school and learn to do shit on their own and that includes self defense classes and calling the cops on assholes like you. Nice try bud. Here's your t-shirt, I award you no points and may god have mercy on your soul.