Sarah Says: 5 Best Places to Meet Women Other Than a Bar

Remember in Lethal Weapon when Danny Glover exclaims, “I’m too old for this shit!” Well, I’m too old for this shit. And by “this shit,” I mean “dragging my ass to bars every weekend to meet boys.” While I’m sure that you have more stamina than I, truth be told, you’ll have more luck meeting girls in the outside world.

Bars are not the natural habitat for women. The women you’ll find are dressed to the nines, game faces on, ready to hunt. Basically, to meet the best kind of girl, find her in real life. Get ready to stop spitting game, be yourself and find the real girls at the following places.

The Gym

At the gym you’ll find the determined girls. The ones who care about taking care of themselves. They’ll be sweaty and gross but that’s not a bad thing. Without the makeup, you’ll see a girl’s true beauty. Sweat and all. Note: If you see a girl in full makeup at the gym, do not approach. She’s insecure and looking to pick up guys. Do you like working out? Great, you already have something in common with that girl on the elliptical.

Concerts

I’ve found that I connect with guys over music more than anything else. Seeing your favorite band at MSG or at the local dive? Keep your eyes peeled, there’s a lady there that digs the band just as much as you do. With that in common, it’s pretty easy to find something to talk about. Girls at concerts, not including Justin Beiber, One Direction, etc. tend to be free spirits. Find your Outside the Box Girl here.

Record Stores and Book Stores

I think the point is clear now that it’s pretty difficult to discover common interests with a girl at the bar. So why not find a girl while pursuing your interests? It’s easy to illegally download an album, but it’s not as easy to meet a girl. Did your favorite band just put out a new album? A special edition 45? Go to the store and get it! You might find a lovely lady looking for that very same album. Boom.

The Dog Park

Note: This only works if you have a dog. Chicks dig puppies. Chick dig dudes with puppies. ‘Nuff said.

School

Unfortunately, this only works for the scholarly gentleman – undergrad, grad or doctoral. Assuming you’re not say, an engineer, you’re bound to find girls within your field of study classes. (Just kidding. Mostly. I dated two engineers.) Study together, do a project together, then ask her on a date. Stumped for conversation? Laugh about your professor’s ridiculous mustache and things that interest you.

Worst comes to worst, you can try online dating. I wouldn’t recommend it. Now get out there and find yourself the girl of your dreams! (If you need me, I’ll be at the record store trying to find the limited edition Gaslight Anthem 7”.)

Sarah is the founder of Not the It Girls. You can contact her at sarah@nottheitgirls.com.

"Sarah Says" The Best Christmas Gifts For Your Girl This Season

Holiday season is here and with it, the stress of buying gifts for that special little lady in your life. (Note: Not your hand.) Commercials will tell you that jewelry is the way to go, but it’s time to branch out, boys. Sure, jewelry is nice. I think. I’ve never received it from a gentleman friend, but I imagine it’s a nice gift. But in addition to maybe adding a little sparkle to your girl’s life, you can definitely step it up. Here’s how.

Choose Gifts Relevant to Her Interests

It’s easy to just grab a scarf and a new sweater, but in all likelihood, the little lady’s grandma or great aunt and uncle have that covered. I’m assuming that you know what your girl loves to do, so pick a gift centered on that. For example, I collect vinyl records and on my wish list is a 100 pack of record sleeves and a record cleaning kit. Does that not seem romantic? It’s not, but it’s thoughtful as hell. And besides, you already got that jewelry, so you’re still in the clear.

Choose Gifts Relevant to Your Joint Interests

Did you and your love chowing down on Cheetos and playing Call of Duty for hours on end? Pick up a new video game that you can play together. This also applies to Scrabble, if your lady is more on the literary side of things. Do you both love the Red Sox? (Hey, Hammer, I put this in just for you.) As much as I abhor Victoria’s Secret glittery rhinestones, the company does put out special edition sports gear. If your lady is chill enough to not like rhinestones and glitter, a simple jersey should do the trick.

Get Crafty

I’ll preface this by saying I am just the absolute worst at arts and crafts. Just the worst. I’m sure I’ve been banned from puff paint for life since the second grade.  Don’t worry, this doesn’t involve puff paint. A simple picture frame with a photo of the two of you always goes over well. It lets her know that the relationship is important to you and that heck, even though posting for all her photos is annoying, in the end it’s not so bad. (If it’s still that bad, deal with it, bro. Could be worse.)

A Little Lingerie Goes a Long Way

Before you go out and by the skankiest lingerie you can find, heed a few of my warnings. First – know your girl’s personal style. If skimpy isn’t her comfort zone, she’ll never feel comfortable in the lingerie. Does she prefer cotton? Don’t sweat it. Aerie by American Eagle has some absolutely adorable and sexy items in stock. Second – make sure you know her size. Nothing is more awkward than trying to squeeze DDs into a C cup or feeling fat trying to pull on panties that don’t fit right. Third – If you and your lady haven’t progressed to that level of intimacy in your relationship, don’t buy her lingerie. Shit’ll just get awkward. Fourth – Make sure she doesn’t open up that gift in front of her dad, if you value you your life.

A Poem

Just kidding. This is fairly lame. Or I’m just a bitter bitch. Probably the latter.

Socks

Seriously. One of the best gifts I ever received from a gentleman friend was a pair of fleece socks. Even the highest maintenance of girls can appreciate a comfy pair of wool or fleece socks. Just make sure that’s not the only thing you give her. Marshall’s has a great sock selection.

And there you have it - a gift guide to help you surprise her by stepping out of the norm, without being too weird. Jewelry tip? Don’t buy something you can’t afford. Check out etsy.com for unique gifts, or your local freestanding jewelry store for straight sterling silver.

By the way, I really need a new Scrabble set. Thanks.

Sarah is the founder of Not the It Girls. You can contact her at sarah@nottheitgirls.com.

Sarah Says: What Not to Say to the Ladies at Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a time of year for family, fun, and binge eating. At the biggest get-togethers you’ll see cousins and aunts that you haven’t seen since last Thanksgiving! Sure you love your family, but what about those distant female cousins you don’t know that well? Tread lightly. You’re dealing with woman, booze and carbs. Here’s what not to say.

Could you please go get me some more stuffing?

Get your own damn stuffing, I’m eating.

Hey, go easy on the holiday wine.

Go easy on your face.

My, you’ve grown!

Are you calling me fat?

So, are there any men in your life?

[Insert death stare here]

Did you hear about how lovely your cousin’s wedding was?

Yes, I was there.

Do you know how many carbs that has?

No, and I could not give less of a shit. Pass the potatoes.

Don’t you think you’ve had enough turkey?

No, fuck you.

Here are the safest things to discuss with those distant lady cousins: How great the food is, how great their hair looks and that juicy gossip about your crazy aunt.

Happy Thanksgiving, boys!

Sarah is the founder of Not the It Girls. You can contact her at sarah@nottheitgirls.com.

"Sarah Says" Dating Hipsters vs Dating Bros

My dating life has been pretty regular. Three engineers in a row, two of which were serious relationships. When I got my ass dumped over the summer, I was encouraged to branch out of my dating comfort zone. But you guys, it’s really hard. I’ve gone on a few dates with a guy who has quickly proven to be a total bro. I’ve been told that dating bros, at least for me, is a terrible idea. So next week I’m being shuttled to Brooklyn to, and I quote, “find my people.”

What did engineers have to offer me? Well, for one, they’re brilliant. Also, they can fix and build shit without directions. Being an opposite intelligence from mine, I’ve always meshed well with them. But this bro, it’s an entirely different ball game. He’s really just the sweetest, but he didn’t like The Kills’ “Blood Pressures,” which, honestly, is a borderline deal breaker. Don’t believe me? Listen to “Future Starts Slow” with good headphones on. It’ll change your life. Also, he’s super into baseball, which I find duller than freshman English courses. (No offense, Talk of the Town Readers. Please continue to love me. I like watching hockey!) But, like I said, he’s nice and makes me laugh, so that wins him major points.

So what happens when I find myself in Brooklyn next weekend? My passionate, secret love for skinny bearded boys in flannel will finally reveal itself. But aren’t guys like that considered hipsters? I kind of think they might be. I’ve on many occasions been accused of being a hipster, but I own two pairs of Sperry’s and a prep school style Ralph Lauren cardigan, so I think I’m safe. But hipster boys like vinyl records, right? I do, too! But won’t all the Polo in my closet repel me from hipsters? Probably.

Really, I can’t win. I’m too edgy for the bros and too preppy for the hipsters. You guys, dating is really hard. Where’s the middle ground? (And if you say hippies, I’ll smack you.)

Sarah is the founder of Not the It Girls. You can contact her at sarah@nottheitgirls.com.

"Sarah Says" How Our Fashion Affects Our Life

 

Dress Code – How Men’s Fashion Affects Your Life

Last weekend, I was at the local bar having a nice, delicious pint of Shipyard Pumpkinhead Ale, just minding my own business. I wasn’t dressed up, I had no intention of picking up men, but I didn’t see any harm in looking. But, much to my surprise, men came to me. (Serves me right for going to the bar by myself.) I discovered then that how these men dressed immediately decided my interest. So, gentleman, here’s how to look your best to win those ladies’ hearts.

Shave

If you have a beard, trim that Grizzly Adams shit. If you don’t have a beard or are completely incapable of growing one, keep your face clean. Stubble can be sexy but the In Between or Random Spots of Facial Hair Growth are huge turn offs.

Shirts That Fit You Properly

It’s so easy to run into a store and grab whatever t-shirts or button downs you see without trying them on. Take a few minutes and do just that. An ill-fitting shirt gives the image of laziness, even if you aren’t lazy. It just looks sloppy and sloppiness is not attractive.

Pull Your Goddamn Pants Up

This is pretty self-explanatory. If I’m interested in seeing what kind of underwear you’re wearing, I’d take you home first. Or, you know, date you for a prolonged period of time then take you home. Probably the latter.

Snazzy Shoes

Don’t wear your nasty, stinky sneakers to the bar. Do you really not have at least a clean, decent pair of sneakers to wear? Oh, you don’t? Then go get some.

Clean Up Nice

I’ve been told that I “Clean Up Nice” and I’ve certainly told other people that. Don’t roll into the bar in old jeans and a t-shirt. Clean yourself up a little bit. Don’t go overboard with a shirt and tie, but at least throw on something that lets the ladies know that you didn’t roll out of bed.

Classy boys get the girl. At least this girl. And above all, don’t tan, don’t spike your hair and don’t wear “Jersey Shore” style t-shirts.

Sarah is the creator of Not the It Girls. You can contact her at sarah@nottheitgirls.com.

"Sarah Says" Shut It Down Bro

Shut it Down, Bro

Did you guys ever see the episode of 30 Rock in which Liz Lemon starts on her own show called Dealbreakers? Oh, you haven’t? That’s a shame. Basically, people tell her their relationship problems and she tells them to “Shut it down.” Well, here’s a handy guide from your best girl friend about when to shut it down with a girl you’re dating.

She’s Always Late

Does she make you wait more than five minutes to leave when you pick her up for a date? Shut it down. It’s disrespectful and rude. I know this is a “thing” girls do, but I don’t approve of it. When I have a date I prepare in advance. My outfit is picked out that morning and my face and hair are fixed a few hours before pick-up time. A woman should be so excited to go out on a date with you that the idea of waiting even an extra minute to go out seems horrible to her.

She Bitches About Everything, A Lot

You’ll see I added the “A Lot” addendum because all girls bitch. It’s just a fact of life. It’s nice of you to be supportive of her need to vent and nod along at all the appropriate times, but don’t stand for more. If the girl you’re dating spends the entire time complaining, she’s seriously lacking in the substance department. Your girl should have something to say about as many subjects as possible or at least some semblance of an opinion. If she doesn’t, you’re missing out. Shut it down.

She Cakes Her Makeup On

A woman with pancake makeup is hiding her face, not accentuating it. I may be alone in this opinion but I feel that accepting how you look instead of changing it is a sexy sort of confidence. There are parts of my face that I don’t like, but I’ve accepted this. I never go out of my way to “contour,” “shade,” and “angle” my face to oblivion. If you’re with a girl that wears that much makeup, she’s seriously lacking in the confidence department. Shut it down, bro. She’ll need you to validate her looks every minute of every day, and that’s not healthy.

She Can’t Laugh at Herself

If you’ve been reading my Talk of the Town column, you’ll know that self-deprecation is my specialty. I have a lot of flaws but I don’t beat myself up over them. We all make mistakes and if the girl you’re with can’t laugh at herself, you’re in for a boatload of trouble. (You’ll note I said “boatload” and not “ buttload.” Clearly, I’m keeping it classy this week.) A sense of humor is so important and a girl who takes herself too seriously will suck all the levity from your time spent together. Shut it down.

And there you have it guys. I’m sure I could have condensed this post to a single sentence – She’s confident in herself and respectful of you. If she’s missing any of these two crucial – and simple – qualities, shut it down, bro. Shut. It. Down.

Sarah is the founder of Not the It Girls. You can contact her at sarah@nottheitgirls.com.

"Sarah Says" How to Survive Being Single at Weddings

Hello, boys, I’m back! And my feet hurt. I wore really high heels to a wedding on Sunday and man, it was brutal. I’m still recovering. Hey, doesn’t it seem like all your friends are getting engaged and married these days? I know that feel, bro. I attended this lovely wedding without a plus one because, well, I just didn’t have one. I was seated at a table of engaged and married couples and, you know, just single old me. You’d think it would be miserable, for a man or woman, to be in my position, right? Well it wasn’t. Here’s how to survive being single in a world of couple-filled weddings.

First, don’t drink too much. (What? Don’t drink too much? Don’t you mean the opposite?) No, I don’t. Keep a clear head, boys. Keep a clear head because let’s be honest, if you’re by yourself, slurring your words and falling over drunk, you’re going to have a bad time. There’s no ifs ands or buts about it. I mean, definitely get a healthy buzz going on, but don’t be white girl wasted. Really, just don’t. It’ll allow you to keep conversation going with all your table-mates (yes, I just made up that word, deal with it) without sounding like an idiot. Which leads me to my next point.

Talk to people! It’s so easy to mope around at a wedding, drinking cocktail after cocktail, not talking to anyone because you don’t know anyone at your table. Listen, strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet. Or serial killers, but I tend to hope for the best. Learn a little bit about the rest of the wedding guests at Table 8. They could be really interesting. If they’re not, talk to someone else. I promise you someone, somewhere at the wedding, will have something interesting to talk about with you.

Keep a “Devil May Care” attitude. I live my life in a perpetual state of insecurity and awkwardness. At the wedding on Sunday, I decided to step outside my comfort zone. I got my soberish ass onto the dance floor and danced my heart out. I danced alone. I danced with the bridesmaids, and the groom and some random guy from another table. I danced with the four other single girls at the wedding to Beyonce’s Single Ladies. Actually, that was super awkward. But it still happened.

Weddings can be a reminder that there’s a huge chance you’ll die alone. But they can also be a reminder that hey, you might not. Have fun.

Sarah is the creator of Not the It Girls. You can contact her at sarah@nottheitgirls.com.

"Sarah Says": I Need a Man. No I Don't. Wait, This is So Confusing

Hey, fellas! I hope you’ve all had a great week since we caught up last Wednesday. I did. I think. It was really confusing. Let me explain – at the beginning of the month, I moved into my first apartment. Of course, my parents came and helped me move (because renting trucks is expensive, so my crossover SUV put putted around Connecticut for a week) but then my parents left to, you know, go live their lives in another state. Which left me with – bookshelves to build, shelves to hang, posters to frame, curtains to install, etc. etc. etc.

Moving in was scary for me. My boyfriend broke up with me a month or so before the move, and I was planning on pretty much relying on him to build everything. See, both the guys I’ve dated have been engineers. You know the type – they can build anything without looking at directions and it will probably be sturdier than if they read the directions. So I despaired. I panicked.

But I’ll have you know I installed four wallboard anchors and only cried once. And I built that goddamn bookshelf, and I hung those curtains, and each and every painting and piece of artwork that I framed is perfectly level. (I named my level, we spent so much time together. His name is George, and yes, I have issues.) And I safely used an electric drill multiple times much to my roommate’s (and my own) surprise.

So this led me to the “I DON’T NEED NO MAN” conclusion. But here we come upon a dilemma. Prepare yourselves, boys, I’m about to admit a shit ton of personal flaws. Here are things that I cannot do – Understand football. Play Call of Duty, or any video games for that matter. Let’s continue - Figure out how to work my cruise control. (I was shown how to this weekend, so that helped.) These are all things that I would heavily rely on a boyfriend for, which I don’t have. Are understanding football, knowing how to play Call of Duty and understanding the basics of my car important? You bet your ass they are. I can’t fully function in society without knowing this shit.

Do I need a boyfriend for this? Maybe. I’m sure there are plenty of girls that can perform all the aforementioned tasks, but I don’t know any. I know girls who can recite Shakespeare and quote Monty Python at the drop of a hat (ok, that’s me) but I don’t know any that can teach me how to change a tire. Sure, I could look up YouTube tutorials, but I’m a visual learner. I need to be shown everything step-by-step to grasp how to perform most tasks.

Life is really confusing, guys. Super confusing. I could listen to Destiny’s Child’s epic power anthem “Independent Woman” every day of my life, but still need help. Do I need a boyfriend to help me out? Maybe. I could always ask my dad or dude friends for help, but unfortunately for me, not a single one of them lives in the area. And so I am trapped in this perpetual conundrum (look it up in a dictionary). Do I need a boyfriend? Am I fine without one? Damned if I know. (By the way, that hot mess you see in the photo at the top of the post is me.)

Sarah is the creator of Not the It Girls. You can contact her at sarah@nottheitgirls.com. Hi, JohnnyEbs.

"Sarah Says" Not All Women Are The Same

The Talk of the Town loves the ladies. We all know that. Ladies are great. But so many men seem to think there is only one type of lady worth paying attention to – the scantily clad, big tittied, blonde bimbo. Now, I’m not hating on blonde bimbos, everyone needs love, but fellas, get a grip. You’re missing out on more than you can possibly imagine. (I’m taking inspiration from my weird self for this post, but it is no way self-promoting. But in case you’re wondering, yes, I’m single. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?)

Beer

Did you know there are girls that don’t exclusively drink Vodka Cranberries? I’m not shitting you, there really are. There are two main bars near my apartment – The usual sports/cheap beer/pool bar and the alehouse. Do you know what you’ll find if you skip the sports bar and head to the alehouse? 16 craft beers on tap. Did you know that girls can love craft beer? Passionately. They can passionately love craft beer. They get more excited about Delirium Tremens on tap than $1 PBRs. I count myself among these women – fridge full of Le Fin de Monde and Magic Hat Blind Faith and only gin in my liquor cabinet.

Clothes

Did you know that some girls don’t dress for attention? I know, I know, you love seeing legs and tits at the bar, and understandably so. But that’s kind of shallow, y’know? (It’s okay, everyone is shallow sometimes.) Look around you, though. Maybe next time you’re walking down the street, you’ll find a girl who is more comfortable dressing for herself than for men. What does that mean? It means confidence. It means that girl you see on the street would rather make herself happy than expose herself for attention. (That’s a harsh view of women, I know, and it doesn’t apply to everyone. Don’t send me hate mail.) That’s confidence, fellas. And that’s sexy as hell.

Intelligence

Oh man, you guys love dumb blondes, don’t you? I bet you think smart girls are duller than the doldrums – all huddled up in the library, ugly sweater and gross glasses with totally awful hair. Oh man, you guys. Really? That’s the worst. Did you know that some smart girls are stylish, sexy and all around awesome? Let me point out a few intelligent women you may recognize – Natalie Portman (Harvard), Julia Stiles (Columbia), Emma Watson (Brown, Oxford). Did you know that girl who you asked for help in class (talking to you, Hammer) can possess all the qualities you want in a woman, but look for in the hot, dumb chick at the bar? Well now you do, you’re welcome.

I think I’ve covered the trifecta of important differences here. I know some of you will roll your eyes and think, “Ugh, this girl is just a lonely old hag that is resentful of hot chicks.” And of course I’m jealous of hot chicks. Who isn’t? Society has hammered into my head that my likes and personalities will leave me alone for the rest of my life. (Shame I’m allergic to cats, isn’t it?) But guys remember, there are so many more girls of value out there than you think. Open your eyes.

Sarah is the creator of Not the It Girls. You can contact her at sarah@nottheitgirls.com.

"Sarah Says" Does She Want To Have Sex With You?

Hey, fellas! That’s right, it’s time for your weekly dose of estrogen and tits from yours truly. As I am recently single, I have found myself short on Talk of the Town quality material. So The Hammer asked me, “How long does it take women to figure out if they’d have sex with a guy?” This is a tricky question, so I’ll get into it in sections for you. It’s also a question that makes me blush a bit, so I’m drinking a giant gin and tonic while I write this. Consider yourself warned – your writer is sloshed and not opposed to foul language.

When You’re Both Drunk (5 – 30 minutes)

Since Hammer wants me to give you all the reasons, I’ll be straight with you. Sometimes she’s really drunk, is dancing with you or something of an equally sexual nature and decides she wants it. And since you’re both conveniently already entwined and your decision-making skills are impaired, she’ll decide if she wants to go for it.

Building a Relationship (1 – 5 days)

I’ll be upfront here (and I feel sort of guilty saying this because I never graduated from the ugly duckling stage of life, despite every reassurance) but I don’t think I’ve ever gone on a date with a guy I’m not attracted to. This does not mean that I immediately want to get in your pants. When building a relationship, your personality gets sort of important.  (Read: It’s incredibly important.) I’ve gone out with fairly attractive men whose personalities are a huge turn off.  If you’re a douche on a date, a girl probably won’t want to hit that. (But who knows? Women are fickle creatures.) When you’re building a relationship, a guy’s personality determines his fuckability. Remember that, boys.

The Moment of Truth (Indefinite)

I get along pretty well with guys. I’d like to think this is because we’re hilarious and have common interests without sexual tension. But if the classic film When Harry Met Sally is correct, men and women can’t just be friends. I disagree, they definitely can be. But sometimes Billy Crystal is right and they can’t be. Let’s take an example here. You’re talking to a female friend and say something sweet or kind or supportive that causes all sorts of funny things to happen, and then your friend decides to kiss you. Go with it guys. Allow her to use you for your body. Just make sure you can still be friends in the morning.

The Moment She Sees You (.00001 Seconds)

Sometimes, it takes about four seconds for a girl to decide if she wants to fuck you. This doesn’t have to have a specific location – it can happen at a club on a Sunday night,  it can happen in the library, it can happen in an 8 am class, it can happen when you look up from your cubicle. Let’s use an example. Look at Hammer. Pretty sure there’s no girl in the world that hasn’t seen Hammer in class, looked him up and down and said, “Yeah, I’d hit that.” We’ve all been there, girls. We’re starting a support group for it.

Sarah is the creator of Not the It Girls. You can contact her at sarah@nottheitgirls.com.

"Sarah Says" Give The Wing Girl A Chance

Picture it. You’re single. You’re at a bar. You’re on the prowl. You’ve got some extra cash to buy a pretty girl drinks. (We’ll just pretend that your motives are entirely pure.) And there’s the hottest babe you’ve ever seen! But then you notice next to her – her fairly average friend. “Bro,” you say to your buddy next to you, “I gotta get that, I need you to be my wingman.” And off you go to the babiest babe and your friend “takes one for the team.” Well, buddy, you’re missing out.

I have had it confirmed for me, such is the joke that is my life, that I am the girl that wingmen exist for. I have been blessed and cursed with obscenely attractive friends. In the genetic lottery, all I won was unique colored eyes and a ballin’ sense of humor. So, you know, I have to buy my own drinks and field questions of – “Hey, is your friend single?” and “Is she into me?” and on one rare occasion when a man’s advances were rebuked, “God, why is your friend such a bitch?”

Hey, buddy, why don’t you ask her? I know when you’re ask the bar it’s basically a liquor fueled pheromone storm, but you are ignoring 50% of the female population at the bar. Listen, I’m not above talking to a guy because I find him attractive. But you know what? I’m more than happy to talk to his wingman, too. You know why? Because he could be awesome. I mean, he’s sacrificing his own good time so his friend can be a player.

But you know what? Your wingman could very well be having a better time than you are. I’ve seen it happen. Frequently. Because the second tier wing-friends don’t go into bars cocky and determined. The wing-friends are casual, happy and a helluva lot less full of themselves.

What I am saying is expand your horizons. Don’t be shallow. As we all reach our mid-twenties, it’s time to grow up. Buy the hot girl’s friend a drink because she’s awesome, not because you want to get in the hot girl’s pants.

Sarah is the creator of Not the it Girls. You can contact her at sarah@nottheitgirls.com and find her on twitter at @totallynotsarah.

"Sarah Says" Women Are Like Cheeseburgers

Sarah is our contributor from Not the It Girls. She will be contributing to us every Wednesday with "Sarah Says" giving you a nice dose of estrogen to go with your week. I will be doing the same thing on their site (http://nottheitgirls.com) to give them a nice little dose of testosterone. Every Wednesday Talk of the Town teams with Not the It Girls for the greatest merger since the actual merger. Don't miss out.  Also, don't forget to follow them on twitter @nottheitgirls

Since we were kids, we have platitudes about femininity thrown at us from all directions. Women are like flowers. Women are rare gems. Women are like porcelain dolls. But that’s all wrong. You were taught wrong. Women are like cheeseburgers.

I’ll politely sidestep the obvious oral sex connotations you are all making in your head right now and jump right into it. Let’s start with the meat. The perfect cheeseburger is grilled to a beautiful, delicious medium rare. Soft on the inside, but sturdy on the outside. (Get your head out of the gutter, boys, I’m still not talking about vaginas.) When you grill your burgers, you grill them delicately. But then you eat them with the viciousness of a t-rex. Women are like that, too. Sure, we’re delicate and beautiful and lovely creatures but we have fire, and t-rex strength within us. Every single one of us. Even me, and I’m barely pushing 5’1”.

Let’s move on. A cheeseburger isn’t complete without cheese, obviously. Doesn’t matter what kind of cheese – American, Swiss, Cheddar, Monterey Jack, it’s gotta have cheese. And the best kinds of girls are filled with cheese – a cheesy, goofy sense of humor with the ability to laugh at themselves and never take themselves too seriously. You know what I’m talking about – the girls whose Facebook photos don’t all look exactly the same. (Head tilted, arm on the waist, half a smile.) Find a girl with your favorite kind of cheese. (Sense of humor, if the metaphor hasn’t hit you yet.)

And now the toppings. There are so many different toppings that you can put on a cheeseburger – from the classic lettuce and tomato to onion straws and avocado. Each woman has her own kind of toppings and flavor. Personally, I have a lot of spicy barbeque sauce. Some women might have a more subtle flavor. But I bet you have a favorite.

And like any cheeseburger, you have to love a woman with buns.

Sarah is the creator of Not the It Girls. You can contact her at sarah@nottheitgirls.com.

Introducing "Sarah Says"...The Harsh Truth About Leggings

 

Sarah is our contributor from Not the It Girls. She will be contributing to us every Wednesday with "Sarah Says" giving you a nice dose of estrogen to go with your week. I will be doing the same thing on their site (http://nottheitgirls.com) to give them a nice little dose of testosterone. Every Wednesday Talk of the Town teams with Not the It Girls for the greatest merger since the actual merger. Don't miss out.  Also, don't forget to follow them on twitter @nottheitgirls

When I talked to Steve (the Hammer) about what my first post for Talk of the Town should be about, I shot out an idea about leggings. Possibly because I was wearing them at the time and had a minor case of writer’s block. And The Hammer said, and I quote, “[The] person who invented leggings should be canonized as a saint.” You know what Hammer? You’re right. Guys, you’re right.

We’ve all leered at girls in leggings. I’m strictly dickly and I leer at girls in leggings. Have you gotten the stink eye from a girl whose legs you were eyeing? Let me tell you something, that stink eye is high and mighty bullshit. I wear leggings because they’re comfortable. But I am also 100% aware that my ass looks so fucking banging in leggings I’d wear them every day if it were appropriate. And I can almost guarantee you that the girl who’s giving you a hard time knows how great her ass looks.

Let me clarify. This doesn’t apply to work out clothes. This is all about leggings in the wild. At the mall. On the streets. Ladies, you can’t play Pollyanna innocent when it comes to leggings. They are skintight. Classy, smart women do not wear skintight clothing unless they can pull it off. (And I hate to say it, but a lot of women can’t pull it off. Think before you stretch.) I’d like to think I’m fairly classy. I wouldn’t wear leggings with a super tight, tits out kind of shirt. But I’m wearing those lyrca, elastic miracles on purpose. Trust me.

Maybe I’m making generalizations here. Maybe I’m assuming that all women work the way I do. And that probably isn’t true. But I’m selfish and this is my post so I’ll say whatever I want. Now I’m not saying I wear leggings explicitly to have my ass stared out. I wear leggings because they are obscenely comfortable and I’m really just too lazy for pants sometimes. So fellas, here’s what I have to say to you. You see me in leggings? Check out my ass. I want you to.

Sarah, creator of Not the It Girls, is a contributor to Talk of the Town. You can contact her at sarah@nottheitgirls.com.