We hit St. Joe's in Philly this weekend with free t-shirts and enough beer to give alcohol poisoning to an elephant. Since I have a lot to talk about, I'm not gonna bore you with an intro of any sort like I normally do, I'm just gonna get right to the point for this one.
We showed up at around 2:30 in the afternoon not thinking about anything other than how drunk we were getting that night. Well, in this case it turned out to be how drunk we were getting that day. I was there no longer than ten minutes before the sick bastards I was with started cracking open beers, and that's not even the good part. The dudes who lived in the house were on their way to get a keg when we got there.
They get back from getting the keg that we didn't really need, but they got it anyway and they were ready to go. It was about 4 in the afternoon when they brought up a power hour. Power hour is a terrible idea when you haven't eaten, but it's a worse idea when you have just eaten. You can't physically make it through the whole 60 minutes when you've just eaten. I'm not sure if anyone actually made it through the power hour but we were ready to go around game time.
However, we started our drinking so early that we were all basically falling asleep at the game. There was no point during that game where you felt Villanova was ever in it. Plus the St. Joe's dudes were flying all over the gym just making plays (they had three plays on ESPN top 10 number 3). After a cheesesteak and a five hour energy we were jacked up and ready to go for the night. And here is where the story really begins.
We get to the house called the Mansion. And that's exactly what it was, it was a Mansion. It was just this huge house with a ton of rooms and a ton of space. It was prime pussy getting area except for one small problem. It was a total cockfest. Like you can't just try and plan a small get together, especially after a big win like the one the basketball team just had. You have to go hard, or go home. The guy to girl ratio was probably somewhere between 15 or 20 to 1. How are you supposed to get laid when you have groups of at least ten guys at a time trying to bukkakke some broad in the corner? It's just not gonna happen.
After we decided that the odds of us getting any vagina at the house were probably shot down the drain, we left to go to the bars. From what I had heard, these bars were supposed to be legit. And the one bar that we went to actually was legit. It was just that we were there at 1:15 and they closed at 2 along with every other bar in the city. This was a problem so we had to try our last option. Roam the streets and pick up some straggling women outside of the bars. It was a bold strategy.
Here is where things got obnoxious. As the hot women began turning us down it was time to turn on Savage Mode. Savage mode is when you just don't give a fuck, you're trying to get any girl who will take you. This can lead to a terrible morning. Also as we're searching and being obnoxious we walk passed this one guy who was carrying a pizza, my friend goes, "Hey buddy, where'd you get that pizza?" The guy just keeps a straight face on and keeps walking right by and then says, "America!" And keeps walking.
We then find three girls, and they're decent at best. But for Savage Mode these were absolute dimes. Their excuse to come back and party was some girl claiming she fell down the stairs the night before. Yeah, sure. You don't even know which leg you hurt. I saw you limping on a different one each time. And they swore they went to LaSalle and were wearing Villanova attire, I didn't quite understand. It was right after this where we hit rock bottom. Savage Mode saw two fat chicks walking by. One was carrying a pizza and the other one was carrying a thing of cheese fries. We actually got turned down by pizza and cheese fry girl. At this point, it was time to give up.
Now, I didn't throw in a couple of things such as the dude wearing homemade jorts with a blazer and a bow tie coming out of the bar to ask us why we weren't wearing jorts, or the college version of Amy Winehouse just doing drugs like it was her job. I also met a girl with the most disproportional tits I have ever scene is was like an A on the left and a D on the right, shit was ridiculous. I also signed my first autograph when someone asked me to sign their shit. All in all, it was a pretty successful trip minus the face that I couldn't have gotten laid in a female prison that night. Those St. Joe's dudes know hot to party, and Talk of the Town is booking a return trip.
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| Everybody gets an 18 pack at noon. If you wanna be judged right in your face do this early on a Saturday. |
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