Southern Cunty

 

I'm bartending Saturday night working the Tennessee football game and watching them get their dicks kicked in by Alabama when a guy and a girl come over to the bar to ask me about a certain type of shot. They ask me what type of whiskey is in this shot and I tell them it' our well whiskey (why would it only be $5 a shot asshole, it's not the good shit). This chick gave me the biggest look of disgust and with such a fucking attitude replied with, "Well, the only whiskey that I drink is Jack." Before she even finished the sentence it registered in my head, she was a southern cunt. 

There's a difference between southern cunty and northern cunty. See, northern cunty are the women who walk into the bar and ask for Patron margaritas because they "only drink Patron". But they're not cunts because they only drink Patron, they're cunts because they get all offended when you charge them for Patron, which just so happens to be one of the most expensive things you can buy at any bar. Ladies, just because you have tits and a vagina doesn't mean you get free shit. Why? Because you're shitty tippers and you do nothing for me. If you wanna have expensive taste, find a rich guy who pays for everything. I'm never gonna see you or talk to you ever again, do you think I give a flying fuck if you're mad that I just charged you full price? News flash, I don't. 

Also involved in the northern cunty league are the women who "only drink Grey Goose (with more than two limes)". I don't mind the chicks who come in asking for Grey Goose and club soda with two limes. That's the most common thing ever. But when you come in and say, "I have to have at least four limes with my drink," I just wanna reach over the bar and punch you straight in the ovaries. I mean really, could you be any more of a cunt? 

So, as for this broad the other night, she was what we could call "southern cunty". She "only drinks Jack" because that's the only good whiskey there is. Listen, when you pound the entire bottle, it doesn't matter what you drink, you're gonna be hungover. And also, she's even more of a cunt because she wouldn't know the difference between Jack and well Irish whiskey if she was blind folded and took a shot of each. You know how I know that? Because on her next Jack and coke I used Bushmills from the well and she didn't say a word. She just took a sip, looked at me and said, "It's just so good." Yeah bitch, you know you're alcohol like I know how to read brail. Watching women like her always puts a smile on my face.