So our boy Steve the other day wrote this ravishing story about tall girls in heels, turns out “nobody wants to fuck the giraffe in the room”. Any other tall girl read that and spew out a fit of rage? Well I did. Apparently Steve doesn’t know what its like to be that gentle giant. I get up everyday and put my pants on just like everybody else, one hoof at a time. I climb down my beanstalk, bend my neck and walk out the door hauling ass to work to the tune of “Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum”. That’s right I like to eat my lunch outside grazing on the leaves of the great Spruce tree. And then at night you bet your ass I’m going to put on my fuck me pumps and head out to the club looking like Larry Bird in a dress.
FOR FUCKS SAKE STEVE WHO WEARS FLATS TO A CLUB? If that’s what you’re into maybe you should find yourself a nice Hasidic Jew. She can also hide her long, lean legs behind an ankle length Jew skirt. You think we like being the tallest bitch in the place? No but it has its ups, at least I can see over crowds and catch the attention of the bartender quickly. The best is when you get that asshole that looks at you and says, “wow you’re really tall” THANKS DICK, I only walk around in this body all day every day you don’t think I’m aware of the fact that I look like I can play center in the WNBA. And giraffes are beautiful creatures. Adriana Lima stands at 5’10, Giselle Budchen 5’11, Brooklyn Decker 5’9.5, add 5 inch heels to those ladies and then tell me no one wants to fuck the giraffe in the room. And who’s in your category stud? Danny Devito, Verne Troyer, and Elijah Wood, yea that says a lot. Trust me, us Amazons aren’t looking to fuck the Garden Gnome either but fuckin-A you don’t need to ostracize us for our genes. I’m sorry if you’re insecure because you’re lacking in testosterone and I grew to my full growth potential.
By the way any high heel under 4 inches is a grandma heel. You never wear those unless you’re going on and interview and have to look frumpy and conservative. I’m 5’6 and I still wear heels that make me 6 foot. You know why? Because the honey badger doesn’t give a shit. 6 inch stilettos make your legs look longer, leaner, and for the non athletic type like me it gives the illusion of actually having a calf muscle. They make you stand with your back straight and even pushes your butt out a little. So you wear those heels ladies and strut your stuff. Venture off Staten Island and you’ll find out that guys really do grow past 5’4, and also have necks too (I know its magical). There are guys out there that are into long legs. Sure most of the guys that hit on me are black but I’ll take it, at least I can have a conversation with him at eye level. Walking in heels is an art, dancing in them is a skill, and if you can’t do either that’s because your not holding yourself up with confidence.
The bigger you are, the blacker response youll get. HAPPENS EVERYWHERE. Its pretty much as factual as Newton's laws.
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