Explaining Yourself To Your Family During The Holidays

 

It's that time of year again! You know the time of year when you have to explain things to family members who you haven't seen in at least six months. They're supposed to be family and just love you for who you are, meanwhile they just walk in your house and instantly judge you right in your face. Isn't it just a lovely time during the holidays? 

These conversations always start off the same way. "So are you finished with school yet?" They ask this question because they have no idea and they think they know what your age is but they're not really sure. If you're still in school you always have to answer the question of what you're going to school for and what you're trying to do with your life. You stand there awkwardly and say something like, "Yes, I have a major and I have no idea what I'm doing with it. I drink six nights a week and I'm not really worried about it right now." 

Now if you're finished with school is where this gets tricky because everyone expects you to have a real job by this point in time. Like they forget that unemployment is at like 50%, yet they expect you to be the head of a company at 22 years old. When I have to tell family members that I run this shitty website they respond with, "Do you get paid for it?" And then when I respond with no their face looks like a bulldog chewing on a wasp because they can't believe that I sit here and make fun of people all day and I still hang out in my parents basement. Like I'm the piece of shit because I make fun of people from my parents basement all day? You cheated on your husband and your kids don't talk to you anymore, yet you're gonna sit there and judge me. Something is definitely wrong here.

And then when I say I make money bartending they almost have a heart attack and say things like, "But that's not what you want to do for a living is it?" Yes, I want to work until 4am every night while I stand up for ten hours straight for the rest of my life. You have to love the holidays. You just get judged by family members who don't even know you, which causes you to then go on a drinking binge and tell each of them how you really feel. It makes for great drama. Oh, and another great conversation starter will be when you show up to Thanksgiving dinner hungover as shit from tonight. Which leaves me with our next great t-shirt idea. Home for the Holidays: Time to get judged.