Facebook or the new H-date?
Everybody’s been a victim of it. You sign on FB and have a message from some creep you have never talked to. No, I’m not talking about the message from the kid in your high school math class that used to eye fuck you from across the room, he’s just trying to rekindle a high school fantasy. I’m talking about the dude you have NO mutual friends with, have NEVER heard of in your entire life, and have NO FUCKING IDEA how he found you. Most people ignore these messages but I like to take them on as a challenge. See how far I can push this hopeless bastard before he feels like an asshole for even sending such a ridiculous message. I give you exhibit A:
Anthony (middle and last name removed)
Thank you for accepting my friend request bella but you never wrote back to my message, I don’t mean to bother you like I said before I just think your beautiful and I would like to get to know you and take you out to dinner sometime, just by looking at that beautiful smile of yours I can tell your different then what’s out there and Im not like most guys at all and if you let me I will show you, if your not interested let me know so I don’t bother you again hope to hear back from you bella ciao
Really? You can get all that out of a half-assed photoshopped picture of me? You clearly have no idea what you’re getting yourself into. But I guess you’re right. I’m not like most girls, which is why the rest of this conversation went the way it did
My response: Calm down dude this isn’t eharmony
Anthony: Lol very true bella but a cutie like your self never stays single for long, tell me a little about yourself
My response: actually I have been single for a while I have herpes
Now you would think that after someone openly tells you about their contagious genital sores one would back away, but NOOO this motherfucker kept going! He still kept asking me to tell him more about myself, so obviously I had to give him an outrageous response just to shut him up:
"What more would you like to know about “bella”? For one I don’t speaka- de-italian so you can stop trying to romance me with your fake Italian accent. I been taking testosterone pills for the last 2 years since I been diagnosed with herpes. I feel like if no one else is gunna do me I might as well sprout a dick so I could fuck myself. The down side is all this facial hair. The cool thing is, I could queef on demand – that’s always a crowd pleaser. I know you speak italian but I enjoy a delicious Mexican meal, or any meal that’s gonna leave behind a nice stain of what looks like hairdryer heated snickers on my white granny panties – so where did you say you wanted to get dinner?”
Needless to say he stopped answering. So if you learned anything about facebook creeps from me – it’s that you need to be more ridiculous than they are.
Al 1, FB creeps 0
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