Alumni Weekend

 

What goes on at college alumni weekend? Let me just start by saying that alumni weekend was like an extension of senior week. If there was tailgating allowed during senior week, it would be exactly like alumni weekend. You're not kids anymore, you're legitimately adults getting "college drunk" for at least 48 hours. It was complete mayhem. 

Friday night you had a psychotic woman throwing sucker punches because she can't get over her ex like three years later. Then you had some kid talking shit thinking he was a tough guy and he got knocked out in one punch. This was only the Friday night mayhem. Then came Saturday. Before I get to Saturday, let me say thank you to the lovely lady who drove me home Friday night. If it wasn't for you I was definitely hitchhiking. 

Now to Saturday. First of all, the school still scams you for money even after you leave. I paid $20 for what? To bring my own beer and walk three miles to the parking lot that I wasn't allowed to park in? What exactly did I pay for? Who cares, after an hour you forget all about your $20. There were beer pong tables everywhere, pick up trucks just filled with cases of beer, tents with the biggest games of flip cup I'd ever seen and I actually watched people chugging beer out of a pink flamingo lawn ornament. Yes, that is not a lie, people were passing around a pink flamingo lawn ornament and chugging beer out of it. It was supposed to end at 3 and they didn't start kicking people out until 5. But that was just the beginning. 

Then to the hotel, and to the bar crawl. They shouldn't have called it the bar crawl they should've just called it everyone meet at the same bar. Because there was only one bar people went to when you could have went to like seven. And once you got in this place you couldn't leave because you were dripping in sweat and if you went anywhere else you would have looked like a complete moron. I looked like I got hit by a fire hose when I got out of there. I couldn't tell you what happened inside because it was a complete blur that was followed by my buddies and me playing weekend and Bernie's with our friend Paul trying to get him to not collapse in the cab on the way home. We had to actually hold him up in the front seat so the cab driver would take us. 

Alumni weekend was everything I thought college would be like on a smaller scale. And a special shout out to the group from the class of 2004 that was there. You're all like 30 years old coming to alumni weekend and rockin' out with the young guns. You were more drunk than my podcast buddy who threw up in the car on the way to the hotel. Sorry Scopo, I had to take that shot at you right there, it was well deserved.