Please don't ask why I was thinking about this today, I just was. It's probably the same reason I'm such a good blogger, just a wildly creative person who thinks about random things all day long and has the capability to put those thoughts into words and make people smile. I'm basically a Seinfeld writer minus all the talent.
Anyway, let's get to this point of this blog. For some reason I was thinking about that President Fitness Test that we all used to take in middle school. You know the one: Mile run, Shuttle Run, Pullups/Pushups (always opted for pushups), Situps, and every non athletic person's favorite-the Sit and Reach.
Let's rewind the track and go back to 6th grade. I'd never done this Presidential fitness test, but when I heard that we were doing it in PE, I was ecstatic. I was supremely confident I was the best athlete in my grade. They said that if you scored in the top percentile of every event you are recognized by the President or whatever, blah blah blah. So, I didn't exactly crush the mile, but I did it well enough to put myself into the Presidential Stratosphere; me being the athlete I am persevered through that shit. Situps? Oh, not great, just like 72 in a minute. Pushups? Dominated. And I'm also pretty sure I ran the shuttle better than any white kid in NYC.
Then, the final event is the sit and reach, OR the V-sit and reach which automatically disqualified you from getting the Presidential Fitness Award! So, obviously the only option for a competitor like myself was to go through with the regular sit and reach and try to stretch my way into the upper-echelon of athletes in the country. Needless to say, I didn't get there. Completely crushed me. People who were not nearly the athlete I was got the Presidential Award, while I was sitting there with "National Recognition." These dweebs couldn't even play on the same field as me, yet they had the award I so deeply coveted all because I couldn't stretch at the Presidential level!
Which brings me to my point. The sit and reach needs to be eliminated from the Presidential Fitness Test. It is complete and total bullshit and promotes a culture in which non athletes have the opportunity to be awarded something that should be reserved for athletes only. Any good young athlete doesn't stretch. Stretching in 6th grade is for losers. I remember going to baseball camps and the instructors would have us stretch and I half-assed it so badly because it literally did nothing for me. You know who it helped? Harrison, the rec specked dweeb whose parents made him go to the camp for a week because their babysitter went on vacation. The jerkoff who spent the entire day filling a Gatorade bottle with sand and who always seemed to be batting with a runner on 3rd and two outs and swung after the catcher had already rolled the ball back to the mound. That is the motherfucker who stretches. That is the dude that got into the Presidential level on sit and reach.
Something needs to change. I'm looking at you Obama. I know gun policy and the fiscal cliff are important, but goddamnit these are our children we're talking about here. Get it done.
Sidenote: Trained my ass off for the Pres. Fitness test for my 7th and 8th grade years...needless to say I was recognized by the President.
No comments:
Post a Comment