"I Lost My Purse"

 

Normally, I don't tell real life stories on this thing but given the menagerie that was last night I feel like this story needs to be shared to give you women advice about what not to do when you go out. Basically, if this happens to you you're a moron and you shouldn't ever be allowed into a public place with a purse. 

There was a party at the bar that I work at last night with like 60 people from an accounting firm. It was a going away party because two people were leaving the country, one of which was the biggest bitch on the face of the earth. Whenever someone asks for a vodka soda with two limes, they're a fucking cunt. And then when they follow up that order with the statement, "Sorry, I'm high maintenance," they're really a fucking cunt. Plus she wasn't even remotely hot, but I dealt with her because the rest of the people there were pretty cool. 

So the party was supposed to end at 9 but they all decided to stay and get shit faced. At about 11:30 this bitch comes up to me and says, "I lost my purse, have you seen it?" I had no idea the bartender was supposed to watch your fucking purse while dealing with 60 other people, my bad. Once everyone realizes that the purse is gone, the shit hits the fan. She throws a tantrum like a 6 year old girl. Oh, and it's my fault because I was supposed to actually double as bartender and security guard. 

I'm sitting there saying, "Let me get this straight, it's my fault that you left your purse unattended in a corner for almost six hours?" She said yes because I wasn't supposed to let anyone else into her party. Me, the bartender, has to keep track of who's at the party as well as give everyone their ridiculous drink orders, got it. And then she kept screaming at the top of her lungs how she had $500 in there, her passport, and that she was leaving the country in six days. Hey bitch, I have an idea; how about you don't leave a purse with your lifeline and ticket out of this country all alone in a fucking corner at a bar. Maybe that's a great idea. 

What I really wanted to turn around and ask was, "Could you be anymore of a cunt?" I don't think it's physically possible to be more of a cunt than this woman was. Lady, when you leave the country I hope you're sitting by the emergency exit and the door breaks open and sucks you out of the plane. Then I don't have to worry about who stole your fucking purse, because you'll be out of everyone's hair.