pause, not!
Sunday, September 30, 2012
NFL Picks Week 4
Standings:
Daddy: 9-5-1
Jimbo Slice: 6-8-1
Slothy: 5-9-1
Daddy just being Daddy and picking games like it's his job...
Daddy:
1) Pats (-4) at Bills: Pats
2) Panthers at Falcons (-7): Panthers
3) Raiders at Broncos (-7): Raiders
4) Saints at Packers (-7.5): Packers
5) Bears at Cowboys (-3.5): Cowboys
Jimbo Slice:
1) Pats (-4) at Bills: Pats
2) Panthers at Falcons (-7): Falcons
3) Raiders at Broncos (-7): Raiders
4) Saints at Packers (-7.5): Saints
5) Bears at Cowboys (-3.5): Cowboys
Slothy:
1) Pats (-4) at Bills: Pats
2) Panthers at Falcons (-7): Falcons
3) Raiders at Broncos (-7): Broncos
4) Saints at Packers (-7.5): Packers
5) Bears at Cowboys (-3.5): Cowboys
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Drunk Story Saturdays: You Want A Drunk Story
"Here's a drunk story for you fuckers. I got so drunk last night that I woke up on a train 45 minutes away from my hotel, took a cab back to my hotel and projectile vomited all over the place. There's your story for this week."
Yeah, that actually happened. Bye.
Friday, September 28, 2012
The Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Blade
Late Night Song: The Night Out by Martin Solveig
Fun Fact: The leading cause of death of on-the-job deaths in work places is homicide...That's pretty brutal
Late Night Video:
I Think I've Reached the Low Point in My Life
It's official I think I have reached the low point in my life. I'm at my alumni weekend during the time I call "the calm before the storm" aka pre gaming the pre game drinking beers and watching the Ryder Cup. I think this is the low point for me. Drinking beers and watching golf at a bar pretty much does it for me. This is the low point but while we're at it lets get some shots of Jameson.
I Think These Soccer Bros Have a Drinking Problem
Just a couple of weeks ago a guy on this soccer team got hammered and jumped off a roof and died. Then when they went to Vegas another dude died just because he was in Vegas and probably on all sorts of drugs and alcohol. Now a bunch of bros on this same team are all seriously injured with burns from a chemical acid they put down on a make-shift slip n slide when they got fucked up last weekend. I think it's time to admit these dudes have a fucking problem. I mean there's partying hard and then there's partying like retards. Two deaths a bunch of serious injuries, let's throw in some dead hookers and now it's a fucking party. I need to party with these dudes, they know how to roll.
Knicks Sign Rasheed Wallace... I Take A Look Back At the 06-07 NBA Championship Run
News is breaking that the Knicks have signed Rasheed Wallace (38), who was retired and out of the league for two years now.
The Knicks are far and away now the oldest team in basketball. Other notable grandpa signings this offseason include Jason Kidd (39), Marcus Camby (38) and Kurt Thomas (39).
This latest signing got me to thinking...
I checked out Carmelo's career stats and picked out 2006-2007 as one of his best. I then looked up each Knick player's stats from that season and here's what we got
Man I'll never forget that 2006-2007 Knicks team. What a great championship run it was.
Remember how Carmelo was second in the league in scoring behind Kobe's shitty Laker team that barely made the playoffs.
Amare proved the doubters wrong and cameback from his microfracture surgery and was 'All NBA First Team'.
We had such good scoring off the bench. That young brash kid we got from New Orleans from nothing is coming off the bench just draining the fuck out of threes, reminding us of Allan Houston. We gave him a nickname, I think it was JR 'Swish'.
Camby was the 'Defensive Player of the Year', while we groomed this young stud center Tyson Chandler, who was a beast on the boards off the bench.
Jason Kidd, in the absolute prime of his career, was still dishing out assists like they were hot potatoes and was also 'All Defensive Second Team'.
Rasheed was so solid next to Camby, just intimidating the fuck out of other front lines. They just dominated Tim Duncan and the pussy Spurs in the NBA Finals.
It's a great thing that this team is still somehow together.
But man what a great season that was... I'll never forget it.
PS - I actually forgot to include Baron Davis, but what a coincidence...
06-07 Baron Davis - 20.1 PPG, 8 Ast, 4 Rebs
That was also the year his 8th seeded Warriors shocked the 1st seeded Mavericks in the first round.
I checked out Carmelo's career stats and picked out 2006-2007 as one of his best. I then looked up each Knick player's stats from that season and here's what we got
Man I'll never forget that 2006-2007 Knicks team. What a great championship run it was.
Remember how Carmelo was second in the league in scoring behind Kobe's shitty Laker team that barely made the playoffs.
Amare proved the doubters wrong and cameback from his microfracture surgery and was 'All NBA First Team'.
We had such good scoring off the bench. That young brash kid we got from New Orleans from nothing is coming off the bench just draining the fuck out of threes, reminding us of Allan Houston. We gave him a nickname, I think it was JR 'Swish'.
Camby was the 'Defensive Player of the Year', while we groomed this young stud center Tyson Chandler, who was a beast on the boards off the bench.
Jason Kidd, in the absolute prime of his career, was still dishing out assists like they were hot potatoes and was also 'All Defensive Second Team'.
Rasheed was so solid next to Camby, just intimidating the fuck out of other front lines. They just dominated Tim Duncan and the pussy Spurs in the NBA Finals.
It's a great thing that this team is still somehow together.
But man what a great season that was... I'll never forget it.
PS - I actually forgot to include Baron Davis, but what a coincidence...
06-07 Baron Davis - 20.1 PPG, 8 Ast, 4 Rebs
That was also the year his 8th seeded Warriors shocked the 1st seeded Mavericks in the first round.
Iman Shumpert Proves the iPhone5 Isn't A Basketball
Came across this late last night during some drunk youtubing.
I checked out my buddy's new iPhone the other day, it's literally just thinner, lighter and longer. I don't know how apple gets away with this?
But anyway, if you follow shump on instagram you'd know that he's been rocking that 90's high top all summer. I hope he keeps it into the season
If you didn't laugh out loud at the 1:04 mark when he calls applecare.. you clearly don't have a soul.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
The Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Deep Fried Paradise 2
Late Night Song: Soul to Squeeze by Red Hot Chili Peppers
Fun Fact: Beethoven dipped his head in cold water before he composed...This guy sounds like a sick bastard if you ask me.
Late Night Video:
Party Song Of The Weekend Brought To You By DJ Nicky Bentz
This week we have Let It Roll by Flo Rida and it's going to roll right into alumni weekend at Sacred Heart University where I will be raging and blacking out tomorrow and Saturday. For all you mother fuckers who will be joining me, get ready to fucking drink. For the one's who couldn't make it, we'll miss you, but we'll be so drunk we'll probably text you and ask if we saw you on one of the two nights. Have a good weekend, see you fuckers tomorrow.
Replacement Refs Officially Replaced
All it took was for me to go 1-4 this week before Goodell and the owners realized it was time to make a deal. Clearly, Goodell is a townie, regularly reading this website and noticed that a certain expert picker had his worst week in two years. I mean, when the Sloth man goes 1-4 there is obviously something wrong with the system. Kids picked 65% winners his entire life, Vegas lines move after he makes his picks, and the NFL finally reaches an agreement with the real refs after he goes a miserable 1-4. I'm the consumate pro, and when I don't have a professional product on the field, my picks are subject to failure...my domination begins this week.
Daddy is going to need that Seahawks game when this season comes down the stretch...I also have a strange feeling I will lose this years NFL games by one game...thanks Golden Tate.
Thursday: Things I Wish I Could Tell My Girlfriend
This Week:
52) Using your period as an excuse to be a bitch is played out
Previous Weeks:
1) You should've seen this chick I banged last night
2) Bet your ass that when we break up I'm gonna try and bang all your hot friends
3) I slept with your best friend
4) You look fat in those jeans
5) I've had better
6) All your guy friends are trying to nail you
7) You've gained a few pounds
8) I can't believe you let me go raw right away
9) Your sister is hotter than you
10) Let's have a threesome with your Mom because she didn't mind having sex with me yesterday
11) I totally forgot to pull out last night
12) The number of girls I've had sex with is about three times more than you think it is
13) You're not that hot
14) Your best friend is the biggest bitch I know
15) He calls you because he wants to bang you
16) I would go to jail to bang your brother's 16 year old girlfriend
17) You shouldn't be wearing that slutty outfit when I'm not around
18) I'm a great wing man
19) You give sub par head
20) How come I never actually get anything out of Valentine's Day?
21) Who wouldn't want to have sex with me?
22) Your performance in bed last night was not the usual
23) I can read you like a book
24) I get a hall pass this weekend right?
25) My dick is like a ten foot strand of fly tape, whenever I walk into a room vaginas just stick to it
26) There's a good chance of me being able to have sex with someone other than you this weekend
27) Is there a threesome with your hot friend in the foreseeable future?
28) What's your thoughts on the rusty trombone?
29) Your bitch friend is just mad because we have awesome sex and she hasn't been laid in years
30) I'm slipping it in your butt without asking one of these days
31) Your DUFF has to go, she's scaring my friends away
32) I don't actually cum half the time
33) At least give me a warning before you decide to tickle my butthole
34) Is a few minutes of 69 so much to ask for?
35) BJ's need to become a more vital part of the relationship
36) Don't be surprised when you get the shocker next time we're together
37) My goal is to make sure you can't walk normal tomorrow
38) If you wanna please me you'll go with the sun dress, if you wanna please the other vultures walking around with their tongues out staring at you, you'll go with the slutty short shorts.
39) Yes, that outfit does make you look like a slut.
40) There needs to be a Blumpkin in the cards somewhere in the near future for me.
41) I have no sympathy for your friend who just got dumped because she's a slut.
42) I eat a mean box, just ask your sister
43) Thank god you swallowed at will so I didn't have to hold your head down
44) The shower is meant for doggy style not for me to hold you up so you don't feel degraded
45) Your brother's are the biggest douche bags on the planet
46) That girl who claims to be your best friend, she's a cunt.
47) You only win fights based on me not wanting to hear you talk anymore.
48) If you're not pregnant, I really don't care that much
49) You period means anal sex
50) Your friend is hideous can you please stop lying to her?
51) If you would've just let me talk we could have easily swung a three way with that chick from the bar
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
You Can't Honestly Tell Me That If Miguel Cabrera Didn't Play In Detroit He'd Hit 50 Home Runs Every Year
"Sarah Says" Not All Women Are The Same
The Talk of the Town loves the ladies. We all know that.
Ladies are great. But so many men seem to think there is only one type of lady
worth paying attention to – the scantily clad, big tittied, blonde bimbo. Now,
I’m not hating on blonde bimbos, everyone needs love, but fellas, get a grip.
You’re missing out on more than you can possibly imagine. (I’m taking
inspiration from my weird self for this post, but it is no way self-promoting.
But in case you’re wondering, yes, I’m single. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?)
Beer
Did you know there are girls that don’t exclusively drink
Vodka Cranberries? I’m not shitting you, there really are. There are two main
bars near my apartment – The usual sports/cheap beer/pool bar and the alehouse.
Do you know what you’ll find if you skip the sports bar and head to the
alehouse? 16 craft beers on tap. Did you know that girls can love craft beer?
Passionately. They can passionately love craft beer. They get more excited
about Delirium Tremens on tap than $1 PBRs. I count myself among these women –
fridge full of Le Fin de Monde and Magic Hat Blind Faith and only gin in my
liquor cabinet.
Clothes
Did you know that some girls don’t dress for attention? I
know, I know, you love seeing legs and tits at the bar, and understandably so.
But that’s kind of shallow, y’know? (It’s okay, everyone is shallow sometimes.)
Look around you, though. Maybe next time you’re walking down the street, you’ll
find a girl who is more comfortable dressing for herself than for men. What
does that mean? It means confidence. It means that girl you see on the street
would rather make herself happy than expose herself for attention. (That’s a
harsh view of women, I know, and it doesn’t apply to everyone. Don’t send me
hate mail.) That’s confidence, fellas. And that’s sexy as hell.
Intelligence
Oh man, you guys love dumb blondes, don’t you? I bet you
think smart girls are duller than the doldrums – all huddled up in the library,
ugly sweater and gross glasses with totally awful hair. Oh man, you guys.
Really? That’s the worst. Did you know that some smart girls are stylish, sexy
and all around awesome? Let me point out a few intelligent women you may
recognize – Natalie Portman (Harvard), Julia Stiles (Columbia), Emma Watson (Brown,
Oxford). Did you know that girl who you asked for help in class (talking to
you, Hammer) can possess all the qualities you want in a woman, but look for in
the hot, dumb chick at the bar? Well now you do, you’re welcome.
I think I’ve covered the trifecta of important differences
here. I know some of you will roll your eyes and think, “Ugh, this girl is just
a lonely old hag that is resentful of hot chicks.” And of course I’m jealous of
hot chicks. Who isn’t? Society has hammered into my head that my likes and
personalities will leave me alone for the rest of my life. (Shame I’m allergic
to cats, isn’t it?) But guys remember, there are so many more girls of value
out there than you think. Open your eyes.
The Yankees Blew A Golden Opportunity Last Night
I'm not gonna totally kill him for pulling Hughes and bringing in Boone Logan because I understand the thinking behind that move. I know Hughes was throwing well, but at this time this actually made sense. Not like the bullshit that happened in the ninth inning. That I will never understand.
Down 5-3 with two outs Andruw Jones comes to the plate. Now, I understand there was a lefty pitching, but you're down by two runs with no one on base. A home run does absolutely nothing for you at this point. Why is he hitting? Let someone else hit, and if they get on, you bring up Jones against the lefty. Who was on deck? Jayson Nix? What happened in the at bat? Jones hits a home run and now it's 5-4 with a guy who's not a home run hitter coming to bat. Nix strikes out and the game ends 5-4. Fucking absolute stupidity by Girardi right there. Let Nunez hit for Ibanez and see if he can get on base, then you bring up Jones as the tying run. Absolutely atrocious managing. Now to add to it the Rays are making a little move up the standings. It may be too late for them but we all remember last season. On a night when the Yankees could have separated themselves, they fell into the trap. It's their fault, they blew that one last night.
Asshole of the Day Award
If your buddy has the hiccups what's the best way to go about curing them? A) Get him some water, B) Tell him to hold his breath, or C) Shoot him in the face? If your answer was C, you're a sick bastard and you're also correct. Bro, I can think of about 10,304,453,345,456,2223,459,178 better ways to cure your boy of the hiccups that don't involve getting shot in the face. Did you really think that was the proper cure? Or did you just not like him and need an excuse to shoot him in the face? Even if that was the case I think that's just a little bit on the excessive side. Either way, I have zero sympathy for you and whatever your prison sentence will be. Here's your t-shirt, I award you no points and may god have mercy on your soul.
This Bro Just Scratching And Sniffing All Day Long
Just scratching his asshole at work and checking if it smells okay, seems like your run of the mill day at the department store. But then to walk around touching everything with your asshole infested fingers and then bite your asshole infested nails is a bit much. They would love you at the gay bar bro. It'd be like they just ate fried chicken, they'd be licking your fingers for you all day long.
Walmart Shopper Wednesdays
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
THe Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: E:60 The Summer of Gronk
Late Night Song: Every Mile a Memory by Dierks Bentley
Fun Fact: The average American drinks 600 sodas a year...That's a shitload of soda.
Late Night Video:
Jimbo Slice Brings You Some of the Best Tweets From Last Night's Fiasco
Since Jimbo's internet is down, I'm putting up the tweets he sent me that are absolutely epic from last night's replacement referee disaster. It needs no introduction, here we go.
Well start with the most famous one that blew up all over our facebook page today with Clay Matthews giving out Commissioner Goodell's phone number:
Well start with the most famous one that blew up all over our facebook page today with Clay Matthews giving out Commissioner Goodell's phone number:
And then we'll move to Packer offensive lineman Josh Sitton (I would throw up TJ Lang's tweets but you probably read those all over Sportscenter today)...
Next we go to Oakland A's pitcher Brandon McCarthy just telling it exactly like it is:
We'll also add a little bit from random guy on Jimbo's News Feed:
And we'll finish with a little history lesson:
NFL Week 3 Review
I really didn't think it would be this bad when the season started. I thought nothing of the refs really. But the impact that they've had on these games have been atrocious. The fact that they just decided the outcome of a conference game that could cause Seattle to get into the playoffs while the Packers go hom is just unfathomable to think.
There's only one person to blame for all of this and his name is Roger Goodell. He's a stubborn fuck who does things his way and now he's fucking up the entire integrity of his league. Pay the real officials what they want before someone gets seriously injured or there's a riot because of these guys. Your product is diminishing, it's time to do something about it.
On another note there are only three unbeated teams. Sitting at 3-0 are the Falcons, Texans and Cardinals and I think the Falcons are going to end up being the team to beat in the NFC. This weekend marks the one quarter mark on the season. I'm interested to see where this goes.
Asshole of the Day Award
If your girlfriend goes into labor what should you do? A) Call an ambulance, B) Try to have the baby right then and there, or C) Hijack a car and lead cops on a high speed chase up to the hospital. If you chose C, come on down, you've just won a prize. Seriously though, that's what this dude did. Did you ever think of just calling 911? I know, you had to think fast, nice job bro. Now you missed the birth of your kid and you're going to prison. Good thinking. Here's your t-shirt, I award you no points and may god have mercy on your soul.
Don't Buy Used Condoms PSA
Break PSA: Used Condoms - Watch More Funny Videos
You can't tell me this isn't the greatest Public Service Announcement of all time. There's no other explanation. It's fantastic.
C U Next Tuesdays: Stories of Your Cunt Ex Girlfriends
"My junior year of college, like an asshole I decided to get a girlfriend. Like an asshole in the middle of junior year I find out she was cheating on me with her ex boyfriend from home the entire winter break. Then like an asshole I slammed her roommate. Cunts."
I actually laughed out loud when I saw this shit. Hysterical. Please email me what you want, you get a free t-shirt.
Monday, September 24, 2012
The Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Two Broke Girls (I don't know why, I'm out of ideas)
Late Night Song: How You Like Me Now by The Heavy
Fun Fact: The chicken is one of the few things man eats before it's born and after it's dead...Don't understand that one but I guess I'm the fucking crazy one.
Late Night Video:
Jets-Week 3
I think it's safe to say this picture is by far the most important highlight of the game, and the story getting the most attention. Not many players in the league have an affect on the game from the defensive side quite like Darelle Revis does. I don't think the Ravens losing Terrell Suggs is as impactful as the Jets losing Darelle Revis. Whether or not you're a Jets fan or a Jets hater you have to admit that this guy is the best lockdown corner in the league, hands down, unequivocally, anyone who makes an argument otherwise is either delusional or a Pats fan (same thing). So, it's going to be interesting to see how the Jets defense holds up without its most integral piece...I'm not looking forward to Andre Johnson at all.
On to the game. As far as the game goes, as a football fan this was one of the ugliest games I've ever watched. Absolutely disgusting, far worse than anything Steve has brought home from the bar. Both sides were difficult to watch. The Jets offense is disgracefully bad. The Typo and Sing Like Bilal Powell did absolutely nothing. Granted, Miami's run defense is very good, but still 88 total rushing yards on 33 plays is embarasssing...especially for a team built on "ground and pound." Passing game was nothing to write home about either. I will give credit where credit is due and say despite my hatred for Holmes, he had a big game yesterday and seemed to be the only receiver Sanchez was in sync with. On to Sanchez. I've been defending him all year, and all career and I'm going to continue to defend him. First off, the guy makes plays when it matters. Plain and simple. He has done it his entire career and he will continue to do it. The pressure doesn't seem to get to him and he is his best when the game is on the line. But, 21-45 with 2 INT's and 1 TD isn't good enough. Once again, a blown route by a rookie WR is the reason for one of the picks, but the redzone INT is inexcusable and against a team that isn't half-handicapped like Miami could be costly. The other part of Sanchez game that needs MAJOR work is his down field vertical passes. This is the 4th year I've been watching Sanchez and I honestly cannot remember a single completion that he's thrown to a reciever running a vertical route. I mean he had three passes last night to WIDE OPEN receivers that he just missed. Not even into coverage where he needed to put the ball in a tight window. Legitimately wide open receivers that pretty much any other QB connects with.
All that said, Jets won. Jets are in 1st place in the division. Won't last though. Fortunately they have an extremely easy schedule after these first 8 games and it gives them the possibility of making the playoffs. But they ain't beating the Texans, and they ain't beating the 9'ers. They have to beat the Colts week 6 and they really should beat the Dolphins week 8. If they can steal a game from the Pats that would be spectacular. 5-3 for the first half of the season would be awesome, but I think 4-4 is more likely.
P.S. The Ravens winning and the Pats still covering might have been the best feeling I've had all month.
Ohio Marching Band Does "Gangnam Style"
I really dislike this stupid song. Everyone disputes this with me by saying, "omg like no, you have to watch the music video it's like the funniest thing ever".
No, it's stupid. The guy is a mix between William Hung and Chow from 'The Hangover' and newsflash like every house video is weird and stupid like that.
I'm calling "macarena" or "mambo #5" on this dumb ass song.
PS... Please don't even pretend the first time you heard it you thought he was saying "put them condoms on" or "open condom star".
Breaking News: Darrelle Revis Done For The Season With Torn ACL
Darrelle Revis is officially done for the season with a torn ACL. I would actually feel bad if it wasn't that he was on the Jets. This is a huge hit because that defense is nowhere near the same without him patrolling the back end. Cromartie gets burnt on the reg and Kyle Wilson is good, but he's not a lockdown guy. With the schedule the Jets have coming up, this is just devastating. But I don't feel that bad because he wears the green and white. Sucks for the Jets. Sorry bout it.
Does Icing the Kicker Actually Work?
We have seen it numerous times over the years with the game on the line and only a few seconds left. Coaches of the opposing team call timeouts to "ice" the kicker and give him something to think about before the big kick. But more times than not, this doesn't actually work.
You know what you see more times than the kicker missing the kick after the timeout? You see the kicker missing the kick before the timeout and then he drills it on his second chance after the timeout. It's a ridiculous tactic that is almost pointless at this point. The kicker isn't thinking about it, he has the holder telling him how many bitches he's gonna bang after he makes the kick.
I would think just let him go on the first one. He probably thinks you're gonna call a timeout anyway so he's probably not really thinking totally about the kick. Just let him go and miss it. Or if he hits it, he hits it. What are you really gonna do at that point? Your defense couldn't get the job done, so now either block the kick or don't complain. If the defense was able to make a play, you wouldn't be in this situation. Calling a timeout and watching the kicker miss is a huge kick in the balls. It's a bigger kick in the balls when he buries it on the next chance.
How many times have you actually seen the ice the kicker tactic work? I bet you can count on three fingers how many times in your life this has worked. Ninety percent of the time the kicker doesn't even know the other team called a timeout. And if you get a guy like Janikowski, he probably runs over to the sideline and chugs a smirnoff every time they try to ice him. It doesn't work, it's nonsense. Just get the fucking game over with and let it be.
College Football Week 4 Review
Also, #6 Oklahoma who doesn't lose to ranked teams at home had a nightmare second half in losing to #15 Kansas State. This Kansas State QB is also pretty good. I still don't think he can throw the ball consistently but he can run the football and run it well. And Oklahoma also does what they've been doing the last few years and that's choking on their home field.
#10 Notre Dame didn't impress me one bit against a crappy Michigan team. The game was almost as boring as Boise State and BYU's 7-6 barn burner on Thursday night. I'm still not totally sold on Notre Dame because I don't think they've beaten a good team yet. And as for Oregon, that team is the real deal. I wanna see them against an SEC team and see what their offense does against a legit D. They're fun to watch.
Key Week 5 Match Ups:
Tennessee at #5 Georgia
#25 Baylor at #9 West Virginia
#14 Ohio State at #20 Michigan State
#18 Oregon State at Arizona
Wisconsin at #22 Nebraska
Asshole of the Day Award
Things not to do when robbing someone: Don't put your gun down next to the guy you're robbing and search his pockets. Mainly because the guy you're robbing will then pick your gun up and shoot you. Are you a fucking idiot? Why would you put the gun down next to the guy you're robbing? Fucking jackass. That's the difference between a good criminal and a bad criminal. Having a fucking brain in your head. Here's your t-shirt bro namath, I award you no points and may god have mercy on your soul.
Soccer Player With One Leg Just Doing The Damn Thing...
He's on his stilts to stand up, he's got one leg, and he's just scoring goals and pogo sticking up and down the field because I don't even think he can believe it. I mean it's still kind of hilarious as fucked up as it sounds. I would probably cut every player on my defense if this kid scored against my team. I don't care if he has one leg, you body him up and you play some fucking defense. This isn't every kid gets a cookie. He's on the field, D the fuck up.
Monday: Movie Clip of the Week
Sunday, September 23, 2012
The Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Hatfields & McCoys
Late Night Song: Sing for the Moment by Aerosmith
Fun Fact: These replacement officials are an embarrassment to the NFL
Late Night Video:
NFL Picks Week 3
Before I begin I'm giving everyone a push on last weekend's Giants game because the line moved from the time we posted to the time the game started...
Standings:
Standings:
Daddy: 5-4-1
Slothy: 4-5-1
Jimbo Slice: 4-5-1
Week 3 Games
Daddy:
1) Bears (-7) vs Rams: No Matt Forte for the Bears this week and the Rams are an improved football team. I think the Bears win the game but the Rams cover the spread.
2) Lions (-3.5) at Titans: The Titans may not be as bad as we all think. They're at home and the Lions haven't been at all impressive this season. Just for that fact I'm going with the Titans.
3) Eagles (-3) at Cardinals: The Arizona defense is no joke. Their offense is horrendous, but their defense is the real deal. And we have an east coast team flying across the country to play a west coast team. Always bad news. Cardinals not only cover, they win the game.
4) Patriots at Ravens (-2.5): This game has Tom Brady letting everyone know that he's still Tom Brady written all over it. Pats.
5) Packers (-3) at Seahawks: Seattle is a tough place to play and that team is well improved. I'm gonna expect the unexpected. Seahawks cover.
Slothy:
Jimbo Slice:
Slothy:
1) Bears (-7) vs Rams: Rams
2) Lions (-3.5) at Titans: Lions
3) Eagles (-3) at Cardinals: Eagles
4) Patriots at Ravens (-2.5): Pats
5) Packers (-3) at Seahawks: Packers
Jimbo Slice:
1) Bears (-7) vs Rams: Rams
2) Lions (-3.5) at Titans: Lions
3) Eagles (-3) at Cardinals: Cardinals
4) Patriots at Ravens (-2.5): Pats
5) Packers (-3) at Seahawks: Packers
Sit On My Face Sundays: There's No Loser
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| Petra Nemcova |
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| Olga Kurylenko |
Follow us on twitter @thtalkofthetown
Saturday, September 22, 2012
The Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: #22 Arizona vs #3 Oregon
Late Night Song: Come Over by Kenny Chesney
Fun Fact: More people study English in China than speak it in the US...That's because there's so many of them.
Late Night Video:
Drunk Story Saturdays: I Ain't Cuddling
"The bar is just about to close at 2am and I'm standing outside. Some random chick comes up to me and says, "Hey, come to my house and cuddle." I looked at her and I said, "It's 2 in the morning, I ain't fucking cuddling. I wanna go to the beach." So she thinks we're going to the beach to cuddle on the beach. I don't have a condom and I'm trying to be responsible so I told her I just wanted a blowjob. She insisted no, she wanted the D. Who am I to deny her of the D really? I start banging her on the beach and I'm so drunk I think I'm banging her for a while. It was probably really like 15 minutes. But I look at her and I ask her if she's close to finishing and she says, "No, we've only been having sex for 5 minutes." I was basically dry humping her for ten minutes. I was so drunk I thought my dick was in her the whole time but it wasn't. Finally, I realize there's no way I'm cumming so I was like fuck it. I'm done. I take all my clothes off and run into the water, then I walk back to my friend's house and go to bed. I wake up with no wallet and missing $180. I go back to the beach and sitting in the spot where I was is $180 in cash, but no wallet. My sister's friend calls me later that day and says she has my wallet. She ended up sharing a shore house with the girl I banged on the beach. And when I went to pick up my wallet, this girl was a mongoloid. So I had blackout drunk sex with an ugly chick and almost lost everything I owned all because I didn't just wanna cuddle."
Well look at it this way, at least you didn't just cuddle and then wake up next to the mongoloid. Just remember, it could always be worse. That's the story of my life. And you found your money and the bitch didn't steal your wallet. Other than dry humping the back of her knee for ten minutes I would say you made out alright.
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