Survival Guide To Getting Left Behind At A Bar

Everyone has had this happen at least once.  You're having a grand old time dancing like a robot to Rhianna's new song when you look around and realize all your friends are nowhere to be seen. Seeing as how it's Friday and I'm somewhat of a pro on this topic, here are just a few tips I've picked up on  what to do if you're friends leave you at a bar.

1. Order at least 5 more drinks.  You're friends are going to be thirsty when they get back.

2.  Drinks those drinks.  Those ditching assholes can buy their own tequila.  

3. Pull out your cellphone and pretend to text your friends.  Everyone knows if you're alone at a bar on your cellphone it means you have a totally awesome entourage coming to meet you and that you are not a loser at all.

4. Order shots.  You don't want that panicky "I might actually have to find my own way home" feeling setting in.

5.  Text that boy that only calls you to fuck at 3am.  After 6 months he's definitely starting to come around and see you as girlfriend material.

6.  Go to the bathroom. Have a heart to heart with a complete stranger who will tell you that you're too beautiful/ smart/ funny/ way to good for that loser that texts you to sleep with him.  Resolve not to answer the booty calls you've now started from drunk messaging him.  Make plans with stranger to go get your nails done.  Walk out of the bathroom and realize you don't know her name or number, feel a little sad inside. 

7.  Call your booty call to pick you up.  You forgot to write your friend's address in Sharpie on your hand so there's no way your making it back on your own.  Promise a blow job in exchange for your services. Replace feelings of guilt by telling yourself it's okay because your drunk.  Plus, he will get to see how hot you look tonight....you know, after sweating and dancing and maybe throwing up in your mouth a little...

It's not science, but hey these steps will ensure you have an awesome night out.