"The bar is just about to close at 2am and I'm standing outside. Some random chick comes up to me and says, "Hey, come to my house and cuddle." I looked at her and I said, "It's 2 in the morning, I ain't fucking cuddling. I wanna go to the beach." So she thinks we're going to the beach to cuddle on the beach. I don't have a condom and I'm trying to be responsible so I told her I just wanted a blowjob. She insisted no, she wanted the D. Who am I to deny her of the D really? I start banging her on the beach and I'm so drunk I think I'm banging her for a while. It was probably really like 15 minutes. But I look at her and I ask her if she's close to finishing and she says, "No, we've only been having sex for 5 minutes." I was basically dry humping her for ten minutes. I was so drunk I thought my dick was in her the whole time but it wasn't. Finally, I realize there's no way I'm cumming so I was like fuck it. I'm done. I take all my clothes off and run into the water, then I walk back to my friend's house and go to bed. I wake up with no wallet and missing $180. I go back to the beach and sitting in the spot where I was is $180 in cash, but no wallet. My sister's friend calls me later that day and says she has my wallet. She ended up sharing a shore house with the girl I banged on the beach. And when I went to pick up my wallet, this girl was a mongoloid. So I had blackout drunk sex with an ugly chick and almost lost everything I owned all because I didn't just wanna cuddle."
Well look at it this way, at least you didn't just cuddle and then wake up next to the mongoloid. Just remember, it could always be worse. That's the story of my life. And you found your money and the bitch didn't steal your wallet. Other than dry humping the back of her knee for ten minutes I would say you made out alright.
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