Late Night Programming: Extreme Waterfronts
Late Night Song: Babylon is Falling by Slightly Stoopid
Fun Fact: Odds of dating a supermodel: 88,000 to1...Sounds about right.
Late Night Video:
Thursday, January 31, 2013
The West Coast Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Extreme Waterfronts
Late Night Song: Babylon is Falling by Slightly Stoopid
Fun Fact: Odds of dating a supermodel: 88,000 to1...Sounds about right.
Late Night Video:
The Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Income Property
Late Night Song: Mr. Jinx by Quarashi
Fun Fact: Odds of getting away with murder at 2 to 1...That's 50-50 I'd rather take my chances on not murdering someone.
Late Night Video:
Boobment Blog of the Day
This one was literally found at 1:50am and I knew nobody was beating it. Our Boobment Blog of the Day is brought to you by @MoStateBoobs. Tell me they shouldn't make this their new twitter avatar, I already made sure I suggested it to them as well. It's got it all including some nippleage. I love it. Join the #boobment because it's awesome and so am I.
I Don't Think They're Upset About It
Yeah, I don't think this person is very upset about it. I wanted to say that it was a guy but it's a fucking mini cooper. If you're a guy driving a mini cooper you have no balls. Basically this chick is the happiest bitch on earth and wants everyone to know she's single. She might as well have just written, "My legs are open for business" on the back of that because that's basically what it means. She's about to go on a dick crushing spree like no other.
Old Guys Who Bang Hot Young Girls
Even though a guy is older and good looking, unless he's a celebrity why do young girls want to get boned by them? For instance, last night at the bar I work at there was this guy who had to be like 48 years old hanging out at by himself. About twenty minutes later I see some smoking hot blonde walk in and I'm just saying to myself that she must be lost because girls this hot never walk in this place.
She walks in and walks right over to the older guy and kisses him on the lips. She couldn't have been any older than 27 years old and she was with this guy. I was fucking amazed. I thought this guy either had to have the biggest cock anyone's ever seen, or one of the biggest bank accounts anyone's ever seen. I was just in shock and awe of what was going on.
So ladies, what's with the older guy craze? You're telling me if you're a hot 27 or 28 year old chick that you can't find a guy remotely close to your age? Or do you just not want someone close to your age? Because what it looks like is that you just want to get impregnated by the old guy and take all his money? Am I on to something? Probably. But that's why I'm asking the ladies. What's with you loving the old wrinkly balls?
Sidenote: On another note, way to go old guys who pull hot young broads. More power to you fella's.
Guy Accidentally Uploads Video Asking For a Threeway With Fiance's Friend
How do you accidentally upload something like this to youtube? And if it was an accident why is it still up? This wasn't an accident. This guy wanted everyone to know that him and his fiancé's are about to have a threesome with his fiancé's friend. I would say it could be with her hot friend but I can't give him the benefit of the doubt on that because just look at him. Would you assume his fiancé is hot? I wouldn't. But on the bright side at least his girlfriends friend knows who he is now. So now having a threeway is okay.
Dan Marino Just Slaying Side Hoes and Making Babies
Dan Marino who is one of the greatest quarterbacks to ever play the game of football apparently had a side piece who he knocked up and had a kid with in 2005. He basically paid her millions of dollars to keep quiet about it and she did. She was a production assistant at CBS. Just another reason you don't mix business and pleasure. And now he says that him and his wife are still happily married with their six kids. I kind of just find it hilarious that this is coming out now. It's eight years later and we're just finding out about it. I guess money really does get you whatever you need covered up. This dudes making babies with side chicks and no one's hearing about it for almost a decade.
Totally Not Cool
Come on dude, that's totally not cool. You literally got so drunk that you shit yourself. Like there are times when I say to my friends that I want to get so drunk that I shit myself, but I don't actually mean it. All I really mean is that I want to black out. You on the other hand actually shit yourself in public. I have nothing else to say to you other than to tell you that I have nothing else to say to you. Somebody get him some toilet paper.
In Florida Today
This little cutie said she wanted to kill herself while at a Denny's. So she ordered a grand slam. Just kidding, she drank in the parking lot until she lost consciousness and then when the EMT and cops came to rush her to the hospital she kicked the EMT in the knee and tried to kick the cop in the face. And then she was charged with assault and battery. Trying to kill yourself in the Denny's parking lot is now way to go through like hun. I award you no points and may god have mercy on your soul.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
The West Coast Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Burger Land (Travel Channel)
Late Night Song: Your Love by The Outfield
Fun Fact: Like fingerprints, everyones tongue print is different...I didn't even know there was such thing as a tongue print, you learn something new every day.
Late Night Video:
The Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Deranged: Charles Manson
Late Night Song: Know Your Enemy by Rage Against the Machine
Fun Fact: One quarter of the bones in your body are in your feet...Interesting stuff I find for this shit.
Late Night Video:
Boobment Blog of the Day
I love the #boobment. Today's winner is brought to you by @BYUboobs. This is just straight up sexy right here because there is nothing better than a hand bra. Follow us @thtalkofthetown and don't forget about everyone involved in the #boobment. Keep the train moving and get on board.
Sidenote: I realize I say the same thing every day but at least you get to look at some sexy tits while you hear me repeat myself.
His "Roommate"
I have heard tales of a married man who is the epitome of a guy who got married just to be married. Now his life is destroyed, he's still with the same woman and he tells every guy who isn't married that they should never get married. How does he start off when he talks about his wife? He calls her his "roommate".
Yes you read that correctly. He refers to his wife as his roommate. Not only that but when he describes the place that he met his roommate, he refers to that as ground zero. Is it possible to hate your life so much that you call the place you met your wife ground zero? I didn't even think it was possible. And the fact that he calls her his roommate insinuates one definite fact. They definitely never have sex.
I guess this is what being married is like when you do it just to do it. You grow to resent the person you married, you refer to them as your roommate, and you refer to the place you met them as a disaster. Gentlemen, the proof is right here. Don't ever get married. And if you do you should make a pact. After 20 years of marriage you have an opt out clause.
My Take on PED's
First it was Jose Canseco coming out and telling us how everyone in Major League Baseball was on the juice during his time. Then we get to Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens and Sammy Sosa. We made our way to Andy Pettite and A-Rod and now we're all the way to Ray Lewis and all these other baseball dudes. Here's my take on the whole situation.
I'm officially convinced that every person playing a major sport is on something illegal. Everyone flips out when a report comes out that says someone was taking PED's and they limit it to only that one guy. For instance, whenever A-Rod is mentioned in anything everyone else gets overlooked. How about Gio Gonzalez who won 21 games last season? What about Nelson Cruz who's a physical freak? And of course we know about Melky Cabrera and Bartolo Colon.
Don't limit things like this to just the guys who get caught. If this many guys are getting caught, it's more than just these guys who are doing it. You're naive if you think other professional athletes aren't looking for an advantage of some sort. They always are, and they always will be. A scientist will always come out with something new that can go undetected and the cycle will continue.
As for Ray Lewis, I kept quiet on this until I got all my information. I would rather be last on a story and know I'm right, than first and know I'm wrong. If you look up the stuff that Ray Lewis allegedly took, you can literally get it at a drug store. It's stuff that helps you heal quicker. If he sprayed it under his tongue and got tested that same day it wouldn't come up on the test. And if it's something you can get over the counter, why is it considered illegal? Not to mention that you and I both know EVERY player in the NFL is on something. Look at the size of these guys, don't be that ignorant.
Believe what you want to believe everyone. But when it comes to performance enhancing drugs in sports, everyone is doing it. And if everyone is doing it is it still cheating? No. Don't tell me I'm wrong on this. You're just seeing what you want to see if you can't agree with me.
An Interesting Take on This...
Well that's an interesting take on double penetration because if you're gonna DP a chick with another dude you're inevitably going to be touching some balls. If you're into shit like that you have to take the good with the bad. But this fucking guy is just trying to beat the system. He's gonna do what he can to get a chick who wants to "strap up" and then tag team a bitch. Genius.
Nice Try, Bro
Looks like your first attempt at hitting a ski jump didn't turn out so well. You should really make sure next time that when you're hitting that ski jump, it's not taking you directly down another hill that will most likely lead you to plummet to your death. Nice try bro, now all we have to remember you by are those skis you left behind.
In Florida Today
You have to ask where it all went wrong when you show up at a trailer home to have sex with a woman and her husband is standing there with a shotgun. This dude is on trial for killing a guy who came to his trailer to have sex with his wife. Turns out he was basically pimping out his wife to people and this guy wouldn't pay the money so he shot him in the ass. However, the dude who pulled the trigger is claiming it was self defense. It's hard to claim self defense when you shoot a guy in the ass. That sounds a lot like you're making this up to me big guy. We can learn two things from this. One is don't go to trailer parks to have sex with strange women. Two is don't shoot a guy in the ass and then claim self defense. Sounds simple, but it's harder than it looks.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
The West Coast Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: EPIC (on Destination America check your cable providers)
Late Night Song: It's Just a Shot Away by Rolling Stones
Fun Fact: Men get hiccups more often than women...I would like to find out why, that doesn't make sense to me.
Late Night Video:
The Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Mystery Diners
Late Night Song: Ain't Messin' Around by Gary Clark Jr.
Fun Fact: Brushing your teeth regularly has been proven to prevent heart disease...Which is good
Late Night Video:
Boobment Blog of the Day
Today's winner of the Boobment Blog of the Day goes to @UTBoobs for this lovely, colorful and gorgeous rack. Join the #boobment on twitter and follow all the boobment accounts for an eventful day every day of cleavage pics. Do the right think and get on the train.
At Least He's Honest...
I mean at least he's honest, that's gotta count for something right? You can't be getting caught like that dude. Plus the fact that in this day and age it's pretty much impossible to try and juggle two chicks. With Facebook, Twitter and every other social network imaginable the odds of you pulling off juggling two chicks at once is pretty much one in a million. Girls wanna take pictures, check you in everywhere you go, instagram your ass hair you know all that good stuff. There's just no way of this being even a remote possibility. I applaud your honesty but you have no one to blame here but yourself here big guy.
Recruit Hosting 101: Don't Take the Recruit to a Strip Club and Tweet About It
I bet the recruit was hilarious at the strip club bro. BUT DON'T PUT IT ON TWITTER YOU ASSHOLE! This happened at Florida International by the way, which normally no one would care about but this is just too dumb to be overlooked. Obviously, people saw the tweet and now this is sure to be an NCAA investigation. However, there's a good chance that there were some members of the NCAA present at the strip club so they might not actually find anything. But how stupid do you have to be to send a tweet like this in the midst of everything that has gone on in the college football world in recent years? The dumb football player jokes apply to you D Perk. Don't be surprised if that football scholarship is gone next season.
He's Newly Single...
I have a friend of mine who is fresh off a long term relationship and he was talking to me about going out yesterday. I just threw out the obvious comparison that he is now an alley cat and he came back at me with this. I love it because that means his head is in the game. He's all about being on the prowl and hunting vagina like an experienced lion in the jungle. Setting up booby traps and then pouncing for the kill. It shows that even though he's been out of the game for a while he still knows how to handle the battlefield. Ladies, he's fully employed and STD free so if you're interested inquire within (that means email me for all you geniuses out there).
And A-Rod Took HGH Along With Everyone Else in Baseball in 2012
Well here we go again with the PED's. This time on the list is A-Rod, Nelson Cruz and Gio Gonzalez among others who are said to have purchases HGH and PED's from this dude in Miami last season. I have come to the conclusion that everyone in the majors is most likely on something. These guys are just bigger specimens than your normal human being and to play at that level without gaining some type of advantage is nearly impossible. Therefore, nothing surprises me anymore. Go ahead and say they cheated, go ahead and say they're all bums; but don't be that naive to think that they're the only one's in all of baseball doing it. The game isn't clean and hasn't been for a while. And as long as newer, more potent drugs keep coming out it probably won't ever be again.
Why I Hate ESPN
In Florida Today
Let me just say you're probably not too good of a "computer specialist" if you get caught distributing child porn. If I had to pick the guy distributing child porn out of a lineup though you would be the number one overall pick in that draft. Look at you. You look like you're cracked out on meth, you're pale as a fucking ghost and you have creepy, uneven facial hair. You fit the bill my man. I can't wait until Marquis makes prison porn with your asshole. Have a great day.
America! Fuck Ye...Nevermind
America! Fuck yeah! Except in this case it was America followed by what is most likely a broken neck. No shouting out the word America does not stop you from almost killing yourself kids. Actually in every other country it would probably get you killed. Even in our own country it might get you killed because you're probably as dumb as this fucking asshole. It's always good to start your day with a little humor attached to it. Or in this case stupidity, but either one should do the trick.
Monday, January 28, 2013
The West Coast Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: The Rock
Late Night Song: Summertime by Rascal Flatts
Fun Fact: Vitamin C and E pills may protect against sunburn and possibly reduce the risk of skin cancer, but there's no substitute for good sunscreen...Thought you might like to know that.
Late Night Video:
The Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Best Sandwich in America
Late Night Song: Renegades of Funk by Rage Against the Machine
Fun Fact: A tight tie can affect a glaucoma exam, if you're having your eyes checked you shouldn't wear a tie all day...Sounds interesting to say the least.
Late Night Video:
Ladies and Gentlemen, Our Wingman of the Year
When you look up the definition of taking one for the team, this is the picture that comes up next to it. This kid has "I need about ten more shots of Jager for this" written all over his face. He has without a doubt just won the Wingman of the Year Award. He has successfully hogtied the DUFF so his boy can get with the hot friend. The favor will be returned one day my friend. Just stay strong and make sure you're actually inside her vagina and not in the crevice underneath her gut. It gets sweaty in there, it could be hard to decipher what you're inside of bud. Also, never speak of this with anyone. You'll be much better off and the nightmares will be less frequent. Big girls need love too baby, you're just doing their community a service.
Boobment Blog of the Day
Today's Boobment Blog of the Day winner is brought to you by @Cal_Boobs. This isn't even the winner just for the boob part of the picture but the entire body as a whole. I'm in awe because this chick definitely looks so good naked guys probably don't wanna take their shirts off if they can ever get in the bedroom with her. I will keep reiterating to join the #boobment on twitter and follow all the boob accounts. It puts a smile on your face daily, I promise. And while you're at it follow us too @thtalkofthetown because we do awesome.
Booty Call Texting Times
The booty call texting times need to be simply thrown onto the table prior to the arrangement. There is no talking and getting to know your booty call either, you are just strictly having sex. You are basically a sexual entity to each other and you fill each other's needs when called upon. You both know that you're almost like a backup quarterback in football. You play when you're called to play.
So what are the proper texting times for you booty call. It's simple. Anytime between 10pm and 3am is the proper time. not before 10 and not after 3. You have a solid five hour window to text, meet and fuck. Is there anything that sounds difficult about that? And also, there is no sleeping over or cuddling. It's strictly a pleasure, wild sex agreement.
Do I need my head examined? No, you do if you don't listen to me on this. If you're in search of a booty call you use these guidelines I have just laid out for you and use them to the T. Why? Because I'm right and I'm here to help you in your sexual encounters. 10pm to 3am and it needs to be consistent. Also, if they don't answer it's because they're with someone else. And you just move to the next person on your depth chart. Simple, yet elegant. It's the way of the booty call.
In Florida Today
So a bus driver who has caused nine accidents, has had nineteen reprimands and a 31 day suspension still has a job because the county felt repeat actions didn't warrant termination. What the fuck am I missing here? He's been reprimanded nineteen times and causes nine accidents I'm pretty sure if you have to get reprimanded at your job more than once you no longer have that job. That's why people get fired right? When you suck at your job, you should get fired. Not this guy, he's still rolling through the streets taking up two lanes at a time and running over everyone and everything in his path. But it's Florida so can we really be surprised?
I Wanna Party With Shain From Buckwild So Bad
Sidenote: Here's a clip
Who Chose This Phone Number?
I kind of want to call this number because I'm so intrigued by it. Usually when men want Muff for delivery we call "nighttime friends" aka hookers. At this point they might as well have just made it 1-800-MUFFDIVER because this is had to have gone totally wrong. I get it, but I mean it can be taken the wrong way. Plus the fact that the muff I want to be eating isn't a sandwich, if you catch my drift.
It's Not That Friendly, Bitch...
The goat is really friendly? Yeah, we can see that bitch. The fucking thing wants nothing to do with you. It literally just head butted you and told you to get the fuck away from it before it does some real damage. Not that I think a goat can actually do damage and if it does you're a pussy. But what pisses me off is that she's one of those oblivious women who never understands what's going on around her. Like she probably slept with at least 30 dudes back in her hay day just because they said she could come back to their apartment and "sleep on the couch". Then before she knew it they were inside her tearing that shit up.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Drunk Story Saturdays: You're in My Class Aren't You?
"It was the end of the semester and we had just gotten to the place on campus where all the drunk kids go to eat after they go out. I walked in and the place was packed as per usual. I then see a girl from my accounting class across the room and she comes over to me and says, "Hey, I know you. You're in my class aren't you?" I asked her if she was the girl from accounting and she said yes. I then asked her who she was there with and she said her friend from home and one of her roommates. Naturally I asked her what she was doing and then asked her if she wanted to come back to my room. Needless to say, she was more than thrilled to jump in the sack with yours truly. The sex was wild and unexpected and then I needed a way to get her out. I remembered she said she was with a friend from home. I said to her, "Shouldn't you get back and make sure your friend from home didn't disappear?" She thought about it for a second and then said I was right and she took off. Not only did I pick her up at a place that was the equivalent of a Seven Eleven, but I threw her out like a tramp when I was done. We call that a win-win."
She sounds like a real classy lady. You must've bagged her while giving out your tickets to the gun show. Slobs crack me up. This one cracks me up because I'm willing to bet she wanted to part her legs like the red sea for you the day that she met you but just needed to wait for the right time. She saw you drunk and vulnerable like a baby fawn and went in for the kill. She succeeded and got her dick. You fell victim, but it probably wasn't so bad. At least it doesn't sound so terrible.
Friday, January 25, 2013
The West Coast Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: The Secret Machine
Late Night Song: California Love by Tupac, Dre and Roger Troutman
Fun Fact: Combined Los Angeles and Long Beach can handle 40% of the nations import trade...That's pretty fucking amazing.
Late Night Video:
The Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Deep Fried Paradise
Late Night Song: Slow Jamz by Kanye West and Twista
Fun Fact: As you age, your eye color gets lighter...Maybe I'll have blue eyes by the time I'm 60.
Late Night Video:
Boobment Blog of the Day
Big shout out to @BamaBoobs for winning today's Boobment Blog of the Day. This girl has absolutely phenomenal boobs and this was my favorite tweet from the #boobment all day and therefore this is the winner. Don't forget to get involved in the #boobment on twitter because it's the greatest thing to happen to twitter since twitter was invented. Have an awesome weekend.
This weeks #boobment winners:
Monday: @IUboobs1
Tuesday: @universityboobs
Wednesday: @BigTenBoobs
Thursday: @UCboobs1
Friday: @BamaBoobs
Want to Know How Your Penis Compares to the Rest of the World? There's an App For That
What do you know? There is now an app that can tell you how your penis size stacks up against the rest of the world. It's really a condom fitting app but every guy is gonna use it just so they can see how big or small their dick is and it only measures your erect pecker, which is good for me since I'm a grower not a shower. Anyway, American men came in the middle of the pack in the study with an average erection of 5.1 inches. No surprise that the Congo came in at the largest averaging 7.1 inches. And we also found out why North Korea hates America so much with this app because they came in dead last along with their buddy South Korea averaging a blistering 3.8 inch erection. Lastly, in case you were wondering the app is called "Condom Size". I'm pretty sure that's just because they weren't allowed to use "Penis Measurement" when they presented this idea.
Minor League Hockey Team Hosts College Beer Olympics at Intermission...With Predictable Results
The Rapids City minor league hockey team thought they were doing a service to the community by hosting the "College Olympics" during an intermission of one of their games. This involved college kids chugging beer, basically playing dizzy bat with hockey sticks and riding Coors Light coolers across the ice in a drunken haste. What could possibly go wrong? I don't know, how about every participant began projectile vomiting all over the ice. Yes, that happened. Fans and season ticket holders were outraged and all the team's GM could say was, "This went completely wrong". No shit! I didn't think college kids throwing up their lungs during an intermission would be part of the program, asshat. Although I would have paid big money to have witnessed this because I find people who can't hold their alcohol to be quite hilarious.
Don't Be Standing on the Tracks When the Train's Coming Through
Listen lady, don't be standing on the tracks when the train's coming through. That's just a recipe for disaster all in itself right there. I love how everyone around her just left her for dead. Like if an avalanche was really coming this woman would have easily been killed because everyone would've left her there while they ran for safety. It was great watching her go down though. She looked like Tom Brady when he got sacked and blew his knee out against Kansas City a while back. Just a phenomenal watch. And yes, I am laughing at her exploits because it's fucking hysterical when it doesn't happen to you.
Defriendment Fridays Returns With a Bang
This one is a special one as he has so graciously decided to let everyone know every day he completes his insanity workout. So instead of just giving you one status, I am going to give you ten of them. Yes, he started posting statuses at the start of the second week of his insanity program. And this is why he is getting defriended. I give you days 7 through 17.
The Culprit: Vincent (last name removed)
Statuses that broke the camel's back:
"Day 7 Insanity Complete! Start of week 2. It def kicked my ass today" (January 14th)
"Day 9 Insanity complete! Pure Cardio! Awesome workout!...Correction from yesterday, it was day 8. Day 7 was a rest day." (January 15th)
"Day 10 Insanity Complete! Plyometric cardio circuit! Awesome workout. Tomorrow is cardio recovery." (January 16th)
"Day 11 Insanity Complete! It was nice to have an easy day. Back to harder exercises tomorrow." (January 17th)
"Day 12 Insanity Complete!!!! Awesome Workout!!" (January 18th)
"Day 13 Insanity Complete! Pure Cardio and Cardio Abs. Hard but awesome workout. Feel great! Rest day tomorrow!" (January 19th)
"Day 15 Insanity Complete! Second round of the Fit Test. Here are my results.
Switch Kicks (2 kicks=1) - 50 (+5 (10 kicks))
Power Jacks - 53 (+11)
Power Knees - 92 (+25)
Power Jumps - 30 (+10)
Globe Jumps (4 Jumps =1) - 9 (+2 (8 Jumps))
Suicide Jumps - 16 (+5)
Push-up Jacks - 32 (+12)
Low Plank Oblique - 42 (+12)
Pretty good increase so far. I definitely need to push myself more and get those numbers higher. I have lost a few lbs but def feel and look better since beginning." (January 21st)
"Day 16 Insanity Complete! a great workout today. Feeling better every day." (January 22nd)
"Day 17 Insanity Complete! Pure Cardio and Cardio Abs! Awesome workouts. Really pushed myself today I can def feel it." (January 23rd)
Reason for Defriendment: I can deal with you putting up that you've completed your insanity workout. I get it, you're excited. But first of all, nobody gives a fuck about you and your workouts. Second of all, nobody wants daily fucking updates about you and your workouts. Third of all, nobody gives a flying fuck about your test results. Fourth of all, how badly are you begging for attention? And lastly, you have used more exclamation points in a ten day period than any man should use in his entire life. For all these reasons, you have been relieved of your duties as a facebook friend of mine. You are the weakest link, goodbye.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
The West Coast Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Endless Summer
Late Night Song: Californication by Red Hot Chili Peppers
Fun Fact: Aspartame has been studied more than any other food additive...And they still don't know what it does to you.
Late Night Video:
The Late Night Special
Late Night Programming: Love It or List It
Late Night Song: Rollin' by Limp Bizkit
Fun Fact: Mozzarella is the second most popular cheese next to cheddar...And I would take fresh mozzarella over cheddar any day of the week.
Late Night Video:
The New Orleans Hornets Are Now Officially the New Orleans Pelicans AKA News No One Cares About
I actually thought at 3 o'clock today Manti Te'o was going to announce that he was a pelican but I was completely wrong about that one. Anyway, what did happen at 3 o'clock today was the New Orleans Hornets have now become the New Orleans Pelicans. My take on the new logo is that it's awful. I thought it was the cover of the Transformers DVD when I first glanced at it. And now that I'm looking at it closer I don't know what the fuck was wrong with the Hornets logo or colors. This is absolutely terrible and since the team is so fucking bad it doesn't matter what the logo looks like, they're still going to suck. And that officially makes this News No One Cares About.
Job Post of the Day
Good news, if you know how to copy & paste you may or may not have made over $80 today. Notice how the SIMPLE, STRAIGHT FORWARD, HONEST is all in caps meaning that it's most likely none of that. And yes I'm pretty sure there is absolutely nothing like this job. Mainly because I'm willing to beat it's as real as Manti Te'o's girlfriend.
Boobment Blog of the Day
Today's Boobment Blog of the Day winner is @UCboobs1. If you have noticed the trend this week I put out these Boobment Blog of the Day pretty early because when I see a boobment tweet that I know will not be beat for the rest of the day, I post it immediately. Meaning, no one is beating this one today. Don't forget to follow @UCboobs1 on twitter and get on board with the #boobment. We're all in, so come join us.
In Florida Today
What's more embarrassing than having your wife arrested for being part of a prostitution ring? Being a cop and having your wife arrested for being part of a prostitution ring. I mean I probably would buy here if I was looking for a night time friend. But this isn't a surprise to anyone if you know her husband. He was suspended from the force once for taking dick pics while on duty and then again for looking at porn on his city issued computer. Meaning, I think he was involved in this crazy shit. But who knows, it's Florida they're probably involved with gang bang parties and shit that'll come out in a couple of days. Just watch, I'm calling it now.
Redneck Things
During which point of this idea processing through your head did you actually stop and think this was a good idea? Like why would you ever think about doing this with nobody there to hold the steering wheel? At least we figured you that your car definitely needs a wheel alignment. And that you need shoulder surgery for that fall you just took. Jackass.
Ladies With Curves, Please Pay Attention
Other than the fact that it's not healthy, you're going to turn yourself into something that barely resembles you. Sure your face will be the same and your personality might be the same, but you won't be the same. You're going to realize that guys won't find you as attractive because you're going to look sickly. And then your girlfriends are going to be talking shit behind your back saying you need help because they think you throw up after you eat. You don't want that shit.
If you don't look pregnant or have a FUPA don't go on the you want to lose 50 pounds tantrum. You'll lose your great ass and probably lose your tits too. Guys aren't into that shit. Is it really gonna make you happy to look like a stick figure with no curves whatsoever? Is that what you consider yourself looking good? Come on.
Don't forget how beautiful you actually are. If you wanna tighten up a little bit, sure I'm all for it. But when you decide you want to lose weight and three months later you look like you lost your tits and ass in a card game people start to wonder what you were thinking. Just remember, curves are good and bones are bad. Don't over think it. If you're sexy, stay sexy.
If He's Wearing This What Were His Other Options?
Serious question bro, if this is what you're wearing what were your other options? Like did you lay out this and assless chaps and a viking helmet and say to yourself, "Nah man, that looks ridiculous I'm gonna go with the fox ears and tail instead." How did this come about? I need to know more. This is honestly the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen in public. Does this outfit get you any vagina whatsoever? I'm willing to bet no, but what do I know. I don't wear a fox tail in public.
Braves Complete Justin Upton Trade with Diamondbacks
Just what I didn't want to see happen. Justin Upton coming to the NL East in a Braves uniform. Basically the main pieces of the deal are the Braves getting Justin Upton while the Diamondbacks get Martin Prado. Then the minor leaguers and guys who played like three games in the majors get thrown in and we have a massive six player deal. Now Justin will join his brother B.J. in Atlanta and those two will be patrolling the outfield. Atlanta is not playing around this off season, they're ready to compete for a deep playoff run. In other news the Mets have announced that a fan will pitch the 8th inning at every home game this year. Just purchase a ticket in Pepsi Porch and wait for the random drawing at the end of the 7th.
Sidenote: The Mets were three years away from competing, they're now eight years away. This dude is 25 and not even in his prime yet. He's going to be a nightmare for NL East pitching.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)