Wednesday, April 11, 2012

No One Listens To Advice From Someone Who Hasn't Been Laid In Years

  
Has anyone ever noticed that whenever a chick is having relationship or guy issues that she always has this one friend who hasn't gotten dick since nam always giving her the advice on what she needs to do? Always uttering things like, "Honey, you just need to get rid of him because he doesn't respect you," or something along those lines. But honestly, who the fuck is gonna listen to this chick? 

It's like taking advice on a sport from someone who's never played the sport. Like you're not gonna be able to teach me how to hit a baseball if you've been throwing alley oops on a basketball court your entire life. And if you haven't been with a guy in decades, your girlfriend isn't gonna listen to you about your relationship advice. 

And you notice that the first thing these girls always say is to get rid of the guy. First of all, maybe it's not that easy. Second of all, she just wants her friend to get rid of the guy so that her friend is just as miserable as she is while she eats fucking disco fries at 3am at the diner because she's not getting laid. Name one person you've listened to relationship advice from who doesn't get any? You can't think of any because you just don't listen to them. 

Girls, if you're looking for the relationship advice, go to the friend who has the boyfriend. If you're looking for fuck buddy advice go to the slutty friend, and if you're looking for what to order from the diner at 3am, go to the friend who's got cob webs on her vagina because it's been out of commission for so long. 

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