Holidays, What Do We Celebrate?

I had nothing to do during the hurricane so it got me thinking about the holidays that we celebrate in this country. Has anyone ever noticed that we celebrate some terrible shit? Like Valentine's Day is lovely but do we get off for it? No. Mother's Day and Father's Day fall on a Sunday, and some people still have to work, so those don't count. So let's talk about some holidays we celebrate where everyone is off from school and work because horrible shit happened (This is for comedic affect so please take a joke).

Columbus Day: Christopher Columbus discovered America? What he actually did was just enslave all the people that were already in a place that wasn't actually America. Just making the natives slaves and raping and murdering women and children equals a Monday off from school and work. Sounds admirable. 

Memorial Day: We're supposed to remember the Civil War. A war where family members killed each other over whether or not we should be allowed to actually own human beings, tell them what to do, and beat them with whips. We respond by getting hammered and having a BBQ.

Easter: The only reason we have it is because a bunch of Jewish and Roman people decided to get together to beat the shit out of a guy. That's a good reason to hunt for painted eggs and give out candy. 

Thanksgiving: Pilgrims had dinner with Indians. Then the Pilgrims proceeded to throw the Indians off their own land and tell them that the place they've been living their entire life no longer belongs to them. What a perfect excuse to eat yourself into a coma and watch football all day. 

Martin Luther King Day: The man fought tooth and nail for civil rights and America decides to give a day off because he got shot. Is it me or does that sound extremely messed up?