Late Night Movie: Kung Pow: Enter The Fist
Late Night Song: Ganja Bus by Cypress Hill
Fun Fact: Rattlesnake mating sessions have been known to last more than 22 hours...Now that's stamina.
Late Night Video:
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Potato Skins with bacon and sour cream
Late Night Movie: Kung Pow: Enter The Fist
Late Night Song: Ganja Bus by Cypress Hill
Fun Fact: Rattlesnake mating sessions have been known to last more than 22 hours...Now that's stamina.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Movie: Kung Pow: Enter The Fist
Late Night Song: Ganja Bus by Cypress Hill
Fun Fact: Rattlesnake mating sessions have been known to last more than 22 hours...Now that's stamina.
Late Night Video:
Shitting Before You Shower
Ok, so I'm sitting here making a teetime for friday and my brother's in the bathroom taking a shower. So I hear the water go off and the next thing I hear really really disturbed me.
I hear him sit down on the toilet. So I scream in, "Jake, are you taking a shit?" He replies, "Yes," and I feel like I'm in the twilight zone. I figure this is just a mistake, usually he would take a shit and then shower so I ask him, I say, "Jake, do you do this all the time..." he says, "Yes, don't you?"
I told him that his way of doing things makes no sense. I've literally never heard of anyone doing this. He tells me he doesn't like to deal with the smell, but still, the shower is used to make you feel good. You feel refreshed after a shower. It defeats the whole purpose of a shower if you get out and take a shit right after.
Anyways, just to make sure I wasn't crazy, I asked my dad right away. And he, like I presumed, also takes a shit before he showers except for extreme occasions.
Should I be worried about my brother doing things in this order? Is this an early trait of a serial killer? Comments on the subject would be greatly appreciated
Jimbo Slice's Tweet Of The Day
The Person...
- JP Arencibia (Rookie Catcher Toronto Blue Jays) @jparencibia9
The Tweet...
- "Why dont showers have a chair and sound system in it??? Would make showering even more fun... #mightinventit"
My Reaction...
- Absolutely genius!! Couple of years ago during my "semester abroad" at Stetson in Florida me and my buddy from here had a pretty sweet dorm room with our own bathroom in the room (everyone else had to share bathrooms)... We did some cool things to it, put up some sweet posters including the Kramer portrait from Seinfeld on top of our toilet... We also one time made our tub into a home made tye dye setup to do Halloween costumes that year. Another time we also had a very drunk random female who let’s say "slept" in there once too. But anyway I’m getting off topic. One day my roommate came up with this brilliant idea that he wanted to invent a karaoke machine that you put in the bathroom while you shower... Absolute genius I know. Any person in the world who sings in the shower would totally want one... I like JP Arencibia's idea. Sometimes if I’m totally shot just taking a hot shower, I would love to sit down and relax... Quite frankly, the music is just icing on the cake.
If you invent it JP, I will buy it.
P.S.... Nobody better steal the karaoke idea, I’ll choke a bitch.
There's A Party Going On And Everyone Is Invited
What party am I talking about? The Facebook Pity Party of course! It is an invitation sent out by guys and girls to anyone who will listen. You all know exactly what I'm taking about. The "Woe is me" facebook statuses that guys and girls both throw up constantly. Especially around this time of year. "Can't believe school's back in session, FML," or "I thought he was different," or "Why are all guys assholes? :( Don't wanna talk about it." Really?
Okay, first of all, how much attention are you looking for that you are announcing your feelings over the internet? Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't even think the facebook world gives two shits about how bad you feel. "Right Steve, you put up 800 posts a day, like you can talk." I post stuff to my website, which people actually read. I don't post about how bad I feel that I cheated on my girlfriend and she broke up with me. There's a big difference.
Next, why are you looking for sympathy on something like facebook? Facebook isn't like an open therapy session for people to vent about their feelings (no matter how much it actually looks like that). Get a clue, or get a life, or just get the fuck over it. Yes, you know you have to go to class, you know you shouldn't have cheated on your girlfriend, and you should've known that guy wasn't going to be different solely based on the fact that you slept with him the first night you met him and he had no respect for you after that. All things you complain about you already know the answers to! Nobody feels sorry for you, and if they do, they're lying.
So here's to the Facebook Pity Party. Everyone is invited. The only admission you need is your facebook password. Beats will be played by DJ I Need Attention and DJ Please Feel Bad For Me. Possibly a special guest appearance by Justin Timberlake and Timbaland to sing Cry Me A River live, but that depends on how many guest will attend. RSVP by liking one of these ridiculous statues.
Okay, first of all, how much attention are you looking for that you are announcing your feelings over the internet? Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't even think the facebook world gives two shits about how bad you feel. "Right Steve, you put up 800 posts a day, like you can talk." I post stuff to my website, which people actually read. I don't post about how bad I feel that I cheated on my girlfriend and she broke up with me. There's a big difference.
Next, why are you looking for sympathy on something like facebook? Facebook isn't like an open therapy session for people to vent about their feelings (no matter how much it actually looks like that). Get a clue, or get a life, or just get the fuck over it. Yes, you know you have to go to class, you know you shouldn't have cheated on your girlfriend, and you should've known that guy wasn't going to be different solely based on the fact that you slept with him the first night you met him and he had no respect for you after that. All things you complain about you already know the answers to! Nobody feels sorry for you, and if they do, they're lying.
So here's to the Facebook Pity Party. Everyone is invited. The only admission you need is your facebook password. Beats will be played by DJ I Need Attention and DJ Please Feel Bad For Me. Possibly a special guest appearance by Justin Timberlake and Timbaland to sing Cry Me A River live, but that depends on how many guest will attend. RSVP by liking one of these ridiculous statues.
Asshole Of The Day Award
http://news.yahoo.com/juror-gets-caught-adding-female-defendant-facebook-friends-054205448.html
Well, if you're on a jury it is probably not the best idea in the world to add the defendant as a friend on facebook. Even if she's hot, that has bad idea written all over it. So what happened? The defendant tells her lawyer and this guy gets kicked off the jury. Then this moron messages her on facebook the next day saying he friended the wrong girl. He pleaded guilty to contempt of court and gets out of it with only 16 hours of community service. Guy, what the hell is wrong with you? At what point did you decide it would be a good idea to friend the defendant of the case you were sitting on? Where does this sound like a good idea? This is almost like the principal of a school making a decision on whether or not to kick out a student, but saying to the student, "I hope we can still be facebook friends." You're a moron. Here's your t-shirt. It'll be the perfect article of apparel for when you start your community service. Enjoy!
I Liked You Way Better Before I Knew You...
Has this ever happened to anyone? You see a guy or girl and you think that they're so hot. You've never actually spoken a word to them before, but you've seen them around numerous times. You have all these different thoughts running through your head like, "Wow that person is hot," or "I have to somehow find a way to talk to them." And then reality sets in, you actually meet them.
When you first start talking to this person everything seems normal. Solid conversation, a couple of jokes here and there and maybe even a little flirtation. But then you start seeing things that you never saw from your fantasy land far away. This person cracks bad jokes, maybe this person has something about them that turns you off, maybe the way they say certain things bothers you. But you try and look passed it.
Then comes the next round of reality. You realize that your personalities completely don't mesh together and this person has now gone from super hot, to average. Personality isn't there, the sex appeal you thought was there was just scotch guarded by good looks. Remember, just because someone is good looking doesn't mean they have sex appeal. And then you start picking on little things that annoy you like maybe the way this person walks or that they feel the need to hit your shoulder whenever they say something totally not funny to you, but hilarious to them.
Long story short, this person who you once thought to be a ridiculously good looking and fun person, is now just an average Joe who you want nothing to do with. I have seen it happen many times. "I liked them way better before I actually knew them," is the quote most often heard in this situation. It has happened to me, and it has happened to you. Sometimes people are way better in your mind than they actually are in reality.
When you first start talking to this person everything seems normal. Solid conversation, a couple of jokes here and there and maybe even a little flirtation. But then you start seeing things that you never saw from your fantasy land far away. This person cracks bad jokes, maybe this person has something about them that turns you off, maybe the way they say certain things bothers you. But you try and look passed it.
Then comes the next round of reality. You realize that your personalities completely don't mesh together and this person has now gone from super hot, to average. Personality isn't there, the sex appeal you thought was there was just scotch guarded by good looks. Remember, just because someone is good looking doesn't mean they have sex appeal. And then you start picking on little things that annoy you like maybe the way this person walks or that they feel the need to hit your shoulder whenever they say something totally not funny to you, but hilarious to them.
Long story short, this person who you once thought to be a ridiculously good looking and fun person, is now just an average Joe who you want nothing to do with. I have seen it happen many times. "I liked them way better before I actually knew them," is the quote most often heard in this situation. It has happened to me, and it has happened to you. Sometimes people are way better in your mind than they actually are in reality.
Top 25 Colleges Ranked By Hotness
http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/features/college-rankings/2011/most-beautiful.all.html
In that link above you have the top 25 colleges in America based on who has the hottest girls. Rounding out the top 5 you have:
1. University of Mississippi
2. University of Wisconsin-Madison
3. University of Alabama
4. Florida State University
5. University of Florida
Four out of the top five schools are all down south. The surprise here is the University of Wisconsin. I had no idea there were that many hot girls at that school, which is very refreshing to me since Talk of the Town will be headed to Madison, Wisconsin from September 8th through the 11th. Now I'm psyched. See you in a week and a half.
In that link above you have the top 25 colleges in America based on who has the hottest girls. Rounding out the top 5 you have:
1. University of Mississippi
2. University of Wisconsin-Madison
3. University of Alabama
4. Florida State University
5. University of Florida
Four out of the top five schools are all down south. The surprise here is the University of Wisconsin. I had no idea there were that many hot girls at that school, which is very refreshing to me since Talk of the Town will be headed to Madison, Wisconsin from September 8th through the 11th. Now I'm psyched. See you in a week and a half.
Big Bad Bully Falls Hard
The video's a little long but once the fight is over you don't need to watch anymore because nothing happens. As far as the fight goes, the white kid in the jersey who started the fight absolutely got his shit rocked. The kid who you see standing on the side in the striped sweater at the beginning of the video is a one man wrecking crew. If I ever need someone to help me in a fight I'm calling this kid. He lands his haymaker and then shows no mercy by just pounding on this dude. Then some other kid tries to get at him and he just picks him up like a little boy and throws him out of the way. As for the white kid in the jersey, think twice before you want to steal someone's lunch big boy. Because this is what happens when you pick on the wrong group of kids. You got OWNED!
Walmart Shopper Wednesday's
Yes, this is exactly what it looks like. As their first act as husband and wife they decided to throw a tailgate in a Walmart parking lot. Now that's incredible. What better way to start your married life than to get shitfaced off of PBR's in the parking lot of a Walmart? Now that's dedication. Hanging out in the parking lot of your favorite place to shop, on your wedding day. I have no idea why they're doing this, but if you don't find this hysterical than you were either in the wedding party or you have no sense of humor. Is this the cocktail hour? Were the pictures taken here? I have no idea. I just want to know if they're tailgating in the parking lot of a Walmart, where the hell was the reception? It's only a mystery, but tell me how much material I would've had from attending that wedding. That would have been priceless.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Chocolate Covered Pretzels
Late Night Movie: The Other Guys
Late Night Song: Smoke Two Joints by Sublime
Fun Fact: The higher the income, the more likely an American man will cheat on his wife...Is that a surprising stat to anyone knowing the names of A-Rod and Tiger?
Late Night Video:
Late Night Movie: The Other Guys
Late Night Song: Smoke Two Joints by Sublime
Fun Fact: The higher the income, the more likely an American man will cheat on his wife...Is that a surprising stat to anyone knowing the names of A-Rod and Tiger?
Late Night Video:
Potential New T-Shirt, Need Opinions
Here is a t-shirt I have designed...
We need some responses before we start selling. If you think this is a good idea and would consider buying please email hammer@talkofthetown.me. If you have an opinion on how to make the shirt better we will accept that as well. Just seriously, if you have an opinion, let us know. We value the opinions of the readers so please let us know. NO DICK PICS is a phrase that can be used in any way or facet. It can be worn by a male or female and can send the message that you are not about dick pics. Seriously, let us know.
A Microcosm Of Giving In To Peer Pressure...
In a nutshell, here is what can happen when you give in to peer pressure. This dude had never done a wheelie on his bike before, but his friends egged him on to do it. They just kept nagging him and nagging him and he was like, "What's the worst that can happen?" How about you had some concrete sandwich is what happened! If you can't ride with the big boys then don't show up. Because all you'll have to show for it is a face that looks like it was on fire and someone put it out with a bat full of nails. There's your lesson for today. Suck on that!
Jimbo Slice's Tweet Of The Day
Okay, for you people not familiar with Twitter, this one might confuse you a little bit but bare with me...
The Person...
- Jon Heyman from Sports Illustrated (@SI_JonHeyman) retweeted this from @TheBillWalton (who isnt actually the real hall of fame basketball player Bill Walton)
The Tweet...
- (via @TheBillWalton) Rob Kardashian will appear on Dancing With The Stars. He is famous only because his sibling was in a sex tape. Who's next, Screech's sister?
My Reaction...
- It's not a funny tweet but I'd like to make the first ever @jimboslicee tweet of the day flow chart
If brandy never becomes famous, there is no Ray J, which means there's no sex tape... With no sex tape, I'm going to assume there might not be a Kim Kardashian, because nobody would've paid any attention to Bruce Jenner to realize his new wife's oldest daughter is a smoke... Sticking to Kim, with no sex tape we're going to have to assume there is no relationship with Reggie Bush, now I'm going to assume that the Saints don't win the Super Bowl because of this, which means Peyton Manning is probably a two time super bowl champion. Kim would've never got involved with Miles Austin because let's face it, nobody knew who Miles Austin was 4 years ago and Kim would've especially never noticed this because if there was no Reggie relationship she wouldn't have watched football. Then lastly, with her zero interest in sports she would've never even knew there was a basketball team in New Jersey, which means no Kris Humphries... Now let's go even deeper. Without Kim being famous now, there's no TV show obviously, her whale sister Khloe doesn't exist (which obviously means Lamar Odom finds another fat white bitch) and there's no "Khloe and Lamar" on E!... We never get to realize that Kourtney is actually the best looking sister and we don't recently realize that the two 15-16 year old sisters might end up being the hottest ones of all these girls... But finally, lastly, with all this happening...The tool bag brother who gets completely lucky because all of his sisters are (or will be) complete slut bags, is simply not on dancing with the stars in the fall, which is probably going to elevate his celebrity status.
I blame brandy for this.
What Is A Good Wingman?
All good wingmen posses certain qualities that make them good at what they do. The main job of the wingman is to create a diversion so that his friend can get the job done with the girl he's been staring at all night. The wingman goes all out to make sure that his friend will get laid. That's what a good wingman does, and I am going to tell you what the qualities of a good wingman are.
First and foremost, a wingman is selfless. He doesn't care what the girl's friend looks like, he knows what his job is. His job is to keep the girl's friend away from the girl so that his friend can get the job done. It sounds confusing, but if you read it properly, you'll understand. If the girl is tremendous, disfigured, a midget or 85 years old, it doesn't matter. A good wingman will talk to her the entire night because he knows that the objective is not about him. It's about his boy.
Next, a wingman accepts his role. A good wingman will never try and move in on the girl his friend is trying to mack it to. It's just not the right thing to do. The wingman should accept his role and embrace it. The favor will always be returned at a later date, and he knows that going in. You accept your role and stick to the game plan. It's the wingman way.
Finally, a wingman is brave. You need to be brave to be a wingman since most of the time you're trying to tackle a beached whale or fend off the female version of Sloth from the goonies. But you have to understand that logical people will know that you are performing the role of the wingman and even if you get so drunk that you end up locking lips with the beast you will be forgiven. It comes with the territory.
There you have it. The three qualities of every good wingman are selflessness, accepting his role, and bravery. If you posses these qualities, then you are in fact a good wingman. And as I said earlier, you should always remember that you will be rewarded for being a good friend. It always happens.
Cam Newton Just Solidified His Jerkoff Rep
Well just in case you didn't think Cam Newton was a jerkoff, this clip should cement that shit in your brain. First touchdown, hmmm, I think I'll do a Lebron James celebration because my character hasn't been called into question my entire career. What better way to ease the minds of fans around the league than to imitate one of the biggest jerkoffs on the planet. I'm sure his agents and managers were happy with this. This kid's not only a jerkoff, but a fucking idiot. But goddamnit he's good.
P.S. His ears really do freak me out, figure it out bro.
What She Says, What He Thinks
I have always tried to translate the things that women say into what they really mean. However, I am going to attempt a new topic of what guys are thinking when women say certain things. Whether you're in a long term relationship with someone, or you have just started talking to them, men will usually all think the same way. We never usually say it directly to you, but we definitely think it.
She says: "I'm going out with the girls tonight."
He thinks: "You're getting drunk and going home with a random guy"
She says: "We're just watching movies with the girls"
He thinks: "She's eating ice cream and getting fat, I have to talk her into a gym membership"
She says: "That guy is such an asshole"
He thinks: "She definitely had sex with him"
She says: "That girl is not even cute"
He thinks: "That girl is smoking and you hate her for it"
She says: "I'm so fat"
He thinks: "You're just looking for attention and for me to tell you you're not fat"
She says: "I'm a waitress"
He thinks: "You're a stripper"
She says: "I have tattoos but they're hidden"
He thinks: "This girl's a freak"
She says: "I'll be ready at 8"
He thinks: "You'll be ready by 8:45 the earliest"
She says: "We're moving to fast"
He thinks: "Who else is she sleeping with?"
She says: "You're so big"
He thinks: "You really don't have to lie to me"
She says: "You're the best I ever had"
He thinks: "I thought you said this was your first time?"
She says: "I've never done this before"
He thinks: "That's a complete lie"
She says: "I really want to see you tonight"
He thinks: "What does she feel guilty about?"
She says: "He's just my ex boyfriend, we're just friends"
He thinks: "You definitely still bang him"
Asshole Of The Day Award (Video)
We all know before this happened he was thinking these exact thoughts, "I am the fucking man because I can do a backflip on a trampoline." Well what were you thinking when you ate some steel on the side of the trampoline tough guy? You weren't the man anymore were you? And although you tried to be cool about it, once you saw blood and realized that your tooth was loose, deep down you were freaking out like a little bitch. Instead of trying to convince us and the camera guy that you were cool, since you clearly weren't because your voice was trembling, you should have just decided to go to the dentist. If I was a dentist and you came in and told me this is what happened I would laugh my ass off and not even treat you. Here's your t-shirt Mr. Titan Of The Trampoline. Make sure next time you attempt something like this you're wearing it. That way you can show everyone how much of an asshole you are afterwards.
How Much Alcohol Would It Take Tuesday's
She's a looker...
I mean she does comedy so I think I could make a joke at her expense since every picture I've seen looks like she's smelling a bad fart. So what would it take for me to hop in he sack with this lovely lady? Let's just say I would have to me more than love drunk for this one. I need to be ossified. I'm going to go with a bottle of Jameson in twenty minutes and a half a bottle of Jager on top of that. If I can somehow manage to survive that at least I won't have any recollection of what happened.
Fucking Jeter
Lots of theories circulating about Jeters recent break up with Minka Kelly. Some people saying he's gay and all these women he bangs are just a cover for his homosexuality, I think that's bullshit personally. If you wanna make the argument that Tom Brady is gay that's definetly more believable. Anyways, I digress, The truth is that there is 100% a correlation between Jeters old hitting statistics and his recent parting with Maxims Sexiest Chick in the world (kind of makes me wanna kill myself that Jeter just gets bored of these women.) When Jeter first started dating Minka Kelly it was three years ago. He was still hitting the shit out of the baseball, batting .334, being a straight thug and adding to his already impressive resume. He starts dating Minka Kelly, everyone figures it's going to be the same thing as always, he'll bang her for a year, get tired and move on to something else. But wait... in 2010, one year after meeting her, Jeter goes into his worst statistical season ever. Captain's not to sure what's going on, everything is out of whack, he doesn't know what to do. So what happens? Minka is there to coddle him, make him feel better, SHE listens to the press that he's over the hill and she starts making moves to lock him up for life. Meanwhile, he's struggling so badly at the plate and dealing with so many reporters saying he's an expired star he starts warming up to Minka thinking that he might not have that many good years left; so he might have to start planning for the future. After that dreadful 2010 season, he comes into 2011 absolutely sucking. He's hitting WAY below 300 and Minka is getting more and more beautiful to him...it's the only thing going right (in his mind). So he decides to get engaged, essentially packing in his career.
But then, the number 3000 starts getting closer and closer with ridiculous press surrounding the guy. He's back in the limelight again getting nothing but love from every reporter and most fans of the game. Things are starting to look right for Jeter...not for Ms. Kelly. He gets his 3000th hit in one of the best single performances I've ever seen in a baseball game and then he goes on an absolute fucking tear. Since that 3000th hit he is back to his old form. He's got the most hits in baseball since that hit and wouldn't ya know it, he peaces on Minka Kelly.
That's my theory, Jeters recent surge has eased his mind mentally and made him realize that he should just continue being the same old Derek Jeter. He's a legend in every aspect of his life and I've got nothing but love for him.
P.S. Can't wait for the Yankees to shit on the Sox in September like they always do.
Monday, August 29, 2011
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Rice Crispy Treats
Late Night Movie: Zombieland
Late Night Song: Renegades Of Funk by Rage Against The Machine
Fun Fact: One in five long term love relationships began with one or both partners being involved with others...That is not at all surprising.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Movie: Zombieland
Late Night Song: Renegades Of Funk by Rage Against The Machine
Fun Fact: One in five long term love relationships began with one or both partners being involved with others...That is not at all surprising.
Late Night Video:
Metal Monday's
6th Week of Metal Monday's and no other way to celebrate other than with this...666 - The Number of The Beast by Iron Maiden
The Beatles weren't the only English invasion of bands. Metal actually has a bunch of British bands and headlining those bands are Iron Maiden and Judas Priest. Maiden's discography includes 36, yes, I said 36 albums! 15 were studio albums and 11 were live albums. Also, their bassist Steve Harris revolutionized the way the instrument was played. Him and his triplets (that is playing 3 notes in a row extremely fast). Anyway, Iron Maiden, a great band, stay tuned because every Monday is...METAL MONDAY'S!
Here's Why You Shouldn't Jump Out Your Window and Onto A Trampoline
Here's a mom just trying to be the cool parent and fit in with the young'ns. She probably drank like three frozen margarita's got a little buzz going and figured, "I'll show these kids how it's done. Check this shit out." So she jumps out of a window and onto a trampoline, and when she rolls over her ankle looks like a tree branch that just got snapped in half. What are you doing lady? You're not 20 years old anymore. Your body is all fragile and on the verge of getting wrinkly. You can't be jumping out of windows trying to prove a point to a bunch of kids. This is like Jack Nicholson or Morgan Freeman trying to play the role of a high school kid. It's just not gonna work. I kind of have no remorse that your ankle snapped like a pixie stick mainly because you shouldn't be jumping out of windows for absolutely no reason. But hey, have a speedy recovery so you can go back to hanging out and doing stupid things with your kids and their friends.
Sidenote: Did anyone else notice how not one person ran over to help her? From the faces I saw, they were basically saying, "That sucks, but it's not my mom so I'm out of here." Kids these days, they have no respect for their elders.
Jimbo Slice's Tweet Of The Day
Jamie Lynn Sigler (@JL_SIG)
The Tweet...
- "I might have jumped and squealed when I heard about Beyonce's pregnancy. Celebrated with a dinner @ benihana."
My Reaction...
- Can someone explain to me the absolute infatuation of women with this whole Beyonce situation last night?? Every girl became so moist over Beyonce being preggo... I don't understand how you could be so happy for a person you never have and never will meet in your life and if you did she probably doesnt give a flying fuck about you... I saw statuses of girls who were crying over it? Are you serious?... There were a lot of guys out there who should've cried over Tyler, The Creator winning best new artist over Big Sean and Wiz Khalifa but we didn't. We did the normal thing and made normal statuses like "Who the fuck is Tyler, The Creator?" and "The VMA's suck I'm never watching this again". And lastly, Jamie went to Benihana to celebrate this? I'm gonna speak on behalf of the male population and say if I knew a girl was pregant we'd celebrate with a trip to CVS.
This Week In Sports
College Football Is Back!
College football returns on Thursday night with a slate of games although only two are sort of important with #11 Wisconsin and #20 Mississippi State being the only two ranked teams in action. Wisconsin hosts UNLV in what you should all expect to be a blowout since UNLV is coming off an absolutely miserable 2-11 season. And Mississippi State heads to Memphis who is also coming off a miserable 1-11 season. Once again, expect a blowout. As for some games that should be good games this weekend look for Friday night as #14 TCU heads to Baylor. Don't sleep on Baylor in this one as they have been a good program the passed few years. Then Saturday two big time games come at you at 8pm. First on ABC it's #3 Oregon against #4 LSU. Both teams seem to be battling legal issues at the moment with key players but since they're both power houses, expect a good game. I'm going to go with Oregon because LaMichael James is that good. The other 8pm game, on ESPN, features #5 Boise State and #19 Georgia. Georgia is my team and I expect them to pull the upset in this one. Why? Because Boise State lost its two best receivers to the NFL and Georgia returns a whole slew of skill players. I'll say it's a tight game with Georgia pulling away late. Go DAWGS!
MLB Game Of The Week:
Saturday Night 9:05pm
Giants vs D'backs in an early September battle of the top two teams in the NL West. The starting pitchers haven't been announced yet, but expect a good match up as the D'Backs have surprised everyone including myself this season. Where would that team be without Justin Upton? This could very well decide the fate of the defending World Series champs if they don't show up ready to go. Let's see what happens.
TONIGHT 7pm: Giants vs Jets in a game that means nothing (don't tell that to Jet fans). I can't wait for December 24th.
MLB Game Of The Week:
Saturday Night 9:05pm
Giants vs D'backs in an early September battle of the top two teams in the NL West. The starting pitchers haven't been announced yet, but expect a good match up as the D'Backs have surprised everyone including myself this season. Where would that team be without Justin Upton? This could very well decide the fate of the defending World Series champs if they don't show up ready to go. Let's see what happens.
TONIGHT 7pm: Giants vs Jets in a game that means nothing (don't tell that to Jet fans). I can't wait for December 24th.
Holidays, What Do We Celebrate?
I had nothing to do during the hurricane so it got me thinking about the holidays that we celebrate in this country. Has anyone ever noticed that we celebrate some terrible shit? Like Valentine's Day is lovely but do we get off for it? No. Mother's Day and Father's Day fall on a Sunday, and some people still have to work, so those don't count. So let's talk about some holidays we celebrate where everyone is off from school and work because horrible shit happened (This is for comedic affect so please take a joke).
Columbus Day: Christopher Columbus discovered America? What he actually did was just enslave all the people that were already in a place that wasn't actually America. Just making the natives slaves and raping and murdering women and children equals a Monday off from school and work. Sounds admirable.
Memorial Day: We're supposed to remember the Civil War. A war where family members killed each other over whether or not we should be allowed to actually own human beings, tell them what to do, and beat them with whips. We respond by getting hammered and having a BBQ.
Easter: The only reason we have it is because a bunch of Jewish and Roman people decided to get together to beat the shit out of a guy. That's a good reason to hunt for painted eggs and give out candy.
Thanksgiving: Pilgrims had dinner with Indians. Then the Pilgrims proceeded to throw the Indians off their own land and tell them that the place they've been living their entire life no longer belongs to them. What a perfect excuse to eat yourself into a coma and watch football all day.
Martin Luther King Day: The man fought tooth and nail for civil rights and America decides to give a day off because he got shot. Is it me or does that sound extremely messed up?
Asshole Of The Day Award
http://www.kptv.com/story/15345774/man-arrested-for-standing-outside-portland-grocery-store-wearing-only-underwear
Really guy? I mean is there anything to do in Portland, Oregon that you have to resort to standing outside of a grocery store in your underwear with a t-shirt wrapped around your head? This isn't like you're a 20 year old kid who lost a bet and had to do this. You've done this more than once, and you're 48 years old. Where did you go wrong in life that you're spending your time standing in your underwear outside of a grocery store? I'm a big believer that you make your own bed, therefore, I don't feel sorry for you in any way. Here's your t-shirt big guy, and please don't wear it around your head. It ruins the purpose of the shirt for obvious reasons that I don't expect you to comprehend.
Really guy? I mean is there anything to do in Portland, Oregon that you have to resort to standing outside of a grocery store in your underwear with a t-shirt wrapped around your head? This isn't like you're a 20 year old kid who lost a bet and had to do this. You've done this more than once, and you're 48 years old. Where did you go wrong in life that you're spending your time standing in your underwear outside of a grocery store? I'm a big believer that you make your own bed, therefore, I don't feel sorry for you in any way. Here's your t-shirt big guy, and please don't wear it around your head. It ruins the purpose of the shirt for obvious reasons that I don't expect you to comprehend.
Why Watch The VMA's When You Have Facebook?
Who need's to watch the VMA's let alone TV anymore now that we have facebook? I did not turn on the VMA's for one second last night, I didn't even go near the channel, but I can tell you almost everything that went on. The facebook world gave me up to the minute updates, but I want you to tell me what I missed since I didn't actually watch. Here's what I know happened at the VMA's...
Kim Kardashian apparently looked hot (does she ever not?)
Chris Brown looked like a jackass jumping around on stage
Some people were impressed with the performance of Lady Gaga while other's were weirded out
No one has any idea who won best new artist
Adele had a good and simple performance but no one knew she was a fat white girl
What was up with Bruno Mars?
The show was terrible
Why was Jesse James singing before every commercial with a broken leg?
Guys hate Justin Beiber
How did Big Sean not win?
and finally...
Beyonce is pregnant and since everyone personally knows her they congratulated her through facebook.
What did I miss?
Kim Kardashian apparently looked hot (does she ever not?)
Chris Brown looked like a jackass jumping around on stage
Some people were impressed with the performance of Lady Gaga while other's were weirded out
No one has any idea who won best new artist
Adele had a good and simple performance but no one knew she was a fat white girl
What was up with Bruno Mars?
The show was terrible
Why was Jesse James singing before every commercial with a broken leg?
Guys hate Justin Beiber
How did Big Sean not win?
and finally...
Beyonce is pregnant and since everyone personally knows her they congratulated her through facebook.
What did I miss?
Hurricane Irene Reverse Rain Dance
Nothing like being bored during a hurricane and going outside to do a rain dance. Some pretty good moves by these guys. The only thing I didn't like about this was how the girl with the camera tried to play it off like she didn't know them. Listen hun, clearly you knew them and clearly this was staged. You were obviously playing the music from your car and they knew you were there or they wouldn't have come up to the camera with their shirts off. The woman ruined the video, I mean I got a good laugh out of it, but the dumb girl with the camera took this from an A to a B minus. A typical woman thinking it's all about her when she has nothing to do with the main event. Just hold the camera and don't talk next time. Thank you.
Monday Movie Clip Of The Week
I apologize for the quality sucking, but if you're pissed off that you have to go to class or work after this weekend then this is the perfect pick me up. She's Out Of My League is an extremely underrated funny movie and this scene is absolutely hysterical. Enjoy.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
The Late Night Special (Sunday)
Late Night Menu: Meatball sandwich
Late Night Movie: Dazed and Confused
Late Night Song: I Love College by Asher Roth
Fun Fact: The average bra size today is 36C. Ten years ago it was 34B...Let's just hope it keeps on growing.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Movie: Dazed and Confused
Late Night Song: I Love College by Asher Roth
Fun Fact: The average bra size today is 36C. Ten years ago it was 34B...Let's just hope it keeps on growing.
Late Night Video:
Saturday, August 27, 2011
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Jamaican Beef Patty
Late Night Movie: Me, Myself, and Irene (Sorry it only seemed fitting for the circumstances)
Late Night Song: Rock You Like A Hurricane by Scorpions
Fun Fact: In ten minutes a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined...That's interesting.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Movie: Me, Myself, and Irene (Sorry it only seemed fitting for the circumstances)
Late Night Song: Rock You Like A Hurricane by Scorpions
Fun Fact: In ten minutes a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined...That's interesting.
Late Night Video:
Jimbo Slice's Tweet Of The Day
Darnell Dockett @ddockett (Arizona Cardinals Defensive Tackle)
- The Tweet
"Damn first 48 is in Decautur Ga , Dekalb county! Shit I might see one of my home boys on here!"
- My Reaction
To be completely honest, I could've chosen any of Darnell Dockett's tweets from yesterday...He is an absolute twitter whore and I'll bet the money Steve is paying me to do this (nothing) that this won't be the last time Darnell is on here... Because beside the fact that Darnell is a professional athlete and has way more money than me, we actually have a lot in common. We not only tweet a lot, we drunk tweet a lot. And during the NFL lockout, Darnell Dockett would do a lotttt of that. I wish I had some of the tweets but I promise you they were just ridiculous ranging from him saying he was blatently drunk or asking for some of his female followers to send him pics (I do this all the time)... Hopefully, if Irene doesnt wipe us out tonight, I'll be able to give you the next epic drunken Darnell Dockett tweet.
But until then, shout out to Darnell Dockett's boys in Decautur... Stay out of trouble you guys
Quote Of The Day
Me: "Some surfer in North Carolina drowned because he tried to surf during the hurricane."
"Well he was trying to catch a wave, I guess the wave caught him"- Big Marc
"Well he was trying to catch a wave, I guess the wave caught him"- Big Marc
Asshole(s) Of The Day Award (Hurricane Edition)
What is this you ask? This is a Kay Jewelers out in Long Island and our friend Jeff has been kind enough to take a picture of what these jackasses did to their store. This is supposed to be an attempt to board up their windows for the hurricane. Do you notice that they are boarded up from the inside? I was under the impression that you boarded up the windows so that the glass doesn't break, but apparently I was wrong. If the glass breaks what good is that board going to do? It's really not going to do any good at all. Your stupidity amazes me. Here is a box of t-shirts for all the workers at the Kay Jewelers out on Long Island since not one of you noticed that this is not the way you board up windows. When the glass shatters and your store floods, don't say I didn't warn you.
Saturday Shout Outs
I have to give my first shout out to everyone that came down to Lair last night in NYC. Special thanks to everyone who came from CT as well. It was an awesome time and you guys made my night. Stay Classy.
Secondly, I'm giving a big shout out to my man Greg. Greg and his brother, Nick are twins. Nick was talked about on the first ever Saturday Shout Out, and now it's Greg's turn. Greg gets this shout out for bringing some hot ass broad with him to the bar. I don't remember her name the slightest bit, but I do remember her being hot. You know you're doing okay when you walk into a crowded bar with a girl and ten guys turn to stare at her. Greg and Nick both do serious work and it's a pleasure to know these guys. And Greg, it's always a pleasure doing shots with you.
Secondly, I'm giving a big shout out to my man Greg. Greg and his brother, Nick are twins. Nick was talked about on the first ever Saturday Shout Out, and now it's Greg's turn. Greg gets this shout out for bringing some hot ass broad with him to the bar. I don't remember her name the slightest bit, but I do remember her being hot. You know you're doing okay when you walk into a crowded bar with a girl and ten guys turn to stare at her. Greg and Nick both do serious work and it's a pleasure to know these guys. And Greg, it's always a pleasure doing shots with you.
Friday, August 26, 2011
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Patty Melt
Late Night Movie: Ready To Rumble
Late Night Song: Roll Up by Wiz Khalifa
Fun Fact: On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year...Maybe they shouldn't chew on them.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Movie: Ready To Rumble
Late Night Song: Roll Up by Wiz Khalifa
Fun Fact: On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year...Maybe they shouldn't chew on them.
Late Night Video:
Let's Name A Hurricane
I have a gripe to settle with how people name hurricanes. They sort their way through the alphabet with each tropical storm and the names always suck. Hurricane Irene does not sound the least bit terrifying. So what I am going to do is come up with new names for Hurricanes. But I am going to name them by their category. Each name will be universal for each category. It's a much simpler process.
Category 1: Hurricane Bring Your Shit In The House, It's Fucking Windy
This one isn't that bad. It's windy as shit, and you might lose power. Your house isn't going anywhere though so there's really no big need to panic. Put the shit in your backyard away to keep it from flying into your neighbors window and then go inside and ride it out. It won't be that bad.
Category 2: Hurricane Shit Just Got Real
This one's a more intense than the first one. Winds over 100mph and you might lose some of your roof. You'll definitely lose your screen doors. Board up your windows, it's gonna be a rough one.
Category 3: Hurricane Holy Shit
Now it's intense. You're probably going to have to evacuate because your house is going to look like Godzilla took a bite out of it. Hopefully you have hurricane homeowner's insurance.
Category 4: Hurricane Hide Ya Wife, Hide Ya Kids, Hide Ya Husbands Because It's Raping Everybody Out Here
Winds between 131 and 155mph are no joke. Get out of town as fast as you can and say goodbye to your house because it's not gonna be there when you get back.
Category 5: Hurricane Put Your Head Between Your Legs And Kiss Your Ass Goodbye
Winds over 155mph and you'll need Noah's Arc to get around for like two weeks. Just get in your car and drive as fast as you can as far away as possible.
Category 1: Hurricane Bring Your Shit In The House, It's Fucking Windy
This one isn't that bad. It's windy as shit, and you might lose power. Your house isn't going anywhere though so there's really no big need to panic. Put the shit in your backyard away to keep it from flying into your neighbors window and then go inside and ride it out. It won't be that bad.
Category 2: Hurricane Shit Just Got Real
This one's a more intense than the first one. Winds over 100mph and you might lose some of your roof. You'll definitely lose your screen doors. Board up your windows, it's gonna be a rough one.
Category 3: Hurricane Holy Shit
Now it's intense. You're probably going to have to evacuate because your house is going to look like Godzilla took a bite out of it. Hopefully you have hurricane homeowner's insurance.
Category 4: Hurricane Hide Ya Wife, Hide Ya Kids, Hide Ya Husbands Because It's Raping Everybody Out Here
Winds between 131 and 155mph are no joke. Get out of town as fast as you can and say goodbye to your house because it's not gonna be there when you get back.
Category 5: Hurricane Put Your Head Between Your Legs And Kiss Your Ass Goodbye
Winds over 155mph and you'll need Noah's Arc to get around for like two weeks. Just get in your car and drive as fast as you can as far away as possible.
The Weekend Ahead
Friday:
Tonight come to Lair in NYC at 201 Lafayette street. Your boys from Talk of the Town will be in attendance and the Hammer will be bartending from 9:30 to 11:30. Say Steve at the door and get in for free. It's that simple. Come party before this hurricane ruins your entire weekend.
Saturday:
Baseball:
Yanks are comfortably in the playoffs right now and the Mets season has been over since it started. Forget about the big leagues this weekend and tune in to the Little League World Series. That's more entertaining than any MLB game there is. The surprise of the tournament, the squad from Montana takes on California in a rematch for the U.S. Championship at 3 o'clock Saturday afternoon. The International Championship game features Mexico and Japan at noon on Saturday as well. The World Championship game will be on ABC at 3pm Sunday.
Football:
Jets and Giants pre season game moved to 2 o'clock Saturday because of big bad Hurricane Irene. They need to start thinking up better names for Hurricanes because Irene does not sound the least bit bad ass. And all you Jet fans getting excited about this pre season game, relax. December 24th we see the real show down.
Basketball:
Nothing because at this rate there will be no season.
Hockey:
It's summer, who cares?
Soccer:
I have no idea. There's just way too many leagues to follow when the World Cup isn't going on.
Sunday:
Board up your windows and kiss your ass goodbye since it's the end of the world! Just kidding, but there is a hurricane coming so try and survive sitting in your house all day. I usually take Sunday's off but I might make the exception this week. That's not a guarantee that you'll have stuff to read during the storm, but it's a maybe. Enjoy the weekend.
Tonight come to Lair in NYC at 201 Lafayette street. Your boys from Talk of the Town will be in attendance and the Hammer will be bartending from 9:30 to 11:30. Say Steve at the door and get in for free. It's that simple. Come party before this hurricane ruins your entire weekend.
Saturday:
Baseball:
Yanks are comfortably in the playoffs right now and the Mets season has been over since it started. Forget about the big leagues this weekend and tune in to the Little League World Series. That's more entertaining than any MLB game there is. The surprise of the tournament, the squad from Montana takes on California in a rematch for the U.S. Championship at 3 o'clock Saturday afternoon. The International Championship game features Mexico and Japan at noon on Saturday as well. The World Championship game will be on ABC at 3pm Sunday.
Football:
Jets and Giants pre season game moved to 2 o'clock Saturday because of big bad Hurricane Irene. They need to start thinking up better names for Hurricanes because Irene does not sound the least bit bad ass. And all you Jet fans getting excited about this pre season game, relax. December 24th we see the real show down.
Basketball:
Nothing because at this rate there will be no season.
Hockey:
It's summer, who cares?
Soccer:
I have no idea. There's just way too many leagues to follow when the World Cup isn't going on.
Sunday:
Board up your windows and kiss your ass goodbye since it's the end of the world! Just kidding, but there is a hurricane coming so try and survive sitting in your house all day. I usually take Sunday's off but I might make the exception this week. That's not a guarantee that you'll have stuff to read during the storm, but it's a maybe. Enjoy the weekend.
Introducing Jimbo Slice's Tweets Of The Day
This is a new segment brought to you by Jimbo Slice. Since no one follows more celebrities and athletes than Jimbo, so he sees more dumb tweets than anyone. Every day Jim is gonna give us a tweet of the day and make fun of a celebrity. Today though, since I couldn't decide which one to choose, I am using all three that he gave me. Enjoy.
1) Dick Vitale (@DickieV)
1) Dick Vitale (@DickieV)
The Tweet: "keep waitin 4 @BJUPTON2 to do one of these years a @cgran14 (curtis granderson) type of year. Am I dreaming @Buster_ESPN (buster olney)"
My Reaction: First off dickie v... did you just drunk tweet Buster Olney? Sick grammar bro, and personally I'm a huge tampa fan for a while now, but I cannot stand BJ Upton. The biggest waste of talent in the major leagues, I hate how he disrespects the game and hate how he cheats himself.... real shame.
2) Uncle Nino (@RealUncleNino)
The Tweet: "Oooooh! Why is everyone making such a big FCKIN deal about a 1 legged Asian chic making her way up the east coast?"
My Reaction: Amen Uncle Nino, amen...We all know this storms gonna be a dud, but if my name were Irene I'd be pretty pissed off too.
3) Mark Herzlich (@MarkHerzlich)
The Tweet: "I have probably heard #racksonracksonracks 35 times so far in lockerroom! #songGetOutaMyHead PLEASEE!!!!"
My Reaction: You mean to tell me that Brandon Jacobs wasn't listening to any Bruce or Hakeem Nicks wasn't blasting the new red hot chili peppers track? I mean Mark I don't no what you expected, just keep pushing through it and make this team please. I swear it's the same everywhere else so you might as well just stay here.
Your Place vs Their Place
This post concerns something that is rarely talked about. When you meet someone at a bar do you want to go back to your place or their place? Let's lay out the options for what would be the better choice. Don't let anyone fool you, you have the option. Nothing is set in stone and you need to figure out what is better for YOU. Not this other person, the choice is all about you. Sounds selfish, but that's how it is.
We'll start with your place. This is what we call a home game. You know your surroundings, you know the playing field and you're comfortable. You're gonna have to play offense first because whoever you bring home is going to take a little time to get to know the playing surface. They're out of their element, so now the fate of the game rests on you, the host. The one problem with having a home game is that when you wake up next to this person, you can't leave. If they're still asleep, you're screwed. So if you end up taking someone back to your place for a home game, make sure you can handle waking up next to them. If you're going to look at them in the morning and say to yourself, "How much did I drink last night?" Then you probably should choose to go with a road game.
Now to the road game. Their place. You don't know anything about this playing field, you're a little out of your element. Maybe the ceiling is lower than you expected, maybe the bed isn't that big, maybe there's a pet in the room. You don't know. This is foreign to you. However, you have the option of leaving right after your game, or sneaking out early in the morning before the host wakes up. This is a good option for the sole fact that you can get out of there quickly once the game ends. If you're probably going to regret it in the morning, you might as well play a road game. Road games are easier to forget.
The game that I am talking about would be sex for those of you who don't catch on too quickly. Personally, I prefer a road game just because you don't even have to stay overnight. You can make up an excuse and go. But during the home game it's your playing field and you know all the nooks and crannies that are involved at your stadium. If you're leaving with someone it's a win either way. Which one will you decide?
We'll start with your place. This is what we call a home game. You know your surroundings, you know the playing field and you're comfortable. You're gonna have to play offense first because whoever you bring home is going to take a little time to get to know the playing surface. They're out of their element, so now the fate of the game rests on you, the host. The one problem with having a home game is that when you wake up next to this person, you can't leave. If they're still asleep, you're screwed. So if you end up taking someone back to your place for a home game, make sure you can handle waking up next to them. If you're going to look at them in the morning and say to yourself, "How much did I drink last night?" Then you probably should choose to go with a road game.
Now to the road game. Their place. You don't know anything about this playing field, you're a little out of your element. Maybe the ceiling is lower than you expected, maybe the bed isn't that big, maybe there's a pet in the room. You don't know. This is foreign to you. However, you have the option of leaving right after your game, or sneaking out early in the morning before the host wakes up. This is a good option for the sole fact that you can get out of there quickly once the game ends. If you're probably going to regret it in the morning, you might as well play a road game. Road games are easier to forget.
The game that I am talking about would be sex for those of you who don't catch on too quickly. Personally, I prefer a road game just because you don't even have to stay overnight. You can make up an excuse and go. But during the home game it's your playing field and you know all the nooks and crannies that are involved at your stadium. If you're leaving with someone it's a win either way. Which one will you decide?
Mike The Situations Father Calls Him Out...Funny Shit
Daddy Situation calls out his son and the rest of the Jersey Shore cast. Not safe for work since this guy has the mouth of a truck driver who was in the mob. Although some stuff he does say makes sense. I still think he's just trying to steal some spotlight because his son's famous, but you gotta do what you gotta do I guess.
Asshole Of The Day Award
Look at that face. This is Tim getting ready for cowboys and cowgirls theme night. Tim, I love you man, but is the cap gun really necessary? And was it necessary to pull the cap gun on the bartender? I mean it's a cap gun Tim, you're better than that. And oh boy, that hat if fabulous. "It's funny because it's bigger than a normal size hat." If you would have gotten laid while wearing the hat, you would not be today's Asshole Of The Day. But that fact that the hat did you no good, I have to give it to you. It was a tough call, but I have to give it to you Tim. Pulling cap guns on bartenders and wearing gigantic cowboy hats is no way to go through life Timmy. Here's your t-shirt. It goes perfect with the hat. And for you, the shirt is free.
Derek Jeter Is Back On The Market
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20523078,00.html
Minka Kelly and Derek Jeter are officially broken up. I'm telling you right now, you can bet everything you own that Jeter will be getting with every hot woman who comes within a twenty foot radius of him. If I was him I would just drive through NYC in a convertible and watch as every hot woman threw their panties at me. His dick is going to be like a ten foot strand of fly tape, whenever he walks into a room vagina's are just gonna stick to it. Hide ya wife, hide ya kids, hide ya husbands, because Derek Jeter is back on the market.
Sidenote: Minka, if you need anything, I just want you to know that I am here for you 100%. I would love to be your shoulder to cry on. I'm a very understanding guy despite what people say about me.
Minka Kelly and Derek Jeter are officially broken up. I'm telling you right now, you can bet everything you own that Jeter will be getting with every hot woman who comes within a twenty foot radius of him. If I was him I would just drive through NYC in a convertible and watch as every hot woman threw their panties at me. His dick is going to be like a ten foot strand of fly tape, whenever he walks into a room vagina's are just gonna stick to it. Hide ya wife, hide ya kids, hide ya husbands, because Derek Jeter is back on the market.
Sidenote: Minka, if you need anything, I just want you to know that I am here for you 100%. I would love to be your shoulder to cry on. I'm a very understanding guy despite what people say about me.
If You've Never Done Something It's Best Not To Try It On Camera
For future reference, don't attempt things for the first time on camera. In your head you were probably thinking, "Oh yeah, I'm the man because I'm going to double kick this bag right now." Then out of nowhere you're hugging some pavement. It's a well deserved broken hip my good man. How unathletic do you have to be to miss a bag that's not even moving? I have seen some terrible athletes before, but you sir may just be the worst. Better luck next time champ. And next time don't just lay there like a dying seal. At least try to get up so you can walk out with some dignity.
Defriendment Friday's
We will find you. We always do...
Steve the Hammer:
The Culprit: Marianna (last name removed)
Status that broke the camels back: "First night on duty :)"
Reason for Defriendment: You have been making statuses for weeks about you becoming the person that is not only the RA in a college dorm, but you're the head of all the RA's, which means you're a complete bitch. The boss RA is never the cool RA, end of story. Your first night on duty is your last night on my friends list. Bye bye.
Quite Frank-ly:
The Culprit: Ralph
Reason for Defriendment: You should have been defriended a month ago and now your unimportant Vegas statuses that nobody cares about or is jealous of made you step off the ledge.
Johnny Baseball:
Steve the Hammer:
The Culprit: Marianna (last name removed)
Status that broke the camels back: "First night on duty :)"
Reason for Defriendment: You have been making statuses for weeks about you becoming the person that is not only the RA in a college dorm, but you're the head of all the RA's, which means you're a complete bitch. The boss RA is never the cool RA, end of story. Your first night on duty is your last night on my friends list. Bye bye.
Quite Frank-ly:
The Culprit: Ralph
Reason for Defriendment: You should have been defriended a month ago and now your unimportant Vegas statuses that nobody cares about or is jealous of made you step off the ledge.
Johnny Baseball:
The Culprit: Nicolette (last name removed)
Reason for Defriendment: You have not been going out with your boyfriend for a month yet and there have already been over 15 Facebook Statuses about him. We're not 16 so why are you making statuses about him? Once in a while I could see, but not more than 3 times in a month.
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Buffalo Chicken Pizza
Late Night Movie: Ocean's Eleven
Late Night Song: Day and Night by Kid Cudi
Fun Fact: A pound of potato chips costs 200 times more than a pound of potatoes...That seems like a rip off.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Movie: Ocean's Eleven
Late Night Song: Day and Night by Kid Cudi
Fun Fact: A pound of potato chips costs 200 times more than a pound of potatoes...That seems like a rip off.
Late Night Video:
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Top 10 Walk Out Songs As Selected By You, The Readers...
You emailed me, you chose them, and now I will give you the top 10 list of walk out songs...
10) Superhero by Jane's Addiction (Entourage Theme Song): Given to me by Frank
I was told that this was only listened to in the car as they were on their way to their night out, which is why it makes the list at number ten. This gets you jacked up to feel like you are the crew of Entourage, and you're ready to have an awesome night.
9) Like A G6 by Far East Movement: Given to me by Kristen
A little bit old, which is why it is so low on the list, but it's still a jam that'll get you ready to go out and have a good night. If you still have a good time while using it, why switch it up?
8) Hey Baby (Drop It To The Floor) by Pitbull and T-Pain: Given to me by Jenn
It is actually this week's party song of the weekend and another awesome tune that will definitely get you going as you get ready to go out and party. This song will never get old to me, but there are newer one's that are just a little more popular, which is why it comes in at number 8.
7) Fade To Darkness by Avicii: Given to me by Jaclyn
A summertime favorite from almost everyone who goes out and parties, but not the most popular song by Avicii. Still a great jam and has to make you want to get up and party or you just don't have a pulse.
6) On The Floor by J-Lo and Pitbull: Given to me by Christina
I thought it was a little old, but a couple of months really isn't a big deal these days. Plus the fact that I love J-Lo and I love this song puts it as high as number 6.
5) Mr. Saxobeat by Alexandra Stan: Given to me by Lexi
If the trumpets and this beat can't get you completely ready to go, you don't deserve a night out. End of story.
4) Alors On Danse by Stromae and Kanye West: Given to me by Chris
It's old, but it's still an amazing song to listen to while you're getting ready to go out. I still listen to it and the first time I heard it was in like November. Still an awesome beat.
3) Turbulence by Laidback Luke Steve Aoki and Lil John: Give to me by Johnny
Now if this song can't get you amped up and ready to go, I don't know what will. The beat added to Lil John screaming makes this a pump up song more than a walk out song, but it's awesome to listen to as you're walking out of the house.
2) Take Over Control by Afrojack and Eva Simons: Picked by Tommy the Mic
I shouldn't need to explain how awesome this song is. It is probably the number two beat of the entire summer. Listen to it right before you go out and you will be completely fall in love with it. The end.
1) Levels by Avicii: Given to me by Jess and about fifty other people
This was the consensus number one pick for the walk out songs. I will say this about it, it has all the makings of a number one pick. I just want to see it stay atop the boards once summer ends. Let's see if it has that power.
10) Superhero by Jane's Addiction (Entourage Theme Song): Given to me by Frank
I was told that this was only listened to in the car as they were on their way to their night out, which is why it makes the list at number ten. This gets you jacked up to feel like you are the crew of Entourage, and you're ready to have an awesome night.
9) Like A G6 by Far East Movement: Given to me by Kristen
A little bit old, which is why it is so low on the list, but it's still a jam that'll get you ready to go out and have a good night. If you still have a good time while using it, why switch it up?
8) Hey Baby (Drop It To The Floor) by Pitbull and T-Pain: Given to me by Jenn
It is actually this week's party song of the weekend and another awesome tune that will definitely get you going as you get ready to go out and party. This song will never get old to me, but there are newer one's that are just a little more popular, which is why it comes in at number 8.
7) Fade To Darkness by Avicii: Given to me by Jaclyn
A summertime favorite from almost everyone who goes out and parties, but not the most popular song by Avicii. Still a great jam and has to make you want to get up and party or you just don't have a pulse.
6) On The Floor by J-Lo and Pitbull: Given to me by Christina
I thought it was a little old, but a couple of months really isn't a big deal these days. Plus the fact that I love J-Lo and I love this song puts it as high as number 6.
5) Mr. Saxobeat by Alexandra Stan: Given to me by Lexi
If the trumpets and this beat can't get you completely ready to go, you don't deserve a night out. End of story.
4) Alors On Danse by Stromae and Kanye West: Given to me by Chris
It's old, but it's still an amazing song to listen to while you're getting ready to go out. I still listen to it and the first time I heard it was in like November. Still an awesome beat.
3) Turbulence by Laidback Luke Steve Aoki and Lil John: Give to me by Johnny
Now if this song can't get you amped up and ready to go, I don't know what will. The beat added to Lil John screaming makes this a pump up song more than a walk out song, but it's awesome to listen to as you're walking out of the house.
2) Take Over Control by Afrojack and Eva Simons: Picked by Tommy the Mic
I shouldn't need to explain how awesome this song is. It is probably the number two beat of the entire summer. Listen to it right before you go out and you will be completely fall in love with it. The end.
1) Levels by Avicii: Given to me by Jess and about fifty other people
This was the consensus number one pick for the walk out songs. I will say this about it, it has all the makings of a number one pick. I just want to see it stay atop the boards once summer ends. Let's see if it has that power.
Sexting, What's It All About?
Everyone has played the game known as sexting. If you haven't, well, you need to get out more. Sexting is different from texting. It has it's own time frame and it's own language. Plus, it works different with different situations. Let me explain the different types of sexting situations.
The Booty Call: Also known as the friend with benefits or the person you call when you're feeling frisky. This time frame of sexting can only take place between the hours of 11pm and 3am. It mostly takes place when you have been drinking and have no other options. It's not a bad thing, it's just a mutual agreement between the two of you that you will only text when intoxicated during these hours, and you're in need of a last resort. It's the equivalent to a hail mary pass at the end of a football game. A non answered text means, "I have another option, maybe next time." Your rate of success here is usually 50/50.
The Hook Up: This is known as the person you are currently talking to but not serious with yet. You can text this person during the day time hours, but sexting begins anytime after 8pm but before midnight. You are not allowed to sext this person after midnight because then they become someone you just want to have sex with, and not someone who you want to spend time with. It sounds like a complicated situation, but if you just follow the rules you should have no problem. A plus to this is that you can be sober for this situation of sexting since you are regularly talking to this person. It's a pretty good situation with your rate of success at 75.64%.
The Ex: Clearly, this is your ex girlfriend or boyfriend. In this case, the kitchen is open 24 hours. You're at that point where you are broken up, but you still sext each other because you haven't found anyone else yet. It's better than a booty call because there are no set rules on the times you can sext. It can be a 9am wake up call or a 3am desperation heave. The best part about this situation of sexting is that your success rate is always at 100%. Even if your ex finds a new person, they'll still comply with your sext message. It's a winning combination.
The Booty Call: Also known as the friend with benefits or the person you call when you're feeling frisky. This time frame of sexting can only take place between the hours of 11pm and 3am. It mostly takes place when you have been drinking and have no other options. It's not a bad thing, it's just a mutual agreement between the two of you that you will only text when intoxicated during these hours, and you're in need of a last resort. It's the equivalent to a hail mary pass at the end of a football game. A non answered text means, "I have another option, maybe next time." Your rate of success here is usually 50/50.
The Hook Up: This is known as the person you are currently talking to but not serious with yet. You can text this person during the day time hours, but sexting begins anytime after 8pm but before midnight. You are not allowed to sext this person after midnight because then they become someone you just want to have sex with, and not someone who you want to spend time with. It sounds like a complicated situation, but if you just follow the rules you should have no problem. A plus to this is that you can be sober for this situation of sexting since you are regularly talking to this person. It's a pretty good situation with your rate of success at 75.64%.
The Ex: Clearly, this is your ex girlfriend or boyfriend. In this case, the kitchen is open 24 hours. You're at that point where you are broken up, but you still sext each other because you haven't found anyone else yet. It's better than a booty call because there are no set rules on the times you can sext. It can be a 9am wake up call or a 3am desperation heave. The best part about this situation of sexting is that your success rate is always at 100%. Even if your ex finds a new person, they'll still comply with your sext message. It's a winning combination.
Is It Easier To Find A Posse Or A Significant Other?
Tough question. I don't know which one is easier to find. It's tough to find a boyfriend or a girlfriend, but it's also kind of tough to find a posse who you can mesh with. New places bring on new challenges and you need to decide what you want. Would you rather a good time with a bunch of friends, or would you rather search for a boyfriend or girlfriend? Let's look at the options.
Searching for a posse is a tough task because of the fact that you need to find a few people who you actually want to hang out with on a consistent basis. Usually you would need to start out with like ten other people and then weed out the ones who you want nothing to do with. It's a tough task that takes time and a lot of text message dodging once you realize who you don't want to hang around with. But once you find this group, you guarantee yourself a good time almost every time out.
Now searching for a boyfriend or girlfriend is fairly different. You need to find someone attractive, get them to like you, find a way to tolerate them, and then see if it goes anywhere. If you're smart, this will take a lot more time than finding a posse. If you just jump into a relationship too quickly then you will be right back to square one because it definitely won't work out. But if you do find a significant other you are guaranteed sex all the time and you will usually have someone to hang out with.
If I were choosing at a new place I would choose searching for a posse. A posse is easier to deal with, they don't complain and they love to have a good time. A girlfriend, well, I don't need to really say any more than that. If you're in a new place contemplating which one to choose, go with the posse. You'll be better off in the long run.
Searching for a posse is a tough task because of the fact that you need to find a few people who you actually want to hang out with on a consistent basis. Usually you would need to start out with like ten other people and then weed out the ones who you want nothing to do with. It's a tough task that takes time and a lot of text message dodging once you realize who you don't want to hang around with. But once you find this group, you guarantee yourself a good time almost every time out.
Now searching for a boyfriend or girlfriend is fairly different. You need to find someone attractive, get them to like you, find a way to tolerate them, and then see if it goes anywhere. If you're smart, this will take a lot more time than finding a posse. If you just jump into a relationship too quickly then you will be right back to square one because it definitely won't work out. But if you do find a significant other you are guaranteed sex all the time and you will usually have someone to hang out with.
If I were choosing at a new place I would choose searching for a posse. A posse is easier to deal with, they don't complain and they love to have a good time. A girlfriend, well, I don't need to really say any more than that. If you're in a new place contemplating which one to choose, go with the posse. You'll be better off in the long run.
Sorry Ladies, You Have It Easier Than Men
Don't get mad at me girls, let's just face the facts here. I love you all, but the fact is that as a woman, the game of life is easier for you than it is for a man. With the exception of giving birth and your monthly friend known as your period, you have it made. Let me explain.
First, women get to be inappropriate all the time. You can dress inappropriately, you can say inappropriate things and you can even touch a guy in inappropriate ways. Not inappropriate, but if you pat a guy on the back or touch his chest, it's no big deal. If you dress provocative we can't say anything to you, or it's considered harassment. We can't even pat you on the back to say good morning, or it's sexual harassment. But you're allowed to do whatever you want. It's like a gazelle walking up to a lion and giving him a shoulder rub, but the lion is handcuffed and he can't do anything about it. He just has to sit there and pretend he doesn't want to pounce all over you.
Next, a woman will have an easier time getting a job based on her looks than a man will. Look around at bartenders and waitresses everywhere you go. Every woman is hot. Do you think that's a coincidence? Not one bit. Even companies will hire a good looking woman because it's good for their image. That's just how it is. Would I do the same thing if I was hiring? Absolutely. And even if you can't find a job doing something you want to do, you can always turn to stripping. You don't even have to be hot to be a stripper, they'll take you with bullet wounds and C section scars.
When it comes to going out women also have an easier time. A good looking woman will get about 80% of her drinks bought for her when she's out at a bar. That's a ton of money unless you're at a college bar that gives out dollar beers. And it that case, if a guy tries to woo you with a $1 beer, he's about as cool as liver disease. In any other setting guys just keep on dishing out money, while the women just sit back and enjoy the show. Once again, women have it easier than men.
I can harp on other things like if a woman with a low cut shirt gets pulled over, she won't get a ticket. But then I would just be ranting. Ladies, you deserve to give birth and have your period every month because of how easy you have it the rest of the way. You can get things that men can't, so god rewarded you by making you the one's who give birth. I know every woman out there will not agree with this one bit, but look at the facts. What I said is true. Don't worry, I still love all of you. Don't take it personal, that's just the way the world works.
First, women get to be inappropriate all the time. You can dress inappropriately, you can say inappropriate things and you can even touch a guy in inappropriate ways. Not inappropriate, but if you pat a guy on the back or touch his chest, it's no big deal. If you dress provocative we can't say anything to you, or it's considered harassment. We can't even pat you on the back to say good morning, or it's sexual harassment. But you're allowed to do whatever you want. It's like a gazelle walking up to a lion and giving him a shoulder rub, but the lion is handcuffed and he can't do anything about it. He just has to sit there and pretend he doesn't want to pounce all over you.
Next, a woman will have an easier time getting a job based on her looks than a man will. Look around at bartenders and waitresses everywhere you go. Every woman is hot. Do you think that's a coincidence? Not one bit. Even companies will hire a good looking woman because it's good for their image. That's just how it is. Would I do the same thing if I was hiring? Absolutely. And even if you can't find a job doing something you want to do, you can always turn to stripping. You don't even have to be hot to be a stripper, they'll take you with bullet wounds and C section scars.
When it comes to going out women also have an easier time. A good looking woman will get about 80% of her drinks bought for her when she's out at a bar. That's a ton of money unless you're at a college bar that gives out dollar beers. And it that case, if a guy tries to woo you with a $1 beer, he's about as cool as liver disease. In any other setting guys just keep on dishing out money, while the women just sit back and enjoy the show. Once again, women have it easier than men.
I can harp on other things like if a woman with a low cut shirt gets pulled over, she won't get a ticket. But then I would just be ranting. Ladies, you deserve to give birth and have your period every month because of how easy you have it the rest of the way. You can get things that men can't, so god rewarded you by making you the one's who give birth. I know every woman out there will not agree with this one bit, but look at the facts. What I said is true. Don't worry, I still love all of you. Don't take it personal, that's just the way the world works.
Asshole Of The Day Award
This is just lovely...
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2029691/Mechanics-cheeky-spin-Ferrari-F40-owner-away-ends-300-000-disaster.html
So what happens when you leave your $300,000 Ferrari F40 at the shop while you go out of town? You know where this is going. Basically, one of the mechanics takes your car out for a joyride and crashes the car, absolutely destroying it, as seen here:
Now as easy as it would be to give the Asshole of the Day to the mechanic driving the car, I'm not going to do that. I would have done the same thing. I am giving the Asshole of the Day to the millionaire dumbass owner of the car. How do you leave your car that is worth more than every guy in the shop's salary combined and not expect them to drive the thing? You're not even in the country, do you really think they have a reason not to test drive your Ferrari that they'll never have? Now it make sense doesn't it? You are a jackass for leaving that car there with them, and I don't feel sorry that they crashed your car. Especially because of the fact that you have plenty of money to buy another one. Sorry pal. Here's your t-shirt, make sure you wear it while you're purchasing your next car so they know the exact kind of customer they're dealing with. Have a lovely day.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2029691/Mechanics-cheeky-spin-Ferrari-F40-owner-away-ends-300-000-disaster.html
So what happens when you leave your $300,000 Ferrari F40 at the shop while you go out of town? You know where this is going. Basically, one of the mechanics takes your car out for a joyride and crashes the car, absolutely destroying it, as seen here:
Now as easy as it would be to give the Asshole of the Day to the mechanic driving the car, I'm not going to do that. I would have done the same thing. I am giving the Asshole of the Day to the millionaire dumbass owner of the car. How do you leave your car that is worth more than every guy in the shop's salary combined and not expect them to drive the thing? You're not even in the country, do you really think they have a reason not to test drive your Ferrari that they'll never have? Now it make sense doesn't it? You are a jackass for leaving that car there with them, and I don't feel sorry that they crashed your car. Especially because of the fact that you have plenty of money to buy another one. Sorry pal. Here's your t-shirt, make sure you wear it while you're purchasing your next car so they know the exact kind of customer they're dealing with. Have a lovely day.
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