You can thank the Staten Island Expressway for this one being late...
Late Night Menu: Waffles and Ice Cream
Late Night Movie: The Late Night Movie will be anything on the discovery channel for the remainder of Shark Week
Late Night Song: Senior Skip Day by Mac Miller
Fun Fact: 35% of people using personal ad's for dating are already married...Not very well played
Late Night Video:
Sunday, July 31, 2011
The Week Ahead...
First of all, it's Shark Week, which just happens to be the greatest week of the year.
MLB Game Of The Week:
Monday August 1st 8:10pm
Cardinals vs Brewers in a battle for the top of the NL Central
Probable Starters:
STL: Carpenter (6-7)
MIL: Greinke (8-4)
What else to watch for:
Obviously, anything that's on the discovery channel since it's shark week
More NFL Free Agent signings
The August MLB playoff push that separates the contenders from the pretenders
And of course another promo for Fireside Chats Season 2
Burress To The Jets
http://espn.go.com/new-york/nfl/story/_/id/6820679/plaxico-burress-new-york-jets-agree-one-year-deal-sources-say
Plaxico Burress signs with the Jets for 1 year and $3 million. I am pretty pissed off as a Giants fan because I wanted him back on big blue. I can't stand the fact that we have the tiniest receivers known to mankind. This was all because of Eli. Eli didn't want him because Eli can't be a man about anything. You should have put your differences aside, you won a Super Bowl together. Anyone who watched this whole thing take place knows this is all because of Eli especially after his comments yesterday. Nicks better turn out to be the next Jerry Rice I'll tell you that much right now. The Eagles get Asomugha, the Jets sign our wideout and we sign Steve Weatherford to punt. I have no idea what Jerry Reese is doing but he better wake his ass up immediately.
Plaxico Burress signs with the Jets for 1 year and $3 million. I am pretty pissed off as a Giants fan because I wanted him back on big blue. I can't stand the fact that we have the tiniest receivers known to mankind. This was all because of Eli. Eli didn't want him because Eli can't be a man about anything. You should have put your differences aside, you won a Super Bowl together. Anyone who watched this whole thing take place knows this is all because of Eli especially after his comments yesterday. Nicks better turn out to be the next Jerry Rice I'll tell you that much right now. The Eagles get Asomugha, the Jets sign our wideout and we sign Steve Weatherford to punt. I have no idea what Jerry Reese is doing but he better wake his ass up immediately.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Buffalo Chicken Wrap with Fries and a Sprite
Late Night Movie: No Strings Attached
Late Night Song: Nikes On My Feet by Mac Miller
Fun Fact: The Nobel Peace Prize medal depicts 3 naked men with their hands on each other's shoulders
Late Night Video:
Late Night Movie: No Strings Attached
Late Night Song: Nikes On My Feet by Mac Miller
Fun Fact: The Nobel Peace Prize medal depicts 3 naked men with their hands on each other's shoulders
Late Night Video:
Peyton Manning Gets A New Contract
http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/6817822/sources-indianapolis-colts-peyton-manning-gets-five-year-90-million-deal
How can you not like Peyton Manning? The Colts wanted to make this guy the highest paid player in the NFL and he turned them down. I mean, he still got a deal at 5 years and $18 million a year, which will end up being $90 million when all is said and done. But still, how can you dislike the guy? He has a Super Bowl, he works his ass off, and all he wants to do is win. When people say they don't like this guy, it's usually a stupid reason like, "Because he played college football for Tennessee." Shut up. He is one hundred percent a class act in a time when every athlete is looking for massive amounts of money. Not that he's a saint because he's still getting $90 million out of this, but he turned down the chance for more and no one does that these days. If you dislike Peyton Manning, then you support Casey Anthony. End of story.
How can you not like Peyton Manning? The Colts wanted to make this guy the highest paid player in the NFL and he turned them down. I mean, he still got a deal at 5 years and $18 million a year, which will end up being $90 million when all is said and done. But still, how can you dislike the guy? He has a Super Bowl, he works his ass off, and all he wants to do is win. When people say they don't like this guy, it's usually a stupid reason like, "Because he played college football for Tennessee." Shut up. He is one hundred percent a class act in a time when every athlete is looking for massive amounts of money. Not that he's a saint because he's still getting $90 million out of this, but he turned down the chance for more and no one does that these days. If you dislike Peyton Manning, then you support Casey Anthony. End of story.
Lesson Of The Day
"Saying you only go after one type of girl is like saying, I only hit curve balls. Why limit yourself?"-The wise words of a man named Ray.
Friday, July 29, 2011
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Mac and Cheese Bites
Late Night Movie: How High
Late Night Song: I Couldn't Get High by Slightly Stoopid
Fun Fact: If you fart consistently for 6 years and nine months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb...My only word for that is awesome.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Movie: How High
Late Night Song: I Couldn't Get High by Slightly Stoopid
Fun Fact: If you fart consistently for 6 years and nine months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb...My only word for that is awesome.
Late Night Video:
Playing In Your League
Listen everyone, contrare to popular belief there actually are different leagues of good looking that people are separated into. Hot, good looking, cute, descent, okay, ugly and hell no. Everyone has different tastes but you need to know what league you're playing in.
Going out of your league is usually an unsuccessful attempt. When I talk about going out of your league, I mean when you try and play above your level of competition. You don't see guys in single A playing in the MLB All Star game. It's not allowed there, and it shouldn't be allowed in real life. If they were that good they wouldn't be in single A, just like if you were that good looking you wouldn't be chasing around 1's and 2's. Stay at your level.
With that being said, after serious alcohol intake it is always acceptable to play down. After you get drunk and can't find anyone in your league, you can always go on a rehab assignment in the leagues below you. It's just a matter of how low you want to go. If you're decent looking you can pretty much go as low as you want, just don't let your friends see you doing it.
I bring all this up because there is nothing that grinds my gears more than an ugly guy who grows on a hot girl. Basically this would be a hot girl with low self esteem, but they all have low self esteem so that's neither here nor there. If you happen to be playing up, it will not be forever. I have seen so many men and women who play above their level of competition and it never turns out for the best. Sooner or later the better looking person is going to wake up and say, "What the hell am I doing with this person?" Then nature will take it's course, and you will be back down in the minors. It's the circle of life.
Going out of your league is usually an unsuccessful attempt. When I talk about going out of your league, I mean when you try and play above your level of competition. You don't see guys in single A playing in the MLB All Star game. It's not allowed there, and it shouldn't be allowed in real life. If they were that good they wouldn't be in single A, just like if you were that good looking you wouldn't be chasing around 1's and 2's. Stay at your level.
With that being said, after serious alcohol intake it is always acceptable to play down. After you get drunk and can't find anyone in your league, you can always go on a rehab assignment in the leagues below you. It's just a matter of how low you want to go. If you're decent looking you can pretty much go as low as you want, just don't let your friends see you doing it.
I bring all this up because there is nothing that grinds my gears more than an ugly guy who grows on a hot girl. Basically this would be a hot girl with low self esteem, but they all have low self esteem so that's neither here nor there. If you happen to be playing up, it will not be forever. I have seen so many men and women who play above their level of competition and it never turns out for the best. Sooner or later the better looking person is going to wake up and say, "What the hell am I doing with this person?" Then nature will take it's course, and you will be back down in the minors. It's the circle of life.
Asshole Of The Day Award
This just sounds funny to me...
http://abclocal.go.com/wtvd/story?section=news/local&id=8276829
At what point did it sound like a good idea to write a song about killing your baby mama, and then actually kill her? Not very smart. Like you're not OJ bro, nobody knows who you are. You're not a childhood hero because you owned people as a running back in the NFL, you're just some schmuck who thinks he can sing. There's no way you're getting away with this one, sorry. Oh, and about the lyrics to that song. From what I saw they were absolutely atrocious. They made no sense, and you didn't even rhyme. Just take your t-shirt and go. I would say find a new day job but from the looks of things your new day job is probably going to be being someone's bitch in a jail cell. I sure hope your ass is ready for that one.
http://abclocal.go.com/wtvd/story?section=news/local&id=8276829
At what point did it sound like a good idea to write a song about killing your baby mama, and then actually kill her? Not very smart. Like you're not OJ bro, nobody knows who you are. You're not a childhood hero because you owned people as a running back in the NFL, you're just some schmuck who thinks he can sing. There's no way you're getting away with this one, sorry. Oh, and about the lyrics to that song. From what I saw they were absolutely atrocious. They made no sense, and you didn't even rhyme. Just take your t-shirt and go. I would say find a new day job but from the looks of things your new day job is probably going to be being someone's bitch in a jail cell. I sure hope your ass is ready for that one.
The Inner Freak
This is something that every woman has, that as a man you need to find a way to unlock. Obviously there are girls who will come out and do pretty much anything you want in the bedroom, but there are other ones who aren't as comfortable. These are the ones who may not know what they're doing, or may not want to unleash the freak inside right away. It is up to the man to unleash the inner freak in a woman.
Every guy knows that once a girl is comfortable with you she will basically do anything for you. But how do you get her to that extreme comfort level? It is all about easing her into the situation. You can't start off on a high note. If you do that, that's what she'll always be expecting. You have to manage the expectations of it all. Start slow and read her vibes, you should be able to get a gage after the second time in the bedroom. Third time is the max.
Once you have reached the ultimate comfort level, now you will see her begin to experiment with new things. Remember to always try and keep it fun while you're in the sack, no one likes to do the same shit over and over again. That's when it gets boring. Same girl plus same dull sex equals eventual break up. Keep things interesting.
Now, when you finally figure her out is when you will discover how freaky her inner freak really is. Will she go only a little bit different than the norm, or will she go way over the top? You don't know until you see it first hand but here's a tip. You marry the one who only goes a little different than the norm. You strictly have sex with the one who goes over the top because she has a stripping or night walking career ahead of her. Those are my words of advice, use them wisely.
Every guy knows that once a girl is comfortable with you she will basically do anything for you. But how do you get her to that extreme comfort level? It is all about easing her into the situation. You can't start off on a high note. If you do that, that's what she'll always be expecting. You have to manage the expectations of it all. Start slow and read her vibes, you should be able to get a gage after the second time in the bedroom. Third time is the max.
Once you have reached the ultimate comfort level, now you will see her begin to experiment with new things. Remember to always try and keep it fun while you're in the sack, no one likes to do the same shit over and over again. That's when it gets boring. Same girl plus same dull sex equals eventual break up. Keep things interesting.
Now, when you finally figure her out is when you will discover how freaky her inner freak really is. Will she go only a little bit different than the norm, or will she go way over the top? You don't know until you see it first hand but here's a tip. You marry the one who only goes a little different than the norm. You strictly have sex with the one who goes over the top because she has a stripping or night walking career ahead of her. Those are my words of advice, use them wisely.
Around The NFL
Patriots get Ochocinco and Albert Haynesworth
Cardinals get Kevin Kolb from Philly
Dolphins get Reggie Bush
Texans get a cornerback, could Nnamdi be a Jet?
Tonight Plaxico has dinner with Tom Coughlin.
It's been a week and we've had some interesting transactions. I can't wait to see what this season is going to bring us.
Cardinals get Kevin Kolb from Philly
Dolphins get Reggie Bush
Texans get a cornerback, could Nnamdi be a Jet?
Tonight Plaxico has dinner with Tom Coughlin.
It's been a week and we've had some interesting transactions. I can't wait to see what this season is going to bring us.
Defriendment Fridays
Johnny Baseball, myself, and Quite Frank-ly are back on the bandwagon this week as more dumb statuses continue to get people defriended at the last minute.
Steve the Hammer:
The Culprit: Julia (last name removed)
Status that broke the camels back: ARRRRRRRR !
Reason For Defriendment: First of all, you made a status that had to do with you dressing up like a slutty pirate for the bar theme of the night. Second of all, you used eight R's when you could have gotten your point across using only three. And lastly, you actually left a space between the last R and the exclamation point. By the way, your reasoning of, "I'm not a slut just because I'm dressed like a slut" doesn't actually work. You are what people perceive you to be, and it's about time you realize that. Hope you enjoyed your night of getting bukkaked in your skimpy little pirate outfit. See ya broad!
Quite Frank-ly
The Culprit: Ashley (Last Name Removed)
Reason For Defriendment: Even if there was just one status out of her this week, it was awful. Recently, Ashley has discovered she enjoys taco over sausage. Like I usually say, "knock yourself out". Also, if a 3 way was in the cards give me a call. However, Ashley I do have a problem with the advertising you do about your recent conversion to lesbianism. If it makes you happy go for it, whatever! But once you start with the nonsense statuses about how you don't know how you ever liked guys (older statuses) and all that crap. Then how your brother brought up your girlfriend negatively and you countered by putting gum under his pillow, you just had to go. To me it seems like all you want is attention and it's not about being a lesbian, it's about being noticed and that's kind of sad. Well adios, no attention for you.
Johnny Baseball
Steve the Hammer:
The Culprit: Julia (last name removed)
Status that broke the camels back: ARRRRRRRR !
Reason For Defriendment: First of all, you made a status that had to do with you dressing up like a slutty pirate for the bar theme of the night. Second of all, you used eight R's when you could have gotten your point across using only three. And lastly, you actually left a space between the last R and the exclamation point. By the way, your reasoning of, "I'm not a slut just because I'm dressed like a slut" doesn't actually work. You are what people perceive you to be, and it's about time you realize that. Hope you enjoyed your night of getting bukkaked in your skimpy little pirate outfit. See ya broad!
Quite Frank-ly
The Culprit: Ashley (Last Name Removed)
Reason For Defriendment: Even if there was just one status out of her this week, it was awful. Recently, Ashley has discovered she enjoys taco over sausage. Like I usually say, "knock yourself out". Also, if a 3 way was in the cards give me a call. However, Ashley I do have a problem with the advertising you do about your recent conversion to lesbianism. If it makes you happy go for it, whatever! But once you start with the nonsense statuses about how you don't know how you ever liked guys (older statuses) and all that crap. Then how your brother brought up your girlfriend negatively and you countered by putting gum under his pillow, you just had to go. To me it seems like all you want is attention and it's not about being a lesbian, it's about being noticed and that's kind of sad. Well adios, no attention for you.
Johnny Baseball
The Cluprit: Taylor (last name removed)
Reason For Defriendment: This status, "I bee doin me making haterss madddd ; )"...You're just doin you right? I guess that's why you're on facebook posting this. You have haters? Nope, you don't, just nobody likes you. Good day. Short,sweet, simple, and to the point this week.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Mini Pizza Bagels
Late Night Movie: She's Out Of My League
Late Night Song: I Would Do For You by Slightly Stoopid
Fun Fact: 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them to photocopy their ass...I think that's absolutely hysterical.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Movie: She's Out Of My League
Late Night Song: I Would Do For You by Slightly Stoopid
Fun Fact: 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them to photocopy their ass...I think that's absolutely hysterical.
Late Night Video:
Video Of The Day
Beastie Boys meets Sesame Street. Not too bad, but today was a slow news day so why the fuck not? It'll only waste 46 seconds of your time if you don't like it, so suck me.
Asshole(s) Of The Day Award
http://www.nwfdailynews.com/articles/terminal-42248-chase-miami.html
If you happen to get kicked off your flight for being intoxicated and unresponsive what should you do? Do you A) complain to the airline management, B) sober up and get on a new flight, or C) mercilessly beat the shit out of the pilot with your brother after you have chased the guy through the terminal? If you chose C, you hit the nail right on the head. This dude was clearly drunk so they asked him politely to get off the plane. He then threatened the pilots life, and then proceeded to go after him by throwing haymaker's with his brother. Alright bro, maybe don't get housed before you get on the plane next time. All they asked you to do was throw your seat belt on, it's not like it was a very difficult request. So here's a t-shirt for you and your gang banger brother. Maybe next time have two less mojito's so you can hear what the fuck is going on when someone asks you a question.
If you happen to get kicked off your flight for being intoxicated and unresponsive what should you do? Do you A) complain to the airline management, B) sober up and get on a new flight, or C) mercilessly beat the shit out of the pilot with your brother after you have chased the guy through the terminal? If you chose C, you hit the nail right on the head. This dude was clearly drunk so they asked him politely to get off the plane. He then threatened the pilots life, and then proceeded to go after him by throwing haymaker's with his brother. Alright bro, maybe don't get housed before you get on the plane next time. All they asked you to do was throw your seat belt on, it's not like it was a very difficult request. So here's a t-shirt for you and your gang banger brother. Maybe next time have two less mojito's so you can hear what the fuck is going on when someone asks you a question.
The Brazilian Butt
If you are a female who happens to have one of these stupendously shaped butts, then you are one of the chosen ones. If you do not have one of these breath-taking hiney's, don't feel so bad, it's a rarity. I am going to explain to you just how beautiful this type of booty is, as well as attempt to explain the dimensions of it. Trust me fella's, you'll know when you see it.
A woman who has one of these Brazilian Butt's has a very specific shape to their rear end. First of all, the shape has a specific obtusiveness to it, almost like that of an apple. It is not wide, it almost pops out at you. The shape of this butt is so round that you can actually sit a cup on top of some of the nicer ones. Trust me guys, you know the exact type of butt I am speaking of.
Now all Brazilian girls have this type of butt, because they are in fact Brazilian. It is also why Brazil leads the world in breast implants. Because these women have been blessed with such a precious behind, they have lost their privileges to have a nice rack. So if you have a huge behind with no chest what do you do? You go to the doctor and get implants obviously. It's a vicious cycle, but these girls know what they're doing.
Regardless, the Brazilian Butt is one that is the rarest on any woman who is not of Brazilian descent. When you find one of these rare treasures, try and hold on to it (both literally and figuratively). It may be an opportunity that you only get once in your lifetime.
A woman who has one of these Brazilian Butt's has a very specific shape to their rear end. First of all, the shape has a specific obtusiveness to it, almost like that of an apple. It is not wide, it almost pops out at you. The shape of this butt is so round that you can actually sit a cup on top of some of the nicer ones. Trust me guys, you know the exact type of butt I am speaking of.
Now all Brazilian girls have this type of butt, because they are in fact Brazilian. It is also why Brazil leads the world in breast implants. Because these women have been blessed with such a precious behind, they have lost their privileges to have a nice rack. So if you have a huge behind with no chest what do you do? You go to the doctor and get implants obviously. It's a vicious cycle, but these girls know what they're doing.
Regardless, the Brazilian Butt is one that is the rarest on any woman who is not of Brazilian descent. When you find one of these rare treasures, try and hold on to it (both literally and figuratively). It may be an opportunity that you only get once in your lifetime.
Plax Likely To Sign With Giants or Steelers...
http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/6809115/plaxico-burress-likely-new-york-giants-pittsburgh-steelers
So basically the Plaxico Burress sweepstakes is down to two teams, the Giants and the Steelers. Whichever team gets him is in for a treat. Listen, I know he's been removed from the game for two years, but neither team is counting on him to be their number one. The Giants have Nicks and the Steelers have Wallace, those guys will make things easier for Plax just solely based on the fact that they can make plays all over the field. I actually think the Giants would have a a potent offense if they bring this guy back. Sign him, and re-sign Steve Smith. Then December 24th cannot come soon enough. Go ahead Jets fans, get Asomugha and lock down Nicks and Smith on the outside. I'll take my chances with a 6'5 Plaxico Burress on a 5'10 Kyle Wilson all day long. See you in December. Can't wait!
So basically the Plaxico Burress sweepstakes is down to two teams, the Giants and the Steelers. Whichever team gets him is in for a treat. Listen, I know he's been removed from the game for two years, but neither team is counting on him to be their number one. The Giants have Nicks and the Steelers have Wallace, those guys will make things easier for Plax just solely based on the fact that they can make plays all over the field. I actually think the Giants would have a a potent offense if they bring this guy back. Sign him, and re-sign Steve Smith. Then December 24th cannot come soon enough. Go ahead Jets fans, get Asomugha and lock down Nicks and Smith on the outside. I'll take my chances with a 6'5 Plaxico Burress on a 5'10 Kyle Wilson all day long. See you in December. Can't wait!
New York Jets Go Get Nnamdi
If I am the Jets I do whatever it takes to sign Nnamdi Asomugha (I will refer to him as Aso from here out, because I do not want to write this ridiculous name over and over). The thing is, he is going to want big bucks and the Jets do not have the cap flexibility to do so. Signing Aso, would mean Cromartie is out. Which sucks for him because he has the worlds largest child support payments. It also means Edwards is probably gone. Oh well, he is kind of a pussy even though he made some big plays.
Throwing money at Aso means the Jets can't resign all their guys. Truthfully, the only two big names left are Cro and Edwards. With Aso on the team the Jets defense would be insane. Plain and simple. Basically we would be forcing every team to throw over the middle and good luck to the poor soul who gets the slot duty playing the Jets. Running routes into the teeth of the defense with guys like David Harris and Bart Scott looking to lay the wood is something no one wants to do. You will also be covered by Kyle Wilson, who I have big hopes for this year covering the teams number 3.
With all that said, if the Jets do sign Aso I have no problem with the Jets offense taking a little bit of a hit. Let's face it, most weeks 10-14 points will get us a W if Aso is a Jet. I have no funny catch phrase for Aso like Revis Island but I do know both will be on an island in man on the outside. Maybe Archipelago? Who knows?
Let's see what happens.
Throwing money at Aso means the Jets can't resign all their guys. Truthfully, the only two big names left are Cro and Edwards. With Aso on the team the Jets defense would be insane. Plain and simple. Basically we would be forcing every team to throw over the middle and good luck to the poor soul who gets the slot duty playing the Jets. Running routes into the teeth of the defense with guys like David Harris and Bart Scott looking to lay the wood is something no one wants to do. You will also be covered by Kyle Wilson, who I have big hopes for this year covering the teams number 3.
With all that said, if the Jets do sign Aso I have no problem with the Jets offense taking a little bit of a hit. Let's face it, most weeks 10-14 points will get us a W if Aso is a Jet. I have no funny catch phrase for Aso like Revis Island but I do know both will be on an island in man on the outside. Maybe Archipelago? Who knows?
Let's see what happens.
With the NFL back...
It is time to get into something that happens a bunch of times during the year. NFL players getting arrested. With this post, I, Johnny Baseball, will go over the Top 5 Most Embarassing NFL Arrests in recent years. Counting down from 5 with Number 1 being the most embarassing.
5. JaMarcus Russell - He should be arrested for robbing all of the Oakland Raiders money, but thats neither here or there. Russell was arrested in 2010 for, you guessed it, PURPLE DRANK! That is, having probably the most powerful and illegal painkiller to have without a perscription in the form of a drink. They were also tracking him for 2 months with this stuff so pretty much, you're dumb JaMarcus.
4. Plaxico Burress - Well sorry Giant fans, but this guy is a MORON. First off, you carry an unlicensed gun or whatever to a club. Why? You're rich, you can't hire a body guard? You caught a game winning touchdown in the Super Bowl. That alone could have helped you pay for a body guard. Secondly, you shoot yourself in the leg with this unlicensed gun. Ok, listen up Cheddar Bob, focus on football, and not who you're going to smoke in a club and leave the gun at home after you register it. But hey, hopefully he comes back strong, Johnny Baseball loves a good 2nd chance story.
3. Najeh Davenport - Not only is this so embarassing, it is actually one of the most epic things ever. He broke into a woman's apartment, and took a dump in her (the woman's) laundry basket. Epic, but also illegal. What makes it more embarassing, to try and prove his innocence he yelled "WHERE'S THE EVIDENCE!?" "WHERES THE MANURE?!". Pure comedy.
2. Kenyatta Jones - Used to be an Offensive Linemen for the Patriots. Arrested for? Attempting to urinate on the dance floor in a club in Tampa Bay. This is literally one of the funniest things I've ever read in my life. Dude, just walk like 40 feet to the bathoom. First off, it's not cool to pull your junk out in the club, ever. And secondly, it is and never will be acceptable to piss on the dance floor. Wait, it's not over. While getting thrown out of the club, he shoved an off-duty police officer, which resulted in battery, and resisting arrest. Hysterical. But is this really that embarassing? Number 1 will have to be prettttay good right? Well it is!
1. Raheem Brock - About a month ago, Mr. Brock was arrested, for dining and dashing. You figure this guy probably took out his whole secondary, and maybe even team to dinner after an Organized team activity. Each meal was like $250 at a nice steak house. No no, you are wrong. He dashed on a $27 bill at a bar. I know it was during a lockout and the USA is still in a recession, but are you kidding me? I have $27 and I work at a gym. This is by far the most embarassing NFL arrest ever. It's 27 dollars, 27! That's like 3 months of XBOX Live. You are an NFL player, which means at minimum you make about $300,000. Okay maybe you didn't have cash on you but how about a credit card, a debit card, anything? This is a disgrace. But wait, thats not all. After this, he got into a scuffle with the police. WOMP WOMP! You'll be making $0 a year after you get released.
Beltran's Bad Rap For No Reason
Injuries happen. Sometimes a player has bad luck. Carlos Beltran with the Mets will never get the credit he deserves. The guy was the most consistent player the team had during his tenure with the Mets. If you don't think so, well than you're just another one of those irrational Met fans that I question has a fully functioning brain.
Yup, Carlos Beltran struck out looking to end the Mets 2006 season and ended their hopes to getting back to the World Series. He was NOT the reason they lost that game. I am not even a Met fan and I know Aaron Heilman gave up a two-run homerun to Yadier Molina. A guy who if he hits ten homers a year, it's a lot. Carlos Beltran also looked at a 3-2 filthy curveball. Every single Met would of stared at that pitch like Mila Kunis walking down the street in high heels and a 3 inch skirt. It isn't Carlos Beltran's fault.
The guy also busted his ass. His injuries came from running into walls and players. You want to blame a Met for not being a good teammate, blame fucking Johan. He should be getting the same grief Beltran is. What about Pelfrey? He is about as consistent as Muhammad Ali throwing darts.
To those who don't know I am a Yankee fan. A Yankee fan!! A rational thinking Yankee fan. Carlos Beltran for the duration of his stay was your franchise. Name another Met free agent signing in the last 20 years better than Carlos Beltran and I will publicly embarrass myself and praise the person in an article on this blog. I challenge you.
To boot I will name a few recent phenomenal Met free agent signings.
Bobby Bonilla
Roberto Alomar
Mo Vaughn
Shane Spencer
Jeremy Burnitz
Jason Bay
Kaz Matsui
Vince Coleman
Luis Castillo
Oliver Perez
Now that I have basically laid out every recent bust, take your best shot at trying to come up with a Mets free agent signing better than Beltran.
Yup, Carlos Beltran struck out looking to end the Mets 2006 season and ended their hopes to getting back to the World Series. He was NOT the reason they lost that game. I am not even a Met fan and I know Aaron Heilman gave up a two-run homerun to Yadier Molina. A guy who if he hits ten homers a year, it's a lot. Carlos Beltran also looked at a 3-2 filthy curveball. Every single Met would of stared at that pitch like Mila Kunis walking down the street in high heels and a 3 inch skirt. It isn't Carlos Beltran's fault.
The guy also busted his ass. His injuries came from running into walls and players. You want to blame a Met for not being a good teammate, blame fucking Johan. He should be getting the same grief Beltran is. What about Pelfrey? He is about as consistent as Muhammad Ali throwing darts.
To those who don't know I am a Yankee fan. A Yankee fan!! A rational thinking Yankee fan. Carlos Beltran for the duration of his stay was your franchise. Name another Met free agent signing in the last 20 years better than Carlos Beltran and I will publicly embarrass myself and praise the person in an article on this blog. I challenge you.
To boot I will name a few recent phenomenal Met free agent signings.
Bobby Bonilla
Roberto Alomar
Mo Vaughn
Shane Spencer
Jeremy Burnitz
Jason Bay
Kaz Matsui
Vince Coleman
Luis Castillo
Oliver Perez
Now that I have basically laid out every recent bust, take your best shot at trying to come up with a Mets free agent signing better than Beltran.
Pre Game Song Of The Weekend
If this song doesn't make you want to get up and start breaking it down on a dance floor somewhere, then you need some serious mental help. Bumpy Ride by Mohombi is one of my favorites out right now and it is another song that is great for your pre game. Plus if you have women at your pre game this will definitely get them ready to come home with you later on. Play this at your pre game and it is a win-win situation for you. Remember these songs by the way because college returns in almost three weeks. But I will have plenty for you while you're there as well.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Popcorn Shrimp
Late Night Movie: Saving Silverman
Late Night Song: Anywhere I Go by Slightly Stoopid
Fun Fact: One in three snake bite victims is drunk, one in five is tattooed...There's a nice little tidbit for you.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Movie: Saving Silverman
Late Night Song: Anywhere I Go by Slightly Stoopid
Fun Fact: One in three snake bite victims is drunk, one in five is tattooed...There's a nice little tidbit for you.
Late Night Video:
Carlos Beltran Traded
First off, I'd like to thank Carlous Beltran for his time as a Met. He gets a bad name but in his time with the Mets he averaged 119 games played a year and batted .281 with 557 RBI and 149 Homeruns.
Now I understand those numbers aren't what people expected but let's give credit where credit is due, it is pretty damn good. Fans look at the bad more than the good. In 2009 and 2010 Beltran only played 81 and 64 games. That's only 145 games in those two years, and also they remember that dreaded strikeout in the NLCS. But hey, you tell me that wasn't the nastiest curveball you've ever seen. That is what Beltran is most remembered for and not the good years.
What I don't get is, the Mets are only 7 and a half games out of the Wild Card chase. To me, this is the Mets management giving up, which is completely ridiculous for a New York Team. And as for the prospect Zack Wheeler, you might never hear his name again. There was a reason the Giants traded their 10th pick overall of 2 years ago. The Giants are really good with prospects and I trust that if they don't see something in him anymore, then there probably isn't anything there. But hey you never know, he is a top pitching prospect and that is one thing the Mets need. Even thought I completely disagree with the decision to trade Carlos, I guess it was inevitable. You could have fought the rest of the year to get that Wild-Card spot but, no, you chose to lay down and give it to the Braves. And if they win the Wild-Card by one game over the Pirates, this season should be cancelled.
Jets Re-Sign Santonio Holmes, Giants Make Offer To Bradshaw
http://espn.go.com/new-york/nfl/story/_/id/6807886/new-york-jets-agree-deal-santonio-holmes-sources-say
The Jets and Wideout Santonio Holmes have agreed to a deal at 5 years $50 million. Sanchez keeps his playmaker and Cromartie, Edwards or probably both lose their pot smoking buddy. It had to be done. He's better than Edwards and he'll make plays for Sanchez especially in the yards after catch category. Good deal for the Jets even though I hate them.
The Giants have made an offer to re-sign Ahmad Bradshaw. I actually am not a particularly huge fan of this move mainly because I want D'angelo Williams. But with the probability of Williams only going to Denver or staying in Carolina, I guess this is not the worst thing that can happen. If they can't keep Bradshaw, I'll be happy with Ronnie Brown. Let's see where this thing goes.
Sidenote: Mcnabb looks like he'll be traded to the Vikings. Don't sleep on him, he definitely still has some left in the tank. Look out for the Vikings this year.
The Jets and Wideout Santonio Holmes have agreed to a deal at 5 years $50 million. Sanchez keeps his playmaker and Cromartie, Edwards or probably both lose their pot smoking buddy. It had to be done. He's better than Edwards and he'll make plays for Sanchez especially in the yards after catch category. Good deal for the Jets even though I hate them.
The Giants have made an offer to re-sign Ahmad Bradshaw. I actually am not a particularly huge fan of this move mainly because I want D'angelo Williams. But with the probability of Williams only going to Denver or staying in Carolina, I guess this is not the worst thing that can happen. If they can't keep Bradshaw, I'll be happy with Ronnie Brown. Let's see where this thing goes.
Sidenote: Mcnabb looks like he'll be traded to the Vikings. Don't sleep on him, he definitely still has some left in the tank. Look out for the Vikings this year.
Rate These Three Year Old Twins Dancing
As a duo I guess I'll give these two an overall grade of about a B-. Little man on the right, you jumped out of the gate aggressive and ready to play. But then you had a couple of trip ups and you got timid on me. Just because you trip a few times doesn't mean you half ass the rest of the dance. You were like the kid who stops playing hard just because his team is losing. I want to see a better overall effort out of you next time. Now to the guy on the left. Your lyrical rendition of this was absolutely horrendous, but I still like the intensity. You didn't stop and you gave it your best the whole time. If your brother can give the same effort as you all the way through, you may have something here. Your brother on the right actually is more talented than you, but you have the better work ethic. We'll see what happens over time, but for now, you two little fuckers get a B-. Not terrible, but there's plenty of room for improvement.
What Type Of Girl Is She?
My coworker's and I are probably the only three people on the face of planet earth who see the same girl walk by us every day with the same two guys and automatically think that she is going to do dirty things to them behind a tree. Okay, so maybe we're not the only three people who think that, but we are sick in the head. But could this girl be a dirty girl, or is she just friendly with guys? Let's figure it out.
She walks by with the same two, sometimes three guys every day. Coincidence? Possibly. However, we also see her surrounded by a group of about eight to ten guys every day as well. She'll go over and sit on laps, flirt with every single one of them, and even make her way into a hidden area with one of them for a couple of minutes. Does this sound like someone who is friendly with guys, or does this sound like a dirty girl?
Then we hear stories from people telling us how hard of a partier this female is. Partying hard is respectable and can also mean that you just have a ton of guy friends. But girls who are just "one of the guys" don't sit on laps and take mysterious leaves of absence with multiple guys during their lunch break.
With the evidence stacked against this chick, I'm going to say that she is definitely a dirty girl. I'm assuming she likes to travel, because her guy friends love to run the train. Until she proves otherwise, she is going to be labeled "The Dirty Girl".
She walks by with the same two, sometimes three guys every day. Coincidence? Possibly. However, we also see her surrounded by a group of about eight to ten guys every day as well. She'll go over and sit on laps, flirt with every single one of them, and even make her way into a hidden area with one of them for a couple of minutes. Does this sound like someone who is friendly with guys, or does this sound like a dirty girl?
Then we hear stories from people telling us how hard of a partier this female is. Partying hard is respectable and can also mean that you just have a ton of guy friends. But girls who are just "one of the guys" don't sit on laps and take mysterious leaves of absence with multiple guys during their lunch break.
With the evidence stacked against this chick, I'm going to say that she is definitely a dirty girl. I'm assuming she likes to travel, because her guy friends love to run the train. Until she proves otherwise, she is going to be labeled "The Dirty Girl".
Plaxico Burress To Meet With Tom Coughlin Today...
http://espn.go.com/new-york/nfl/story/_/id/6806012/plaxico-burress-says-talk-new-york-giants-return-tom-coughlin
Today Plaxico Burress will be at the Giants facility to meet with head coach Tom Coughlin to discuss a return to the G-Men. Call me crazy, but I like this idea. Plax is 6'5, he's an absolutely huge target, and Eli would have a receiver who can go up and make plays. Nicks is good, but we have a bunch of receivers who are tiny guys. None of them are mismatches for cornerbacks. Plax is one hundred percent a mismatch for any corner in the NFL. I say invite him to camp and see how he looks. It definitely can't hurt. Face it, a combination of Nicks and Plax on the outside would be a nightmare for any defense. You don't think they need him? What team doesn't need a 6'5 receiver who can jump through the stadium? Exactly. The best pitch Burress can use if he wants to get signed is to remind people of Michael Vick. Who knows, maybe this guy has actually been the missing piece since they won the Super Bowl. Let's see what happens.
Today Plaxico Burress will be at the Giants facility to meet with head coach Tom Coughlin to discuss a return to the G-Men. Call me crazy, but I like this idea. Plax is 6'5, he's an absolutely huge target, and Eli would have a receiver who can go up and make plays. Nicks is good, but we have a bunch of receivers who are tiny guys. None of them are mismatches for cornerbacks. Plax is one hundred percent a mismatch for any corner in the NFL. I say invite him to camp and see how he looks. It definitely can't hurt. Face it, a combination of Nicks and Plax on the outside would be a nightmare for any defense. You don't think they need him? What team doesn't need a 6'5 receiver who can jump through the stadium? Exactly. The best pitch Burress can use if he wants to get signed is to remind people of Michael Vick. Who knows, maybe this guy has actually been the missing piece since they won the Super Bowl. Let's see what happens.
People Who Complain About Work
Quite frankly (pun intended) I am sick and tired of people complaining about work. Grow up you immature spoiled loser. Loving your job is something not all of us have the privilege of saying, and that is a shame. But you do what you have to do and grind through it. You want nice things, and you want to go on nice vacations? Prepare to work 5 days a week and roughly 48-52 weeks a year. That is just the way it is.
Mommy and Daddy aren't always going to be there to provide for you. It's pretty sad how many people have no aspiration to make something of themselves and are completely content with being a lazy fuck.
Here's another great group of people. Daddy has a huge business and makes a ton of money and all you are striving to do is take over that business. Congratulations, you will ALWAYS be living in your father's shadow and always be compared to him. When the little old lady who has done business with your dad for years comes in and says something along the lines of "with your father it was never like this," it's the beginning of the end. You will hear that forever. I personally could never live like that. I am my own person and no matter what, would always want to make a name for myself. But then again, I was always taught to strive for great things and be an over achiever, not some scrub.
Stop complaining you have to work everyday. That's what people do, they break their ass for 5 solid days and get 2 days to reward themselves. I am pretty okay with that, to be honest. Most people are complaining about nonsense jobs too. Honestly, how hard is it to sit at a desk and greet people? It may be boring, but guess what? You're making money. You can be a 731 union laborer and breaking concrete and breaking your ass for a living. Grow up, life isn't that bad and stop complaining when you pretty much have it made.
Mommy and Daddy aren't always going to be there to provide for you. It's pretty sad how many people have no aspiration to make something of themselves and are completely content with being a lazy fuck.
Here's another great group of people. Daddy has a huge business and makes a ton of money and all you are striving to do is take over that business. Congratulations, you will ALWAYS be living in your father's shadow and always be compared to him. When the little old lady who has done business with your dad for years comes in and says something along the lines of "with your father it was never like this," it's the beginning of the end. You will hear that forever. I personally could never live like that. I am my own person and no matter what, would always want to make a name for myself. But then again, I was always taught to strive for great things and be an over achiever, not some scrub.
Stop complaining you have to work everyday. That's what people do, they break their ass for 5 solid days and get 2 days to reward themselves. I am pretty okay with that, to be honest. Most people are complaining about nonsense jobs too. Honestly, how hard is it to sit at a desk and greet people? It may be boring, but guess what? You're making money. You can be a 731 union laborer and breaking concrete and breaking your ass for a living. Grow up, life isn't that bad and stop complaining when you pretty much have it made.
Asshole(s) Of The Day Award
This is just cold, but I kind of chuckled at it...
http://www.3news.co.nz/News-website-removes-offensive-quiz-question/tabid/418/articleID/220222/Default.aspx
Too soon for that joke? Apparently. An Australian news station posted this quiz question about a woman who went missing and was found dead last summer. All the head of the station could say was that it was "in bad taste". Really? You realized that after you put it on the news? How much of an asshole could you possibly be? That's something that you joke about in the news room when you're making up the quiz. It's not something you actually put on the quiz. You had to know everyone was going to lose their shit on you when they read this. If you didn't then you're just oblivious. So here are t-shirts for the entire news station. Your brilliance amazes me. And no, you will never live this one down.
http://www.3news.co.nz/News-website-removes-offensive-quiz-question/tabid/418/articleID/220222/Default.aspx
Too soon for that joke? Apparently. An Australian news station posted this quiz question about a woman who went missing and was found dead last summer. All the head of the station could say was that it was "in bad taste". Really? You realized that after you put it on the news? How much of an asshole could you possibly be? That's something that you joke about in the news room when you're making up the quiz. It's not something you actually put on the quiz. You had to know everyone was going to lose their shit on you when they read this. If you didn't then you're just oblivious. So here are t-shirts for the entire news station. Your brilliance amazes me. And no, you will never live this one down.
Facebook Statuses About Your Men's Softball Team
Congratulations! You never were an athlete and now that you play in a league with 40 year old guys, you are the most athletic and won your men's slow pitch softball championship. You might be as cool as the most interesting man in the world. Or you just need to take a long look in the mirror and realize that it's slow pitch softball and you're 20 something years old.
Let's get it straight, I played some softball for the last two years and had a good time. We won a few championships, but never did I brag about it. Like come on, it's a league of misfits with non matching uniforms. I have no problem if you're just doing it to screw around, I do have a problem if you write statuses similar to the following:
"Playoffs, lets goooo", "Champs baby, good shit boyzzz" etc.
Also, if your default is an action shot of you playing you are a fag (I know fag is not politically correct, but I am not making fun of gay people, I am making fun of fools). It makes it worse if you have eye black on, a $300 glove or bat, a shit ton of wrist bands and whatever other nonsense people have. That makes you Super Fag and a premier candidate for defriendment.
Last thing. Sunday morning softball leagues, are the worst. Unlike the majority of the young adult (adult status is based on age and not maturity level) community on Staten Island, I work 5 days a week. The weekend is my time. A time to do what I want and wake up when I want. I need an 8am softball game, which means I have to get up around 6:45 (wake up, eat something, find my uniform, and drive to the projects), like I need a hemorrhoid. Nine Saturdays out of ten, I am out and pretty late. What's worse than getting 3 hours of sleep, playing softball in the projects in hot weather with a hang over, and the entire ghetto community serving as your spectators and trying to sell you fake G-Shock watches? The correct answer is death.
Let's try to eliminate the statuses and fucking picture of your men's softball team fella's. If someone tags you, nothing you can do. If you put them up yourself, it won't help you get laid. I can assure you that.
Let's get it straight, I played some softball for the last two years and had a good time. We won a few championships, but never did I brag about it. Like come on, it's a league of misfits with non matching uniforms. I have no problem if you're just doing it to screw around, I do have a problem if you write statuses similar to the following:
"Playoffs, lets goooo", "Champs baby, good shit boyzzz" etc.
Also, if your default is an action shot of you playing you are a fag (I know fag is not politically correct, but I am not making fun of gay people, I am making fun of fools). It makes it worse if you have eye black on, a $300 glove or bat, a shit ton of wrist bands and whatever other nonsense people have. That makes you Super Fag and a premier candidate for defriendment.
Last thing. Sunday morning softball leagues, are the worst. Unlike the majority of the young adult (adult status is based on age and not maturity level) community on Staten Island, I work 5 days a week. The weekend is my time. A time to do what I want and wake up when I want. I need an 8am softball game, which means I have to get up around 6:45 (wake up, eat something, find my uniform, and drive to the projects), like I need a hemorrhoid. Nine Saturdays out of ten, I am out and pretty late. What's worse than getting 3 hours of sleep, playing softball in the projects in hot weather with a hang over, and the entire ghetto community serving as your spectators and trying to sell you fake G-Shock watches? The correct answer is death.
Let's try to eliminate the statuses and fucking picture of your men's softball team fella's. If someone tags you, nothing you can do. If you put them up yourself, it won't help you get laid. I can assure you that.
Cultured People
What the fuck is a "cultured" person? I will never understand that phrasing. What does it mean? That you like art, are knowledgeable of art, you like jazz music etc? If you like that stuff, that's all well and good. That is what you like, that doesn't make you cultured. It means you are different, because let's face it, not many people are into that stuff nowadays.
To define culture.
Culture - The set of shared attitudes, values, goals, and practices that characterizes an institution, organization or group
Nowhere in that definition does it say, a bunch of stuck up snobby people who wear wool socks and clothes with no labels. Just because I am a sports freak, didn't go to some liberal arts college, didn't get a PhD in Western Civilization, and enjoy the sight of bleach blond girls with fake tits doesn't mean I am not cultured. I have my own culture. One that is shared with all normal warm blooded males. I don't call you nonathletic or feeble so you don't call me uncultured. Put it this way Mr. Artsy. Most of society is into art or sports? Ugh sports!!! So I am about to define what a "cultured" person is.
Someone who likes things roughly 10% of society of does and thinks they are cool because they are different. Also, are stuck up about and secretly jealous of the athletic kids they grew up with.
Yes, these artsy people are so lacking in the athletic department they would come in second or third in the special Olympics.
To the guy or girl who thinks he or she is cultured. Take a walk, you're judging people who can beat you up and have the ability to publicly embarrass you. You are not cultured, you just like what you like and I like what I like. Sorry that I don't enjoy going to a museum and trying to figure out what a splash of red paint means. I am sorry you don't like going to football games and eating ground beef. Shit happens.
To define culture.
Culture - The set of shared attitudes, values, goals, and practices that characterizes an institution, organization or group
Nowhere in that definition does it say, a bunch of stuck up snobby people who wear wool socks and clothes with no labels. Just because I am a sports freak, didn't go to some liberal arts college, didn't get a PhD in Western Civilization, and enjoy the sight of bleach blond girls with fake tits doesn't mean I am not cultured. I have my own culture. One that is shared with all normal warm blooded males. I don't call you nonathletic or feeble so you don't call me uncultured. Put it this way Mr. Artsy. Most of society is into art or sports? Ugh sports!!! So I am about to define what a "cultured" person is.
Someone who likes things roughly 10% of society of does and thinks they are cool because they are different. Also, are stuck up about and secretly jealous of the athletic kids they grew up with.
Yes, these artsy people are so lacking in the athletic department they would come in second or third in the special Olympics.
To the guy or girl who thinks he or she is cultured. Take a walk, you're judging people who can beat you up and have the ability to publicly embarrass you. You are not cultured, you just like what you like and I like what I like. Sorry that I don't enjoy going to a museum and trying to figure out what a splash of red paint means. I am sorry you don't like going to football games and eating ground beef. Shit happens.
Walmart Shopper Wedneday's
We have a real crack pot this week...
So apparently the pink panther decided to make a stop at its local Walmart to pick up a few things. My first question is, how can you allow yourself to walk out in public in this outfit? And my second question is, how high do you need to be to walk out in public in this outfit? Seriously, what could have possibly been going on in this woman's head as she was parading around in a halloween costume in the middle of July? Only in Walmart can you find this maniac browsing around in its natural habitat. This just adds to the reason that Wednesday is my new favorite day of the week.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Potato and Egg omelet with homefries, bacon, toast and Orang Juice.
Late Night Movie: The Little Giants
Late Night Song: Lazy Afternoon by Rebelution
Fun Fact: Farts have been clocked at a speed of 10 feet per second...That is incredible
Late Night Video:
Late Night Movie: The Little Giants
Late Night Song: Lazy Afternoon by Rebelution
Fun Fact: Farts have been clocked at a speed of 10 feet per second...That is incredible
Late Night Video:
Rico Bosco's Betz Of The Day
Yesterday: -5
Year To Date: +22
Today's Games:
3 Units Brewers vs Cubs Over 8.5
3 Units Angels
Year To Date: +22
Today's Games:
3 Units Brewers vs Cubs Over 8.5
3 Units Angels
Play Of The Day
Play of the Day, and it will probably end up the Play of the Week. They call this Australian football for long, but it's Rugby for short. Listen, I love the NFL and all, but rugby is a mans game. No pads and a bunch of jacked up mad dogs running around the field making plays and not worrying about their own self preservation. This would also be completely illegal in the NFL since they're trying to make it into a league that is way too soft. This play is absolutely beautiful to see. I want to see if this play will be beat anytime in the near future. But I would seriously doubt it.
Fireside Chats Season 2 Promo
As promised, another week, another promo. This time someone gave Linsay Lohan my number and I'm not particularly happy about it. She was also not particularly happy that I made fun of her in every episode during Season 1. But hey, you win some, you lose some. Here is promo number two. This can be found under the Fireside Chats tab as well.
Asshole Of The Day Award
Smart move...
http://www.news.com.au/national/bondi-man-38-jumps-four-floors-to-avoid-arrest/story-e6frfkwi-1226101804879
Ah yes, criminals who think they can outsmart the police are my favorite types of criminals. Just so you know, this guy locked himself in a room hiding from the police, then when he realized they were eventually going to break in he jumped out the window. This window was four stories high. Does that really sound like a good idea to you? Long story short, he landed between a retaining wall and a fence, punctured his lung, and broke his ribs. This isn't the movies guy, jumping four stories and landing safely only works if your name is Will Smith or Jet Li. Maybe next time you shouldn't rob a bunch of shit and be dumb enough to get caught. Another t-shirt given out to another genius. Enjoy your time in the hospital because once that little stint ends you're going straight to prison. I hope you didn't injure your ass, because the work it's going to be getting in your jail cell is probably going to hurt worse than your fall. Have a lovely day!
http://www.news.com.au/national/bondi-man-38-jumps-four-floors-to-avoid-arrest/story-e6frfkwi-1226101804879
Ah yes, criminals who think they can outsmart the police are my favorite types of criminals. Just so you know, this guy locked himself in a room hiding from the police, then when he realized they were eventually going to break in he jumped out the window. This window was four stories high. Does that really sound like a good idea to you? Long story short, he landed between a retaining wall and a fence, punctured his lung, and broke his ribs. This isn't the movies guy, jumping four stories and landing safely only works if your name is Will Smith or Jet Li. Maybe next time you shouldn't rob a bunch of shit and be dumb enough to get caught. Another t-shirt given out to another genius. Enjoy your time in the hospital because once that little stint ends you're going straight to prison. I hope you didn't injure your ass, because the work it's going to be getting in your jail cell is probably going to hurt worse than your fall. Have a lovely day!
The Search For The Breeder
I have to say that there is nothing sexier than a good looking girl who is athletic. Hot girls that are good at sports are a dime a dozen, and when you find one, you have hit the proverbial jackpot. What exactly do we call these hot females who happen to be athletes? We call them breeders, and any man who is a good athlete should look to make children with one of these breeders. Why you ask? Because you want your child to be the best athlete it can possibly be, and it all starts with a good gene pool.
Who is a good example of a breeder? Alex Morgan of the women's USA soccer team would be the prime example. She's sexy, she's athletic, and she's awesome at her sport. Add those three things up and you have the perfect breeder. If by any stretch of imagination you have a chance with that girl, you don't wear a jimmy. You just try and slip one by the goalie and hope a stud athlete comes out nine months later. Yes, she has that much breeding potential.
Is there anything sexier than a breeder? Absolutely not. Coming across a breeder who just absolutely dominates her sport as well as dominating the crowd on a night out is a once in a lifetime opportunity. If you make the right child with a breeder, you probably only have to work until your kid is about 21 or 22. After that, they have tons of money, they give you just enough, and you're living the good life. If you haven't started yet, it's time to search for a breeder...Immediately.
Who is a good example of a breeder? Alex Morgan of the women's USA soccer team would be the prime example. She's sexy, she's athletic, and she's awesome at her sport. Add those three things up and you have the perfect breeder. If by any stretch of imagination you have a chance with that girl, you don't wear a jimmy. You just try and slip one by the goalie and hope a stud athlete comes out nine months later. Yes, she has that much breeding potential.
Is there anything sexier than a breeder? Absolutely not. Coming across a breeder who just absolutely dominates her sport as well as dominating the crowd on a night out is a once in a lifetime opportunity. If you make the right child with a breeder, you probably only have to work until your kid is about 21 or 22. After that, they have tons of money, they give you just enough, and you're living the good life. If you haven't started yet, it's time to search for a breeder...Immediately.
The 27 Club
With the recent death of singer Amy Winehouse there have been a lot of talks in the pop culture world about her being in the 27 club. For those of you who don't know what the 27 Club is, it is a group of prestegious and influential musicans who all died, mysteriously, at the age of 27. They include Brian Jones, the founder of the Rolling Stones. Jimi Hendrix, possibly the greatest guitarist ever. Janis Joplin, one of the first women to rock out. Jim Morrison, lead singer and songwriter for The Doors, and Kurt Cobain who founded Nirvana and is possibly one of the best lyricists ever. So, it is a shame Amy died, but, you can see her credentials don't match up to the leaders of the 27 Club. She's had 5 Grammy's, but in this day and age that means nothing to me. She shouldn't even be in the same breath as these musicians.
Also, all of the deaths had controversy like maybe there was some foul play going on. Maybe a muder case. And apparently her death was already confirmed an overdose. So not only do her credentials not match up, but also, her story doesn't. So I will leave our readers with a few links to decide. First a few on what the 27 Club actually is, and also, on Kurt Cobain's death. It may also be the most controversial death ever, so you'll see what the 27 Club is all about. Long live rock and roll!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/27_Club
http://www.sshep.com/kurtnew.htm
There's some crazy stuff in here guys, so read.
A-Rod's Next Target
Hello my fellow readers. Yes, its been a while but today is a rainy day so I want to keep my promise and give you all something to read about.
All Yankee fans as well as baseball fans know Alex Rodriguez (A-Rod) is currently on the DL. This is the fourth consecutive season Alex has been on the disabled list but this time around I believe A-Rod will be getting some serious "work" done while he is rehabbing and I would like to fill you all in on A-Rods next Target.
This does not focus in the baseball column though. A-Rod is 238 hits away from 3000 and 74 homers away from 700, Basically he's got a while to reach both milestones so I'm sure that both are the last thing on his mind right now.
But what is number one on his mind is what piece he will slam next. We all know A-Rod as a womanizer because from time to time he pops up in newspapers, the internet, and was even caught getting fed popcorn at this years Superbowl. I have to mention that Alex likes his women like used cars. Broken in, 3 or more former owners and still able to be driven long distance. Examples: (Christie Brinkley age 57, Madonna age 50 and Cameron Diaz age 39, which isn't that old but she's still older than him)
Ok. So my prediction on Alex's next target is the recently divorced, still hot and sexy, singer, actress, dancer and the list goes on basically. She is the complete package with an ass ranked in the top 5 of the country . If you didn't guess who I'm talking about yet, 1) your a moron and 2) her name is J.Lo . Yes, Jennifer Lopez and if anybody says J.Lo isn't still a hot piece of ass you deserve to be dutch ovened by Rosie O'Donnell. A-Rod should be jumping on this like Rex Ryan on a cheeseburger. Both from Hispanic descent, both in the lime light and hey A-Rod, did I mention she's 42? What a perfect match, seriously. Why not even pop out a kid while you're at it? That would be one talented son of a bitch. J.Lo and A-Rod an item? I believe it's only a matter of time until A-Rod makes his move.
The First Offical Removal From the Johnny Baseball Boycott List
There's a first time for everything. As of today around 1:00 P.M. the NFL has been lifted from the Johnny Baseball Boycott list, and it is about damn time. It had to happen. I love the NFL way too much for me to boycott it when it is doing no harm to me. 45 Days until not only NFL football, but also Green Bay Packers football. Ya gotta love it. If you're an NFL fan and you are not jacked up right now, you need to have your pulse checked to see if your alive.
The Boycott List is still in-tact though people. We still have Subway, Moe's Southwest Grill, and NAPA Auto-Parts all on the list. Definitely stay tuned for more because hey, if they're screwin' me, I'm boycottin' them!
How Much Alcohol Would It Take Tuesday's
She's so hot and cute...
Yeah I know what you're thinking. Kermit the frog and Katie Couric's character in Finding Nemo had a kid and made this creature. I thought the same thing. In no way, shape or form is anything about this woman attractive. They call this a Donatella Versace, and it would probably take me two bottles of Jameson and a half bottle of Jack to sleep with her. There really aren't any better options when it comes to sleeping with this chick, unless you're shutting the lights and hoping for the best. But really, who wants to remember sleeping with this thing? I know I don't, and you shouldn't either.
Yeah I know what you're thinking. Kermit the frog and Katie Couric's character in Finding Nemo had a kid and made this creature. I thought the same thing. In no way, shape or form is anything about this woman attractive. They call this a Donatella Versace, and it would probably take me two bottles of Jameson and a half bottle of Jack to sleep with her. There really aren't any better options when it comes to sleeping with this chick, unless you're shutting the lights and hoping for the best. But really, who wants to remember sleeping with this thing? I know I don't, and you shouldn't either.
Monday, July 25, 2011
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Brownie Sundae
Late Night Movie: Rookie Of The Year
Late Night Song: Feeling Alright by Rebelution
Fun Fact: According to statistics, Australian women are most likely to have sex on the first date...Keep that one in the back pocket fella's.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Movie: Rookie Of The Year
Late Night Song: Feeling Alright by Rebelution
Fun Fact: According to statistics, Australian women are most likely to have sex on the first date...Keep that one in the back pocket fella's.
Late Night Video:
Welcome Back NFL
Thank God! What would the world be without people bickering on Facebook about football? Miserable! It is my favorite source of entertainment. What is funnier than a guido idiot who knows nothing about sports try to talk sports? One thing and one thing only. A stupid girl who tries to keep up with the boys and talk sports. Some girls just throw the jersey on and hope the team wins, some girls know what they are talking about but most have no fucking clue and try to act like they do. Priceless!
Here is how you separate the girl who is a fan from the girl who knows her shit. Ask her to name 5 defensive players, the punter and the kicker. First and last name. If you want to go crazy, ask them to toss the number in there, but that is optional.
On a serious note, welcome back football. I am so excited, gonna be at the Jets home opener with my buddies Tommy the Mic and Nicky B. Hopefully, the man the myth the legend, Frey Sizzle of Long Island comes through and watches some football with some scrub Staten Island kids.
I will be doing Frank's Football Fridays every Friday during the season. Not sure of the format of the whole thing but it'll be something along the lines of me ranting about the Jets, laying out some winners and making fun of Eli Manning. For those of you who don't know, I am a diehard Jet fan. Since 1997, not a recent 'diehard' Jets fan. If you claim I am one of those front-runner idiots, prepare to get punched. I am also the leader of the 'Testosterone for Eli Manning' club. Guys a dweeb and I would be embarrassed if he was the face of my franchise. His parents don't even love him.
That is all, look for my football stuff during the season. Gonna be a good one.
J! - E! - T! - S! .... JETS JETS JETS!!!!11
Here is how you separate the girl who is a fan from the girl who knows her shit. Ask her to name 5 defensive players, the punter and the kicker. First and last name. If you want to go crazy, ask them to toss the number in there, but that is optional.
On a serious note, welcome back football. I am so excited, gonna be at the Jets home opener with my buddies Tommy the Mic and Nicky B. Hopefully, the man the myth the legend, Frey Sizzle of Long Island comes through and watches some football with some scrub Staten Island kids.
I will be doing Frank's Football Fridays every Friday during the season. Not sure of the format of the whole thing but it'll be something along the lines of me ranting about the Jets, laying out some winners and making fun of Eli Manning. For those of you who don't know, I am a diehard Jet fan. Since 1997, not a recent 'diehard' Jets fan. If you claim I am one of those front-runner idiots, prepare to get punched. I am also the leader of the 'Testosterone for Eli Manning' club. Guys a dweeb and I would be embarrassed if he was the face of my franchise. His parents don't even love him.
That is all, look for my football stuff during the season. Gonna be a good one.
J! - E! - T! - S! .... JETS JETS JETS!!!!11
Metal Monday's
So here on the blog I've been granted permission to start a segment called Metal Monday's. What it basically consists of is a Heavy Metal song of the week (and I promised Steve it wouldn't be too crazy). So with that said the first installment of Metal Monday's will be.....IRON MAN by Black Sabbath.
To make a long story short, this song is one of the best in genre of music we call heavy metal. Tony Iommi, lead guitarist for Black Sabbath at age 17 got into an accident, cutting the tips of two fingers off. This is partly responsible for the heavy sound he gets from his instrument. Fun little tid-bit there. ENJOY!
Rico Bosco's Betz Of The Day
Last Week: +20
Year To Date: +27
Today's Games:
3 Units Red Sox
2 Units Pirates vs Braves Over 8.5
Year To Date: +27
Today's Games:
3 Units Red Sox
2 Units Pirates vs Braves Over 8.5
Asshole Planker Of The Week
So who would've thought that laying on top of a golf cart and driving it down a hill would be a bad idea? Apparently this moron didn't see the 1,000 ways that this idea could possibly go wrong. He thought he was going to be the man, but instead he literally ate the dirt. As well as the front end of that golf cart. I have no sympathy for your injuries big guy. I award you no points, and my God have mercy on your soul.
The NFL Is Back...
http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/6799301/nflpa-oks-deal-roger-goodell-says-football-back
No more bickering, no more arguing, and no more lockout. Ladies and gentlemen the NFL is now back in session. I can now continue screaming at my television all day on Sunday's and Fantasy Football Draft Day is right on the horizon. The battle between millionaires and billionaires has finally come to an end and we will all benefit from it. Free agent signing and trades can begin Friday. We will do a list of our top 10 free agents and give it to you later this week. The most important thing that took place today is that the NFL is not going anywhere for another ten years. God bless America!
No more bickering, no more arguing, and no more lockout. Ladies and gentlemen the NFL is now back in session. I can now continue screaming at my television all day on Sunday's and Fantasy Football Draft Day is right on the horizon. The battle between millionaires and billionaires has finally come to an end and we will all benefit from it. Free agent signing and trades can begin Friday. We will do a list of our top 10 free agents and give it to you later this week. The most important thing that took place today is that the NFL is not going anywhere for another ten years. God bless America!
How Do You Know It's A Good House Party?
I would like to consider myself a veteran in the house party department. I have been to my fair share of house parties throughout my years on this earth and by now I have discovered what makes a house party good. You have all had this happen to you at any great house party. If it's never happened to you, then you've been to some lame ass parties.
There is always one defining characteristic of a house party that everyone misses. It's not how many people are there, it's not the girl to guy ratio and it's not the amount of drinking games going on at one time. It is all about that last hour and a half to two hours where the house all of a sudden turns into a bar or a club. It's all about when that area where the music is playing turns into the dance floor and it's definitely about the sing along that happens when an awesome song that everyone knows comes on.
We have all been there, and we have all seen it. The best house parties you have been to are always the ones that end with an impromptu dance party and sing along. Everyone's hammered, everyone's pumped up and nobody wants to do anything but sing and dance. If you haven't experienced this, you need to real soon. It is the key element to a great house party. Enough said.
There is always one defining characteristic of a house party that everyone misses. It's not how many people are there, it's not the girl to guy ratio and it's not the amount of drinking games going on at one time. It is all about that last hour and a half to two hours where the house all of a sudden turns into a bar or a club. It's all about when that area where the music is playing turns into the dance floor and it's definitely about the sing along that happens when an awesome song that everyone knows comes on.
We have all been there, and we have all seen it. The best house parties you have been to are always the ones that end with an impromptu dance party and sing along. Everyone's hammered, everyone's pumped up and nobody wants to do anything but sing and dance. If you haven't experienced this, you need to real soon. It is the key element to a great house party. Enough said.
Asshole Of The Day Award
You can't make this stuff up...
http://theportlander.com/2011/07/24/portland-man-brings-bb-gun-to-a-drug-deal-gets-punched-in-the-face/
Obviously this guy doesn't have half a brain in his head. This is the epitome of being an asshole. What exactly did this moron do? He went to a drug deal bringing nothing but a BB gun with him. Yes, a BB gun. What do you think happens to people who bring BB guns to drug deals? They get punched in the face and end up bleeding all over the pavement. Then when the cops come and tell them to drop their weapon, they barely have any idea what's going on. This leads to them being non compliant and getting tazed by the police officer. That's just adding insult and injury to stupidity. Here is your well deserved t-shirt my man. I just wish you could've been wearing it while they were taking your mug shot.
http://theportlander.com/2011/07/24/portland-man-brings-bb-gun-to-a-drug-deal-gets-punched-in-the-face/
Obviously this guy doesn't have half a brain in his head. This is the epitome of being an asshole. What exactly did this moron do? He went to a drug deal bringing nothing but a BB gun with him. Yes, a BB gun. What do you think happens to people who bring BB guns to drug deals? They get punched in the face and end up bleeding all over the pavement. Then when the cops come and tell them to drop their weapon, they barely have any idea what's going on. This leads to them being non compliant and getting tazed by the police officer. That's just adding insult and injury to stupidity. Here is your well deserved t-shirt my man. I just wish you could've been wearing it while they were taking your mug shot.
We've Seen You Naked
Everyone has thoughts in their head when they are out and they see a person who they have personally seen naked. It happens, you laugh about it and you move on. But what happens when someone is in a social environment who EVERYONE has seen naked?
First of all, when everyone and their entire family has seen you naked there is no need to wear a dress to a house party. A dress says, "I'm classy". After sending out naked pictures of yourself for the entire world to see, you one hundred and fifty percent lose the ability to have anything that you do considered classy. At this point, just wear a skimpy outfit. No one needs to wonder what you look like naked, because we've already seen it. The dress is not fooling anyone.
Also, you probably shouldn't try talking smack to guys while you're playing them in beer pong. Every time you talked any sort of smack to a guy while playing beer pong, they all turned to me and mumbled, "Yeah well I've seen you naked." One time I even got, "I've already seen you naked. More than once." You are in absolutely no position to make insults or comments, even if you are just joking. Because in reality, the joke's on you.
Did everyone like the pictures? Obviously everyone loved the pictures, you are a hottie. But don't pretend to be classy and proper when everyone knows that you're definitely not classy or proper. Be the person that everyone perceives you to be. It works for Ke$ha and it'll work for you.
First of all, when everyone and their entire family has seen you naked there is no need to wear a dress to a house party. A dress says, "I'm classy". After sending out naked pictures of yourself for the entire world to see, you one hundred and fifty percent lose the ability to have anything that you do considered classy. At this point, just wear a skimpy outfit. No one needs to wonder what you look like naked, because we've already seen it. The dress is not fooling anyone.
Also, you probably shouldn't try talking smack to guys while you're playing them in beer pong. Every time you talked any sort of smack to a guy while playing beer pong, they all turned to me and mumbled, "Yeah well I've seen you naked." One time I even got, "I've already seen you naked. More than once." You are in absolutely no position to make insults or comments, even if you are just joking. Because in reality, the joke's on you.
Did everyone like the pictures? Obviously everyone loved the pictures, you are a hottie. But don't pretend to be classy and proper when everyone knows that you're definitely not classy or proper. Be the person that everyone perceives you to be. It works for Ke$ha and it'll work for you.
MLB Game Of The Week
A series that is a rematch of last year's NLCS takes place this week in what could be another potential playoff preview.
Game of the Week:
Giants at Phillies Wednesday at 7:05pm
Probable Starters
SF: Matt Cain 8-6 (3.06 ERA)
PHI: Kyle Kendrick 5-4 (3.45 ERA)
Game of the Week:
Giants at Phillies Wednesday at 7:05pm
Probable Starters
SF: Matt Cain 8-6 (3.06 ERA)
PHI: Kyle Kendrick 5-4 (3.45 ERA)
Short Girls vs Tall Girls
When it comes to women, I personally don't have a type. Girl is my type. I love woman in all shapes and sizes that weigh less than I do. But let's compare short girls vs tall girls to see who has the upper hand on the market. I am a fan of all, but for arguments sake, let's have some fun with this.
Short girls are always ideal for guys who aren't that tall. A short girl ranges from 5 feet tall to about 5 foot 4. For short females thicker legs are a must. If you're short with skinny legs, you're probably slacking in butt department. But if you have thick legs, you most likely have a breath-taking hiney. Shorter women with large breasts are also a plus. Most of your garden variety short women will not have large breasts. So go in looking for those thick legs and anything else you get is a plus.
As for the tall women department, they range from 5'5 and taller. What is the characteristic most looked for in a tall woman? Long, sexy legs would be the correct answer to that one. Tall girls with long sexy legs are probably an all time favorite of mine. I also notice that most taller girls are large breasted. Not all, but most. But the one thing you MUST make sure your tall woman has, are the long sexy legs. Those will drive any man crazy.
What am I getting at in this post? Women come in all different shapes and sizes. I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as having a "type" of girl that you go after. Oh, and you see nothing about personality here because looks are what get you in the door. After you get your foot in the door, then worry about personality. But for now, whether she's short or tall doesn't matter. If she looks good, talk to her. If she says no, just move to the next one. It's like taking batting practice; if you swing and miss, you still get another swing.
Short girls are always ideal for guys who aren't that tall. A short girl ranges from 5 feet tall to about 5 foot 4. For short females thicker legs are a must. If you're short with skinny legs, you're probably slacking in butt department. But if you have thick legs, you most likely have a breath-taking hiney. Shorter women with large breasts are also a plus. Most of your garden variety short women will not have large breasts. So go in looking for those thick legs and anything else you get is a plus.
As for the tall women department, they range from 5'5 and taller. What is the characteristic most looked for in a tall woman? Long, sexy legs would be the correct answer to that one. Tall girls with long sexy legs are probably an all time favorite of mine. I also notice that most taller girls are large breasted. Not all, but most. But the one thing you MUST make sure your tall woman has, are the long sexy legs. Those will drive any man crazy.
What am I getting at in this post? Women come in all different shapes and sizes. I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as having a "type" of girl that you go after. Oh, and you see nothing about personality here because looks are what get you in the door. After you get your foot in the door, then worry about personality. But for now, whether she's short or tall doesn't matter. If she looks good, talk to her. If she says no, just move to the next one. It's like taking batting practice; if you swing and miss, you still get another swing.
Shitty City #9
The Emerald City my ass. Seattle, has a high suicide rate and two professional sports teams. The Seahawks are going nowhere fast and the Mariners will probably trading King Felix to the Yankees in a season or two. Both teams have never won a championship and the Super Sonics hated it so much there they went to the electrifying state of Oklahoma.
When I think of Seattle all I think of is Starbucks and being that Starbucks is awful and overpriced, so is Seattle. It's also in the state of Washington, a state that most American kids have no idea exists till somewhere around the fifth grade. In other words, you don't know the state exists until somewhere around your tenth year of life. It also rains every other day in Seattle. Yea, I'd kill myself too if I lived there. Rain is so depressing.
So to wrap this up. Seattle takes the ninth spot due to its lack of sports success, shitty coffee and abysmal weather.
When I think of Seattle all I think of is Starbucks and being that Starbucks is awful and overpriced, so is Seattle. It's also in the state of Washington, a state that most American kids have no idea exists till somewhere around the fifth grade. In other words, you don't know the state exists until somewhere around your tenth year of life. It also rains every other day in Seattle. Yea, I'd kill myself too if I lived there. Rain is so depressing.
So to wrap this up. Seattle takes the ninth spot due to its lack of sports success, shitty coffee and abysmal weather.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
The Late Night Special (Sunday)
Late Night Menu: Disco Fries (Fries with cheese and gravy)
Late Night Movie: Eight Crazy Nights
Late Night Song: Sensimilla by Slightly Stoopid
Fun Fact: When singing Don't Stop Believing by Journey, it is impossible to not sing it in the Journey voice...We all know that is 100% a true statement.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Movie: Eight Crazy Nights
Late Night Song: Sensimilla by Slightly Stoopid
Fun Fact: When singing Don't Stop Believing by Journey, it is impossible to not sing it in the Journey voice...We all know that is 100% a true statement.
Late Night Video:
Saturday, July 23, 2011
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Grilled Cheese with Bacon
Late Night Movie: Strange Wilderness
Late Night Song: Running With A Gun by Slightly Stoopid
Fun Fact: If you had a billion dollars and spent 1,000 dollars a day, it would take you 2,675 years to spend it all...
Late Night Video:
Late Night Movie: Strange Wilderness
Late Night Song: Running With A Gun by Slightly Stoopid
Fun Fact: If you had a billion dollars and spent 1,000 dollars a day, it would take you 2,675 years to spend it all...
Late Night Video:
Rico Bosco's Betz Of The Day
This Week: +12
Year To Date: +19
Today's Games:
2 Units Reverse Giants and Red Sox
Going for the kill!
Year To Date: +19
Today's Games:
2 Units Reverse Giants and Red Sox
Going for the kill!
The Jersey
For my one post I promised today I need to write about this jersey I saw at a party last night. This man is the man of many jerseys. He owns all shapes, sizes, players and colors. He will literally wear any jersey that he thinks looks good. But you know what? He pulls it off nicely.
I'm at this party last night and I see this man wearing a Sebastian Janikowski jersey. For those of you who don't know who that is, he is the place kicker for the Oakland Raiders. Not the QB (because they don't really have one), not the star running back and not even an awesome defensive player; it's the place kicker. Not only was I impressed but I needed to ask him why he would wear out the jersey of a place kicker. His only response was this, "You gotta give some love to the fat, alcoholic place kicker."
I must say, I was blown away by the response. It was the perfect response for the perfect jersey. If you see this man roaming the streets, shake his hand. I promise he won't bite. And if you need a great beer pong partner, he's pretty good at that as well. He may be the real most interesting man in the world.
I'm at this party last night and I see this man wearing a Sebastian Janikowski jersey. For those of you who don't know who that is, he is the place kicker for the Oakland Raiders. Not the QB (because they don't really have one), not the star running back and not even an awesome defensive player; it's the place kicker. Not only was I impressed but I needed to ask him why he would wear out the jersey of a place kicker. His only response was this, "You gotta give some love to the fat, alcoholic place kicker."
I must say, I was blown away by the response. It was the perfect response for the perfect jersey. If you see this man roaming the streets, shake his hand. I promise he won't bite. And if you need a great beer pong partner, he's pretty good at that as well. He may be the real most interesting man in the world.
Friday, July 22, 2011
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Bacon, Egg and Cheese on a bagel or roll. Wash it down with a chocolate milk.
Late Night Movie: 40 Year Old Virgin
Late Night Song: Sex, Drugs and House by D-Devils
Fun Fact: A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Movie: 40 Year Old Virgin
Late Night Song: Sex, Drugs and House by D-Devils
Fun Fact: A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans.
Late Night Video:
Rico Bosco's Betz Of The Day
This Week: +7
Year To Date: +14
Today's Games:
3 Units D'Backs vs Rockies Over 8.5
2 Units Braves
Year To Date: +14
Today's Games:
3 Units D'Backs vs Rockies Over 8.5
2 Units Braves
Asshole Of The Day Award
Nicely done sir...
http://www.macombdaily.com/articles/2011/07/22/news/doc4e297f2b3f8b2237297633.txt
I think it's time for this guy to admit he has a problem. He was cited "several" times during the week for open container and disorderly conduct but that didn't stop him from continuing to get shitfaced in public. As he was getting arrested the cop knocked over his beer can. This guy then picked up the beer can, finished what was left, and threw it over his shoulder. I guess he gets style points for that one. Besides the fact that this guy is an asshole, he knows that he's an asshole. If he could also figure out that he's an alcoholic, that could possibly help him in the future. Either way, he gets a t-shirt to wear while he drinks his Milwaukee's Best in public. At least drinking that beer will justify his t-shirt.
http://www.macombdaily.com/articles/2011/07/22/news/doc4e297f2b3f8b2237297633.txt
I think it's time for this guy to admit he has a problem. He was cited "several" times during the week for open container and disorderly conduct but that didn't stop him from continuing to get shitfaced in public. As he was getting arrested the cop knocked over his beer can. This guy then picked up the beer can, finished what was left, and threw it over his shoulder. I guess he gets style points for that one. Besides the fact that this guy is an asshole, he knows that he's an asshole. If he could also figure out that he's an alcoholic, that could possibly help him in the future. Either way, he gets a t-shirt to wear while he drinks his Milwaukee's Best in public. At least drinking that beer will justify his t-shirt.
What Men Want To Know vs What Women Want To Know
This situation has one hundred percent happened to you before whether you're a guy or a girl. Everyone has had a friend (who is always a girl) come up to them and say, "I have the perfect person to set you up with." Depending on if you're a guy or a girl, what you want to know about this mystery person is totally different. Guys aren't looking for an in depth scouting report on a girl that they've never seen before, and girls are looking to know everything about this mystery guy including his mothers maiden name. Here is the difference.
For girls, they want to know all the underneath the surface things. Is he a player? How many girlfriends has he had? Is he an asshole? What kind of car does he drive? Does he have a lot of money? Are his parents nice? Is he funny? And lastly, is he cute? Those are the things that girls want to know about this guy that her friend thinks is "perfect" for her. Notice how looks came last. A girl also normally thinks this is her next long term boyfriend, but 99% of the time, they don't make it passed their first time hanging out.
Now on to the guys. Guys look for all the on the surface things. What does she look like? How's her body? How big is her rack? Does she have a nice ass? What color hair? What color eyes? Does she put out? Obviously, a guy isn't expecting this to be his next girlfriend. Notice how this was all about looks. Also, the guy isn't expecting much out of this mystery girl. Whenever a girl tries to set you up with one of her friends, she's usually not very good looking. That's the main reason why these set ups have a 99% failure rate.
You can clearly see how different the mindset of men and women are when they are receiving a scouting report. It really shouldn't be a surprise to anyone since girls are always looking for their next boyfriend and guys are always looking for their next one night stand. It's the circle of life. What more can I say?
We Know It's Hot, Thanks For Letting Us Know On Facebook Though
Dear Facebook Community,
We all know that it is basically 110 degrees outside. We also know that this causes you to actually sweat, although most of you who complain about the weather are so out of shape that you sweat when you eat. I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being everyone's personal meteorologist through your facebook status. "Ughhhh it's so hot outside," or "Oh my god! Can it get any hotter," are just a couple of statuses that make me wonder why I even need to watch the news to find out the weather.
So from the bottom of my heart, thank you facebook community. Your witty comments and expert analysis on everything you know nothing about gives me the strength to keep going every day. I don't know how I would survive the day if it wasn't for people like you complaining about everything that everyone already knows about unless they're delirious or dead. That college diploma really did you well. Thanks again.
Sincerely,
Your boys at Talk Of The Town
We all know that it is basically 110 degrees outside. We also know that this causes you to actually sweat, although most of you who complain about the weather are so out of shape that you sweat when you eat. I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being everyone's personal meteorologist through your facebook status. "Ughhhh it's so hot outside," or "Oh my god! Can it get any hotter," are just a couple of statuses that make me wonder why I even need to watch the news to find out the weather.
So from the bottom of my heart, thank you facebook community. Your witty comments and expert analysis on everything you know nothing about gives me the strength to keep going every day. I don't know how I would survive the day if it wasn't for people like you complaining about everything that everyone already knows about unless they're delirious or dead. That college diploma really did you well. Thanks again.
Sincerely,
Your boys at Talk Of The Town
What Do You Know? It's A Student Teacher Sex Scandal
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2017450/Blonde-teacher-Suzanne-Harrison-38-seduced-pupil-15-suspended.html
We haven't had one of these in a while, but it's good to have them back. It's another student teacher sex scandal. This is our second one of the girl on girl variety. A 38 year old woman who decided to try and take advantage of a 15 year old girl. What is wrong with these people? Seriously, like 90% of these scandals that I've seen have been with a female teacher. Once again proving that women have low self esteem even as they get older. Enough is enough with this. Ladies, if your self esteem is that low and you don't want to go after anyone who's around your age, at least make sure they're eighteen. I have no sympathy for you being put in jail because you decided to seduce a 15 year old. Sorry, but you should have controlled yourself dummy.
We haven't had one of these in a while, but it's good to have them back. It's another student teacher sex scandal. This is our second one of the girl on girl variety. A 38 year old woman who decided to try and take advantage of a 15 year old girl. What is wrong with these people? Seriously, like 90% of these scandals that I've seen have been with a female teacher. Once again proving that women have low self esteem even as they get older. Enough is enough with this. Ladies, if your self esteem is that low and you don't want to go after anyone who's around your age, at least make sure they're eighteen. I have no sympathy for you being put in jail because you decided to seduce a 15 year old. Sorry, but you should have controlled yourself dummy.
Strip Club vs The Rub And Tug
There has been a debate going on lately of which establishment is better. One of these establishments is the strip club and the other establishment is the rub and tug aka "the jack shack". Now at the strip club you get hotter girls, and it is way more expensive. At the rub and tug you get a massage and at least you get something out of it. But really, which one is the better buy?
At the strip club the girls are smoking, you get to stare at them walking around completely naked, and you get to realize that all these girls are going to the highest bidders. If you don't have money in a strip club, don't even show up. They're all looking for the guy with the most money to take them in the back and hand them $300 for basically nothing.
As for the rub and tug, you apparently get a shower, a massage and a happy ending all for around the price of $60. I have never been to one of these establishments, but that sounds like a pretty good deal. The girls aren't the least bit good looking though, and they have clothes on. You're basically paying $60 for something you could do yourself.
What is my opinion on this matter? Don't go to either. Obviously, the rub and tug is the better buy, but the strip club is the better night out. It doesn't really matter, you're leaving with a hole in your wallet either way. It's just a matter of how the big hole turns out to be (no pun intended).
At the strip club the girls are smoking, you get to stare at them walking around completely naked, and you get to realize that all these girls are going to the highest bidders. If you don't have money in a strip club, don't even show up. They're all looking for the guy with the most money to take them in the back and hand them $300 for basically nothing.
As for the rub and tug, you apparently get a shower, a massage and a happy ending all for around the price of $60. I have never been to one of these establishments, but that sounds like a pretty good deal. The girls aren't the least bit good looking though, and they have clothes on. You're basically paying $60 for something you could do yourself.
What is my opinion on this matter? Don't go to either. Obviously, the rub and tug is the better buy, but the strip club is the better night out. It doesn't really matter, you're leaving with a hole in your wallet either way. It's just a matter of how the big hole turns out to be (no pun intended).
Defriendment Friday's
I'm not even going to give you an introduction into this week, let's just get right to it...
Steve the Hammer:
The Culprit: College Mike
Reason For Defriendment: First of all, you changed your name to College Mike. Second of all, you have more check in's than any human being should have on one page. And finally, you go to Felician College. You can't change your facebook name to College Mike, and have your own fan page promoting how much of a "party animal" you are when you go to a college that 90% of people have never heard of. If you went to like Arizona State or something like that, I would give you props. But you go to Felician so now you just get defriended. Sorry, it's nothing personal, you just have to go.
Vince Of Reason:
The Culprit: Martina Cain Phoenix(facebook name) aka Pauline (last name removed)
Steve the Hammer:
The Culprit: College Mike
Reason For Defriendment: First of all, you changed your name to College Mike. Second of all, you have more check in's than any human being should have on one page. And finally, you go to Felician College. You can't change your facebook name to College Mike, and have your own fan page promoting how much of a "party animal" you are when you go to a college that 90% of people have never heard of. If you went to like Arizona State or something like that, I would give you props. But you go to Felician so now you just get defriended. Sorry, it's nothing personal, you just have to go.
Vince Of Reason:
The Culprit: Martina Cain Phoenix(facebook name) aka Pauline (last name removed)
Reason For Defriendment: The name says it all. You can not be a friend of Vince of Reason with an absurd name like that. She also posts a large number of mobile uploads of herself.
Status That Broke The Camel's Back: "wants a personal trainer && dietician to literally tell what everything I need to do && eat to get into shape && get washboard abs. I NEED AN ADULT."
First off, you spelt DIETITIAN wrong. Second of all, you're 21 years old you need a reality check because you are an adult, well at least by law you are. So get your lazy ass out of bed and hit the gym on your own. Third of all, you need a lot more than a personal trainer to help you look good hun. And lastly, be sure to check my post on the TRIPLE D. C YAAAAAA!
Quite Frank-ly:
This week is an unprecedented week for me with defriendment. Kicking the bucket this week will be TWO sad sacks.
Victim 1 - Michael (middle and last name removed)
Victim 2 - Maria (not her facebook name anyway)
Both are being defriended for changing their name. Maria changed her name to Johnny Truelove. Yes, like the bad guy in the movie Alpha Dog. Now you just changed your name to someone who killed an innocent kid. You almost had me chaning my name to Charles Manson. Michael inserted a middle name to his name this week. After a beloved Jersey Shore bar, Tiki Bar. Are you proclaiming you are like the owner of the place or are you just so cool and you go there all the time?
Either way, both of these clowns had to go. Adios!
Victim 1 - Michael (middle and last name removed)
Victim 2 - Maria (not her facebook name anyway)
Both are being defriended for changing their name. Maria changed her name to Johnny Truelove. Yes, like the bad guy in the movie Alpha Dog. Now you just changed your name to someone who killed an innocent kid. You almost had me chaning my name to Charles Manson. Michael inserted a middle name to his name this week. After a beloved Jersey Shore bar, Tiki Bar. Are you proclaiming you are like the owner of the place or are you just so cool and you go there all the time?
Either way, both of these clowns had to go. Adios!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Chili Dogs...as many as you feel necessary
Late Night Movie: Half Baked
Late Night Song: Novacane by Frank Ocean
Fun Fact: 40% of women have hurled footwear at a man...not exactly a surprise on that one.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Movie: Half Baked
Late Night Song: Novacane by Frank Ocean
Fun Fact: 40% of women have hurled footwear at a man...not exactly a surprise on that one.
Late Night Video:
Rico Bosco's Betz Of The Day
This Week: +2
Year To Date: +9
Today's Games:
2 Units Tigers
3 Units Angels
Riding Weaver and Verlander to the finish line
Year To Date: +9
Today's Games:
2 Units Tigers
3 Units Angels
Riding Weaver and Verlander to the finish line
Asshole Of The Day Award
What a brilliant idea...
http://www.abcactionnews.com/dpp/news/region_east_hillsborough/brandon/bay-area-man-faces-child-neglect-charges-after-11-year-old-girl-crashes-his-suv-into-a-church-fence
If you have a suspended license and end up getting hammered drunk, how would you get somewhere that you need to go? Would you A) take a taxi, B) take some form of public transportation, or C) try and teach an 11 year old girl how to drive with a 7 year old in the back seat? If you chose C you are correct. At what point did it sound like a good idea to let the 11 year old girl drive your car? I don't even think she could see over the steering wheel. If women can't drive when they're old enough, why would one be able to drive at the age of 11? She hit a 50 foot geyser and knocked out water to a nearby church all because you decided to get drunk and try to "teach" her how to drive. When people talk about being responsible, they don't mean let a child drive because you decided to get shitfaced. This t-shirt is going to look so good on you because it was made for you. You just had no idea until you decided to let the 11 year old drive your car.
http://www.abcactionnews.com/dpp/news/region_east_hillsborough/brandon/bay-area-man-faces-child-neglect-charges-after-11-year-old-girl-crashes-his-suv-into-a-church-fence
If you have a suspended license and end up getting hammered drunk, how would you get somewhere that you need to go? Would you A) take a taxi, B) take some form of public transportation, or C) try and teach an 11 year old girl how to drive with a 7 year old in the back seat? If you chose C you are correct. At what point did it sound like a good idea to let the 11 year old girl drive your car? I don't even think she could see over the steering wheel. If women can't drive when they're old enough, why would one be able to drive at the age of 11? She hit a 50 foot geyser and knocked out water to a nearby church all because you decided to get drunk and try to "teach" her how to drive. When people talk about being responsible, they don't mean let a child drive because you decided to get shitfaced. This t-shirt is going to look so good on you because it was made for you. You just had no idea until you decided to let the 11 year old drive your car.
Top 5 Nickelodeon Shows Of The 90's
This is my list of the Top 5 Nickelodeon shows from the 90's. I want comments and/or emails with everyones favorites on here. This was part of our childhood, I want to hear your thoughts...
1. Rugrats: Not only is this the greatest children's cartoon of all time, but Tommy Pickles may be the greatest childhood character of all time. This show was everyone's favorite when it was on the air. I have not seen a cartoon for kids that can come close to touching this one. Rugrats is number one on this list by a long shot.
2. Legends Of The Hidden Temple: The Blue Barracuda's, the Silver Snakes, and the Green Monkeys were just a couple of awesome team names on the show. Not to mention, that big talking stone Olmac was pretty much the man. This show always had you on the edge of your seat, especially at the end of every show when you didn't know whether or not the Temple Guards were going to come out and ruin the party for everyone.
3. Hey Arnold: A legendary cartoon of its time, Hey Arnold was the first famous football head shaped cartoon character (the other one being Stewie from Family Guy). For some reason you could love everything about this show including the Russian guy upstairs who sucked at life.
4. Rocket Power: If you didn't live by the beach, or if you didn't surf, Rocket Power made you want to do both. These kids always had a great time and they made you want to go out and have some fun with your own friends. Easily a top five show on anyones list.
5. Salute Your Shorts: This was a tough decision for me but Camp Anawanna and Salute Your Shorts needed to be on this list. With a character like Donkey Lips being one of my favorite characters of all time, he is the sole reason they made my list. Let's not forget that this was also a pretty damn good show as well.
Honorable Mentions:
Global Guts
Cat Dog
Cousin Skeeter
Rocco's Modern Life
All That
1. Rugrats: Not only is this the greatest children's cartoon of all time, but Tommy Pickles may be the greatest childhood character of all time. This show was everyone's favorite when it was on the air. I have not seen a cartoon for kids that can come close to touching this one. Rugrats is number one on this list by a long shot.
2. Legends Of The Hidden Temple: The Blue Barracuda's, the Silver Snakes, and the Green Monkeys were just a couple of awesome team names on the show. Not to mention, that big talking stone Olmac was pretty much the man. This show always had you on the edge of your seat, especially at the end of every show when you didn't know whether or not the Temple Guards were going to come out and ruin the party for everyone.
3. Hey Arnold: A legendary cartoon of its time, Hey Arnold was the first famous football head shaped cartoon character (the other one being Stewie from Family Guy). For some reason you could love everything about this show including the Russian guy upstairs who sucked at life.
4. Rocket Power: If you didn't live by the beach, or if you didn't surf, Rocket Power made you want to do both. These kids always had a great time and they made you want to go out and have some fun with your own friends. Easily a top five show on anyones list.
5. Salute Your Shorts: This was a tough decision for me but Camp Anawanna and Salute Your Shorts needed to be on this list. With a character like Donkey Lips being one of my favorite characters of all time, he is the sole reason they made my list. Let's not forget that this was also a pretty damn good show as well.
Honorable Mentions:
Global Guts
Cat Dog
Cousin Skeeter
Rocco's Modern Life
All That
The Bang Bed
Just had this fantastic idea.
No matter how big the bed is, sharing a bed with your significant other is sometimes a pain in the ass. Who hogs the sheets, who snores, who moves to much. Whatever the case may be, it's not always fun snuggle time. I came up with a not so perfect solution, but it definitely has its upsides.
A bed trifecta. 3 beds in one room. Obviously, the room needs to be big enough to fit 3 beds. The size of these beds is irrelevant, as long as there are 3 beds in the room. One bed is for you, one bed is for your significant other and one bed is for doing the deed. You each have a bed to the mattress of your liking and all the sheets and pillows your heart desires. Definitely a plus. The other bed, has the satin sheets, a bowl of condoms, and an end table with the drawers filled with miscellaneous items to your liking. Basically, this bed is for sex.
Now after the sex is done with, you snuggle up and fall asleep together or you just go in your own bed and fall asleep. On nights of no sex, you still have your own bed.
Try it, it might just work.
No matter how big the bed is, sharing a bed with your significant other is sometimes a pain in the ass. Who hogs the sheets, who snores, who moves to much. Whatever the case may be, it's not always fun snuggle time. I came up with a not so perfect solution, but it definitely has its upsides.
A bed trifecta. 3 beds in one room. Obviously, the room needs to be big enough to fit 3 beds. The size of these beds is irrelevant, as long as there are 3 beds in the room. One bed is for you, one bed is for your significant other and one bed is for doing the deed. You each have a bed to the mattress of your liking and all the sheets and pillows your heart desires. Definitely a plus. The other bed, has the satin sheets, a bowl of condoms, and an end table with the drawers filled with miscellaneous items to your liking. Basically, this bed is for sex.
Now after the sex is done with, you snuggle up and fall asleep together or you just go in your own bed and fall asleep. On nights of no sex, you still have your own bed.
Try it, it might just work.
Did The Mets Really Win On A Walk Off Home Run?
What did I see last night? I saw the New York Mets win a baseball game on a walk off home run. I did a double take and actually rewound my DVR because of the utter disbelief that I was in. Not only that, but they also came back from a 4-0 deficit to win the game. That is even more amazing. When the old Mets were down by 4 runs, the game was over whether it was the first inning or the eighth inning. Now, with this Terry Collins guy at the helm, they play hard all the way to the end of every baseball game. They might not be going anywhere this season, but a few moves here and there and this team could be good within the next two to three years. There is definitely no hopes of a playoff birth this year, but with the new regime in Queens the Mets are going in a much better direction. Hopefully it continues.
Sidenote: Jason Bay left the game with a hamstring injury in the 4th inning. For everyones sake, let's hope he doesn't come back.
Sidenote: Jason Bay left the game with a hamstring injury in the 4th inning. For everyones sake, let's hope he doesn't come back.
The Girl with Something About Her
For us guys there are about a handful of girls you meet in your life that just have that "thing" about them. You can't figure it out, but there is something about her that you just can't take your eyes off of. It's mind boggling and utterly frustrating because you can't explain it. Is it the way she wears her hair, her eyes, her lips, that facial expression? You never really know. Truthfully, it isn't a bad thing and you will probably never figure out why.
Every time you bring this girl up to a friend, he or she always says something along the lines of, "you can do better" or "she's not even that hot". To you it doesn't matter, she has that "it factor". Something will always attract you to her. It's almost as consistent as gravity. I know my few girls that people think I am nuts for finding pretty. I really don't care, I am attracted to that girl because of that indescribable "thing" about her.
If someone has a theory on this, I would love to know. Its been almost impossible for me to pin point certain reasons why I find girls more attractive than the popular consensus.
Every time you bring this girl up to a friend, he or she always says something along the lines of, "you can do better" or "she's not even that hot". To you it doesn't matter, she has that "it factor". Something will always attract you to her. It's almost as consistent as gravity. I know my few girls that people think I am nuts for finding pretty. I really don't care, I am attracted to that girl because of that indescribable "thing" about her.
If someone has a theory on this, I would love to know. Its been almost impossible for me to pin point certain reasons why I find girls more attractive than the popular consensus.
Pre Game Song Of The Weekend
This weeks song is probably my new favorite party song out right now. Mr. Saxobeat by Alexandra Stan honestly just makes me want to party. I have no idea what it is about the song, but every time I hear it I instantly want to stop what I'm doing and just start dancing. Throw this on for your pre game and I guarantee this will put you in the mindset that you're definitely going to have a good time. It's gets you up, it gets you going, it's Mr. Saxobeat.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
The Late Night Special
Late Night Menu: Dino Nuggets (I prefer honey as the condiment, courtesy of Mr. Wolf, but you can use whatever you're feeling)
Late Night Movie: American Pie
Late Night Song: Gold Lion by Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Fun Fact: Approximately $25 million is spent each year on lap dances in Vegas...Awesome would be the only word I have for that.
Late Night Video:
Late Night Movie: American Pie
Late Night Song: Gold Lion by Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Fun Fact: Approximately $25 million is spent each year on lap dances in Vegas...Awesome would be the only word I have for that.
Late Night Video:
Rico Bosco's Betz Of The Day
This Week: +1
Year To Date: +8
Today's Games:
2 Units Angels
1 Unit Reverse Padres and D'Backs
Year To Date: +8
Today's Games:
2 Units Angels
1 Unit Reverse Padres and D'Backs
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