I Literally Shit My Pants Every Time The Mets Bullpen Enters The Game

 

Did anyone watch the Mets game last night? No, probably not because who would? But I just need to explain to you the diarrhea that goes on in my system whenever this fucking bullpen comes into the game. Let's look past the fact that the Mets bullpen has blown double digit games for them this year and just look at last night. They're up 4-0 and cruising into the eighth. Dillion Gee gives up a two run moon shot and then walks the next guy and is pulled with one out in the eighth. Cue the Beethoven Shock Horror song. Here comes Bobby fucking Parnell. First guy up, base hit. Listen bro, you throw 100mph there's no reason to be throwing guys 87mph dick shot sliders. Now we have 1st and 2nd with one out in a game that's now 4-2. Parnell gets incredibly lucky on a shit call by the ump that the ball hit J.J. Hardy when he was out of the box for out number two and then Chris Davis comes up and hits a ball to the warning track causing me to shit my pants the first time. 

And now here comes the ninth inning. Frank Francisco comes in and now at this point as a Mets fan you might as well just throw on Depends. If you don't know what Depends are, they're adult diapers. Anyway this fucking guy not only gives up hits, but he also walks people. Then he throws wild pitches and before you know it it's a 4-2 game with the bases loaded for the Orioles. Fuck me right? But it gets better, then there's a four pitch walk with the bases loaded to make it 4-3. The only thing stopping me from breaking my TV was the fact that I can't afford another one. The next batter grounded out to end the game but I basically had a heart attack in the process. The main reason that this team will not last is because of that bullpen. And yes, a part of me has to sprint to the bathroom every time they enter the game. Bring on the Yanks (and I say that with the most extreme amount of sarcasm you could possibly have).