My friend Erin has volunteered to tell me the reasons that girls go to the bathroom in groups. I will respond to her responses as well.
Erin: Probably the most popular reason for girls to go to the bathroom together is to get away from a guy they don’t want to be around. Now this happens all the time. I’ll paint the picture for you. You’re dancing or talking to a guy and your girlfriend happens to be in visual range so you shoot her ‘the look’. The look that says, “I want to get the fuck away from this kid far and fast before I have to suffer one more waking moment talking/grinding up on him.” From here, your friend pulls you away and you both immediately dart for the bathroom without any words being said. This usually leaves guys confused and asking themselves “Where the fuck did she go?” “Will I still be able to dance with her when she comes back?” The answer is no. Not a chance in hell. This is a girl’s way of letting you guys down easy.
Me: Well Erin, this is why we use the word cocktease. If you don’t want to dance or talk to us, then don’t do it. We don’t take this personally if you don’t want to talk to us, we just move on to the next one. It’s like taking batting practice at baseball; if you swing and miss, you still get another pitch (unless it’s the end of the round).
Erin would go on to talk more about if a girl actually tells a guy that she needs to go to the bathroom, you still have a shot. However, she did say that most guys do not decide to wait out the bathroom time because, “When it comes to girls, guys have the attention span of a toddler trying to put together a 300 piece puzzle; and any random girls ass is enough to distract you from even remembering that you were talking to another girl.” All I have to say to that is, “Touché Erin, touché”. Now Erin gave the reasons why girls take so long to go to the bathroom, as well as the reasoning for bringing people with them.
Erin: Reason number one: Pretty much every time you enter a girl’s bathroom there’s going to be a line. Which means a whole lot of standing around with nothing to do but watch all the shitfaced messes try and form words into a sentence, or pull themselves together to go back out in public. This brings us back to why it’s better to bring a friend with you. Now, instead of standing in line thinking about how much you have to pee and want to punch every girl that’s in the bathroom in the face for making you wait, you can stand with your friend and talk shit instead. Sounds like a better option to me, no?
Me: Okay, I can see your reasoning here, but if the line is so long then wouldn’t there be enough girls on the line to have a conversation with? Just saying.
Erin: Reason number two: Let’s face it; girls can’t be in a room that has a mirror without checking themselves out at least once. And this process alone takes about a day and a half. Drunk bitches everywhere struggling to wash their hands, reapply their makeup, and fix their hair. It’s like trying to get through a brick wall just to get a glance in the mirror. I’m going to say one thing. LEAVE YOUR HAIR AND MAKEUP ALONE! It’s never a good idea to fix that shit when you’re drunk. I once saw this girl try to reapply her eyeliner only to see her poke herself in the eye twice and leave the bathroom with black shit smeared all over her face. Less is more in this case ladies.
Me: So if this is the case, then wouldn’t going with a friend or other people just add to the chaos that this sounds like? More people equal more chaos from what you’re telling me, so why not just go in there alone?
Erin: Reason number three: Occasionally, you will run into a girl in the bathroom who is crying because some bitch hooked up with their boyfriend and they feel like their world is coming to an end. Blah blah blah. This is the time where females shine. We love consoling other females in cases like this. Mainly because it makes us feel better about ourselves. And not to mention you get to talk shit about random people you don’t know! Saying stuff like, “You’re way better than that bitch!” and “One day he’s going to realize what he did and you’ll have the last laugh” and “Look at you, you’re gorgeous, you can do way better than that scumbag!” I know, pretty lame. But in actuality it doesn’t even matter what we say because all the girl hears is random people telling her how freakin’ awesome she is and that’s enough to make any girl happy.
Me: If you did not read one of my earlier posts this is the reason for having your DUFF present and accounted for. The DUFF once again is your Designated Ugly Fat Friend and she is only there to make you and your good looking friends feel better about yourselves in times like this. Just one look at your DUFF and you should feel better about anything.
Erin: Now, as for the baby changing rack doubling as a white board. I wish we were that creative, but thanks for the awesome idea! I think I’ll be bringing a marker with me the next time I go out so I can plan out exactly how I want my night to flow. I want to say one more thing about girls and the bathroom that I feel shouldn’t go unnoticed. I will never understand the infatuation of taking a picture of your friend sitting on the toilet. These girls are throwing up peace signs and posing for the camera like you actually want a picture of you sitting on the toilet. Not that cool. First of all, that shit is supposed to be kept private for a reason. No one wants to see you handling your business no matter how hot you are. That’s why they make those things called doors that are attached to the stalls. I don’t know how guys feel about this but I’d even be willing to bet you think it’s repulsive (even though there’s that slight possibility of catching a peek at a girl’s ass, which may be a good enough reason for some.) So how about we all save ourselves some embarrassment, and kiss the whole ‘taking a picture of your friend on the toilet’ trend goodbye.
Me: Erin I could not agree with you more about the picture taking thing while on the toilet. This is the one advantage you girls have in the bathrooms is that you have stalls, so fucking use them. You are 100% right, it is very repulsive and unattractive.
I would like to thank you for your brilliant insight on this subject and it was a pleasure working with you. As for the rest of you ladies, listen to Erin here. You are finally getting insight from a girl and not just an asshole guy (meaning myself); use it to your advantage.
No comments:
Post a Comment