I think I have a problem when I bartend. I really think I have a being sober issue. And I don't mean I can't control myself and not drink behind the bar, I mean I am an absolutely terrible employee when I am not drinking. Let me explain.
This started a while back when I began driving to work. Obviously if I drive to work, I'm not going to drink. I'll save my liver years of pain and I'll save myself never being able to get a job ever again because of something stupid. But my god am I an awful fucking bartender when I'm sober. I can't name all our beers, I can't answer simple customer questions and apparently according to my manager and other employees I look totally miserable.
And then there was the night I made the fuck up of all fuck ups. I handed someone the wrong credit card, and they left with it. Now I have had nights where I passed out in the back of the bar after closing, I have even been so drunk that I have had to nap on the office floor downstairs. And on those nights I have never fucked up as bad as I did stone cold sober handing a person the wrong credit card. Should they have known that it wasn't there card? Absolutely, but I should've known better than that also.
I'm telling you, when I drink behind the bar I'm flawless. I'm like Tom Cruise in Cocktail. My cash drawer is always on point, I can tell every customer everything they want to know and people tell me I'm the best bartender ever. When I'm sober I'm like that kid with downs syndrome who's forced to be in class with the normal kids. Should I just accept the fact that I may need to be drunk every time I'm behind the bar? You tell me, that's why you're here. You're the fans.
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