Thursday: Things I Wish I Could Tell My Girlfriend

This Week:

42) I have no sympathy for your friend who just got dumped because she's a slut.

Previous Weeks:

1) You should've seen this chick I banged last night

2) Bet your ass that when we break up I'm gonna try and bang all your hot friends

3) I slept with your best friend

4) You look fat in those jeans

5) I've had better

6) All your guy friends are trying to nail you

7) You've gained a few pounds 

8) I can't believe you let me go raw right away

9) Your sister is hotter than you 

10) Let's have a threesome with your Mom because she didn't mind having sex with me yesterday

11) I totally forgot to pull out last night

12) The number of girls I've had sex with is about three times more than you think it is

13) You're not that hot

14) Your best friend is the biggest bitch I know 

15) He calls you because he wants to bang you

16) I would go to jail to bang your brother's 16 year old girlfriend

17) You shouldn't be wearing that slutty outfit when I'm not around

18) I'm a great wing man

19) You give sub par head

20) How come I never actually get anything out of Valentine's Day?

21) Who wouldn't want to have sex with me?

22) Your performance in bed last night was not the usual

23) I can read you like a book

24) I get a hall pass this weekend right?

25) My dick is like a ten foot strand of fly tape, whenever I walk into a room vaginas just stick to it

26) There's a good chance of me being able to have sex with someone other than you this weekend

27) Is there a threesome with your hot friend in the foreseeable future?

28) What's your thoughts on the rusty trombone?

29) Your bitch friend is just mad because we have awesome sex and she hasn't been laid in years

30) I'm slipping it in your butt without asking one of these days

31) Your DUFF has to go, she's scaring my friends away

32) I don't actually cum half the time

33) At least give me a warning before you decide to tickle my butthole

34) Is a few minutes of 69 so much to ask for?

35) BJ's need to become a more vital part of the relationship

36) Don't be surprised when you get the shocker next time we're together

37) My goal is to make sure you can't walk normal tomorrow

38) If you wanna please me you'll go with the sun dress, if you wanna please the other vultures walking around with their tongues out staring at you, you'll go with the slutty short shorts. 

39) Yes, that outfit does make you look like a slut.

 40) There needs to be a Blumpkin in the cards somewhere in the near future for me.