After playing in only 35 games a season ago and averaging 14.6 points and 6.2 assists per game Jeremy Lin and his agent decided the best way to go about contract negotiations with the Houston Rockets would be to bring some 16th century Chinese opium to the party just to keep things loose. They ended up keeping things so loose that the Rockets offered Lin more than $30 million over the next four seasons to play for their franchise proving that drugs not only make food taste better but they also make mediocre Asian basketball players look way more appealing than they actually are.
When asking the Rockets GM how he came to this decision he only responded with, "That was some good opium." Rockets players and coaches declined comment. Apparently no one remembered the games Lin played against the teams who actually had point guards last season. Or the games he played against real NBA teams in general. In terms of playing against teams with point guards, Deron Williams made him what they would call in jail "his bitch". And the NBA Champion Heat in terms of playing against real teams continuously took the ball from Lin like a gay guy would steal anal beads from Spencers.
The league is actually baffled by this acquisition because no one has ever seen a man with such a small sample size of games receive this much "loot" as they would call it in the streets. We do not know much about how Houston came to this decision, but we do know that Jeremy Lin and his agent carry around some strong opium. As far as how this deal will work out, well that's just going to be a wait and see.
Sidenote: You guys see what I did there turning this into my own fake news story? This deal is horrendous for Houston. As I said earlier this year, I really don't think Jeremy Lin is that good. Not that the Knicks getting Jason Kidd is going to work out great long term, but he's definitely an upgrade from Lin. Plus Kidd hits free throws late in games, Lin doesn't hit free throws if they let him lay it up. Lin is expendable and you can find many more Jeremy Lins anywhere and for way less money. Do you know why? Because he's been cut multiple times including once by Houston. He's expendable. Over paying for him is a bad idea and the Knicks shouldn't match that offer. But besides that I'm sure the opium his agent carries is around is straight fire after seeing him get a deal like this.
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