Is This The Worst Excuse To Miss Class Ever?

This is my buddy's excuse for going to get shitfaced tonight instead of attending his class tomorrow. Oh by the way, the teacher already told him to his face last class to watch his absences the rest of the semester. So this is what he came up with...

Dear Professor,

This is Anthony (last name removed) I am in your 9:35 class tomorrow morning. I know I have missed some classes this semester and that was because of a job that I was working for that ended late on Tuesday and Wednesday night and I was exhausted on Wednesday and Thursday mornings. However, I have just quit this job yesterday because it is ruining my grades in not just your class but also  my Wednesday morning classes. I also understand that this is the worst time to miss another class but tomorrow I have to go to court for a ticket I received (I'm innocent!). I will find out what I missed from my classmates.

I would also like to ask if I can present an article next class or can I send you a summary of the article. If my absences will effect my grade drastically is it at all possible to received some extra credit for writing a paper on a topic discussed in class.

This is my last semester at St. Francis College and I want to make sure I graduate on time. Again I am sorry for missing class tomorrow, I do realize this is the worst time to miss a class.

Thank You

Anthony (last name removed)

Ant man, this is probably the worst excuse I have ever seen. How about a family emergency, or something along those lines. You had to save a drowning baby, anything else. I won't be surprised if you receive an email back saying, "Anthony, you're a lying sack of shit, if you're not in class tomorrow morning you won't graduate. Fuck off." Well Ant good luck, god knows you need it.

Yes the response letter will be posted later.

Sidenote: He never actually had that job on Tuesday and Wendesday night, which makes this even better.